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An ode to the Average Woman of Today, from a man who hates her guts

The Average American Woman, Apparently
The Average Woman, Apparently

Over on MGTOWforums.com, a fellow calling himself donttrustwomen has written a little, well, I don’t quite know what it is — an essay? a manifesto? a poem? — called “The Average Woman of Today.” I think it’s fairly clear from reading it that he has never taken a course in statistics. And has possibly never actually met a woman.

The average woman of today is in the club every weekend

The average woman of today has 10-20 “good guy friends”

The average woman of today has 150 guys in her phone

The average woman of today dresses scandalous

I don’t know about that, but I’m pretty sure the average woman (of a certain age) of today watches Notorious.

Our MGTOW statistician continues:

The average woman of today has 1-2 abortions on her resume

I don’t think that generally goes on the resume. Where would it even go? Under “hobbies?”

Also, according to the Guttmacher Institute, less than half of American women have abortions by the age of 45. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

The average woman of today has or had a STD

Well, this is true. It’s also true of the average man of today. Indeed, according to the CDC, Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is so common that nearly all sexually active people get it at some point in their life. Happily, most STDs are treatable. Also, use condoms!

The average woman of today cheats on her boyfriend or husband

Well, this is also true, at least according to the stats I found here, which suggest that a little more than half of women cheat on their partners at some point in their life. But guess what? Men cheat on their partners in similar numbers.

The average woman of today curses like a sailor

The average woman of today wears to much makeup

The average woman of today seeks attention whether negative or positive

Huh. For some reason the first person who pops to mind when I hear the phrase “attention seeking” is not a woman.

The average woman of today is on dating sites getting 100 msgs a day

Not exactly. There aren’t good numbers on this, but one online experiment found that while more conventionally attractive women could indeed get dozens of messages a day, an average woman might get all of three.

Also, have you actually seen the sorts of messages women on dating sites get? Who would even want to sort through a hundred of these a day?

The average woman of today expects you to pay her bills

Uh, what?

The average woman of today expects you to raise and accept her child out of wedlock

Well, no. But if you do agree to, say, marry a woman with children, her kids do indeed come as part of the deal. Just as when a woman marries a divorced father with kids. You are of course free to not date women with children or indeed any women at all.

The average woman of today rarely brings any redeeming qualities to the table

I’m not really seeing how a regular commenter on MGTOWforums.com really has any reason to complain on this front.

The average woman of today is manipulative

The average woman of today is selfish

The average woman of today gets bored easily

I think you may actually be talking about kitties here, not women. But kitties are adorable, so we forgive them.

naughtykitties

Onward:

The average woman of today is on facebook, twitter, instagram feeding her ego through likes and followers

Yeah, no men ever do that.

The average woman of today would be stoned and called a harlot 3,000 years ago

The average woman of today rides the cock carousel

The average woman of today gives it up on the first night

Why does it make these guys so angry that there are women out there who enjoy having sex with men?

The average woman of today is unappreciative

Of dudes on the internet who hate her?

The average woman of today has lewd photos or videos circulating on the internet

Despite the astounding number of lewd pictures and videos online, I suspect that the percentage of women who’ve appeared in them is still relatively small. I wonder, though, how the number of women who’ve put nude or “lewd” pics of themselves on the internet compares to the number of guys who’ve sent dick pics to willing or unwilling recipients?

The average woman of today follows hypergamy

“Hypergamy,” in the traditional sense of “marrying upward” is actually on the decline, as women move in greater numbers into better paying jobs. “Doctors used to marry nurses,” Katrin Bennhold observes in a piece on the subject in the New York Times. “Now doctors marry doctors.”

The average woman of today files for divorce 70 percent of the time

Donttrustwomen seems to be confusing a couple of different statistics here. Yes, when couples divorce, the woman is more likely to be the one to file for divorce — though this does not necessarily imply that she’s the one responsible for breaking up the marriage. But 70% of marriages don’t end in divorce. Heck, the old saw about 50% of marriages ending in divorce is a myth; the correct percentage may be as low as 30.

