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$MONEY$ alpha males are these guys 12 years old? evil women gloating gullibility I am making a joke imaginary oppression misogyny MRA reddit TROOOLLLL!!

Men’s Rightsers fall for obvious bullsh*t, part ten million and two

Heh heh heh. No, really, just click.
Heh heh heh. No, really, just click.

Hello, and welcome to The Man Boobz Fiction Workshop! Today we will learn my foolproof two-step method for writing believable fiction. It’s as easy as pie — well, easier, since pie can take a bit of finesse — and it is absolutely GUARANTEED to work.

Here it is.

STEP ONE: Write believable fiction.

STEP TWO: If step one fails, write a story that makes a woman look evil and foolish, and post it to the Men’s Rights Subreddit as a true story.

If you don’t believe me, check out this little story from a fella calling himself the-final-word — a Redditor for less than two weeks, with only one previous comment to his name — in which a highly successful gentleman happily humiliates an ex-girlfriend trying to steal his money with the old “baby” ploy.

the-final-word 47 points 1 day ago.  I had one daughter with my first wife in my early 20s and we divorced when she was 6. I was shocked to find out just 3 years later when I was being checked out for a prostate infection that I had become completely infertile since then (yes, daughter is mine, I had a dna check done to be sure). Doc said that sometimes the factory just shuts down and there's no good reason.  Fast forward 10 years and I'm getting pretty damn successful at my job and the bank is adding up. One day there's a knock at the door and there stands a tearful and angry ex gf with a toddler in her arms. You can guess the story she rolls out. I didn't want to ruin your life, its been so hard, he has your eyes blah blah blah. After about 20 mins of standing in my door and her blathering on she stops and looks at me angrily and says "why are you just staring at me with that look? Dont you realize how serious this is?".  So I replied "Oh, well.. I've been completely infertile since I was 27 and have the medical records to prove it. So I'm really just trying to decide whether it was your boss or your ex bf you were fucking while we dated. He looks more like your boss to be honest".  Believe it or not that actually stunned her into complete mouth-haging-open style silence. So I just closed the door in her face and went back inside to finish the game I was watching. My then 19 year old daughter sticks her head around the corner from the kitchen, where she'd overheard the whole thing and said "Seriously Dad. You have GOT to stop fucking crazy bitches.... like SERIOUSLY".  Never heard from that woman again, but I heard from a friend that she tried to pin the kid on her ex bf after that but he got a paternity test and it wasn't his either.  I have to confess, I fell asleep grinning that night!

Take a look at the thread itself to see how eagerly the Men’s Righsers eat up his tale of victory over evil womanhood!

That is the beauty of my two-step method. If people don’t believe your bullshit, find a more gullible audience. And there are few audiences in this world more gullible than Men’s Rightsers.

I should note that I had nothing to do with the-final-word’s story, nor did I sneak into the Men’s Rights subreddit to give his story 47 upvotes and a bunch of positive comments.

Thanks to hackattack92 in the AgainstMensRights Subreddit for pointing out this wonderful example of shitthatneverhappened.txt

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Falconer
7 years ago

My band had a couple fiberglassaphones in a store room next to the band room. Apparently they were ASS because we used the two marching tubas that were basically flat on the bottom and had messed-up bells (and which were held in the arms rather than slung over the shoulder) instead of them until said grant money arrived and we got a couple (Yamaha?) brass sousaphones. My brother and his best friend were the tubists and they babied those brass ‘phones through a marching season and across France and Switzerland and Austria.

And then we graduated and someone’s probably stomped those ‘phones flat in the 16 years since. Possibly not.

The trombone section got another f-attachment instrument out of the money and so I, in third chair, was allowed to use one instead of my own horn (which is a peashooter). I got so used to moving air through that big ‘bone that when I went back to my own in college, I found it wouldn’t take all the air I wanted to push through it.

baroncognito
7 years ago

No, I think they were made of foil coated chocolate, as easy as they were to damage. And despite being ostensibly made of metal, they didn’t sound all that great.

