Oh, Heartiste, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if you’ve been trolling us all along. I mean, what kind of master pickup guru is this squicked out by vaginas?
Eating a girl out anytime during the first few weeks of dating is beta. When you eat a girl out, you telegraph your incredible horniness for her. Men normally do not want to go down on women and bury their mouths in that fetid, humid mess unless they find her so overwhelmingly hot that they can’t help themselves.
“Fetid, humid mess?” Seriously, dude, if you hate vaginas so much, why do you devote your entire life to trying to gain access to as many of them as possible?
Women instinctively know this, so they correctly gauge that a man who goes down on them on the first date must feel he’s with one of the best he’s ever had. This, in turn, will sour a woman’s attraction for a man, since no woman in the history of the universe has ever felt raging lust for a man she believed lower than herself in value.
And you know this how? Somehow I doubt that Heartiste and his followers are getting a lot of return engagements from their unfortunate dates.
Cunnilingus later in the relationship is absolved from this rule, because you have already demonstrated your manly ability to use her strictly for the piledriving hole she is.
But isn’t her, er, piledriving hole just as icky as ever? Wouldn’t this still be a beta thing? Does any of this make any kind of sense, even if you buy into Heartiste’s Alpha-Beta claptrap?
If I didn’t already know that Heartiste was a dude in his 40s, I would have assumed he was actually a 15-year-old naif with a chip on his shoulder and a vivid imagination.
Thanks to Wrecksomething on r/againstmensrights for pointing out this Heartiste classic.
RE: dustydeste
But it’s a funny joke! WHY DON’T YOU LAUGH AT THE FUNNY JOKE?
Honestly, some people act like gay men never have vaginas.
So I was just watching Bob’s Burgers on TV, and the episode featured a fictional PUA guru. The advice they had him giving was hilarious. My favorite came at the very end (during the credits): Never make her pancakes! Force her to make YOU pancakes…in the middle of the night!
And all I’m seeing in auggziliary’s comment is Bodily Reconstruction from LBT. Because yeah, trans* dude being uber macho to prove he’s a dude? Totally A Thing (and trans* women pretty much have to but no one here wants to hear another rant about trans* gatekeeping, so moving right along then!)
RE: auggziliary
*rolls eyes* I’m sure some of them are, but I find trying to read their minds to have them fit into our idea of how that shit works to be, at best, horribly misguided and annoying.
I mean, I wouldn’t really appreciate a bunch of strangers guessing that I’m really straight because I’m better with innie-genitals, so I’m not a big fan of hearing the folks here play fortune-teller with the guys either.
Yeah, I’m just of the opinion that sexuality has little to nothing to do with douche-itude. Straight dudes can be assholes in an overly-macho way to try to solidify their manliness as well as anyone else can, and frankly, I’d suspect that they’re actually the prime commiters of that particular behavior, certainly in raw numbers, and likely by percent as well. Until we as a society stop policing maleness by the ruler of macho assholery, etc, this is going to be an issue across the board. It’s ridiculous when, as a problem, it’s assigned to non-heteronormative people as a group trait.
RE: Argenti
Yeah, I know it’s a thing, I’ve been there too. It’s just… there’s a difference between, “Person is A, thus I understand why they act B,” and “Person acts B, thus must be A,” you know?
I agree with sittiekitty’s assessment that Roissy’s floccinoccinihilipilification of the vagina is an epic case of sour grapes. No need to read in any subtext about his sexual orientation – he’s just a giant neon-colored asshole trying to convince himself that the thing he wants most in the world, and can’t have, is icky and gross and has cooties anyway.
It is a hugely telling indicator of misogyny, though, that in PUA world a lot of energy gets expended on What Other Men Think. A woman’s “market value” (to use their idiotic term) depends entirely on how the other doodbros, as a group, rate her. Status is granted entirely by, and for, men. It doesn’t matter what a man thinks of his girlfriend; it only matters what the other alphas think. Seems like a sad way to live, if you ask me, giving away your agency to a bunch of dickbags.