The average woman of today looks for a starter husband

The average woman of today can’t tell the difference between a guy who cares about them and a guy who just wants them for sex

The average woman of today is unfit to marry or even call a girlfriend.

Keep telling yourself all this, dude. It’s in everybody’s best interests for you, personally, to continue to go your own way. Aren’t you guys getting an island, or something?

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Jessay (@jessay)
11 years ago

OT but I had to discuss this movie here.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0214388/

I remember watching it as a preteen and probably thinking it was great because when I saw it come up on a movie channel I was compelled to watch it again but OH MY GOD IT MADE ME WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT!

Honestly, it’s like a training manual for Jr MRA’s. Basically the plot centers around a typical egocentric “nice guy” who loses his virginity to a mystery girl, and then spends the entire semester violating the privacy of 100 women in order to figure out who she is, all while seeing the women as one-dimensional caricatures who he has to constantly either out smart with his harsh bio truths or save like the amazing white knight he is. All the while he’s criticizing his roommate for being sexist, when really his roommate is just more upfront about it. The whole thing reeks of self-congratulatory nonsense which was obviously written by a man who, not only doesn’t know any women, but is so desperate for their approval that he wrote a screenplay where 100 women are telling him how right he is about their lives at all times, when all he’s doing is just spouting stereotypes as if they’re gospel. The screen writer is a total male Mary Sue.

I wish David would do like a monthly misogynistic movie review. This would be a perfect candidate.

Magpie
Magpie
11 years ago

Th average woman worked extra days the last few weeks and feels a bit burnt out.

The average woman had a gang of men come and make holes in her walls, floors, and foundations looking for a leak that doesn’t exist, but her average man neighbour insists is wetting his wall.

The average woman loves itty bitty kitties and 17year old elder cats.

Jessay (@jessay)
11 years ago

Just to let you know how deep this film goes into disgusting territory

spoilers/trigger warning: sexual assault

There is a point in the film where he’s dressing up as a woman in order to get the women to tell him their secrets, and is confronted by another woman’s abusive boyfriend who he’s been “protecting” her from for the whole film. The guy tries to sexually assault him and he bites off his tongue. The guy then admits in front of the women that he was sexually assaulted by the abuser, and his “courage” led a bunch of the women to come forward about him. He even describes himself as this brave leader in a voice over. It’s fucking disgusting.

Amnesia
Amnesia
11 years ago

The average woman got stuck behind a shopper who needed help getting all hir stuff on the conveyor belt, decided it was too much after ringing it all up, then slowly picked out which items zie didn’t want. Before using three different forms of payment to purchase everything.

The average woman refers to one of her co-workers as “Soul Sucker” behind hir back, and wonders how much longer said co-worker will continue hir reign of Suckitude.

The average woman needs sleep now. The average woman says “Good night” in a drive-by comment.

kittehserf
11 years ago

The average woman of today just checked to see if queasiness is an effect of Naproxen and has found yes, it is. The average woman of today also saw that “cold symptoms” are listed as effects of said drug and is Pissed Off, having been coughing and short of breath for a whole damn week, exactly as in the late stages of a cold. The average woman of today will be telling her doctor on Monday “I’m not taking those things any more!”

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

The average woman wonders what the point of a painkiller that makes you feel like shit is.

Magpie
Magpie
11 years ago

from 1904:

THE AVERAGE WOMAN.

The average woman is doubtless the most needed woman in modern civil isation. She is much more capable and more lovable than three hundred years ago. She makes better bread and better soupl than she used to make; ‘she reads more books. and bet ter ones; she has a firmer hand and a more understanding heart with chil dren; she gives more discriminatingly in charity; her household is better or. dered.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Cassandra – this average woman agrees!

Granted the things got rid of the really bad muscle pain in my legs (referred pain from this never-ending knee saga) but the payback is too damn high. At least I’ve got osteo-paracetamol now, which are cheap and OTC, so if idiot knee plays up too much I can take those.

