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An ode to the Average Woman of Today, from a man who hates her guts

The Average American Woman, Apparently
The Average Woman, Apparently

Over on MGTOWforums.com, a fellow calling himself donttrustwomen has written a little, well, I don’t quite know what it is — an essay? a manifesto? a poem? — called “The Average Woman of Today.” I think it’s fairly clear from reading it that he has never taken a course in statistics. And has possibly never actually met a woman.

The average woman of today is in the club every weekend

The average woman of today has 10-20 “good guy friends”

The average woman of today has 150 guys in her phone

The average woman of today dresses scandalous

I don’t know about that, but I’m pretty sure the average woman (of a certain age) of today watches Notorious.

Our MGTOW statistician continues:

The average woman of today has 1-2 abortions on her resume

I don’t think that generally goes on the resume. Where would it even go? Under “hobbies?”

Also, according to the Guttmacher Institute, less than half of American women have abortions by the age of 45. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

The average woman of today has or had a STD

Well, this is true. It’s also true of the average man of today. Indeed, according to the CDC, Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is so common that nearly all sexually active people get it at some point in their life. Happily, most STDs are treatable. Also, use condoms!

The average woman of today cheats on her boyfriend or husband

Well, this is also true, at least according to the stats I found here, which suggest that a little more than half of women cheat on their partners at some point in their life. But guess what? Men cheat on their partners in similar numbers.

The average woman of today curses like a sailor

The average woman of today wears to much makeup

The average woman of today seeks attention whether negative or positive

Huh. For some reason the first person who pops to mind when I hear the phrase “attention seeking” is not a woman.

The average woman of today is on dating sites getting 100 msgs a day

Not exactly. There aren’t good numbers on this, but one online experiment found that while more conventionally attractive women could indeed get dozens of messages a day, an average woman might get all of three.

Also, have you actually seen the sorts of messages women on dating sites get? Who would even want to sort through a hundred of these a day?

The average woman of today expects you to pay her bills

Uh, what?

The average woman of today expects you to raise and accept her child out of wedlock

Well, no. But if you do agree to, say, marry a woman with children, her kids do indeed come as part of the deal. Just as when a woman marries a divorced father with kids. You are of course free to not date women with children or indeed any women at all.

The average woman of today rarely brings any redeeming qualities to the table

I’m not really seeing how a regular commenter on MGTOWforums.com really has any reason to complain on this front.

The average woman of today is manipulative

The average woman of today is selfish

The average woman of today gets bored easily

I think you may actually be talking about kitties here, not women. But kitties are adorable, so we forgive them.

naughtykitties

Onward:

The average woman of today is on facebook, twitter, instagram feeding her ego through likes and followers

Yeah, no men ever do that.

The average woman of today would be stoned and called a harlot 3,000 years ago

The average woman of today rides the cock carousel

The average woman of today gives it up on the first night

Why does it make these guys so angry that there are women out there who enjoy having sex with men?

The average woman of today is unappreciative

Of dudes on the internet who hate her?

The average woman of today has lewd photos or videos circulating on the internet

Despite the astounding number of lewd pictures and videos online, I suspect that the percentage of women who’ve appeared in them is still relatively small. I wonder, though, how the number of women who’ve put nude or “lewd” pics of themselves on the internet compares to the number of guys who’ve sent dick pics to willing or unwilling recipients?

The average woman of today follows hypergamy

“Hypergamy,” in the traditional sense of “marrying upward” is actually on the decline, as women move in greater numbers into better paying jobs. “Doctors used to marry nurses,” Katrin Bennhold observes in a piece on the subject in the New York Times. “Now doctors marry doctors.”

The average woman of today files for divorce 70 percent of the time

Donttrustwomen seems to be confusing a couple of different statistics here. Yes, when couples divorce, the woman is more likely to be the one to file for divorce — though this does not necessarily imply that she’s the one responsible for breaking up the marriage. But 70% of marriages don’t end in divorce. Heck, the old saw about 50% of marriages ending in divorce is a myth; the correct percentage may be as low as 30.

The average woman of today looks for a starter husband

The average woman of today can’t tell the difference between a guy who cares about them and a guy who just wants them for sex

The average woman of today is unfit to marry or even call a girlfriend.

Keep telling yourself all this, dude. It’s in everybody’s best interests for you, personally, to continue to go your own way. Aren’t you guys getting an island, or something?

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LBT
LBT
11 years ago

RE: Argenti

Oh, I’m glad! (And feeling oddly outdated… I perversely miss the days where you had to ask help from other people who’d played the game.) Also, if you have the version with voice, turn them on, they’re great. The pawnshop guy’s the Hulu guy! 😀

serrana
serrana
11 years ago

The average woman abandoned him on the median, and it’s made him mean.

I thought those were song lyrics at first. *remembers math class, slaps forehead*

kittehserf
11 years ago

The other average woman’s tunic is knitted, and just needs the collar sewn up (or rather, the faux collar that other average woman had to add ‘cos she borked the pattern) and to be ironed so she can check all the seams are properly sewn. Pictures of OAW in tunic will be supplied! Alas, there will be no tiara in said pictures.

katz
11 years ago

*stage whisper* How do you get past the snake in KQ2?

girlofthegaps
girlofthegaps
11 years ago

The average woman is going to a wine party tonight! Time to taste all the cheap $8 wines!