Falconer
7 years ago

and we still wear her old bassoon charm on a chain in memory of her.

Um. It sounds like she’s died or disappeared or maybe just doesn’t come around anymore, and it sounds like you’re sad about it. I wanna say I’m sorry but I’m worried I’ll hurt you — is there something appropriate to say in condolence, here?

baroncognito
7 years ago

These days I play a Miraphone sousaphone (Which they apparently didn’t make for very long). I do like the sound it provides and the fourth valve is always nice to have.

Falconer
7 years ago

Four valves are always nice. An F attachment is nice if your arms are stumpy like mine and you have trouble getting to 7th position.

Especially since, in 8th grade, someone in band thought I looked like Tattoo from Fantasy Island, mainly because I was teensy.

beehive
beehive
7 years ago

I’m new here, but why do they call each other “sir?”

drst
drst
7 years ago

My high school band broke a gong. During a performance for a bunch of music teachers, no less. It came off the supports and fell off the back of the stage we were on, about 3 feet, onto the floor.

Fortunately it happened at the end of a piece, so despite the fact that there wasn’t supposed to be a huge, prolonged crash right at that moment, it could’ve been worse. There was however a lot of “WTF?” face going on among the band, since we were facing forward and watching the conductor’s face turn purple and weren’t sure what the hell had just happened back there.

Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago

Haha, found that story I wrote once. It was supposed to be a standard troll story – there was a time when all trolls coming here wanted to tell the story of their lives, and it was always something like the following:

I was raised to believe that women should be worshipped and that their every whim should be catered to. As a teenager I therefore spent millions of hours and dollars on driving the girl I had a major crush on to her football playing boyfriend whenever she felt like paying him a visit. He hit her and raped her and treated her like crap, but she said to me that she’d still rather be with an evil football player than a nice guy like me.
One day the girl came home to my house and said she wanted to have sex with me. Happily I pulled out a condom and we did it. Afterwards, she grabbed the condom and ran into the bath room. I thought this was a bit weird, but didn’t give it much thought.
Then I didn’t hear from her for a while. I was devastated, since I thought that after she wanted to have sex with me, she was gonna be my girlfriend.
Nine months later she called me and told me that she’d used the sperm in the condom to impregnate herself. She wanted to have a baby, but she didn’t want a husband. She just wanted to be left alone with her baby and her bonbons. Now it was time for me to pay child support!
By that time I was unemployed, after the state I live in had made it illegal to hire white heterosexual males. I told her I didn’t have any money. She brought the case the court, and the court decided that I had to give her a million dollars next day, or else I would be sent to prison. I had no choice but to rob a bank. And I got sent to prison for ten years for attempted robbery.
When I finally got out, I got sent to prison for another five years for failing to pay child support.
When I finally got out, the mother of my daughter called the court and said our child was actually the result of me raping her. I got sent to prison for another twenty years for rape.
When I was finally out of prison for good, I went to visit my little daughter. I said to her mother that I was willing to forgive her for everything, if only she’d allow me to visit my little girl from time to time. I was standing on her porch telling her all this. Suddenly, I heard a shriek from inside the house. It was my daughter. She was screaming “MUM MUM THERE’S A MAN ON THE PORCH! CALL THE POLICE BEFORE HE RAPES AND MURDERS US!”. It was too late. The woman I was once in love with, the woman I’d driven millions of miles to her football player boyfriend, the woman who had sent me to prison, had raised our daughter a feminist.

grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

My raise last year wasn’t big enough so I accused my male boss of rape. Of course, I was automatically believed in the court system and was awarded two million dollars. All in a day’s work.

Then I got pregnant by a tattooed gym rat who deserted me the next day so I got this geek I dated for two weeks in college to pay for child support for life.

Then, despite having no applicable education or work experience, I applied to be CEO of Apple and my application was accepted because I am a woman.