I’ll say this much, it’s a relief that it probably IS the Naproxen causing all this shit, because maybe that means it’ll stop once the drug’s out of my system.

kittehserf
11 years ago

The average woman is easily distracted by kitty cuteness.

Magpie
Magpie
11 years ago

The average pusscat knows how to relax in a kitty bed 🙂

Stoic Sophist
Stoic Sophist
11 years ago

Tonight the role of the Average Woman of Today will be played by Mickey Rooney.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

I’m still laughing at the bit about the average woman having 10 close male friends.

Also laughing at the idea that women have no idea when guys just want a hookup – the fact that the woman must not want that seems to be assumed, but if that’s the case what is she doing with all those “close male friends” that’s so horrible?

Staceyjw
Staceyjw
11 years ago

About the island for MGTOWS:
Where can I donate? Seriously, I would be thrilled to send them money if it means they all go away and leave the rest of us alone. MGTOWs and MRAs- set up a kickstarter, I will be your first funder.
Anyone with me?

neuroticbeagle
11 years ago

The average woman of today is guessing that is Mads in Kittehs picture but is not 100% sure.

The average woman of today prefers Furrinati to men, except David because he is the Furrinati in a man suit.

The average woman of today would love to get a kitty to keep the average beagle of today in line, but has a tiny apartment (no place for kitty litter) and is broke so she just continues to stare wistfully at the average manboobzers cat.

The average woman of today shares truth and cuteness:

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/dc/ab/c4/dcabc4135907fe27a1f0bad5e9aa2cae.jpg

http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/9d/48/7f/9d487f2747dcdfae6b3d01ba80b99d92.jpg

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/bd/66/0c/bd660cf632e669c936246e843b6914bd.jpg

kittehserf
11 years ago

The average woman of today can confirm that that is indeed the average Mads of today in the photo.

The average woman of today is constantly impressed by the average beagle-owned woman of today’s ability to find the BEST pictures of the Furrinati.

Shaenon
11 years ago

The whole thing reeks of self-congratulatory nonsense which was obviously written by a man who, not only doesn’t know any women, but is so desperate for their approval that he wrote a screenplay where 100 women are telling him how right he is about their lives at all times, when all he’s doing is just spouting stereotypes as if they’re gospel. The screen writer is a total male Mary Sue.

According to the IMDB, the writer/director also made a movie called Eight Days a Week: “Peter loves his next door neighbour Erica and, on the advice of his grandfather, decides to camp out on her front lawn for the entire summer, or until she agrees to go out with him. His father is none too happy about the idea and refuses to let his son back in the house, even to get a change of clothes. Peter’s friend, Matt, thinks Peter should give up on women (like he has) and just have sex with fruit, and have a total devotion to masterbation (sic).

He also made a movie about a monster that drives a monster truck.

I wish David would do like a monthly misogynistic movie review. This would be a perfect candidate.

WICKER MAN WICKER MAN WICKER MAAAAAAN

Shaenon
11 years ago

I would kill to write a Misogynistic Movie Reviews feature. Kill men, that is. Because I’m a feminist.

Dvärghundspossen
11 years ago

@Jessay: That sounds HORRENDOUS.

On a brighter note, I’m just reading the first book in this guy’s fantasy series: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5044211.Erik_Granstr_m
(Didn’t know before I Googled him that he’s a veterinarian too, fun fact.)
He started out writing campaigns and scenarios for Dungeons and Dragons, and then went on to write a book series based on those, and I know that sounds as if the books should be complete crap, but as far as I’ve read the first book is pretty good, and they got fairly good reviews in the big papers, so I’m optimistic.

