Hello, and welcome to The Man Boobz Fiction Workshop! Today we will learn my foolproof two-step method for writing believable fiction. It’s as easy as pie — well, easier, since pie can take a bit of finesse — and it is absolutely GUARANTEED to work.
Here it is.
STEP ONE: Write believable fiction.
STEP TWO: If step one fails, write a story that makes a woman look evil and foolish, and post it to the Men’s Rights Subreddit as a true story.
If you don’t believe me, check out this little story from a fella calling himself the-final-word — a Redditor for less than two weeks, with only one previous comment to his name — in which a highly successful gentleman happily humiliates an ex-girlfriend trying to steal his money with the old “baby” ploy.
Take a look at the thread itself to see how eagerly the Men’s Righsers eat up his tale of victory over evil womanhood!
That is the beauty of my two-step method. If people don’t believe your bullshit, find a more gullible audience. And there are few audiences in this world more gullible than Men’s Rightsers.
I should note that I had nothing to do with the-final-word’s story, nor did I sneak into the Men’s Rights subreddit to give his story 47 upvotes and a bunch of positive comments.
Thanks to hackattack92 in the AgainstMensRights Subreddit for pointing out this wonderful example of shitthatneverhappened.txt
So yeah, I work in HR. I wear nothing but silk underwear and my all-time favorite thing to do is shred the resumes of qualified men in order to hire unqualified women. But right before I shred the men’s resumes, I write down their contact info to stalk them for sperm-jacking purposes. The suckers always want to take me out for drinks when I call them.
I go to bed grinning every night.
RE: Falconer
Well, maybe condolences are premature, but it does sound like you miss her. I’m sorry she’s not coming around any more.
Yeah. And she’s never coming back; her soul has essentially been torn apart and formed into new people. Sometimes I envy other system, where newcomers AREN’T a sign of soul-dismemberment.
In my years of band, I remember we went out of state… once. Otherwise, we mostly just stayed where we were, on account of our suckage.
And Galumping Vulture guy had a pretty sharp tongue, but wasn’t nearly the asshole you seem to have dealt with. He was most of a deadpan snarker, and I STILL sometimes imitate a face he did to show his complete lack of credulity in humans.
As far as I know, there were no sexy shenanigans that I HEARD about. But we did have that kid who set himself on fire for fun (in front of the whole drum line, no less), the time we forcibly removed a car from our marching area of the parking lot, and the time we got to break the solemn vows of the band uniform so we could march dressed up as Nightmare Before Christmas characters on Halloween.
Good times.
I once had a threesome with seven women and an octopus. Since I am so ALPHA, every woman got pregnant, but it was okay because every woman was an HB10 with several beta orbiters waiting in the coat check, each group of which was collectively capable of giving a child a great environment and education.
When the Octopus joined in, however, we all realized two important things that were not immediately obvious beforehand. First, Octopus suckers and beaks actually really hurt. Second, and worse, that Octopus was a feminist.
So, when we were all busy relaxing after the vigorous sexing, smoking cigarettes and applying first aid as needed, the Octopus reaches over and drags an aquarium out from behind a coat rack. Inside the aquarium are the countless spawn of her latest brood. Seeing what is coming, I brace myself for her salty tears and annoying blubbering about how she can’t support her spawn and could we please pay to help her find transport to the sea, but before she can launch into her sob story I stare at her silently for twenty minutes, put my hand up, and say “Hold on there. I’ll have you know that my only children are whales. Sperm whales, in fact, and I have the medical documentation to prove that you and I are incapable of breeding.”
At that, the Octopus began wailing, and dragged her aquarium out the door, leaving only a trail of slime and several Dworkin tracts.
“Phew,” I said theatrically, “I’m glad she’s so gullible! I don’t want to raise any of those things out in the Atlantic.” The HB10s all giggled and said, in eerie unison, “don’t stick your dick in calamari!” It was then that I noticed the grey-green cast to the ladies’ skin, and decided to leave Innsmouth first thing in the morning.
Although I was in incredible pain and fear of the chthonic horrors of the little town, I have to confess, I fell asleep grinning that night.
Oh man! We did that all the time! Once we even did a bus! (Though to be fair we didn’t lift that one up, we just broke into it an put it into neutral to push it.)
Good times, good times.
Ooh, that sounds fun.
Hah!
RE: Falconer
It was! It also taught me that getting grease paint off your face is actually REALLY FUCKING HARD. But yeah, our colorguard had patchwork flags and dressed as Sally, the drum majors dressed up as Jack Skellington, and the conductors officially gave permission for you to ditch your uniform IF and ONLY IF you were dressed up as a character.
I recall a Lock, Stock, Barrel, Santa Claus, and an Easter Bunny. We might’ve sucked as a band, but it was a fantastic joyride.
heart phantom (as is evident for anyone who’s visited my deviantart page).