Then I got pregnant by a rock star but he already has so many kids that I decided to get an abortion. President Obama awarded me the Congressional Medal of Honor for this.

I have to confess, I fell asleep grinning that night.

Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago

Btw, I’m pretty certain that you don’t just find out that you’ve become infertile on a standard prostate check. I mean, how would a doctor checking your prostate find out that your testicles had suddenly stopped producing sperm? Wouldn’t zie need to… idk… carefully examine the testicles and/or investigate a sample of semen to find that out?

Falconer
7 years ago

@drst: I was at a workshop weekend once, and one of the bands put on the 1812 Overture.

Of course, they didn’t have any cannon, so they found the biggest baddest bass drum they could find and told someone to whack it with the drumstick as hard as he could when there was supposed to be a cannon volley in the music.

About the second or third time he gave the drumhead such a whack in the performance, the nice felt head of the drumstick broke off and went flying into the band and disappeared. The guy assigned to the drum was apparently stuck for choice, because he kept on with the broken stick, which dented or marked the drumskin every time he smacked it.

Michelle C Young
7 years ago

@Dvärghundspossen – I love it! I especially love how he wants to see his 35-year-old “little girl,” from time to time.

Michelle C Young
7 years ago

@grumpycatisagirl – Congressional Medal of Honor! LOL!

Michelle C Young
7 years ago

@Falconer – maybe he should have punched it, instead. Also, I love your avatar! Cary Grant was, is, and always shall be magnificent!

Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago

@Michelle: It’s not a classic troll story unless the timeline doesn’t make sense!

Falconer
7 years ago

@Michelle C Young — and his expression perfectly matches the one I often make when reading the fruit of MRA labor on this here website.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: Falconer

Um. It sounds like she’s died or disappeared or maybe just doesn’t come around anymore, and it sounds like you’re sad about it. I wanna say I’m sorry but I’m worried I’ll hurt you — is there something appropriate to say in condolence, here?

It’s kind of hard to say. ‘Dead’ is probably the closest, and hell, even WE aren’t sure if it’s accurate. Even we aren’t sure how we feel about it; it’s not like society gave us the manual on, “If one of you splits into different system members, here are rites to commemorate that.”

RE: drst

OMFG that sounds amazible. Our band conductor was a bony young man with a tendency to stomp and swing his arms and glare as we fell out of key. The worse we got, the more emphatic the performance. At times, he resembled a galumphing vulture.

We were a wretched band, on the whole, but we also got to play Sweeny Todd and Nighmare Before Christmas for our shows, which was AWESOME. Shame that we generally sucked.

baroncognito
7 years ago

So, there was a time when I had a substance abuse problem. I’d take mushrooms and then I’d bang any chick who would consent to it. It didn’t matter what they looked like because, well, I thought I was having sex with the an anthropomorphic personification of the wind. My cohorts in sexual congress were always confused why I called them Serendipity (I learned from later discussions with them). I eventually sobered up and this woman comes up to me and says that I fathered four children with her and her life companions. Well, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I had been diagnosed as infertile by the guy down the street when he said he couldn’t taste any sperm in my semen, I would have worried. But Warren is a stand-up fellow and you can trust him. I told that lady in no uncertain terms that while I would be willing to to provide a much needed male role model, I wasn’t going to pay child support. And then my dog walked in and told me I should stop screwing crazy ladies.

Falconer
7 years ago

It’s kind of hard to say. ‘Dead’ is probably the closest, and hell, even WE aren’t sure if it’s accurate. Even we aren’t sure how we feel about it; it’s not like society gave us the manual on, “If one of you splits into different system members, here are rites to commemorate that.”

Well, maybe condolences are premature, but it does sound like you miss her. I’m sorry she’s not coming around any more.

At times, he resembled a galumphing vulture.

I LOL’d. Ours was given to red-faced temper tantrums and throwing chalk … when I was in school. Hear tell that escalated to small instruments at some point, and cameras were installed in the band room and his office specifically to watch him.

