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The No-Friend Zone

Ladies! Here, fresh from the MensRants subreddit is A Man With Whom You Do Not Want To Be Friends. Or acquaintances. Or anything, really. To be honest, you probably don’t even want this guy to spot you at a distance from the window of a speeding train. Much T.M.I. in this quote:

Why can't I be 'just friends' with a woman? (self.MensRants)  submitted 2 days ago by vestra4  I don't know, my ratio of social awkwardness - to - hormonal horniness seems so exquisitely fine-tuned, that it is hard for me to be near a woman, or talk to her, without roaring waves of sex lust filling my thoughts, and it's all I can do to keep these thoughts hidden until I am out of range of the woman, any woman, in question. Later I will undoubtably fantasize about her, just based on having been near her.  So the concept of being 'just friends' with a woman seems to me to be the most alien, self-deceiving torture I could possibly put myself through. Like eternally being in a candy store in which I cannot buy or taste the candy, like being in a library where I am not allowed to read the books.  A child who grew up going to church will say "Why yes, I believe in God" but what is it that they believe? Are they lying to themselves? Are they just saying what they have been trained to say? I never went to church and if I am asked "Do you believe in God", for me to say "Why, yes, I believe in God" would be me telling a lie, knowingly, willingly. And in a similar vein, a woman asking me "Can we be just friends?" must be met with an answer of No, for there will not be a moment of Time in which I am not pornographically violently thinking of filling her up with my seed, touching her skin, smelling her hair, sucking her breasts.  Perhaps I have too much libido, too much testosterone. How do other men do it? My mad and furious master would never allow it, and I am not sure I want to escape him, for that would mean a kind of death.

Dude, I would seriously suggest you start masturbating. A lot. Preferably not in public.

And try not to bother any actual women for a while, at least until you can start conceptualizing of them as something more than objects (like candy or books) that have been set out for you to use as you please.

Also, your “mad and furious master?” “Mad and furious master?” Did you really just write that? I think you mean your boner. If you want to get fancy, your libido. What are you, Heartiste? Can none of you idiots write about sex without getting all purple prosey on us?

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eseldbosustow
11 years ago

I threw up a little in my mouth reading that, and I’m left feeling sick.

Freemage
Freemage
11 years ago

“Mad and furious master….” It’s like he already knows it’s a rage-boner, specifically.

Masturbation alone isn’t gonna cut it in this case. This lad needs therapy, a great deal of it, to learn how to properly deal with half the human species (and probably more than that, come to think of it).

Chie Satonaka
Chie Satonaka
11 years ago

This is the result of not seeing women as people, MRAs. How do you not get this?

Dvärghundspossen
11 years ago

Uh… I actually didn’t get that “mad and furious master” at all, until David pointed out that he meant his boner/libido. My thought was that he was some kind of PUA apprentice, and had a PUA master (isn’t that an actual thing? Like this guy in the furhat was the master of Neil Strauss or something?). And this guy was unfortunate enough to have a master who was both mad and furious.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

Hey kid, step away from the porn.

CassandraSays
11 years ago

So, what he’s saying is that he has this thing that he feels that makes his life really hard, what with the having to avoid half the human race and all, but that not feeling that thing would be horrible because it would be like being dead? So all the guys who are able to be around women without feeling like that all the time are zombies? And he’s asking the zombies for advice, while pointing out that they’re zombies?

I’m thinking that libido and testosterone aren’t this guy’s real problems.

SittieKitty
11 years ago

It’s like he already knows it’s a rage-boner, specifically.

The quote about pornographically violently doing things to any woman he sees prolly gave that away. I don’t think this person has anything but rage boners. It’s people like this guy who make me glad I don’t know people like this guy. I don’t know how people go through their lives being attracted to the point of thread-bare control to everyone around them.

skeptifem
11 years ago

I feel like he would have a textbook velcroed to the front of his pants to conceal his perma-boner. Its the high-tech version of the classic middle school boner concealment system.

Howard Bannister
11 years ago

I have on occasion had trouble with my “mad and furious master.”

Just stay sitting down, cross your legs, and think about something else for a while, dude.

eseldbosustow
11 years ago

I think the responses to this dude’s post are worst than the post itself.

Howard Bannister
11 years ago

And I think Chie nailed it. He can’t be friends, because women are nothing but sex.

Absolutely nothing but.

CassandraSays
11 years ago

Also, there are no women who he’s not attracted to and who he therefore could be around without the whole MUST MAKE PORN NOW feeling? None?

Damn, dude, have some standards.

serrana
serrana
11 years ago

Dvärghundspossen, I thought I had misread the part about him not believing in God. And then I was even more squicked out.

Podkayne
11 years ago

Well, this seems to me to be -almost- in his favor, because he’s not really blaming the women? There’s none of that ‘those bitchez are just teasing me all the time with their sexiness’ I keep seeing from guys like this. He’s saying HE can’t help it, HE can barely control himself, HE couldn’t be friends with a woman… If he’s recognized all that, maybe someday he’ll recognize that this is a real problem that he needs to solve, rather than a fake problem he can use to brag about how ‘testosterone-fueled’ he is.

BabyLawyer
BabyLawyer
11 years ago

gross. gross. gross. gross. gross. gross.

I just have to ask how much interaction he’s had with women in his life, because if this is his thought process, I have to think the number is somewhere in the range of 0-3.

eseldbosustow
11 years ago

That’s why the responses to him are so awful, Podkayne, because it’s a few dudes trying to convince him that this is “natural”. What an awful rationalization for shitty behavior.

BabyLawyer
BabyLawyer
11 years ago

the number of women with whom he’s interacted** Sorry, too early for grammar/forming a complete and accurate sentence

eseldbosustow
11 years ago

BabyLawyer, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a 13 year old kid. Although puberty isn’t an excuse to see women as only sex holes, but it might explain why he feels apparently uncontrollable urges. Can you imagine an adult man in his 20s feeling this way?

Hyena Girl
11 years ago

If he really wants a solution I could recommend spironolactone to solve his little problem… the physical part at least.

Bostonian
Bostonian
11 years ago

Can I preemptively kick dudes like this out of the streets? He needs to not be near people, ever.

sarahlizhousespouse
11 years ago

“Don’t try to be friends if you want to fuck. Being a man does not mean being a “broken woman.” “Why can’t I be friends with hot chicks” makes you look like a sniveling little girly man. ”

Ah, yes, the bastion of male equality and empowerment. Degrading femininity, objectification, and male-shaming.

Mmmm, mmmm. Taste that sweet equality.

Hyena Girl
11 years ago

Mind you, I’d never sleep with someone I couldn’t be friends with so I’m hardly their target female audience (WooT!)

Malte
11 years ago

Even as a teenager, who really has urges this allegedly uncontrollable? If it’s a genuine problem for him (sounds like it is), there are probably no worse givers of advice than MRAs.

Xen
Xen
11 years ago

Pathetic. He needs therapy or something. My guy friends (yes, they exist, amazingly enough) would be disgusted at this.

katmphotography
11 years ago

is this for real? hahaha. what a cockswab!

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