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An All-Goat Interpretation of the Men’s Rights Movement

I’m working on a longer post about you-know-who. In the meantime, enjoy these goats doing their best interpretation of the Men’s Rights movement.

But wait, there’s more!

And while we’re at it, here are some baby alpacas trying to figure out what a puppy is:

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guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
8 years ago

OMG! Alpacas look like camel-sheep-horses!

Speaking of hybrid animals and strange noises: I present to you, the voice of a donkey in the body of a horse — aka, this is what a mule sounds like.

augochlorella
augochlorella
8 years ago

So long as we’re posting silly videos, this made me laugh for like a solid minute.

I’m also reeling from one of the oddest bits of mansplaination on female sexuality I’ve ever received. Does anyone mind if I vent?

grumpycatisagirlgr
8 years ago

Er, I don’t know who. Who?

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
8 years ago

Please vent, augochlorella.

Kim
Kim
8 years ago

I, for one, would be fascinated to hear.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

I object to this comparison. Not only are the goats too cute to be MRAs, they’re also making far too much sense, and afaik they haven’t threatened to kill or rape anyone.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Pretty sure goats are incapable of making threats. Though they’ve almost certainly killed someone, a good solid kick would do some real damage. I have my doubts about rape, but, uh, beastality (let’s not discuss what I found trying to google spell check that, ewwwww)

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
8 years ago

Goats never threaten. They just go right ahead and head butt you and knock you on your butt.

augochlorella
augochlorella
8 years ago

Okay. Maybe mansplaining isn’t technically the correct term, since it came from my mom, but here’s the gist of it.

Mom: You know how you look at guy’s butts?

Me: Yes…

Mom: Well when women look at men’s butts they’re actually looking for their wallets.

Me: *activates parent escape pod*

catherineanned44
8 years ago

Best post ever. 🙂

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Well, um, maybe if a guy keeps his wallet in his back pocket and his pants are really tights and you can see the outline? Otherwise, no, that’s not what women are looking at.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Or his pants are tight, even. If he was wearing tights what you’d see is his wallet sliding down the back of his leg.

kittehserf
8 years ago

I guess it’s too much to hope she was joking, augochlorella!

… tell her Mr K doesn’t carry a wallet. 😉

kittehserf
8 years ago

Or his pants are tight, even. If he was wearing tights what you’d see is his wallet sliding down the back of his leg.

Which would be good reasons to be staring, admittedly.

augochlorella
augochlorella
8 years ago

Unfortunately, no, she wasn’t joking.

Possibly TMI – I just went through all my porn and there wasn’t a single wallet to be seen. Perhaps I should check again…

kittehserf
8 years ago

Old joke just told by the boss when I told him this: Why do 747s have a hump in the front?

To make room for the pilots’ heads when they’re sitting on their wallets.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
8 years ago

I am confused. Why does your mom think you look at people’s butts? Separate from the rest of them, I mean.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Remember that episode of Seinfeld, where George Costanza had a really fat wallet but it was all receipts and shit? Shouldn’t that have made him the most attractive dude on earth?

On another note, AVfM has been putting up one of Erin Pizzey’s books, chapter by chapter, and the most recent chapter is so FSM-awful that I couldn’t even read it. And I have VERY high tolerance for MRA-related awfulness. TRIGGER WARNING FOR TERRIBLE AWFULNESS: She has these long “transcripts” of discussions she’s had with women where she tries to convince them they have a death wish and are turned on by violence. Truly some of the most disgusting, hateful, victim-blaming crap I have ever seen, wrapped up in Pizzey’s conservative Christian moralizing.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Also, I’m stupid but who is “you-know-who?” I feel like it’s probably someone obvious who has done something terrible recently, and I’m drawing a blank.

augochlorella
augochlorella
8 years ago

I suspect she was just repeating some bullshit she heard on Dennis Prager’s male/female special. This conversation did not grow naturally out of us talking about butts or anything. I was just getting some cereal when she sprung it on me.

