Oh, Heartiste, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if you’ve been trolling us all along. I mean, what kind of master pickup guru is this squicked out by vaginas?
Eating a girl out anytime during the first few weeks of dating is beta. When you eat a girl out, you telegraph your incredible horniness for her. Men normally do not want to go down on women and bury their mouths in that fetid, humid mess unless they find her so overwhelmingly hot that they can’t help themselves.
“Fetid, humid mess?” Seriously, dude, if you hate vaginas so much, why do you devote your entire life to trying to gain access to as many of them as possible?
Women instinctively know this, so they correctly gauge that a man who goes down on them on the first date must feel he’s with one of the best he’s ever had. This, in turn, will sour a woman’s attraction for a man, since no woman in the history of the universe has ever felt raging lust for a man she believed lower than herself in value.
And you know this how? Somehow I doubt that Heartiste and his followers are getting a lot of return engagements from their unfortunate dates.
Cunnilingus later in the relationship is absolved from this rule, because you have already demonstrated your manly ability to use her strictly for the piledriving hole she is.
But isn’t her, er, piledriving hole just as icky as ever? Wouldn’t this still be a beta thing? Does any of this make any kind of sense, even if you buy into Heartiste’s Alpha-Beta claptrap?
If I didn’t already know that Heartiste was a dude in his 40s, I would have assumed he was actually a 15-year-old naif with a chip on his shoulder and a vivid imagination.
Thanks to Wrecksomething on r/againstmensrights for pointing out this Heartiste classic.
Paulus2014,
If you follow the laws of nature, please decline any and all lab manufactured medications, clothings, and food items. These things are also clearly defying the laws of Nature.
If we were meant to have penicillin, we would have evolved to excrete it out of our epithelial cells.
You can have whatever opinion you want, Paulus, it’s just that it’s not relevant to those of us who wouldn’t fuck you if there had been an apocalypse and you were the only other human left.
*Not actually implying anyone should wander around using nothing manufactured. Just pointing out that the “Appeal to Nature” is a crummy argument, because nature really doesn’t give a flip about any individual organism.
Penis also not made for masturbating, or anal sex, or titty-fucking, or blow jobs. Tongue not made for french kissing, or licking body, or rim jobs. In fact, body parts not made for anything. Body parts just exist, used how critter wants to use them.
Not Paulus place to decide how others use body parts. Paulus free to only pile-drive in sex if Paulus want, but Paulus not free to say “real men don’t perform cunnilingus” is truth.
You don’t need permission to have an opinion, just like we don’t need permission to mock you for your ridiculous opinion.
Woman suspects that sex with Paulus would be a lot like being mauled by an angry bear.
Flowers are sex organs, too, but no one goes on about what ordained purpose they have. Are they just for bees to collect pollen and nectar from? Are they just for us to make our gardens and celebrations look pretty?
If you can’t answer that question, then you see my point.
Woman also suspects that this is true of most manosphere dudes.
Wait, so the laws of Nature are just your opinion? I just… what? How the… what IS this?!?!
Paulus, you can have your opinion. We can point and laugh at it. You don’t think your opinion is a fact, do you?
Apparently Paulus hasn’t heard of the clitoris. I stand by my opinion that it’s good he isn’t inflicting his lack of skills on women.
WWTH: Yup. I bet all he watches is bottom-shelf cishet porn…if he even knows how to masturbate yet. 😆
Who died and let you in charge of nature?
Since Paulie wants more “laws of Nature”, I’ll babble about plants some more: Not only are flowers sex organs, but many plants have both male and female flowers on the same individual. This means plants can get themselves pregnant. Isn’t that just scandalous, Paulie?
Notice how Paulus continues to dodge the fellatio issue. It’s almost like he’s aware it’s a giant hole in his argument.
That, or he’s trolling.
Does this mean Paulus thinks women shouldn’t shave their armpits? Technically, the hair there exists by the Rules Of Nature!
Scientists also think it might have something to do with reducing friction! 🙂
Paul,
You don’t get to tell people what their bodies are for. Human nature is not yours to dictate. You don’t need anyone’s permission to have opinions. You just can’t invent your own facts, which is what you are trying to do. No one has to respect your ridiculous opinions or you and no one does.
It must be scary for you, to think your gender is so special and yet so easily erased. How feeble a grasp of yourself you have.
RE: Paulus2014
Sorry, ladies and beta males, but truth can be painful sometimes.
That’s okay. Somehow, I will endure knowing that me and my hubby are beta, on account of our bodies not being hermetically sealed environments, never to be penetrated except by our proctologists. I shall be sure to weep a bucket of tears for my lost alphaness. ALAS!
I just follow the laws of Nature. Penis was made to enter inside vaginas. Not tongue. May I have permission to have my opinion?
Wait, you actually got this answer straight from Mother Nature herself? GodDAMN! That old biddy refuses to take my calls! How did you do it?
And no one’s stopping you from having an opinion, Paulus. It’s just my own opinion that your opinion is dumber than a box of rocks, on account of (A) other species engage in oral sex (B) you apparently only think CUNNILINGUS is against nature, despite A, and (C) you think ‘alpha’ is actually a thing in Nature, when it is not. CERTAINLY not in primates, which you are most likely a part of.
I have to know, Paulus. Is auto-fellatio beta, by your standards?
Also, this sounds like a good place to drop this.
Natural tool to satisfy a woman is a penis. Not a tongue. So simple. Or not?
Best route to sexual satisfaction for a woman is to avoid Paulus. It is known.
@Paulus2014:
Great many tools satisfy women (NSFW, probably), some shaped like tongue. When you woman, you can decide what satisfy you.
I’d ask if Paulus has ever heard of lesbians, but I can already predict what terrible things he’d say.
Aww, I got a blockquote right but forgot the quote. That’s a first. This should be in the blockquote:
Honestly if you’re going with “natural tool” to satisfy, I’d probably stake a bet on fingers.
I mean, EVOLUTIONARILY SPEAKING, the very simple BIOTRUTH of the matter is that the penis isn’t developed specifically to cause any kind of pleasure.
Huh, wait that was… but that… I mean… so uh… is evolutionary biology actually good for something now? :p
And in other “nothing new here folks” info, Woody is still trying and failing his troll challenge.
Hey, Woody, cast your mind back to school. When you were asked to use a word, it implicitly means in a sentence. Writing sporkle and then going on to whine in a new paragraph doesn’t count. 1/10.
He’s not trying to talk about sex, is he? Because nobody needs to read that.