We were a wretched band, on the whole, but we also got to play Sweeny Todd and Nighmare Before Christmas for our shows, which was AWESOME. Shame that we generally sucked.

Eh, we got to the quarter-finals in our class in marching band every year I was in the band, but concert band was less reliable. Every other year, though, we’d go to some regional concert band competition. The first year was in New York, the second was in Orlando, FL. Only time I’ve been to Disney World. Also we went to an MGM/Universal park in Florida and I remember attending a medieval dinner theatre thing too. In New York we went to the top of the Empire State building and out to Lady Liberty.

We generally got suites from Broadway shows to play, like Phantom and Les Mis and Miss Saigon. I really enjoy the Phantom theme, it’s simple and I get to blow my lungs out.

baroncognito
7 years ago

I immediately told my dog that she was being rude to our guest and demanded that the bitch apologize.

Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago

@Baroncognito. *LOL*

grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

Ha ha ha @baroncognito. Warren told me you were funny.

Falconer
7 years ago

Well, if it hadn’t been for the fact that I had been diagnosed as infertile by the guy down the street when he said he couldn’t taste any sperm in my semen, I would have worried.

Must have been all those misandric hard chairs. You know, they can deform a person’s prostate and I think we all know what happens to sperm when the prostate is deformed.

girlofthegaps
girlofthegaps
7 years ago

Re: raunchy band times, I have to say, we had a corridor of small soundproofed practice rooms between the band and choir rooms, and I can personally assure everyone that they were at least once used for… inappropriate purposes…

Falconer
7 years ago

Re: raunchy band times, I have to say, we had a corridor of small soundproofed practice rooms between the band and choir rooms, and I can personally assure everyone that they were at least once used for… inappropriate purposes…

Dammit, and here I was too shy to even talk to girls.

Life sure is unfair, isn’t it.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

So yeah, I work in HR. I wear nothing but silk underwear and my all-time favorite thing to do is shred the resumes of qualified men in order to hire unqualified women. But right before I shred the men’s resumes, I write down their contact info to stalk them for sperm-jacking purposes. The suckers always want to take me out for drinks when I call them.

I go to bed grinning every night.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: Falconer

Well, maybe condolences are premature, but it does sound like you miss her. I’m sorry she’s not coming around any more.

Yeah. And she’s never coming back; her soul has essentially been torn apart and formed into new people. Sometimes I envy other system, where newcomers AREN’T a sign of soul-dismemberment.

In my years of band, I remember we went out of state… once. Otherwise, we mostly just stayed where we were, on account of our suckage.

And Galumping Vulture guy had a pretty sharp tongue, but wasn’t nearly the asshole you seem to have dealt with. He was most of a deadpan snarker, and I STILL sometimes imitate a face he did to show his complete lack of credulity in humans.

As far as I know, there were no sexy shenanigans that I HEARD about. But we did have that kid who set himself on fire for fun (in front of the whole drum line, no less), the time we forcibly removed a car from our marching area of the parking lot, and the time we got to break the solemn vows of the band uniform so we could march dressed up as Nightmare Before Christmas characters on Halloween.

Good times.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
7 years ago

I once had a threesome with seven women and an octopus. Since I am so ALPHA, every woman got pregnant, but it was okay because every woman was an HB10 with several beta orbiters waiting in the coat check, each group of which was collectively capable of giving a child a great environment and education.

When the Octopus joined in, however, we all realized two important things that were not immediately obvious beforehand. First, Octopus suckers and beaks actually really hurt. Second, and worse, that Octopus was a feminist.

So, when we were all busy relaxing after the vigorous sexing, smoking cigarettes and applying first aid as needed, the Octopus reaches over and drags an aquarium out from behind a coat rack. Inside the aquarium are the countless spawn of her latest brood. Seeing what is coming, I brace myself for her salty tears and annoying blubbering about how she can’t support her spawn and could we please pay to help her find transport to the sea, but before she can launch into her sob story I stare at her silently for twenty minutes, put my hand up, and say “Hold on there. I’ll have you know that my only children are whales. Sperm whales, in fact, and I have the medical documentation to prove that you and I are incapable of breeding.”