Good point. PUAs never ever acknowledge the epsilons, nus. and rhos, those poor bastards.
Sorry, I was being sarcastic – not serious (I see others do so all the time). The subject on the OP was ridiculous enough to mock. Guess I needed to note that since it wasn’t obvious enough…
Along with just being facetious, I was speaking from a purely heterosexual/cis-gendered perspective.
I’m aware that isn’t the case – a gay uncle of mine had relationships with women previously to becoming more comfortable with his sexuality. He obviously wasn’t “grossed out” by vaginas.
Um, I wasn’t…
I suppose I was saying it based on personal experience, I had a family member – another uncle – who displayed such traits for those reasons. He seems to hate women, yet constantly tries to sleep with as many as possible, and loves to gloat about it. Even sent sexually explicit pictures “accidentally” to other relatives, as if to prove something despite none of caring (or wanting to know whatsoever). Every time I’ve been around him – he obviously prefers the company of other men. Though this doesn’t keep him from going on vehemently homophobic rants to, once again, try and prove something. Obviously I nor anyone else would care if he was gay and fine with it – especially since it would be better than his current behavior.
Gah, screwed up the blockquotes. Sorry about that…
@AK
“Be the tallest man in the room, and then brag about how long your buttcrack is”
“It’s been biologically proven.. by me”
I love that episode
That was an awesome episode. Particularly since the person using the Prince of Persuasia’s advice comes off as a weirdo for following it.
Another TV-relation portrayal of MRAs/PUAs: Dennis Reynolds from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
There really is no better example for that mentality than that character. He even has a “system” – which he named after himself, due to his massive ego – which goes something like this:
D – Demonstrate Your Value
E – Engage Physically
N – Nurture Dependance
N – Neglect Emotionally
I – Inspire Hope
S – Separate entirely
This is how they run through it on the show and it’s…really fucking disturbing:
He also has several traits seen in MRAs and PUAs. The show even suggests that, on previous occasions, he’s committed statutory rape and even hints that he has “scenarios” where he’ll force women to sleep with him – like taking them out on a boat to the middle of the ocean and threatening that he’d throw them overboard.
Nah bro, when you’re saying
you are trying to make that joke, because otherwise what is the fucking point of bringing it up, and you are also not coming across as sarcastic and not serious in any way, shape, or form. Also, I’m pretty sure you can only claim one of those things. Either you are mocking Heartiste by insinuating that he’s gay (douche move), or you are making that joke (also a douche move. Either way, I’m kind of feeling like you might be… kind of a douche.
Furthermore, unless you have literally seen your uncle getting it on with a guy while moaning about how men are the only people he is attracted to, you don’t know that he’s gay unless he’s told you so. Stop making assumptions about other people’s sexuality. It, like many other things you’ve been doing, is a douche move, as is generalizing your uncle’s attitudes to a whole group of people, just because you’ve decided that he fits in that group.
“I admit, for years I could neither give nor receive oral sex (thanks, Rapey McRaperson!) and when I did finally reach the point of being able to give, I definitely preferred to be in charge during it so I wouldn’t freak out. Anyone who thinks that ANY sexual act is inherently dommey/subby makes me want to point and laugh.”
YES!
Again, I apologize – it was poorly worded and obviously delivered poorly as well.
First of all, don’t tell me what I know or don’t know about my own family when you’ve never met them. I’ve spent enough time around him personally and heard enough from my other relatives to know he who is and, since you asked, yes – I have heard him doing the nasty. Not sure if it was a man or woman but, either way, he was loud about it and I didn’t like hearing it.
Again, the fact he’s so in-your-face about it makes me wonder if he really is that insecure about his sexuality. Most other normally functioning middle-aged men, straight or otherwise, I’ve met are nowhere near as boisterous about it as he is about such (he still acts like he’s in high school). Plus, whenever he used my grandmother’s computer, she’d end up finding a bunch of gay porn sites – or he uploaded homoerotic photos – the next day. The guy’s messed up for a lot of reasons – he’s a compulsive liar and has delusional paranoia – but that stuff is just the most prevalent. It’s hard to ignore it when he has some strange need to constantly remind you of such, whenever possible and regardless of context or whether anyone asked (no one did).
