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An ode to the Average Woman of Today, from a man who hates her guts

The Average American Woman, Apparently
The Average Woman, Apparently

Over on MGTOWforums.com, a fellow calling himself donttrustwomen has written a little, well, I don’t quite know what it is — an essay? a manifesto? a poem? — called “The Average Woman of Today.” I think it’s fairly clear from reading it that he has never taken a course in statistics. And has possibly never actually met a woman.

The average woman of today is in the club every weekend

The average woman of today has 10-20 “good guy friends”

The average woman of today has 150 guys in her phone

The average woman of today dresses scandalous

I don’t know about that, but I’m pretty sure the average woman (of a certain age) of today watches Notorious.

Our MGTOW statistician continues:

The average woman of today has 1-2 abortions on her resume

I don’t think that generally goes on the resume. Where would it even go? Under “hobbies?”

Also, according to the Guttmacher Institute, less than half of American women have abortions by the age of 45. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

The average woman of today has or had a STD

Well, this is true. It’s also true of the average man of today. Indeed, according to the CDC, Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is so common that nearly all sexually active people get it at some point in their life. Happily, most STDs are treatable. Also, use condoms!

The average woman of today cheats on her boyfriend or husband

Well, this is also true, at least according to the stats I found here, which suggest that a little more than half of women cheat on their partners at some point in their life. But guess what? Men cheat on their partners in similar numbers.

The average woman of today curses like a sailor

The average woman of today wears to much makeup

The average woman of today seeks attention whether negative or positive

Huh. For some reason the first person who pops to mind when I hear the phrase “attention seeking” is not a woman.

The average woman of today is on dating sites getting 100 msgs a day

Not exactly. There aren’t good numbers on this, but one online experiment found that while more conventionally attractive women could indeed get dozens of messages a day, an average woman might get all of three.

Also, have you actually seen the sorts of messages women on dating sites get? Who would even want to sort through a hundred of these a day?

The average woman of today expects you to pay her bills

Uh, what?

The average woman of today expects you to raise and accept her child out of wedlock

Well, no. But if you do agree to, say, marry a woman with children, her kids do indeed come as part of the deal. Just as when a woman marries a divorced father with kids. You are of course free to not date women with children or indeed any women at all.

The average woman of today rarely brings any redeeming qualities to the table

I’m not really seeing how a regular commenter on MGTOWforums.com really has any reason to complain on this front.

The average woman of today is manipulative

The average woman of today is selfish

The average woman of today gets bored easily

I think you may actually be talking about kitties here, not women. But kitties are adorable, so we forgive them.

naughtykitties

Onward:

The average woman of today is on facebook, twitter, instagram feeding her ego through likes and followers

Yeah, no men ever do that.

The average woman of today would be stoned and called a harlot 3,000 years ago

The average woman of today rides the cock carousel

The average woman of today gives it up on the first night

Why does it make these guys so angry that there are women out there who enjoy having sex with men?

The average woman of today is unappreciative

Of dudes on the internet who hate her?

The average woman of today has lewd photos or videos circulating on the internet

Despite the astounding number of lewd pictures and videos online, I suspect that the percentage of women who’ve appeared in them is still relatively small. I wonder, though, how the number of women who’ve put nude or “lewd” pics of themselves on the internet compares to the number of guys who’ve sent dick pics to willing or unwilling recipients?

The average woman of today follows hypergamy

“Hypergamy,” in the traditional sense of “marrying upward” is actually on the decline, as women move in greater numbers into better paying jobs. “Doctors used to marry nurses,” Katrin Bennhold observes in a piece on the subject in the New York Times. “Now doctors marry doctors.”

The average woman of today files for divorce 70 percent of the time

Donttrustwomen seems to be confusing a couple of different statistics here. Yes, when couples divorce, the woman is more likely to be the one to file for divorce — though this does not necessarily imply that she’s the one responsible for breaking up the marriage. But 70% of marriages don’t end in divorce. Heck, the old saw about 50% of marriages ending in divorce is a myth; the correct percentage may be as low as 30.

The average woman of today looks for a starter husband

The average woman of today can’t tell the difference between a guy who cares about them and a guy who just wants them for sex

The average woman of today is unfit to marry or even call a girlfriend.

Keep telling yourself all this, dude. It’s in everybody’s best interests for you, personally, to continue to go your own way. Aren’t you guys getting an island, or something?

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Deoridhe
11 years ago

The average woman found a man safe housing flyer his house burned down (misandry!).

The average woman ate way too many Aero.

The average woman wants a nap.

The average woman owns a tiara and wears it when she cleans.

The average woman needs to stop skipping breakfast.

Ally S
11 years ago

The average woman goes to 7/11 far too frequently.

Karalora
Karalora
11 years ago

The average woman of today found these grape tomatoes at Fresh & Easy that should have been called tomato grapes, because swear to god, they tasted just like grapes.

serrana
serrana
11 years ago

The average woman of today has clearly lost the thread to Tulgey Logger, but is having too much fun to quit playing.

The average woman of today thinks scented garbage bags are a tool of the devil and can’t believe she accidentally bought some.

The average woman of today is being followed everywhere by a three-toed sloth. It can’t keep up.

katz
11 years ago

The average woman thinks King’s Quest 7 is taking too long to download.

dustball
dustball
11 years ago

This average woman got told by the big boss this week that she might have to come in on her day off to do performance evaluations because she has to take on extra duties because of shortages in other areas.