To be fair, I do occasionally look at people’s butts, but I thought it was because my sexuality had a visual component, not because I was subconsciously scoping out the financial status of the butt-wearer.

stormster
stormster
8 years ago

Hey guys, would it be possible to vent her about something, or should I go to an open thread?

dariancase
8 years ago

Reblogged this on dariancase.

kittehserf
8 years ago

You-know-who is Mark Minter.

Shouldn’t that be Maaaaaaah-k Minter?

saintnick86
8 years ago

One of my favorite thing with goats is the version of Wrath of Khan where they replaced all of William Shatner’s lines:

http://youtu.be/YllXtbNikxc

Well, okay, it was just a bit from Family Guy but I love it still…

I wonder if anyone could come up with a good evo psych explanation of the wallet thing. Did the most skilled mammoth hunters have weird rectagular bumps on their asses?

[Mocking MRA Mode]Well, obviously back when we were cave men – women could totally tell who was the alpha by how calloused his ass was, since it was considered at the time to be a sign of strength and hard work. Only betas would have uncalloused asses and thus forever friend-zoned, forced to become degraded regularly by the tribeswomen – whose only concern, as it is now, is to make as many babies as possible by fooling alphas into sleeping with them and then taking all their stuff as their own like parasites.[Mocking MRA Mode]

I think that’s pretty close! 😛

stormster
stormster
8 years ago

MARK MINTER HAS BEEN OUTED AS A PHONY ON RETURN OF KINGS.

I’m reading the article now. O_O What’s gonna happen? dun dun dun.

stormster
stormster
8 years ago

Oh, he proposed to a woman that’s deemed as unattractive in the eyes of the manosphere. *yawn* carry on.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Oh, it’s Marvelous Mark. I should have been able to figure that out. Brain fog.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Throughout evolutionary history, female humans have always chosen males with fat, flat buttock pads for their mating partners. The females recognized that their male offspring, should they inherit the rectangular buttock deposits, would have a better chance of survival; as they, like females, would be able to sit on hard surfaces.

Kim
Kim
8 years ago

Even if it were true that women cared more about random guys in the street being rich rather than just liking the look of a nice butt, looking for his wallet would be pointless anyway, since you can have all the money in the world and buy everything with plastic.

Unless her point was that all women are pickpockets.

augochlorella
augochlorella
8 years ago

Expert mammoth hunters strapped rocks to their butts for armor. Cave ladies were smitten by the male tool-building logic.

The rocks were squares, of course, because round things are feminine and not fit for mammoth hunting.

augochlorella
augochlorella
8 years ago

I’m enjoying all our evo-psych explanations, but I think Viscaria wins.

kittehserf
8 years ago

But, but – hard chairs! Does this mean Mr Tom “Delicate Botty” Martin is really a BETA???

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

@augochlorella, thank you!

@Kittehs, well what it definitely means is any woman not sleeping with Tom is a hyper famous wh*re.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Men who were good mammoth hunters were allowed to cut off a square patch of mammoth skin after every kill, and affix it to one of their buttock cheeks with tree sap. The best hunters could be easily identified by women, who would then redden their lips and nipples with berry juice to pretend to be more attractive than they were, those hypergamous bitches.

Viscaria
Viscaria
8 years ago

Hyper famous is iPhone for hypergamous.

kittehserf
8 years ago

@Kittehs, well what it definitely means is any woman not sleeping with Tom is a hyper famous wh*re.

Cool, I never thought I’d qualify! (Hypergamous, hyper famous, either will do.)

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

Alpacas are nuisances. It’s been at least twice that the alpacas that live near me have escaped and then menaced me while I’ve tried to tell the owner that their alpacas are out again. Very cute, though.

While we’re on goats and spurious hypergamy narratives, how could my girl Taylor not come up?

