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An ode to the Average Woman of Today, from a man who hates her guts

The Average American Woman, Apparently
The Average Woman, Apparently

Over on MGTOWforums.com, a fellow calling himself donttrustwomen has written a little, well, I don’t quite know what it is — an essay? a manifesto? a poem? — called “The Average Woman of Today.” I think it’s fairly clear from reading it that he has never taken a course in statistics. And has possibly never actually met a woman.

The average woman of today is in the club every weekend

The average woman of today has 10-20 “good guy friends”

The average woman of today has 150 guys in her phone

The average woman of today dresses scandalous

I don’t know about that, but I’m pretty sure the average woman (of a certain age) of today watches Notorious.

Our MGTOW statistician continues:

The average woman of today has 1-2 abortions on her resume

I don’t think that generally goes on the resume. Where would it even go? Under “hobbies?”

Also, according to the Guttmacher Institute, less than half of American women have abortions by the age of 45. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

The average woman of today has or had a STD

Well, this is true. It’s also true of the average man of today. Indeed, according to the CDC, Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is so common that nearly all sexually active people get it at some point in their life. Happily, most STDs are treatable. Also, use condoms!

The average woman of today cheats on her boyfriend or husband

Well, this is also true, at least according to the stats I found here, which suggest that a little more than half of women cheat on their partners at some point in their life. But guess what? Men cheat on their partners in similar numbers.

The average woman of today curses like a sailor

The average woman of today wears to much makeup

The average woman of today seeks attention whether negative or positive

Huh. For some reason the first person who pops to mind when I hear the phrase “attention seeking” is not a woman.

The average woman of today is on dating sites getting 100 msgs a day

Not exactly. There aren’t good numbers on this, but one online experiment found that while more conventionally attractive women could indeed get dozens of messages a day, an average woman might get all of three.

Also, have you actually seen the sorts of messages women on dating sites get? Who would even want to sort through a hundred of these a day?

The average woman of today expects you to pay her bills

Uh, what?

The average woman of today expects you to raise and accept her child out of wedlock

Well, no. But if you do agree to, say, marry a woman with children, her kids do indeed come as part of the deal. Just as when a woman marries a divorced father with kids. You are of course free to not date women with children or indeed any women at all.

The average woman of today rarely brings any redeeming qualities to the table

I’m not really seeing how a regular commenter on MGTOWforums.com really has any reason to complain on this front.

The average woman of today is manipulative

The average woman of today is selfish

The average woman of today gets bored easily

I think you may actually be talking about kitties here, not women. But kitties are adorable, so we forgive them.

naughtykitties

Onward:

The average woman of today is on facebook, twitter, instagram feeding her ego through likes and followers

Yeah, no men ever do that.

The average woman of today would be stoned and called a harlot 3,000 years ago

The average woman of today rides the cock carousel

The average woman of today gives it up on the first night

Why does it make these guys so angry that there are women out there who enjoy having sex with men?

The average woman of today is unappreciative

Of dudes on the internet who hate her?

The average woman of today has lewd photos or videos circulating on the internet

Despite the astounding number of lewd pictures and videos online, I suspect that the percentage of women who’ve appeared in them is still relatively small. I wonder, though, how the number of women who’ve put nude or “lewd” pics of themselves on the internet compares to the number of guys who’ve sent dick pics to willing or unwilling recipients?

The average woman of today follows hypergamy

“Hypergamy,” in the traditional sense of “marrying upward” is actually on the decline, as women move in greater numbers into better paying jobs. “Doctors used to marry nurses,” Katrin Bennhold observes in a piece on the subject in the New York Times. “Now doctors marry doctors.”

The average woman of today files for divorce 70 percent of the time

Donttrustwomen seems to be confusing a couple of different statistics here. Yes, when couples divorce, the woman is more likely to be the one to file for divorce — though this does not necessarily imply that she’s the one responsible for breaking up the marriage. But 70% of marriages don’t end in divorce. Heck, the old saw about 50% of marriages ending in divorce is a myth; the correct percentage may be as low as 30.