Redcap
Redcap
11 years ago

“Christ, they should change their name to “Men Staying Here and Banging On About How Much They Hate Women Forums”” -chibigodzilla

Seconded. “MSHaBOAHMTHW” is about as long-winded as they are.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

“And feeling oddly outdated… I perversely miss the days where you had to ask help from other people who’d played the game.”

Oh I got stuck pretty much on the beach last time I tried it, I’m probably still going to need help! 🙂

Want to feel really outdated? It’s 21 years old.

ignotussomnium
ignotussomnium
11 years ago

The average woman is proficient at needlework and needle-related martial arts.

The average woman is comprised primarily of a form of matter that is physically impossible given the known laws of physics.

The average woman is not capable of eating moon rocks. They are simply too far away.

The average woman has a third eye somewhere. It isn’t necessarily on her body.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

The average woman burned the snot out of her wrist frying tortillas. This is not the first time this has happened to average woman, and she may pull out her glassblowing Kevlar sleeve next time she gets near hot grease.

April Richards
11 years ago

The average woman of today need to get fabric to make pockets on a pair of capri and sew down the edges of a pair of shorts.

The average woman of today got to cuddle her beloved cat she’s had for 14 and ahalf years, (The cat is 15) and greatful she still has her and she’s as healthy as possible.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

RE: katz

*stage whisper* How do you get past the snake in KQ2?

Oof! Sorry, I haven’t played the text-interface ones; I was so shit with the keyboard.

RE: Argenti

Want to feel really outdated? It’s 21 years old.

Don’t remind me. It feels so weird! These games are contemporary, in my mind. I’m not used to realizing that now people haven’t heard of them.

But what makes it even WORSE? That some of these games had gender dynamics that would’ve MRAs flipping their shit, were they published now. You saw the number of trolls we got just with fucking Last of Us; can you imagine their screeching if they knew King’s Quest VII, which was made for a woman, the PCs were women, and the VILLAIN was a woman? Plus the prince gets saved in the end? *shakes head* I was actually just talking with Sneak the other day how weird it was to realize that games that we played as wee things, games that are twenty years old, would still be considered unusual now.

cloudiah
11 years ago

The average woman feels hellkell’s pain, for the average woman has also experienced that in the past. And will no doubt experience it again in the future, because cooking-related injuries are kind of the average woman’s thing.

2-D Man's Rights Activist
2-D Man's Rights Activist
11 years ago

“Doctors used to marry nurses,” Katrin Bennhold observes in a piece on the subject in the New York Times. “Now doctors marry doctors.”

THIS IS WHY WE HAVE TO STOP SAME-SEX MARRIAGE!

MrFancyPants
MrFancyPants
11 years ago

Bwa-ha ha ha ha! I totally forgot about MGTOW island! “NO GIRLS ALLOWED!”

Myoo
Myoo
11 years ago

@ignotussomnium

The average woman is proficient at needlework and needle-related martial arts.

Needle-related martial arts?

falyne42
11 years ago

The average woman has a giant pile of linen and trim to turn into Eastern Roman garb in the near future.

The average woman also just found the next sucker, er, Seneschal (a poor, enthralled, man, of course) to take over all her group’s work for her in the near future. Mwa hahaha!

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
11 years ago

The average woman of yesterday got new kittens:

Pics: (Cross my fingers that this will work)
http://i1301.photobucket.com/albums/ag110/hdloraj/DSCN0006_zpsa2d04b9a.jpg
http://i1301.photobucket.com/albums/ag110/hdloraj/DSCN0005_zps7346a832.jpg
http://i1301.photobucket.com/albums/ag110/hdloraj/DSCN0003_zps9911b68c.jpg

Right now, the big tortie is named Jade and the small tabby is named Frost, but I’m waiting for the names to either sink in or for inspiration to hit. (The names are from The Books of the Raksura.)

serrana
serrana
11 years ago

The average woman of today says “Squeee! Kitties!”

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
11 years ago

My parents gave me some of the old cat things that their cats don’t play with, including a feather-on-a-string toy that my kittens just adore. (Despite the size, Jade is only six months old–her paws are huge. I think I have a big kitty on my hands.)

sarahlizhousespouse
11 years ago

@wordsp1nner

Ah! So cute!

Xen
Xen
11 years ago

I’ve done none of those things. I do get bored easily, but that’s because I’m curious.

augochlorella
11 years ago

hellkell, do you blow glass?

gelar
gelar
11 years ago

The average woman waited until the last moment to complete her essay. The average woman always does this, and should know better by now but she doesn’t, by god-

wordsp1nner
wordsp1nner
11 years ago

I fell in love with Jade at Petco (note: Petco gives space to cat rescues to show their kitties, so they weren’t from a breeder) because she let me hold her repeatedly without any problems. I met Frost there, too, with her two sibs, but didn’t fall in love. When I went back to get Jade, Frost was sleeping on her, and so I decided to get both. I’m very glad I did

Frost purrs whenever I pick her up and is trying to edit this post. I don’t know why, since I haven’t said anything bad about her.

kittehserf
11 years ago

The average woman says Squeee! to wordsp1nner’s kitties.

I thought Jade was an adult! She is a big girl.

The average woman has taken Fribs for her vet visit and it’s pretty much “continue as before”. She’s lost weight, which I knew (she’s only 3.5kg now) and her blood pressure’s up, but there’s really no other treatments for her that would make much difference and not stress her. Keeping her happy and comfortable is the plan, and given she’s 17, it’s about the only realistic one.

Ha, she’s just pinched Mum’s spot on the couch. Situation normal, then.