At that, the Octopus began wailing, and dragged her aquarium out the door, leaving only a trail of slime and several Dworkin tracts.

“Phew,” I said theatrically, “I’m glad she’s so gullible! I don’t want to raise any of those things out in the Atlantic.” The HB10s all giggled and said, in eerie unison, “don’t stick your dick in calamari!” It was then that I noticed the grey-green cast to the ladies’ skin, and decided to leave Innsmouth first thing in the morning.

Although I was in incredible pain and fear of the chthonic horrors of the little town, I have to confess, I fell asleep grinning that night.

dustydeste
dustydeste
7 years ago

…the time we forcibly removed a car from our marching area of the parking lot…

Oh man! We did that all the time! Once we even did a bus! (Though to be fair we didn’t lift that one up, we just broke into it an put it into neutral to push it.)

Good times, good times.

Falconer
7 years ago

and the time we got to break the solemn vows of the band uniform so we could march dressed up as Nightmare Before Christmas characters on Halloween.

Ooh, that sounds fun.

Falconer
7 years ago

At that, the Octopus began wailing, and dragged her aquarium out the door, leaving only a trail of slime and several Dworkin tracts.

Hah!

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: Falconer

It was! It also taught me that getting grease paint off your face is actually REALLY FUCKING HARD. But yeah, our colorguard had patchwork flags and dressed as Sally, the drum majors dressed up as Jack Skellington, and the conductors officially gave permission for you to ditch your uniform IF and ONLY IF you were dressed up as a character.

I recall a Lock, Stock, Barrel, Santa Claus, and an Easter Bunny. We might’ve sucked as a band, but it was a fantastic joyride.

SittieKitty
7 years ago

I really enjoy the Phantom theme, it’s simple and I get to blow my lungs out.

heart phantom (as is evident for anyone who’s visited my deviantart page).

Yeah. And she’s never coming back; her soul has essentially been torn apart and formed into new people. Sometimes I envy other system, where newcomers AREN’T a sign of soul-dismemberment.

I hope this isn’t ignorant/presumptuous of me to say, but I read that and think of organ donation and how people who’ve died still get to live on in others. And they’ve helped give life to others. In that respect, it can be kind of hopeful? I dunno, that’s how I’ve always seen stuff like that.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: SittieKitty

I hope this isn’t ignorant/presumptuous of me to say, but I read that and think of organ donation and how people who’ve died still get to live on in others. And they’ve helped give life to others. In that respect, it can be kind of hopeful? I dunno, that’s how I’ve always seen stuff like that.

That is true. And honestly, I think if we’d had a healthier way out of certain situations, it wouldn’t have happened. But it did, and we can carry on in her memory and try and do her proud anyway. I think she would be pleased by our conduct.

Kittehserf
Kittehserf
7 years ago

If redditors got paid for upvotes from idiots, they’d put the self-publishing industry out of business.

SittieKitty
7 years ago

Not knowing anything more than what I’ve seen here LBT, I think she would be too.

Monster
7 years ago

@ LBT

Forgive me if I seem like I am prying, but do you ever have, uhm, mergers, as well as splits?

I don’t really know how to feel about them (when I think about missing the old system members I realise I am missing *myself* and that is an odd thing to happen).

Kittehserf
Kittehserf
7 years ago

Monster – is it okay to ask if you’re multiple, too?

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: Monster

Twice. One didn’t live long enough to really develop much, and it was in a lot of pain, so pretty much our goal at the start was to put it down. The other one was hypothetically the Original Girl, who may have merged with my sister back in ’07. We aren’t quite sure; we didn’t keep track of things so well at the time, and it can get complicated. We… I don’t know if miss is the right word. Like, I’m sorry that she’s dead, and I’m sorry we didn’t have a healthier way to continue surviving, but by that point she was almost a ghost already, and didn’t really have much left to her, except general geekery and marching band. It’s hard to miss someone who had become that washed-out, you know?

