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alpha males beta males disgusting women gender policing heartiste men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny PUA sex vaginas

Heartiste: Cunnilingus is for betas because vaginas are icky

Man horrified by glimpse of vagina.
Man horrified by glimpse of vagina.

Oh, Heartiste, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if you’ve been trolling us all along. I mean, what kind of master pickup guru is this squicked out by vaginas?

Eating a girl out anytime during the first few weeks of dating is beta. When you eat a girl out, you telegraph your incredible horniness for her. Men normally do not want to go down on women and bury their mouths in that fetid, humid mess unless they find her so overwhelmingly hot that they can’t help themselves.

“Fetid, humid mess?” Seriously, dude, if you hate vaginas so much, why do you devote your entire life to trying to gain access to as many of them as possible?

Women instinctively know this, so they correctly gauge that a man who goes down on them on the first date must feel he’s with one of the best he’s ever had. This, in turn, will sour a woman’s attraction for a man, since no woman in the history of the universe has ever felt raging lust for a man she believed lower than herself in value.

And you know this how? Somehow I doubt that Heartiste and his followers are getting a lot of return engagements from their unfortunate dates.

Cunnilingus later in the relationship is absolved from this rule, because you have already demonstrated your manly ability to use her strictly for the piledriving hole she is.

But isn’t her, er, piledriving hole just as icky as ever? Wouldn’t this still be a beta thing? Does any of this make any kind of sense, even if you buy into Heartiste’s Alpha-Beta claptrap?

If I didn’t already know that Heartiste was a dude in his 40s, I would have assumed he was actually a 15-year-old naif with a chip on his shoulder and a vivid imagination.

Thanks to Wrecksomething on r/againstmensrights for pointing out this Heartiste classic.

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cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

Smooches!

Shadow
Shadow
7 years ago

May I have permission to have my opinion?

No.

LOLLLLLLLLLLLL

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

“Natural tool to satisfy a man is a vagina. Not a hand. So simple. Or not?”

Or a mouth.

Or an anus.

Or the clothed body of whoever’s next to you on the subway.

Or a Fleshlight™.

Or a Real Doll™.

Or…you get the picture.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: cassandrakitty

If in doubt, jackhammer it! This seems to be the standard dudebro approach to all sexual problems.

I know, right? Thank god I’m with hubby now, who has common decency and doesn’t make me share the bed with his ego. I’m a monogamous man, you see.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

There’s room in this bed for either me or your weird dysfunctional ideas about sex, dudebro. Both is not an option.

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

If nature only wants sexual pleasure to come (no pun intended) via p in v, why does the clitoris exist? Please explain Paul-ass.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

…Why’s the prostate so heavily enervated, for that matter…Butt anyway…

GrumpyOldMan
7 years ago

MRA: Er, what’s a clitoris? Is that like, oh, another hole? Please let it be another hole.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

It would be kind of funny to try to explain the, um, let’s just say recreational uses that can be found for the prostate to someone like Paulus.

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
7 years ago

LBT: *goes to hubby, squishes brain against his head*

WHY ISN’T IT WORKING?

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=7ukka077bg4qktnwwcr7j8uh&page=102#2529

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
7 years ago

Thank god I’m with hubby now, who has common decency and doesn’t make me share the bed with his ego.

I read that as “shake the bed with his ego” and went WAT?

He’s not trying to talk about sex, is he? Because nobody needs to read that.

No, thank goodness! He was on about the War Machine thread. I just posted this in the wrong spot this morning.

pecunium
7 years ago

Paulus: Ladies and gentlemen, I didn´t want to be rude with anyone. I just follow the laws of Nature. Penis was made to enter inside vaginas. Not tongue. May I have permission to have my opinion?

The laws of nature?

So you think we ought to be naked, and living off of raw fruits, roots, bugs, frogs, and such other things we can catch with our bare hands?

No. So you can shut your gob about how the “laws of nature” mean squat, since you have not a clue in your miserable little brain about how they work, or what they mean.

It’s not as if going down on each other is new. Look at statues in India, or the latin language. Heck, even “dumb beasts” like horses and dogs go down on their partners (oddly, while it’s not uncommon for males to lick their female partners it’s very rare for a female animal to provide oral pleasure to a male. They have to do that for themselves… so chalk up auto-fellatio to those, “laws of nature” things you believe in).

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion; no matter how factually incorrect and fractally wrong it happens to be. We are, of course, also entitled to point out the folly of your ways, the idiocy of your arguments and the stupidity of your words.

It’s right there in the header.

As to the “real men” argument it’s bullshit. We are what we are, and if a male does it, then it’s manly, and a “real man” is doing it.