The average woman of today looks for a starter husband

The average woman of today can’t tell the difference between a guy who cares about them and a guy who just wants them for sex

The average woman of today is unfit to marry or even call a girlfriend.

Keep telling yourself all this, dude. It’s in everybody’s best interests for you, personally, to continue to go your own way. Aren’t you guys getting an island, or something?

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wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
11 years ago

Do any Manboobzers have any tips about cat trees? I want a sturdy one that will work for a big cat (since I think Jade possibly has some Maine Coon in her–she’s got the ear tuffs and a big of a neck ruff) but inexpensive and preferably not too large.

Xen
Xen
11 years ago

The average woman has a cold. In August. Why?

What’s with MRAs thinking a cashier is interested in them? When I was working in a deli I just wanted to get home and take a shower. I didn’t care whether the guys thought I was attractive or not. I was not there to look nice enough for them to gawk at me.

Valerian
11 years ago

The average woman of today recommends cat shelves or a similar DIY hack rather than expensive (and usually butt ugly) cat trees. The average woman of today would start here: http://www.ikeahackers.net/2012/05/long-one-for-cat-lovers.html

Valerian
11 years ago

The average woman of today notes that not all those ikea hacks are good, but the idea of cat shelves works very well. Her cats (all average women of today have cats) love their cat shelves. She also notes that if you desire, you can purchase sisal rope online (for sisal scratching posts).

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
11 years ago

The average woman did not wear eye makeup until recently in an attempt to get around exactly the problem Xen mentioned (the “dudes thinking service-industry personnel, and in fact any random women, are interested in them” thing — not the cold thing, the average woman unfortunately does not have any good cold remedies). And one of the gross doods mentioned herein even remarked about it: women lose like three Points if they go without eye makeup!

The average woman only started wearing eye makeup at all because she found a way to make herself look even more steely-eyed and severe than usual in it. The average woman has still never plucked her eyebrows and always has leg-stubble, too, so the overall effect is stunning.

The average woman was, however, once photographed by a street-style blogger near Lincoln Center during Fashion Week; the average woman did think her outfit was pretty sick that day, but still can’t shake the suspicion that said blogger only did it to laugh at the snap later.

The average woman also wears boxer briefs and pretty much only boxer briefs, if you needed to know.

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
11 years ago

“all average women of today have cats”

QFT

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

augochlorella: I haven’t in a few years, and I’m not terribly good at it–I’m better with warm glass–but yes. Do you?

Shiraz
Shiraz
11 years ago

“The average woman of today would be stoned and called a harlot 3,000 years ago…”

What? I’m supposed to be grateful that slut-shaming doesn’t usually end in homicide in this day in age? Well, at least in some countries. Wow. He doesn’t seem to know about honor killings and bride burnings. Those things still happen…and that shit is sick. Shit. It’s a damn shame illiterates are allowed to post anything they want on the internet.

“The average woman of today is manipulative…”

Based on what? Did someone smile at you at a bar then declined your offer of sex?

“The average woman of today is selfish…”

Because she does what she wants, and not what your peen wants? Oh, the horror.

“The average woman of today gets bored easily…”

Who wouldn’t get bored easily with your “writings”? If I had to deal with you in real life, I’d probably fake my own death just to remove myself from your take on women. If you hate someone’s demo, naturally they’re not going to desire your company. Why don’t you know this?

“The average woman of today rarely brings any redeeming qualities to the table…”

Huh. Wow. Wait, why aren’t you crawling in women? You think so highly of them.

“The average woman of today gives it up on the first night…”

You mean, with other men that are not me — hence my bitterness.

“The average woman of today follows hypergamy…”

Except most people aren’t rich, and rich people usually marry other rich people. But hey, excuses, excuses…

The average woman wishes she was making more money.

The average woman wears nail polish called Gun Metal Grey and thinks of her make-up as war paint and/or art and doesn’t give a fuck if a random male stranger understands it.