Monster
7 years ago

@ Kitteh – yes & yes I am 🙂

@ LBT – aah I think I get your drift. Some people just get a bit thinned. The first sounds like a tough situation though – I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: Monster

Enh. It sucked, but the situation has since been dealt with, and we’ve put in measures to try and insure it doesn’t happen again.

Kittehserf
Kittehserf
7 years ago

Monster – thank you, and extra welcome to all the system members who hang out here! 🙂

baileyrenee
baileyrenee
7 years ago

Many years ago, I was getting “MISANDRY” tattooed across my chest, and the tattoo artist was so unbelievably sexy that we had sexy sex right there on the shop floor (the way he kept saying how he would never sleep with me REALLY made me want to sleep with him). he gave me such a pounding that I called this nice guy I made do things for me pick me up and give me a ride home. He said he didn’t like my new tattoo, so I decided to accuse him of raping me (duh!). All that’s needed to convict a man of rape is saying he did it, you don’t even need to go to court or hear his side of the story or anything (I know this from experience), so he was immediately thrown in prison for the rest of his life. I still had him so wrapped around my finger that I asked him to send me a jar of his tears every day, which I drank to give me power.

I am in my late 90’s, but have the looks of an 18 year old, all thanks to the tears of the hundreds of men I have wrongly sent to prison. Male tears combined with face cream made of foreskins is the fountain of eternal youth for women.

And that’s real.

Digital_Spy
Digital_Spy
7 years ago

What kind of father raises a daughter who actually says to him ‘Seriously dad you have got to stop fucking crazy bitches’. Call me a prude but no way in hell would my daughter speak to me like that. Anyway the last line where the drama queen says ‘I have to confess I fell asleep grinning that night’ had my cringe-o-meter going off the scale because it conjured up a load of MGTOWers high fiving each other thinking ‘ Yeh yeh. Your THE MAN!! This is why I’m isolating myself from womankind. THIS’. OMG they’ll hang onto any crumbs of utter bullshit won’t they lol. I hope the guy who wrote that made-up crap feels thoroughly ashamed of himself and goes to bed crying at what a fucking loser he is.

Discordia
Discordia
7 years ago

ohh! I got one! I am the stealer of all jobs…I didn’t even graduate college because I married a rich beta and had 20 children and have robbed him blind….then I got bored and started crying in the middle of the street….well, a bunch of men gave me lots of money then I laughed in there face going hahahahahaha I am using you as a MONEY object in revenge of you using me as a sex object…..Well, then I kicked I applied for the CEO of Pepsi and laughed at the guy who also applied who was an inventor and a PHD…not only this but I am a doctor, lawyer and an astronaut! Those men who also applied for those jobs? Well they are all homeless…and this is all my doing!

Discordia
Discordia
7 years ago

ooops then I liecked another beta out of my ex husbands house when he was of no use to me anymore…then stole the job from the deserving beta at pepsi

Discordia
Discordia
7 years ago

kicked…sorry…my ADHD is making my brain really wonky today

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Did you insist on safety regulations while you were at it? Fudge any statistics?

Oh, I know! You wore a see through mini-skirt and failed to have sex with that poor hapless beta whose Pepsi job you took!

bodycrimes
7 years ago

Hey, how come his daughter is being so reasonable and everything? How did he stop her turning into feminazi scum? Kudos to him for his child raising skills!

Falconer
7 years ago

Well, then I kicked I applied for the CEO of Pepsi and laughed at the guy who also applied who was an inventor and a PHD…

So NWO is YOUR fault!

(For those who haven’t been around longer than 9 months, NWOslave was a frequent troll who once claimed he’d been turned down for a position at Pepsi because the interviewer said ze had to hire a woman.)