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
8 years ago

Well, the wallet thing is certainly … interesting. I’ve actually had the opposite problem: I don’t really want to stare at most men (unless they are wearing tights, type of thing, probably) — but I work in music, a lot of dudes wear very skinny pants, and one such dude always has a freaking *enormous* lump in his front left pocket area. It is so distracting that whenever he’s been on a stage in front of me, I’ve found myself staring at it — pretty much in distress, for fear that …. whatever it was … could be really uncomfortable to him for a lot of reasons (maybe a hernia situation or something).

Turns out, from further observation, that it’s really just his iPhone, keys, wallet, cough drops, stash bag, whatever he has in both of his pockets before he goes onstage — he is right-handed and wears his bass too low, so the body of it rests against his right hip and he transfers all his goodies to the left-hand side to compensate before he goes onstage. I guess the thought of leaving his shit in the van or the green room has never crossed his mind,

Regardless, I wonder how an MRA would interpret this situation — especially since I know I haven’t been the only one staring during some shows, and most of the other stare-ers I’ve caught in action have been (ostensibly straight) dudes. You could pretty much draw a laser line in the air from their eyeballs to this other guy’s crotch, and they didn’t look nearly as distressed or concerned as I did either. EVO-‘SPLAIN THAT ONE TO ME!

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
8 years ago

* bad punctuation and repetition brought to you by our old friend marihuana

dumpster jedi
dumpster jedi
8 years ago

All I know is when when I’m surreptitiously checking out a guy’s nice ass, only to realize my view is partially obstructed by his goddamn wallet, the thing I feel is mild irritation. I like my nice back-ends presented symmetrically, dammit! Is it too much to expect random men on the street to read my mind and give a crap about what I expect from them?

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

In that case, pass it this way please!

I have nothing on topic to say besides that the alpaca yarn pecunium sent me was awesome and my frankengloves got some proper TLC with it.

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

Oh, my thoughts on wallet bluges? Doesn’t that make your back go all wonky, sitting at an angle with one ass check higher than the other?

Backstory here — my back thinks a 20~ curve is a good time, thus I cannot fathom why anyone would intentionally cause themselves to sit lopsided. (My back also currently thinks I’m an asshole for cleaning and rearranging my room, but that’s neither here nor there)

lowquacks
lowquacks
8 years ago

The lowquacks philosophy on the issue: front pockets are far more sensible for wallets in a jean setting, and with quite a few other types of trousers. They’ll stay in far better, be easier for you to grab and harder for others to, and you won’t have to sit on them.

Cthulhu's Intern
8 years ago

The inevitable:

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
8 years ago

Yeah, just as one would not wish to rest one’s bass against one’s Ludens and baggie of drugs, you’d think one would not wish to rest one’s ass on one’s wallet … ?

Maybe it’s that, speaking of hernias, I have a herniated lumbar disc and can’t imagine sitting lopsidedly either. Unless someone has nerve problems on only one side of their body and needs specific support. It can’t be comfortable otherwise.

This is probably why more dudes should just carry purses: for their own well-being! The MRA should take on this cause — it would probably be more helpful to more men than their “activist projects” have been so far.

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
8 years ago

lowquacks: you’d think, right? Makes total sense. New suggested MRA slogan: “Front Pockets, Purse, Or Uncomfortable Seating — MAKE YOUR CHOICE!”

Argenti Aertheri
8 years ago

The low quacks philosophy is logical, and I direct all non-female persons desiring external storage to timbuk2, the makers of my bag, and one of it’s add on bags (what, I carry a lot of stuff, having a spare speaker, headphones, charging cables, etc at hand, is, well, handy. Also, a first aid kit, because I hate not having a bandaid when I need one)

And see, you can’t fit a speaker in your pocket! Nor an iPad, which is kinda a problem when it’s turned into your Ood external brain.

My wallet is perfectly sensible though.

Cthulhu's Intern
8 years ago

Also, I keep my wallet in my front pocket.
Is that why I’m single?

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