TRIGGER WARNING FOR RAPE DESCRIPTION (ALTHOUGH NOT A DETAILED ONE)

ANYWAY, one thing I like so far is that the books are non-sleazy. Pretty early in the book there’s this scene with an evil wizard who uses mind control on a woman to rape her. We’re given no detailed description of the rape, so it doesn’t come off as creepily voyeuristic as rape scenes SO VERY OFTEN do. Plus he’s thinking to himself that the woman has no right to hate him for this because she was totes attracted to him originally and he just let that actual attraction grow in her head while removing everything from her mind that stood in the way of the attraction, so she totes ought not to hate him because it was her real attraction that he used when doing mind control on her! Amazingly the woman isn’t swayed by this argument but still hates him. Anyway, that strikes me as a fairly realistic rapist psychology, if rapists did have mind control powers, plus, as I said, really good to abstain from the voyeuristic details.
A bit later on in the book there’s this twenty-five-year-old nun who leaves her monestary to live in the world for one year, before deciding whether she wants to be a nun for the rest of her life or not. (Everyone does that in her monestary, it’s a tradition they have. Two thirds don’t go back after this year, but the monestary is fine with this, since they only want the really devoted ones to be nuns anyway.) She’s on a boat ride and meets this merchant whom she strikes up a conversation with. She then asks him to teach her curse words, and give her alcohol, which she’s never tasted before. When they’re in his quarters and he puts a hand on her leg she decides rather impulsively to have sex with him. They proceed to have sex, once again no details or anything, and she thinks to herself afterwards that it was an interesting experience although not a mind-blowing one and she’s satisfied with her decision.
Isn’t it pretty RARE to have a male author describing sex from a woman’s POV like this, and it’s completely non-sleazy and also realistic? (I mean, if you remove the fantasy setting, an adult virgin who decides rather impulsively to have sex out of curiousity, and finds the experience good although not mind-blowing IS realistic.) Delete that “male” btw, it’s fairly rare over-all to come across this in books. Way too often a woman losing her virginity is describes in these clichéd terms where she’s first all hesitant and frightened and the man plows through her hymen and it hurts but then it becomes all mind-blowing and YADA YADA YADA. And rape is always done by a ridiculous moustache-twirling villain who’s all like “rape, rape, rape, oh how I love to rape, because I’m EVIL” with loads of gruesome details thrown in.

Dvärghundspossen
11 years ago

According to the IMDB, the writer/director also made a movie called Eight Days a Week: “Peter loves his next door neighbour Erica and, on the advice of his grandfather, decides to camp out on her front lawn for the entire summer, or until she agrees to go out with him.

THAT IS NOT ROMANTIC YOU SICK FUCK!

neuroticbeagle
11 years ago

The average woman of today is constantly impressed by the average beagle-owned woman of today’s ability to find the BEST pictures of the Furrinati.

The average Mads and Fribs owned woman of today makes the average beagle owned woman of today smile. 🙂

The average beagle owned woman of today uses pinterest to find pictures of the Furrinati. Clearly pinterest was created by the Furrinati to spread their Powers of teh Cute.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Ah, another instrument of the Furrinati! The average woman of today is surprised she didn’t realise.

The average Mads and Fribs owned woman of today is laughing at what the page would look like if all our nyms were “[descriptor] average woman of today”.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Oh dear gods, the newer Wicker Man! I really like the original, they basically spoon feed him ways to get out of being the perfect sacrifice, and other than the human sacrifice part, I’d totally move there. The new one is what would happen if an MRA knew only the part about a man being burned in a wicker man as a sacrifice. (If that’s a spoiler…sorry?)

neuroticbeagle
11 years ago

@Kittehs
It would look like the Hivemind- especially with all the kitty avatars.

mildlymagnificent
11 years ago

The average woman married for all-but-a-few-days of35 years to her average man got a Surprise! today. Went to average daughter’s house for afternoon tea (‘cos she said she’s busy tomorrow and other average daughter’s working tonight). Walked in to find a whole average family, streamers, banners, sparkly cards and a mountainous chocolate cake bristling with shards of gorgeous dark chocolate.

Average day in the life of average woman not so average after all.

Tulgey Logger
11 years ago

The average woman of today won’t stop growing. The average woman of today’s bones will soon collapse under their own gravity, forming new stars.

The average woman of today moves in single file to hide her numbers.

The average woman of today forgot where she put her keys, but will remember when she sees her car set alight by a pyrokinetic cat.

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