Real men spin yarn, cook, knap flints, cuddle kittens, puppies and babies. They knit, they do dishes, wash the laundry, pick up after their partners, and after children.

I know, because I am a man, and I do these things.

Katie
Katie
7 years ago

Oh my this is too funny for words. This is the closest evidence that I have come across to support my suspicions that the manosphere is filled with grumpy virgin boys. Is that misandry?

Katie
Katie
7 years ago

I have just remembered! When I was at Uni back in the day, many other women friends telling me that they refused to have sex unless there was oral sex first. Anecdotal. But I think these man childs might be scuppering their chances.

Katie
Katie
7 years ago

@ mythagos
” I dunno about “self-hating”, but isn’t it amazing how much of PUA culture is about bonding with other men and talking about sex with other men, with the actual having of sex with women being sort of an icky intermediate step?”

Yes. It’s almost as if the PUA culture is sort of self-defeating on purpose. As if the ultimate aim is to keep these males separate from normal society and healthy relationships. Cuz then they wouldn’ t need PUA right?

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
7 years ago

I have to know, Paulus. Is auto-fellatio beta, by your standards?

I’d guess that depends on what type your car is. Is it a sensible petite Japanese car, or is it a massive ManlyManTruck with huge upward-pointing diesel exhaust pipes?

If in doubt, jackhammer it! This seems to be the standard dudebro approach to all sexual problems.

Tools with a hydraulic mechanism are not known for their versatility.

It would be kind of funny to try to explain the, um, let’s just say recreational uses that can be found for the prostate to someone like Paulus.

“She offered to do this thing called ‘prostitute massage’, but when she explained it, I didn’t quite understand if you’re supposed to massage the prostitute or the other way round. I think she said I was a male prostitute on the inside. Anyway, it involved putting fingers in butt and I didn’t want shit on my fingers so i said no.”

pecunium
7 years ago

Katie: Oh my this is too funny for words. This is the closest evidence that I have come across to support my suspicions that the manosphere is filled with grumpy virgin boys. Is that misandry?

No, but it is virgin shaming. I’d say the Manosphere is filled with insecure man-children; and the sex (or lack) they are having is pretty much irrelevant (now, when it comes to “incels” and PUAs, it’s different. Some MGTOWS are also risible, because they are married/in relationship; In those cases however, it’s the hypocrisy which merits mockery).

Lee
Lee
7 years ago

*goes to hubby, squishes brain against his head*

WHY ISN’T IT WORKING?

That only works if you’re one of the magical, enlightened forest creatures from a movie like FernGully. 😆

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Being a virgin is okay.

Being scared shitless of sex before you’ve had any is okay.

What’s NOT okay is turning into a hatemonger just because you’ve never had sex and are scared shitless.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Heck, even “dumb beasts” like horses and dogs go down on their partners (oddly, while it’s not uncommon for males to lick their female partners it’s very rare for a female animal to provide oral pleasure to a male. They have to do that for themselves… so chalk up auto-fellatio to those, “laws of nature” things you believe in).

Today I learned…heh heh heh.

booburry
7 years ago

Paul doesn’t seem to know that many many women can’t climax with just PIV sex alone. Probably why Paul here spends time posting on hella old posts because he is lonely lonely lonely.
Paul probably also believes that married/dating people never have sex.
Poor Paul.

Lee
Lee
7 years ago

Paulie needs to do a fun experiment: Put your fingers on your scrotum, just below the root of your penis and above the anus. Push or rub gently. Feels interesting, right? Now imagine there’s a hole there, and you can insert things in it. That squishy, full, kind of generically pleasurable feeling is what sex is like without any clitoral stimulation. It feels nice, but you can’t come from it (it’ll turn you on, but not much else).

Lee
Lee
7 years ago

“But porn actresses act like they love it!” Yeah, but porn actresses are also paid to fake it. It’s less “OH YES YES YES” and more “mmm mmm mmm oh hey you’re done? damn”.

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
7 years ago

“But porn actresses act like they love it!”

Actresses act? I am shocked, SHOCKED I TELL YOU!

Lee
Lee
7 years ago

Actresses act? I am shocked, SHOCKED I TELL YOU!

Hehehehe. I really wonder if Paulie can tell the difference. Or if he’s even here still…just asking him to explore his body may have scared him off.

vaiyt
7 years ago

Natural tool to satisfy a woman is a penis.

(The) natural tool to chop trees is your teeth.

Lee
Lee
7 years ago

(The) natural tool to chop trees is your teeth.

Or your fingernails. Or your toenails. 😀

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
7 years ago

Natural tool to wipe your ass is nothing. Ditto for brushing your teeth. You should walk around smelling like stale shit and rotten teeth, then the ladies will really love you.

