Leave it to the guys at Roosh Vās Return of Kings blog to find a bright side, of sorts, to a study reporting that one in five Americans suffered from some sort of mental illness in 2010, with more women (23%) amongst those affected than men (16.8%).
Since āat least a quarter of the women you run into at any given time are not going to be alright upstairs,” RoK contributor Athlone McGinn argues, and the percentage is likely to be much higher amongst younger women, you might as well use this fact to your advantage.
But first you need to accept the disadvantages. For one thing, you need to realize your powerful man-logic won’t work on these gals:
If youāre 18-25, you will in many cases be dealing with someone who is fundamentally incapable of being reliably rational.
Never mind that most mental illnesses donāt affect the ability to think rationally about most things. Someone with an intense phobia of Donald Trumpās hair, for example, is able to think rationally about everything except Donald Trumpās hair.
Maybe thatās a bad example. Iām not sure itās entirely irrational to be afraid of Donald Trumpās hair.
And, like their sane counterparts, the crazy ladies may sometimes turn you down. But at least this time you don’t have to feel so bad about yourself.
You may think youāre a loser because you get shot down by these girls more than youād like, but this isnāt always the case: youāre often dealing with not-entirely-alright girls with illogical criteria.
Oh, but McGinn assures us that ā[t]his isnāt an excuse, mind you.ā You still need to make sure your āgameā is tight. Just donāt be too hard on yourself, because women (like the prices at Crazy Eddieās electronics emporiums) are literally insane.
So what’s the great advantage of dating a woman who’s mentally ill? McGinn is a bit vague, probably deliberately, but essentially he suggests that men can keep ādysfunctionalā women in line by treating them like shit:
Dysfunctional treatment is often welcomed by dysfunctional people, and many of those with mental issues fit that bill. Since weāve already established that a very large number of young women fit into that category, you should not be surprised to see so many of them respond positively to dysfunctional behavior.
It is not uncommon for young men to adopt some of these dysfunctional behaviors, find increased sexual/romantic success with their female peers as a result, and then feel guilty about it all. Such guilt is understandable (they donāt like the fact that morally degraded versions of themselves are more appealing to girls in general than the men they actually prefer to be), but ultimately unnecessaryāthere is nothing a man can do about the female proclivity to welcome such behavior except adapt to it. It is the result of factors much bigger than him.
Poor pickup artists! They donāt want to be abusive, manipulative, exploitative assholes and terrible people generally. Theyāre driven to this awful behavior by forces beyond their control — like the fact that women are statistically somewhat more likely to suffer from mental illness than men.
Especially since trust is a necessity for therapeutic shit to work. It’s the basis of the whole relationship. Without trust, its usefulness is limited.
Yeah I could see the point if it was that or inpatient, but my level of fucked up is a relatively stable level of fucked up (and when it isn’t, it’s the good kind — whee hypo manic energy let me rearrange before the 30g tank arrives! = productive)
Whee, finally cleaned the fluvel and was reminded of two things, one, why I avoid it, two, why our trolls are fish shit.
Psych wiseā¦not helping to the degree that after my last session, and complaint to pecunium, he asked if I wanted him to come up and tell them wtf they do to me. Seeing how we’re <100 miles apart, and it's a straight shot on the highway or 2 hours on the train, and, well, it's him, I'm pretty sure he was serious. I'm still not sure I'm saying no to that offer, I just don't want that to be how we finally meet in person.
Next appt is Tuesday, I just had my 48 hour alarm go off, I'm debating writing on my hand something about how they're supposed to be making me less anxious, not insisting I do things that I know will make me more anxious. I guess this is more Captain Awkward, but if anyone has a scripted answer for either "but it's designed to help with that" or "how can you know before you try?" (Hey straight people, how can you know you don't like sexytimes of a non-straight variety? Non-masochists, how can you know you don't like pain? You've never tried!)
*bangs head on wall*
Like, I'm sorry, I get that cutting = BPD these days, but fuck. How about instead of suggesting things that require me to be able to do things I can't you attempt teaching me less dysfunctional coping skills? Or, for that matter, do anything resembling therapy. Like, I seriously talk more about my emotional responses to things here than there. There is allā¦admin stuff, telling me I should find an art group I can join and being told to stop making excuses when I say that doing art in front of other people will make me unable to do artā¦I've had a decent talk psych, and it was nothing like this. Yeah the complain about the time since last session part, but then it wasā¦"how else could you deal with that?" Versus "this is how you should deal with that, what do you mean you can't?"
Hey pecunium, if you see this, I have a better idea than you coming up here to school them, deal with my insurance so I can find a new psych? In practice it shouldn't take terribly long, I'm just a complete wreck about the ideaā¦trying to explain why I need a new one, explaining wtf is wrong with meā¦and it's probably irrational, butā¦idk, I think they stop answering before MoMA closes, so it might be impossible.
LBT — like, not only do I not trust them, they don’t seem to even believeā¦
I’m on my third psych there, the first was a temp while the second was on maternity leave. And the first one I liked, like, when I gave the bare bones of rapist ex #1 — that I was piss ass drunk — her reply was akin to “you do know that’s rape, right?” “Yeah, just don’t expect me to say it”ā¦#2 didn’t even seem to believe me. #3 was, at first, all “that’s horrible” but it’s all been administered stuff sinceā¦or me continuing to refuse any attempt at me getting along better ith my father.