Secondly, I really don’t care if someone is gay, straight, or bi – it’s not my business nor feel that is any reason to judge them on that basis. I don’t really assume what someone is or isn’t. The problem is that, yes, I’ve come across other people like uncle and – while I’m sure not all of them were closeted individuals and simply obnoxious assholes – it is odd behavior for people who claim to be oh-so-hetero while hating women and totally not being gay on a constant basis. Maybe not every case, but it comes off as such at certain times with people such as my uncle.
If you don’t care, then don’t bring it up. It’s not relevant to the situation. It is not relevant at all.
And you’d do well to realize that being a gay man =/= hating women. Hating women = hating women. People are perfectly capable of hating other people regardless of their sexuality.
But please tell me you can see the difference between assessing a close relative and a stranger on the internet you’ve never even spoken to. I mean, my father is fucking delusional, like, radio waves transmitting into his brain delusional…but also the more…ah, um…justifiable? sorts — the typical levels of right wing paranoia. Does this mean I can say that all paranoid right wingers are honest to goodness delusional? Or, more precisely, that they’re diagnosably psychotic?
No, no it doesn’t. Even if it’s definitely true about me father.
Have you read any of my other comments at all? I brought it up because I thought my uncle’s behavior was similar to Heartiste. I don’t get how bringing up personal experience with people who act like him is “irrelevant”.
Again, it seems you didn’t read any of my other posts besides the first one now. You obviously didn’t read the part where I elaborated further. I already explained that I know gay men don’t hate women or grossed out by vaginas and so on and so forth can I just stop repeating myself now.
I’m sure a good portion of these people are, again, just assholes but, yes, when it comes to people like Heartiste or my uncle – it comes off like they’re having issues with their own sexuality and feel the need to “prove it” to others. I’m more certain with my uncle since I don’t personally know Heartiste as I’ve been subjected to him longer, and based on those specific experiences, which I don’t apply to any other people I know.
Yes, I do. I keep clarifying it, over and over.
I suppose the point was that Heartiste’s behavior reminds me of my uncle and while it may not be the case with the earlier, since I don’t know him personally, it does apply to my uncle – the only person who I’ve applied it to. I’m pretty sure the guys at my high school and the frat boys at my college were just awful people.
I’m sure his other mental health issues exacerbate this particular behavior, which doesn’t help, but I am being sincere when I say he has shown signs of being a closeted gay man – which only became apparent to me in recent years. Before that? He was just an over-sexed douche with mother issues (my grandmother and him are really co-dependent despite hating one another) that was trying too hard.
It’s been a difficult couple of days, so I made you guys a present.
So it’s relevant because you’re comparing your uncle to Hartiste, but you recognize the difference in kind there, and thus the only person you’ve said is probably a closeted gay man is your uncle…but he compares to Hartiste in this manner…
Maybe just drop it?
Katz — you got it all in there, damn! That’s awesome.
And now I’m going to bed, g’night guys!
A bit of a tangent, but I have to say it: I LOVE It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It totally has some dark themes though. Besides Dennis being a total creep and possible rapist, they always hint that Charlie was molested by his uncle… but I still think it’s still one of the funniest shows ever aired.
It’s pretty depressing how Dennis is supposed to be over-the-top, but in reality there are quite a few guys like him.
@ LBT
Wow, the goys. I haven’t seen that much hysteria about anal sex since the last time I decided to read evangelical sites of the give us all your money variety. And there’s porn too? I must find this, because torturing myself with badly written porn is the one form of masochism I enjoy (in an odd sort of way).
Wow.
Can any religiously inclined people explain how they might have come up with this?
Am I correct in saying that this is complete gibberish from a theological pov? Because to me it reads like fundamentalist mad libs.