This is the actual cover for a little self-published alpha-male how-to book I found on Amazon, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more awesome book cover in my life.
I mean, let’s just start with the fact that becoming an Alpha Male apparently makes you literally a giant, and somehow in the process removes any shadows or reflections that you might have previously cast upon the world. And it makes you irresistible to similarly gigantic women, provided they are standing at an angle that bears no relation to earth gravity and lit by their own light source.
And then there’s the weirdly ambiguous title of the book, which suggests you are becoming an Alpha Male for other men.
The book description is pretty awesome as well.
HOW TO BECOME AN ALPHA MALE FOR TODAY’S MAN. How to become an alpha male is the trending topic among men all across the world today. In this book you will find an easy to follow simplified guide to transforming into the man whom women are diligently seeking after but fail to find.
Why would you want to turn yourself into a man the women can’t find?
This informative book will satisfy your quest for who you are. You are an alpha male who deserves the excitement and pleasure and all the luxuries the life of an alpha male have to offer.
Like the luxury of expanding to THREE TIMES NORMAL HUMAN SIZE!
You will find proven techniques that will save you valuable time and money also sure fire methods that will guarantee promising results. Based on extensive and expensive field research the author T.Mills have scientifically gathered useful data that have been tried and tested with striking results.
Apparently he never tried and tested his promotional copy with a copy editor, though.
After reading this book you will find yourself excited about becoming an alpha male. Imagine being in control of unlimited pleasure. Your desires fulfilled simply by applying these step by step methods. Having your way in every situation without worrying about the threat of opposition. This is the life of an alpha male. How To Become An Alpha Male For Today’s Man contains the necessary tools in an intimate one on one encounter within this book.
Wait, what? Is he suggesting that we … have sex with the book?
Because that works for me. This book cover is just that irresistible.
I might even have to procure this work of literature and read it, or something.
T. Mills is my new god.
Alpha males make 15′ 10/10 women want snu-snu! Giants want gina tingles!
So if I read this books I’m guaranteed to win the world hide and seek championship but only if I’m a man?
Or maybe you get to have sex inside the book? Either way, it sounds awesome.
Wow. I just can’t take seriously a book that claims it’ll effortlessly give me everything I want. Because I’m an adult and realize that’s impossible.
Also, I have no desire to be an alpha. There seems to be a high tendency towards assholery with it!
I’m skeptical of a book that reassures the reader it is not meant to “manipulate people or women” and then goes on to compare dating to setting traps.
Further proof PUA is for hucksters, suckers, and fools.
This reminds me of a similarly self-published work on what the authors called “Neo-Tech”. It was a sort of cargo cult Objectivism, without the intellectual veneer and with a generous dollop of magical thinking. The emphasis on getting ‘what you deserve ‘, as if that was a real thing that adults believe, is particularly disturbing. Apparently, access to HB 10/10s is something one deserves. No wonder some of the MRA ubermenschen are so cranky.
Apparently not caring about subject-verb agreement when it comes to helping verbs is so totally alpha.
I know I want to get out of his way. Anyone who’s that cruel to an innocent word is not someone I wanna hang with.
… My babies are six months old today.
Happy baby birthdays! 😀
Also, today my writeathon officially sold out. WOOOOO!
It’s like “The Secret” for rapey assholes.
“This informative book will satisfy your quest for who you are. You are an alpha male who deserves the excitement and pleasure and all the luxuries the life of an alpha male have to offer.”
“Has to offer” would make better sense.
Editors are for BETAS!
Quest over! But seriously, if I’m already an alpha male, I guess I don’t need the book.
(But David please buy the book, please, PLEASE.)
:: looks up ::
BABIES!!! So cute.
Falconer – those are some beautiful babies!
‘Having your way with no opposition’? Am I the only one who thinks the last two thirds of the book is just a hollowed out compartment full of roofies?
Yeesh.
Well, A) BABIES! <3
Also, B) I like how it appears that the giant women were too tall even for the giant man, because in addition to their strange angle, they seem to have been squished down so as not to tower over THE ALPHA MAN.
I think he meant that if you want to experience the pleasures that come with being an alpha male you have to offer him money first.
The book let’s you look inside. I hit “Surprise Me” and got this:
In regards to an alpha male as far as dating is concerned this will be very useful. If your desire is to attract women of power or women of beauty then vision yourself being with these particular types of women. Sooner or later you will be put in situations to be able to either introduce yourself or at the very least the opportunity to do so. It will be up to you to take advantage of this opportunity.
Hahahahaha. *wipes tears from eyes*
Also, beautiful babies, Falconer! Happy, happy half-birthday to them.
Vision yourself, everyone. If you do that anything could happen.
From the fucked-up photoshoppery to the Tommy Wiseau english, this just has me rollin’.
“Vision yourself.” El Oh El.
“…to be able to either introduce yourself or at the very least the opportunity to do so.”
Department of redundancy department how may I help you?
Also, TWINS!! Happy half-birthday to your wee ones Falconer!
Thanks everybody! They are studying the eldritch secrets of Spoons right now.
They’ve figured out a thousand ways NOT to do it, but they still happily put the mush on their eyebrows and the empty spoon in their mouths.
Those giant women are apparently visioning themselves standing on a partial rock formation on the edge of that lavishly masoned circular driveway with the beta fountain. Also they are looking past the shadowless alpha giant. The overall effect of this cover makes me want to buy this book, but I don’t know why.
The overall writing makes me want to buy a case of red pens, or, probably more efficiently, a gallon of gasoline and a box of matches. But the cover– that should be framed.
It will haunt me for days to come.
I see T. Mills took the required MRA statistics class.
Lesson 15. Body Language
85% or communication is nonverbal. The trained eye is experienced in detecting your body language and will 90% of the time take physical words over your verbal words. You must learn the secret of coordinating your body language with your actual words, in doing so will make you unstoppable.
Also, this paragraph takes up just a quarter of the page and the rest of the page is blank.