I hope this isn’t ignorant/presumptuous of me to say, but I read that and think of organ donation and how people who’ve died still get to live on in others. And they’ve helped give life to others. In that respect, it can be kind of hopeful? I dunno, that’s how I’ve always seen stuff like that.
RE: SittieKitty
I hope this isn’t ignorant/presumptuous of me to say, but I read that and think of organ donation and how people who’ve died still get to live on in others. And they’ve helped give life to others. In that respect, it can be kind of hopeful? I dunno, that’s how I’ve always seen stuff like that.
That is true. And honestly, I think if we’d had a healthier way out of certain situations, it wouldn’t have happened. But it did, and we can carry on in her memory and try and do her proud anyway. I think she would be pleased by our conduct.
If redditors got paid for upvotes from idiots, they’d put the self-publishing industry out of business.
Not knowing anything more than what I’ve seen here LBT, I think she would be too.
@ LBT
Forgive me if I seem like I am prying, but do you ever have, uhm, mergers, as well as splits?
I don’t really know how to feel about them (when I think about missing the old system members I realise I am missing *myself* and that is an odd thing to happen).
Monster – is it okay to ask if you’re multiple, too?
RE: Monster
Twice. One didn’t live long enough to really develop much, and it was in a lot of pain, so pretty much our goal at the start was to put it down. The other one was hypothetically the Original Girl, who may have merged with my sister back in ’07. We aren’t quite sure; we didn’t keep track of things so well at the time, and it can get complicated. We… I don’t know if miss is the right word. Like, I’m sorry that she’s dead, and I’m sorry we didn’t have a healthier way to continue surviving, but by that point she was almost a ghost already, and didn’t really have much left to her, except general geekery and marching band. It’s hard to miss someone who had become that washed-out, you know?
@ Kitteh – yes & yes I am 🙂
@ LBT – aah I think I get your drift. Some people just get a bit thinned. The first sounds like a tough situation though – I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
RE: Monster
Enh. It sucked, but the situation has since been dealt with, and we’ve put in measures to try and insure it doesn’t happen again.
Monster – thank you, and extra welcome to all the system members who hang out here! 🙂
Many years ago, I was getting “MISANDRY” tattooed across my chest, and the tattoo artist was so unbelievably sexy that we had sexy sex right there on the shop floor (the way he kept saying how he would never sleep with me REALLY made me want to sleep with him). he gave me such a pounding that I called this nice guy I made do things for me pick me up and give me a ride home. He said he didn’t like my new tattoo, so I decided to accuse him of raping me (duh!). All that’s needed to convict a man of rape is saying he did it, you don’t even need to go to court or hear his side of the story or anything (I know this from experience), so he was immediately thrown in prison for the rest of his life. I still had him so wrapped around my finger that I asked him to send me a jar of his tears every day, which I drank to give me power.
I am in my late 90’s, but have the looks of an 18 year old, all thanks to the tears of the hundreds of men I have wrongly sent to prison. Male tears combined with face cream made of foreskins is the fountain of eternal youth for women.
And that’s real.
What kind of father raises a daughter who actually says to him ‘Seriously dad you have got to stop fucking crazy bitches’. Call me a prude but no way in hell would my daughter speak to me like that. Anyway the last line where the drama queen says ‘I have to confess I fell asleep grinning that night’ had my cringe-o-meter going off the scale because it conjured up a load of MGTOWers high fiving each other thinking ‘ Yeh yeh. Your THE MAN!! This is why I’m isolating myself from womankind. THIS’. OMG they’ll hang onto any crumbs of utter bullshit won’t they lol. I hope the guy who wrote that made-up crap feels thoroughly ashamed of himself and goes to bed crying at what a fucking loser he is.
ohh! I got one! I am the stealer of all jobs…I didn’t even graduate college because I married a rich beta and had 20 children and have robbed him blind….then I got bored and started crying in the middle of the street….well, a bunch of men gave me lots of money then I laughed in there face going hahahahahaha I am using you as a MONEY object in revenge of you using me as a sex object…..Well, then I kicked I applied for the CEO of Pepsi and laughed at the guy who also applied who was an inventor and a PHD…not only this but I am a doctor, lawyer and an astronaut! Those men who also applied for those jobs? Well they are all homeless…and this is all my doing!
ooops then I liecked another beta out of my ex husbands house when he was of no use to me anymore…then stole the job from the deserving beta at pepsi
kicked…sorry…my ADHD is making my brain really wonky today
Did you insist on safety regulations while you were at it? Fudge any statistics?
Oh, I know! You wore a see through mini-skirt and failed to have sex with that poor hapless beta whose Pepsi job you took!
Hey, how come his daughter is being so reasonable and everything? How did he stop her turning into feminazi scum? Kudos to him for his child raising skills!
So NWO is YOUR fault!
(For those who haven’t been around longer than 9 months, NWOslave was a frequent troll who once claimed he’d been turned down for a position at Pepsi because the interviewer said ze had to hire a woman.)