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narcissism open thread playing the victim rape culture trigger warning victim blaming

Open Thread for discussion of Ariel Castro statement, sentencing. TRIGGER WARNING for whole thread.

Some commenters here have started discussing the Ariel Castro sentencing — and the remarkable, delusional, self-pitying, victim-blaming statement he made before being sentenced — in the Minter Meltdown thread. Because so much of what he said — and so many of the issues raised — are potentially triggering, I thought it would be good to open up a separate thread for this.

Here’s a piece at the Daily Beast with some of the most astounding quotes from Castro’s statement today.

Consider this whole thread to have a TRIGGER WARNING on it for discussions of Castro’s rape apologias and victim blaming.

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girlscientist
girlscientist
11 years ago

@augzillary:I think people who passively hold the view of virgin women being more valuable will see this guy and maybe change their views. This guy is such an extreme example of victim blaming in rape culture that even most rape apologists can understand what feminists are talking about when we say “blaming the victim”.

I hope that that’s going to happen. Castro is such a textbook-case of victim-blaming that you can’t really engage in victim-blaming and not know whose side you’re on after reading his remarks. Let’s hope that this makes people sit up and realize the error of their victim-blaming ways.

Dvärghundspossen
11 years ago

I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for victim-blamers to see the error of their ways. I’ve never met a victim-blamer who admits that would zie’s doing is victim-blaming. Nobody who goes “Well, girls shouldn’t wear short skirts for their own safety’s sake, and I’m not saying this because I’m victim-blaming, merely because I’m concerned about girls’ safety” or “well, it wasn’t really rape-rape, that’s important to point out for the sake of all real rape victims out there” and so on ad nauseatum will recognize zirself as being on the same side as Castro. They’re just gonna be all “Castro’s a monster, while I’m a decent human being, meaning I can’t possibly have anything in common with him”.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

What Dvarg said times a million. Blamers gonna blame.

leftwingfox
11 years ago

I’ve never met a victim-blamer who admits that would zie’s doing is victim-blaming.

QFT.

titianblue
titianblue
11 years ago

Is it inappropriate to use Castro as an example when someone is victim-blaming, though?

So next time someone says “zie went home with him, what did zie expect?”, a repsonse might be, sarcastically “Yeah. obviously. I mean just like Amanda Berry must have realised Castro was expecting to imprison her for years when she went home to meet his daughter” .

/honestly asking

Howard Bannister
11 years ago

Hey, read this.

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/07/31/i-do-not-want-my-daughter-to-be-nice/?smid=pl-share

And see if you can avoid crying at the last line.

Happy, happy tears.

Chie Satonaka
Chie Satonaka
11 years ago

In cases where a woman goes home with a man and he rapes her, I have never understood why she should have “known that was going to happen”.

Also, such attitudes suggest that “rape” is the default male state. I heard this same crap with the Steubenville case, where the victim was unconscious. “What did she expect? The guys did what any guy would do in that position.” ….and these are the same people who claim that it’s feminists who “hate” men.

Howard Bannister
11 years ago

http://diannaeanderson.net/blog/2013/8/hugo-schwyzer-and-the-consumption-of-redemption

Here is a REALLY good break-down of all that’s wrong with the narrative of redemption around Hugo. Fucking. Schwyzer.

MorkaisChosen
MorkaisChosen
11 years ago

Thanks, peoples who said I wasn’t an idiot on page 2 after someone said I was an idiot on page 1 while I was asleep. 🙂

CassandraSays
11 years ago

She says he wrote a second goodbye post? Talk about failing to stick the flounce.

Amnesia
Amnesia
11 years ago

Dammit, I like my first name. Why do I have to share it with an unredeemable unrepentant repulsive shitstain on the face of humanity like Ariel Castro?

Ally S
11 years ago

She says he wrote a second goodbye post? Talk about failing to stick the flounce.

