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boner rage creepy grandiosity men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA narcissism penises reddit sex sexualization

The No-Friend Zone

Ladies! Here, fresh from the MensRants subreddit is A Man With Whom You Do Not Want To Be Friends. Or acquaintances. Or anything, really. To be honest, you probably don’t even want this guy to spot you at a distance from the window of a speeding train. Much T.M.I. in this quote:

Why can't I be 'just friends' with a woman? (self.MensRants)  submitted 2 days ago by vestra4  I don't know, my ratio of social awkwardness - to - hormonal horniness seems so exquisitely fine-tuned, that it is hard for me to be near a woman, or talk to her, without roaring waves of sex lust filling my thoughts, and it's all I can do to keep these thoughts hidden until I am out of range of the woman, any woman, in question. Later I will undoubtably fantasize about her, just based on having been near her.  So the concept of being 'just friends' with a woman seems to me to be the most alien, self-deceiving torture I could possibly put myself through. Like eternally being in a candy store in which I cannot buy or taste the candy, like being in a library where I am not allowed to read the books.  A child who grew up going to church will say "Why yes, I believe in God" but what is it that they believe? Are they lying to themselves? Are they just saying what they have been trained to say? I never went to church and if I am asked "Do you believe in God", for me to say "Why, yes, I believe in God" would be me telling a lie, knowingly, willingly. And in a similar vein, a woman asking me "Can we be just friends?" must be met with an answer of No, for there will not be a moment of Time in which I am not pornographically violently thinking of filling her up with my seed, touching her skin, smelling her hair, sucking her breasts.  Perhaps I have too much libido, too much testosterone. How do other men do it? My mad and furious master would never allow it, and I am not sure I want to escape him, for that would mean a kind of death.

Dude, I would seriously suggest you start masturbating. A lot. Preferably not in public.

And try not to bother any actual women for a while, at least until you can start conceptualizing of them as something more than objects (like candy or books) that have been set out for you to use as you please.

Also, your “mad and furious master?” “Mad and furious master?” Did you really just write that? I think you mean your boner. If you want to get fancy, your libido. What are you, Heartiste? Can none of you idiots write about sex without getting all purple prosey on us?

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Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

I am disgusted and repelled by this person, who has pretty much stated flat-out that he only thinks of me and people like me as masturbatory aids — at least for those of us who he is willing to call “women.” The rest of us he doesn’t even acknowledge at all. I’m going to go ahead and express that disgust because be deserves it. Maybe he should moderate his language a little bit by saying fewer sickeningly horrible things, and then he won’t end up wounded by my disapproval.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

I fail to see where reddit Men’s Rants is a “helping” environment.

baileyrenee
baileyrenee
11 years ago

Dvärghundspossen, that is all true. There`s totally a chance I`m giving this guy too much credit, but I guess I just have hope for quite a few MRAs in general. I think a lot of them are manipulated by the awful higher-ups into thinking that everything terrible in their heads is all good, when it clearly isn`t. Certainly not saying that they are all poor little victims or anything, but it does make me sad seeing the obviously hurt people (sounds like a lot of them have had messy divorces, a few seem like they were abused sexually, etc.) be fed this hateful bullshit. There`s this idea that any sort of empathy for women is wrong amongst them, making me wonder how many of them purposely frame questions like OPs in an overly tough manner just to not get called a pussy.

When people compare them to white nationalists, they do so for a few different reasons. When I do it, it`s because I see a lot of bitter people who had a few bad experiences who got told by a bunch of hateful, crazy douchebags that all of their problems can be blamed on one particular group. It makes me hate a lot of them, but feel bad for more. It doesn`t make me think their actions and words are excusable or anything, I just feel shitty thinking about what kind of mindset the latter group must be in.

So yea, that`s were I`m coming from with all this. I`m assuming that there are quite a lot who generally want help with a lot of things, but are in the worst place possible for it.