The average woman struggles to understand her place in the universe, and doesn’t have time to console or feed misogynists who are looking for a Manic Dream Pixie Girl who will put his interests above hers.

Karalora
Karalora
11 years ago

The average woman of today was awakened early this morning by a cat going “Moommmmmmmmmm! My butt is itchy! See?”, followed by a faceful of irritated, possibly impacted anal glands.

Yummy.

Shiraz
Shiraz
11 years ago

The avergae woman is wondering, since her original email was hacked a week or two ago if a troll isn’t responsible….one of the trolls who frequently visits here. All of the sudden my comments are placed in moderation. Is that because of a troll who may have fucked with my email?

augochlorella
11 years ago

@ hellkell

No, but I’ve been interested in it for a long time.

The average woman shooed a beautiful metallic green and blue bee out of her boyfriend’s house today. The average woman didn’t get a good enough look at it to ID it, though.

kittehserf
11 years ago

wordsp1nner – I don’t know what the prices are like in your part of the world, but my only advice re: cat trees is to avoid the ones with rope around them. We tried one of those and the rope didn’t last as long as carpet, and went everywhere when the kitties got into Destructor Mode.

The thing to be careful about with the carpet ones, though, is that they might shed staples when the carpet pulls out a bit. But at least when the carpet wears through, you can nail a new bit over the post instead.

kittehserf
11 years ago

Karalora – I’m thinking we need a post on The Average Cat, as well.

Impacted anal glands, oh dear. 🙁

Karalora
Karalora
11 years ago

@kittehserf

She seems to be okay now. Her glands get a little clogged about once a year. It’s usually an easy, if really disgusting, fix.

katz
11 years ago

The average woman of today gives wordsp1nner mad props for getting kitties from a rescue.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

That ikea hack, one warning — drill into the wall studs. Those brackets hold a max of 33 lbs, and a flopping Maine coon can manage that so you’ll need all the support the brackets can offer (really, I’d go wider shelves and three of the brackets that support from the bottom, into studs, less pretty, but more secure)

It’s probably safe, but having lived with a Maine coon (male, 19 lbs of fur) I can see a max weight of 33 lbs getting real close if they decide to share a shelf (which, of course, they will, cuz cats)

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
11 years ago

The average woman today has had a Maine coon cross who was awesome and the most badass cat of all time.

This one *is* probably true for at least many of the Average Women (on this thread) Today.

(Mine was named Tigger, he weighed about 20 pounds, his body was as long as my torso is from waist to my shoulder, he died of kidney disease probably stemming from an infection he had when we rescued him, he gleefully battered the shit out of us and terrorized the other cats for all seven or eight years he lived with my mom, and I still miss him.)

CassandraSays
11 years ago

The average woman of today would like to snuggle wordspinner’s new kitties. She is still trying to figure out how one can “dress scandalous”.

lowquacks
lowquacks
11 years ago

Has the average woman found that the wordpress comment form is behaving in an odd way recently?

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

“‘Doctors used to marry nurses,” Katrin Bennhold observes in a piece on the subject in the New York Times. ‘Now doctors marry doctors.’

THIS IS WHY WE HAVE TO STOP SAME-SEX MARRIAGE!”

Hahahahaha! The average woman thought that was hilarious.

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

And yes, the average woman finds the WordPress comment form rather wonky.

lowquacks
lowquacks
11 years ago

Maine Coon cross kitties are lovely!

CassandraSays
11 years ago

The average woman kind of hates WordPress lately.

Stoic Sophist
Stoic Sophist
11 years ago

The average woman of today put the bop in the bop shoo bop shoo bop.

The average woman of today has no user serviceable parts inside.

The average colorless green woman of today sleeps furiously.

The average manboobz commenter thinks that list was written while listening to the worst of Beyoncé and flipping through a book of WWII VD posters.

CassandraSays
11 years ago

The average woman has been considering the “dresses scandalous” thing and thinks that prancing around her room to Duran Duran’s “Notorious” while getting dressed might meet the criteria, but she’s worried that if she tried she might be laughing too hard to do up her buttons.

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