Lee
Lee
7 years ago

Same with antiperspirant. That natural musk turns everyone on!

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Lee,
You just reminded me of the Dead Milkmen song “These are a few of my many smells”.
🙂

Lee
Lee
7 years ago

Lea: Hehehe. 😀

leftwingfox
7 years ago

and that’s why Paulie dislikes cunnilingus, he’s been doing it wrong and doesn’t understand why no one appreciated his efforts.

Everything he learned about eating pussy, he learned from ALF.

Lee
Lee
7 years ago

Everything he learned about eating pussy, he learned from ALF.

-falls off his chair laughing-

contrapangloss
7 years ago

Paulus2014 is silly. Daisies is daisies. Cat is Cat. So simple.

grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

Cat is cat. Giraffe is Giraffe. Car is car. Dumbass is a dumbass. Ummm . . . what is the point of this?

grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

Ninjaed is ninjaed!

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Can we keep him, guys? This guy is actually entertaining!

Paulus2014 is a dumbass. So simple.

Keep ramming your head up your ass, buddy! You’ll find your prostate any minute now!

contrapangloss
7 years ago

Funny thing: in natural wolf packs, omegas and betas move out of their parents den after a few adult years and become alphas.

Is that too Betta for you?

contrapangloss
7 years ago

LBT: Only if you take him for walksies, and feed him, and..

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

What does cuckolding have to do with oral sex? I don’t get it. I agree that we should keep Paulie. He’s providing some good laughs.

blahlistic (@blahlistic)

Alpha man is an alpha man. Beta is beta. Cuckold is a cuckold. Dyke is a dyke. So simple.

Remember: Humans. Are. Complicated.
The fact of the matter is? you’re afraid of not being manly enough.
Which is why you have to be an “Alpha Male.”
It’s overcompensating for your insecurity.

Shiraz
Shiraz
7 years ago

Wow! Paulie, thank you for justifying David’s site by simply being yourself. You know, in the old days, like the 18 and 1900s, no one would be able to read your, um, thoughts, because publishers would have decided you are too ignorant to be commenting on the subjects you are currently commenting on.
Humans evolved to switch and adapt according to the fluidity of every situation. Sometimes that means being a loner, sometimes that means being a team player and working as part of the group. Your binary understanding of human behavior is fucking lame. You’re a misogynist. That is all. Your dick isn’t magic.

brooked
7 years ago

Alpha man is an alpha man. Beta is beta. Cuckold is a cuckold. Dyke is a dyke. So simple.

Lack of effort is lack of effort. Weak sauce is weak sauce. Not bothering to even try is not bothering even to try. Having no point is having no point. I love lamp.

Paulie has no time for oral sex, he’s way too busy sucking at trolling.

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
7 years ago

I modded Paulus’s comment with the slurs.

Also, boring troll is boring. Are you even trying?

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Paul ,
Despite your fantasies of being some sort of super special man, “alpha men” do not exist. You’re just a man who is afraid that a clit has the power to steal away your make believe specialness. (I bet you think tossing someone’s salad is fatal. It isn’t. Sexual acts neither define nor destroy the people who enjoy them.) Nothing about your phobia of the magic machismo stealing clit is based in reality. You can make excuses for it, but ultimately, you have an irrational fear. There’s nothing wrong with that. If something scares you or turns you off, you have every right to avoid it. But pretending that your fear or revulsion = some natural law that doesn’t exist or that your fear makes you anything but afraid is silly.

You’re a silly bigot. The only person taking you seriously is you.

vaiyt
7 years ago

Alpha man is an alpha man. Beta is beta. Cuckold is a cuckold. Dyke is a dyke. So simple.

w
Paulie, do you know what “begging the question” and “unwarranted assumptions” are?

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Oh Paulie, I have something for you!

Two somethings, in fact!

Paulie, come back and see how wrong your “so simple” ASSumptions are!

proxieme
proxieme
7 years ago

>>>Phoenician in a time of Romans wrote:

The natural tool to satisfy a woman is a brain. Everything else is just a user interface.<<<

*claps*

Human beings are amazingly neocortex driven creatures.

alaisvex
alaisvex
6 years ago

I hate to necro a dead thread, but this review of Good Will Hunting, which showed up recently on Amazon, was too good and too relevant to the topic to not share:
http://40.media.tumblr.com/43fc63b5dea082bc6b37997a542e4c80/tumblr_nhxcciLMJ71tsq2h9o1_1280.jpg

And a link to the original review:

http://www.amazon.ca/product-reviews/B00185JPBG?pageNumber=12

kittehserf - MOD
6 years ago

Priceless! XD