The same father that pecunium has requested he never meet lest he do something he’ll regret. But since my mother and brother can deal with him, the problem must be me. It’d be like being told that since some people here can get along with [person] why can’t I? (LBT I’m emailing you, we just hit the limit on what I’m comfortable saying in public)
RE: Argenti
Nothing in my email yet, but if you tell me your insurance company, I actually might be able to work something out for yez. (After all, my last respectable job was in medical billing and checking insurance eligibility. I’m pretty good at deciphering insurance talk and getting to the root of things.)
As for what you’re describing with your father… I got a lot of similar shit with my folks, which is part of why homelessness and destitution was preferable to them.
If you’re interested in bootstrapping coping skills, might I recommend DBT shit? It’s really handy.
Also, FYI, we have to go take care of Misanthrope Cat now, so we may not see your email till tomorrow. Take care!
Yeah I’m debating tracking down something DBT based that doesn’t involve people. If I’m too bright for brain burnout, I’m bright enough to learn this shit on my own.
And I just sent it, should be there by the time I post this.
As for dealing with my insurance, let me get through Tuesday’s session, see if pecunium can do it while I’m there since I doubt they’ll do fuck all without my say so, and then I may take you up on that offer. With my impending psych visit, and NYC on my plate, plus the fishā¦all my spoons belong to puffers (who I need to feed!)
Ooh, kitty who hates everything, and that includes Sneak? That cat is dumb, Sneak is awesome.
Harumph – stupid shrinks. Surely not needing to be put in a gender box shows a very strong self image; it goes counter to all our conditioning.
I eschew boxes, other than the kind used for moving and storage (and right now, I’m side eying that kind too, they have made me sore). But yeah, I know who I am, what I believe, where my ethics and loyalties fall, and any change there has always been either the way most thinking people will reevaluate their views and change them if they discover they were amiss in some manner, or HOLY SHIT THAT IS A THING!
Like, until my genderqueer lover of sorts brought it up, I had no idea that it was a thing. And very quickly went “wait, I don’t have to pick one? That’s like, got a name and I can google this shit and holy shit there are actually other people like me!” I kinda imagine that was common with LGBT folks before the days of the Internet — you know how you feel, what you are, but not that other people are like you, and then you discover that holy shit, there are other people like you!
I so know what you mean! For me it wasn’t being genderqueer or fluid – I’m definitely a cis woman* – but just finding out that it doesn’t have to be heterosexual/homosexual/bisexual was pretty important. Learning the variations of asexuality are A Thing was great. I do have a fondness for trying to tick boxes for myself, but have come to the conclusion I don’t fit any of those – grey A, demisexual and so on. It wasn’t a case of thinking “I am supposed to be this or that,” more an unawareness that there really is so much variation in human sexuality, and so many intersecting areas. There was also some feeling that it’d be nice to find there are other people like me, but lurking on the AVEN forums made me think meh, no, not really, this isn’t something I feel I belong to either. “Him-directed” was a term BroadBlogger used the other day, and that about sums it up for me.
Also a great term suggested on Feministe when I said I’d like a better word than “missionary” with all its baggage: gravity hug. I like! š
*Will someone tell my husband to stop smirking? It’s terrible distracting.
Thanks for the offers of support and I will likely take you up on them at some point. Today, I`m doing the zombie shuffle through life. I have nothing left. At least things are quiet. For the moment.
Also, if anyone wants to give a big Fuck You to cancer, the American Cancer Society is doing the Relay For Life this time of year as a fundraiser for their incredible programs, including cancer research. They were amazingly helpful when I was going through treatment by helping me arrange rides to the hospital, giving me info when it became obvious that my Onco had no idea what she was doing and general support when I needed it. If anyone has the time and inclination to donate or turn out and show support, it’s a really great thing.
A hug for Nova.
RE: Argenti
Ooh, kitty who hates everything, and that includes Sneak? That cat is dumb, Sneak is awesome.
Today, for the very first time, the cat allowed Sneak to pet her. Keep in mind, we’ve been visiting this friend on a near-weekly basis for MONTHS. Sneak considers this a diplomatic breakthrough.
Also, responded to the email.
Email tag, you’re it!
I’m with Sneak on this one, the cat is finding zir an acceptable human to be the furinati’s pawn. Maybe they’ve decided they need a superhero?
Took my ex’s bengal months to let me touch her, and I lived there. (Nova, this is the gaslighting ex, I get being stuck there, and my only advice is assume he’s wrong. If he says the sky is blue, or water is wet, don’t feel like you’d be a fool to confirm it.)
Nova and Argentti, sorry you’re having to deal with all this shit.
If anyone here wants to get in touch with someone else here, I can email your email address to that person; just drop me a note. (I generally won’t do this unless that person has expressed an interest in hearing from other people here though.)
Ha, it’s taken four years for Mads to spend five minutes lying on my lap. She’s now catlighting me and saying it never happened, nope, human imagined it.
I’m thinking of calling her Lady Catherine de Purrgh for those moments when she condescends to be cuddled.
Isn’t taking advantage of someone, anyone, with a disability or illness for personal advantage called “abuse”…
@Kittehs
Aw, our Des is like that. Doesn’t mean she loves you any less!
I’m open to being contacted if anyone thinks that’d be an idea but my email-checking is less than optimal.
I’d be happy to swap emails if you like, lowquacks – though I’m the opposite: good at checking, remiss at actually writing. š
I dunno, I think Mads is showing Feline Disapproval. I had to choose tomorrow’s clothes without any help tonight. How will I know I’m wearing the right thing if she doesn’t help?
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