YoullNeverGuess
YoullNeverGuess
11 years ago

I’ve heard a lot of men talk about being controlled by their boners, and I am asking honestly: can’t you just masturbate more frequently? Seriously, why wouldn’t that work?

rabbitwink
rabbitwink
11 years ago

“brave confession” was meant with the deepest irony. And I agree 100% with Viscaria.

thekidwiththereplaceablehead

@Cloudia A guy in that thread quoted from http://therationalmale.com/2013/07/15/beer-and-boobs/

The problem with defining masculinity in terms of our root interests is that men begin to believe that’s all we have the potential for. For all of its social influence, the Feminine Imperative has no real frame of reference when it comes to the male experience. So in its effort to marginalize the masculine, effectively emasculating society, its only recourse is to define manhood in terms of what best demonizes masculinity. The Imperative can’t afford men to define masculinity for themselves, so the real roles of men are either ridiculous buffoons in need of uniquely feminine correction, or they’re boorish, brutes, poisoned by testosterone and little more than alcoholic, easily manipulable, walking hard-ons.

Compare and contrast to the OP here, and the “that’s normal, women are just holes” r/mr comments. Who is characterizing men as demonic walking hard-ons, again?

tedthefed
tedthefed
11 years ago

The truth is, it has absolutely nothing to do with the feeling of being controlled by desire or not having agency in the face of being attracted to a woman. It has to do with the belief that if a man desires a woman and does not have sex with her, then he has been emasculated. They know that they CAN control themselves. They just think that it makes them losers or effeminate if they HAVE TO control themselves. That’s the screwed-up part.

dustydeste
dustydeste
11 years ago

Oh Cloudia, thank you, I’m cracking up over the tortured wails of “Oh the humanity, how could they rob us of our culture! Our doodbro culture! We poor, subjugated men! Oh the indecency of this appropriation!”

I just can’t. I really can’t. It’s just too myopic to take seriously.

Ally S
11 years ago

“Somewhat off topic, but what is the worse feminist you can think of? Like the most straw feministy feminist ever.”

It’s a tie between Mary Daly and Cathy Brennan for me.

Amused
11 years ago

… like being in a library where I’m not allowed to read the books

He is a raving sex beast … but also an intellectual. So sexy. He just wants knowledge, you know. And to suck on some breasts. Is that too much to ask?

And by the way, that whole “having sex with a woman is like reading a book” is such a tired cliche. After Milan Kundera’s spirited defense of serial cheating as an intellectual activity, nothing new can be said here.

Cthulhu's Intern
11 years ago

So I wonder about people like this. If they have a female boss, do they think of her sexually? If they were to have a daughter, would they?

dustydeste
dustydeste
11 years ago

@Cthulhu’s Intern – I’m going to go with definitely yes on the boss question, and maybe yes on the daughter one. If they don’t actually want to molest their daughter, probably they will be obsessed with keeping her “pure,” because don’t you know that feeeemales are nothing but objects into which dicks can be inserted.

Shaun DarthBatman Day
11 years ago

baileyrenee, read and understood.

neuroticbeagle
neuroticbeagle
11 years ago

I just can’t help but wonder what he thinks of his mom. :/

melody
melody
11 years ago

Womens bodies being books in a library. Womens bodies being things he can do things too. Nope, sorry no sympathy here.

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

So the concept of being “just friends” with a woman seems to me to be the most alien, self-deceiving torture I could possibly put myself through. Like eternally being in a candy in which I could not buy or taste the candy, like being in a library where I am not allowed to read books.

Um…what?

I really don’t understand why the so-called “friendzone” is treated with dread – but I suppose that’s what happens when you expect sex from every person you come across (not literally, of course). Having female friends isn’t really “torture” if you enjoy their company – I usually do – and it is not like you are unable to seek others in different places either.

Don’t buy the “I can’t control my urges!” arguments, either. There’s plenty of men who, every single day, are able to compose themselves around women. I’m pretty sure some of those men may find them attractive – but they don’t obsess over the fact those women may not sleep with them. They either relieve themselves at home (you’d think it’d be ab obvious option) or, alternatively, look elsewhere for a partner. It’s a lot more sensible than getting mad over the fact you can sleep with a specific person, simply because they may lack interest in you sexually or probably already seeing someone else. It’s not the worst thing that can happen to you…except when you have the weird fixation like MRAs and PUAs apparently do.

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

*Getting over the fact you CAN’T sleep with a specific person, anyway…

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

Gah, really need to proof-read these posts.

thebewilderness
11 years ago

I read it as the indirect boast style of male bonding.
Particularly since how do others do it is rhetorical in light of the fact that he thinks they are as good as dead.

LBT
LBT
11 years ago

It’s OPs like this that make me wonder if I really, REALLY missed something while I was on hormones or some shit. I NEVER had this problem where I literally wanted to bang HALF THE WORLD’S POPULATION.