But the doods know this must be a lie because the average woman is too busy tiaras to wear with her ugly man clothes in order to purposefully confuse the men into thinking she is a trisexual wombat queen who spends all of her time rescuing cats in order to train them into becoming domestic drones who will wipe out all of the hard working men who have something to bring to the table and prevent them from going overseas to purchase suitable child brides.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

The average woman is working from home and the cats keep trying to lay on the keyboard.

Ally S
11 years ago

The average woman thinks Metroid Zero Mission is way too short.

thekidwiththereplaceablehead

The average woman seems sensible. If I had to live in 987 b.c.e., I’d want to be stoned all the time, too.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Uh, breaking the theme here but the average manboobzer has caused me the find King’s Quest VI which I could never beat as a kid, but I was 7 when it came out so here’s to DOSbox!

Thanks guys!

melody
melody
11 years ago

If people normally marry within social groups as defined by work or other activities, and the upper levels within each field are reserved for men, of course women are going to marry up – most of the men a woman knows and has anything in common with will be richer than she is!

Good observation. And its likely part of the problem. Most of my friends I met either at work or in school (both men and women).

our society affords men greater status and agency than women.

Especially, when it comes to children. The assumption is the mother will stay home. And if that isn’t the case there will be plenty of jokes and judgement made about the couple. When my friend worked and her hubby stayed home people jokes about who wore the pants in that relationship and so on. She made more money so it only made sense for them that she worked. But however a couple wants it to do it is really no business of ours. However, leaving the workplace to raise kids means your resume/ career takes a hit and the assumption is always that women will do it.

“women dress in a manner I find provocative, but they won’t have sex with me, so I find that angering, and if they don’t dress that way I will deem them frigid, uptight and dowdy, because they still won’t have sex with me”.

I’m fairly certain he will also call the a tease….just because if he finds a woman attractive and she won’t put on then clearly she is a tease.

katz
11 years ago

The best King’s Quests are the ones with female protagonists 🙂

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

The average woman of today produces earwax.

cloudiah
11 years ago

The average woman would really LIKE to work from home, but the average employer has terrible telecommuting policies (even though the average woman’s work really lends itself to telecommuting).

The average woman is listening to The Carter Family.

The average woman is working on a way of subverting robots’ inability to kill humans in order to bring on the New Woman Order.

Andrew Johnston
11 years ago

The average woman has at least one relative who is a silicon-based lifeform.

The average woman has a form of telepathy that allows her to communicate wordlessly with cats, but which causes all squirrels to flee in mortal terror.

The average woman’s ideal mate is a young man who spends at least three hours a day harassing people on the Internet.

(Okay, that last one’s obviously untrue. Sorry)

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

RE: King’s Quest

You guys have good taste. In our family, it was the rule to give at least one piece of advice for each game, when sharing it with somone else. I bequeath ours unto you:

KQ V: DON’T EAT THE PIE.

KQ VI: DON’T GO IN THE WATER. Also, there are two inventory items in the first screen. Make sure you get them both! (Finally, Argenti, you can’t get up the mountains without a user booklet. Ask us if you need help; we still have it.)

KQ VII: SAVE THE CAT’S LIFE.

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
11 years ago

The average woman today is trying to sell some of her belongings, since she has too much stuff she doesn’t use often and wants to reduce her stress load when she moves to a new apartment, but in order to sell stuff she has to take pictures of it, so first she has to delete some pictures off her phone and she has like 2,150 (mostly of landscapes). It’s extra slow-going because she keeps pausing to take … um … smoke breaks, which makes the going even slower yet because then she kind of spaces out for a little while before remembering what she was just doing.

On a related note, the average woman is going to have to re-up her stash soon.

The average woman today is also going to have to go to the grocery store to get more snacks, but she doesn’t want to put pants on and she isn’t feeling *that* scandalous.

Speaking of pants, the average woman today will have to finish re-hemming that one pair of paisley-print trousers soon, since they’re way too cool to give away but are way too long for her to wear as-is.

The average woman of today has no patience for MRA bullshit and thinks, if guys wanna go their own way, it’s hopefully that many fewer dickheads she has to deal with. She’d even help them pack, except hahaha not really.

Matt
Matt
11 years ago

OK, who’s going to launch the Kickstarter for the “MGTOW island”?

Provisions are, of course, a very distant stretch goal. 😉

serrana
serrana
11 years ago

The average woman of today would probably help the average MRA of today pack by shoving his stuff in a plastic trash bag and dropping it out the window.

rabbitwink
rabbitwink
11 years ago

let us also allow for a “Nice Guy” isthmus that can have it’s connection wiped out if things get bad enough

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

“Finally, Argenti, you can’t get up the mountains without a user booklet. Ask us if you need help; we still have it.”

I found the PDF version of it, but thanks 🙂

mildlymagnificent
11 years ago

Robert

The average woman abandoned him on the median, and it’s made him mean.

::smirks::

kittehserf
11 years ago

The average woman of today laughed aloud at “-Wearing too much make-up? The European aristocrats of the 1700′s would like a word with you.”

The average woman of today will have porridge for breakfast but is torn between maple syrup and honey.

The average woman of today has to take her cat to the vet and will probably grind a millimetre of enamel off her teeth when they call it a “wellness check”.

The average woman of today should finally get her brown tunic finished this weekend.

The average woman of today is glad to see delurkers and returning commenters on this thread!

Deoridhe
11 years ago

The average woman today took a nap and got kitten snuggles and saw that it was good.

serrana
serrana
11 years ago

The average woman would like to know about the other average woman’s brown tunic that she is working on. The first average woman has a black cotton tunic top that she needs to finish sewing. However, the average woman has never sewn sleeves before and is a little nervous about it.