Very MGTOW-ish of him, I might say.

sarahlizhousespouse
11 years ago

“The comment of his that I hate the most, I think, is when he claims that he didn’t rape them, because THEY WEREN’T VIRGINS”

Castro can’t dictionary rape.

sarahlizhousespouse
11 years ago

About the whole “be nice” thing…

I must have grown up in some kind of feminist bubble. Not once have I felt the pressure to submit to unwanted sexual advances for fear that people would tell me I am “not nice”. If I felt threatened I knew I could always make a scene or “raise a fuss” and embarrass someone acting inappropriately. It made me feel safe.

I HAVE felt extreme pressure to not speak out against bigots because of creating ripples in the social pool. “Don’t hurt my feelings” is the unspoken argument so often used to silence people when they might say something others will find repugnant.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

This talk of consent here and ‘you should’ve known,’ actually made me think of something my husband did last night.

Now, my husband tends to be the hornier of the two of us, and is a bit dommey. Last night, as we’re settling in, he shows his interest in banging me like a gong. I am not against this idea, but I’m also groggy as hell after a few hours of comics roundtable gladhanding and writeathon excitement, so I say, “I’m sorry, I know I’ll just fall asleep during.” He says okay, we hug, and I’m out like a light in five minutes.

I realize that I can now take this for granted. I don’t have to worry I’ll wake up to something horrific. Anyone who would say that my husband was well within his right to just take advantage of me being tired or asleep is just an asshole I want nothing to do with.

With an attitude like that, I’m shocked they think anyone would get married at all, if it’s a “rape whenever” coupon.

CassandraSays
11 years ago

Again, it doesn’t seem to occur to guys like this that if they choose to be sufficiently horrible women can in turn choose to just walk away (much more easily than the guys can if MGTOW are anything to go by).

MordsithJ
11 years ago

Dammit, I like my first name. Why do I have to share it with an unredeemable unrepentant repulsive shitstain on the face of humanity like Ariel Castro?

And now I’ve suddenly figured out why I’ve had that System of a Down song stuck in my head for the past 24 hours. Which doesn’t help, but it does solve the mystery.

katz
11 years ago

Howard: Dianna E. Anderson is such a boss.

Falconer
11 years ago

Now, my husband tends to be the hornier of the two of us, and is a bit dommey. Last night, as we’re settling in, he shows his interest in banging me like a gong. I am not against this idea, but I’m also groggy as hell after a few hours of comics roundtable gladhanding and writeathon excitement, so I say, “I’m sorry, I know I’ll just fall asleep during.” He says okay, we hug, and I’m out like a light in five minutes.

At the risk of TMI, this is something that happens between me and Beloved often, especially after the Infantocalypse. Well, except for the hugging. Not only do I zonk out before Beloved most nights, she just cannot go to sleep cuddling.

Anyone who ever suggests to me that I shouldn’t take no for an answer should get used to never seeing me again.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

Also, augh, arguing with a dude on tumblr who thinks boys drawing boobs is totally okay, but women drawing pretty guys hurts men.

THE YAOIPOCALYPSE IS UPON US!

CassandraSays
11 years ago

I kind of want to see K-dramas hit the US just to see how massive of a tantrum guys like that will throw when they set eyes on Kim Hyun Joong (who looks like a bishonen manga come to life).

katz
11 years ago

Woo hoo new Feminist Frequency!

Howard Bannister
11 years ago

Also, augh, arguing with a dude on tumblr who thinks boys drawing boobs is totally okay, but women drawing pretty guys hurts men.

…what…

…no…

BRB, got to go draw pretty boys for the rest of the day.

(no, I have to mow the lawn and watch Bubba Ho-Tep; very little time for drawing pretty boys… well, some things you MAKE time for, amirite?)

Ally S
11 years ago

Also, augh, arguing with a dude on tumblr who thinks boys drawing boobs is totally okay, but women drawing pretty guys hurts men.

WTF? What’s he even basing his argument on? Is he one of those dudes concerned about men being “emasculated” or something when drawn by women? >_>

Molly Moon
Molly Moon
11 years ago

I haven’t read the comments after Ally started talking about bad fan fic.

Anyone read HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH?

Trigger warning for ridiculous violence starting from the first sentence.

My absolute favorite fan fiction.