Also, if he IS a teenager… well, sucks to be him, but we also rigged our life around trying to look as unappealing as possible to those people so we could be treated like humans. (SURPRISE IT DIDN’T WORK.) There’s a limited amount of sympathy I can have for him.

becausescience
becausescience
11 years ago

I’ve heard a lot of men talk about being controlled by their boners, and I am asking honestly: can’t you just masturbate more frequently? Seriously, why wouldn’t that work?

Masturbation doesn’t count for them, because it’s not “real” sex, so they don’t get the ego boost/bragging rights/feelings of conquest that goes along with having sex with a woman.

The don’t seem to be strangers to porn, so I’d guess masturbation is already a pretty big feature in their lives, but it’s not enough for them. A lot of them don’t even seem to like women much, as far as spending time with them for it’s own sake. Yet they still want to fuck them, so they can stroke their own egos and prove how “cool” they are.

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

It’s OPs like this that make me wonder if I really, REALLY missed something while I was on hormones or some shit. I NEVER had this problem where I literally wanted to bang HALF THE WORLD’S POPULATION.

Even if you did miss out on it – it’s preferable to avoid thinking that way at all.

Considering my days as a hormonal teenager, it wasn’t an issue for me – I had female friends and never felt that way (just hanging out with them was fine). I know it was for other guys at my school but…they were assholes as is. Especially just about everyone on the football team – which I still regret having joined for Freshman year. Just about every person on the team was a misogynistic, homophobic, racist dude-bros with the intelligence of particle board (though that may be redundant since that applies to most dude-bros).

I really don’t miss it. At all.

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

The only difference in masturbation and sex is the intimacy, and I really doubt that’s what these MRAs are looking for.

Which makes it bewildering MRAs seek out sexual validation – they don’t like women whatsoever or having a serious relationship of any sort. I know MGTOW claim to remain celibate, but their reason for it is due to…a hatred of women and the fact they will not sleep with them. They certainly like to talk about such.

It’d be one thing if they happened to really like the person and were frustrated with the fact they couldn’t be with them – but obviously that’s never the case with MRAs. Unless you count all the “nice guys”, but they’re just delusional.

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

Nick, I hated everyone on my schools football team. I was horrified by their misogyny, racism, and homophobia. Normally I’m amused at people like that, but these guys got away with it all.

Same here. My school, like many public schools in suburban areas it seems, seemed rather proud of its sports program and gave special privileges to many jocks. Most of them were terrible students but nonetheless got by academically to go to the next grade (convenient, that…). There’s also the fact they vandalized the school facilities often and got little more than a slap on the wrist. Bullying? Completely ignored. Except the one time I got mad enough to get into a fight with one of them, who provoked it – I got two weeks suspension.

I remember this one senior on the team was in one of my classes. We mentioned Steubenville, and he immediately snapped “yeah well I bet she lied about it”. When me and a few others pointed out that they filmed it and were also admitting(via jokes) to the rape during it, he responded “well still…”
“Well still” what? They acted the whole thing?
Normally I’m amused by stupidity like that, but that made me fear football players. They go their whole lives being pampered as a symbol of masculinity(a somewhat toxic idea of masculinity) so they are never questioned about if they’re hurting anyone or condoning hurting others.
I’m not saying all football players are bad, but its very very easy for a football player to go his entire life thinking he’s harmless or awesome because of how cherished they are.

The Steubenville incident infuriated me because, well, the rapists weren’t all that different from the guys on my team. That and the fact they got away with so much – often under the misguided protection of their friends and faculty members who had invested interest in the sports program. Same went with the scandal at Penn. State and supposed intellectuals like Malcom Gladwell trying to dismiss the notion any children were mistreated. Though Alan Dershowitz’s argument was even worse when it came to defending Paterno…

When you consider the long history of various athletes involved in assault and battery – when not outright murder or even molestation – it’s hard to ignore the fact our culture seems to enable it. As if the fact having the skills to play football or basketball or baseball renders them immune from most moral or legal restraints. Were they not professional athletes whatsoever – it’s likely they would be severely punished for such (particularly if they also happen to be black). Then again, U.S. culture – at this point and time – seems to revel in bully-worship (being a sociopathic, decadent businessmen seems to be the fantasy of a number of people on the internet as well as many business and economics majors I’ve met in college) over intellectual, creative, or scientific achievement.