Oh, Heartiste, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if you’ve been trolling us all along. I mean, what kind of master pickup guru is this squicked out by vaginas?
Eating a girl out anytime during the first few weeks of dating is beta. When you eat a girl out, you telegraph your incredible horniness for her. Men normally do not want to go down on women and bury their mouths in that fetid, humid mess unless they find her so overwhelmingly hot that they can’t help themselves.
“Fetid, humid mess?” Seriously, dude, if you hate vaginas so much, why do you devote your entire life to trying to gain access to as many of them as possible?
Women instinctively know this, so they correctly gauge that a man who goes down on them on the first date must feel he’s with one of the best he’s ever had. This, in turn, will sour a woman’s attraction for a man, since no woman in the history of the universe has ever felt raging lust for a man she believed lower than herself in value.
And you know this how? Somehow I doubt that Heartiste and his followers are getting a lot of return engagements from their unfortunate dates.
Cunnilingus later in the relationship is absolved from this rule, because you have already demonstrated your manly ability to use her strictly for the piledriving hole she is.
But isn’t her, er, piledriving hole just as icky as ever? Wouldn’t this still be a beta thing? Does any of this make any kind of sense, even if you buy into Heartiste’s Alpha-Beta claptrap?
If I didn’t already know that Heartiste was a dude in his 40s, I would have assumed he was actually a 15-year-old naif with a chip on his shoulder and a vivid imagination.
Thanks to Wrecksomething on r/againstmensrights for pointing out this Heartiste classic.
I’ve never understood this concept of value. Value to whom? He definitely doesn’t mean value to the woman. He doesn’t mean value to society either (his value-man model is more keen on shitting on people randomly and making grammatical errors as a mating strategy). What’s the human value algorithm?
And the corollary:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-women-always-answer-their-phones-unless-they,18254/
These alpha PUAs sound more like care bear villains. They hope to sow discord and self-hatred among others in order to feel better about themselves.
Funny, I just read an article on Jezebel about how performing oral sex on a woman is a “mate retention strategy”.
I’m pretty sure the equation is V = (P + E) / (K + S)
Where P = amount of pomposity; E = size of unchecked ego; K = whether the subject has progressed past Kohlberg’s preconventional stage of moral development, where having passed this stage gives a value of 1 and not having passed gives a value of 0; and S = sex, with male being given a value of 0 and any other sex being given a value of 1.
We can tell that this equation is totally misandric because of the male sex being assigned a value of 0.
/heavy sarcasm
Oh, forgot to specify that V = human value. Just for complete transparency 😛
I shouldn’t know this, but this is the fucking 14th “Commandment of Poon” from Roissy himself:
“kiss her all over…. give her squirting orgasms….”
Do that, but WITHOUT cunnilingus? dude is king of self-contradiction.
I think he does mean value to the woman, because according to his warped idea of how the female psyche works we crave someone who belittles and degrades us and feel deeply unfulfilled if we’re with someone nice.
So, basically, if a man goes down on her, he’s not then and there belittling and degrading her (I’m not saying cunnilingus can’t be belittling or degrading, obviously it could be if, say, an abuser did it on someone who didn’t want to, but I’m trying to channel Fartiste here). That means he sinks below her in value, as someone who tries to do something nice to her, therefore looks up at her rather than down (seeing each others as equals doesn’t exist). So he sinks below her by doing this.
From David’s comments:
Emotionally, he is, and I agree, it doesn’t sound like he’s been near many women at all. Possibly the closest is if he’s harassed someone on a crowded subway. The more Fartiste writes, the less likely it seems he has any experience of what he’s writing about. If nothing else, someone who hates women that much and describes our genitals as he does is hardly going to deign to put his Manly Man Alpha Man face anywhere near them – for which the few unfortunates who may have dated him are probably most grateful!
@Robert – ruby fruit jungle, okay, it’s weird but it’s better than most of the slang for genitals I’ve heard. 😀
One term I really dislike is “eating her out”. It sounds too much like sublimated aggression. Not fond of “blow job” for that matter: it ain’t a job and blowing isn’t the description I’d have thought of!
I don’t think he’s in his 40’s, more like 20’s. Unlike the others, Doosh (in his 30’s) and that guy who pulls rabbits out of hats (40) this guy Roissy seems to be the same person who wrote In Male Fide and never shows his face. I may be wrong but but they both have the same penchant to use French names. Roissy, Château Heartiste, and the French writer’s name Ferdinand (something )
Someone mentioned that these guys may be homosexual and I’m beginning to wonder because “piledrive” means anal sex. You’ll also notice that many of the comments have to do with fucking some girl up the ass.Now these may just be boys who have watched too much porn because in real life very few woman would like that, or the comments are by Roissy under a fake name.
All that crap about squirting orgasms … why doesn’t he just write slash?
Marie – no, Matt Forney wrote In Mala Fide as Ferdinand Bardamau, iirc.
I think David’s seen Fartiste (or photos of a bloke purporting to be him) so he knows he’s older than in his 20s – chronologically, at least.
@dustydeste,
Rubyfruit Jungle is actually the title of a pretty fun book, and fits the context, though I’m not sure that’s what was being referenced here: http://www.amazon.com/Rubyfruit-Jungle-Rita-Mae-Brown/dp/055327886X
Marie, fucking someone in the ass is supposed to be “more degrading” for the woman because the woman is supposed to have a vagina and that’s what a vagina is for doncha know? That’s the reason why these kinds of people focus on anal sex so much, because it’s “using” the body in the “incorrect” way and mentally they can apply power to that dynamic. Same with oral sex, most people live in their head, with the body being added on. To “incorrectly use” the mouth, so close to the mind, is an aspect of power. Hence, a preference for oral/anal sex for these assholes, and the idea that giving oral sex to a woman lowers your value because you’re somehow giving up power, or something.
Zanana, that’s the source. Not having been all that near one since a Spring day in 1961, I depend on secondary sources for my vulvalvular knowledge.
By live in their head I mean they have their center, their mind, their consciousness exist in their head, and expand through themselves from there.
@Zanana the Pegging Queen
What a glorious name to have for this thread, lmao!
Anyway, from reading some of this guy’s stuff, it seems like he expects men to not TRY to give women good sex, but to be so ULTRA-ALPHA that she enjoys anything you do. Which, obviously, sounds like it puts even more pressure on men to perform and is terrible advice… I wonder how many guys have read this shit and ended up being told or finding out after that he was an awful lover. It’s really sad how some men feel such a need to come off looking like a sex-pert they would never dream of just asking a woman what sort of things she likes.
I really want to see what this Heartiste guy looks like. I need to put a face on these words!
Not even gonna try to circumvent the blockquote monster, but check out this response to a comment on that post:
“Editor: When a girl drops the “i still think of my ex” shit test — and make no mistake, that’s what it is — the worst thing you can do is accept her frame and plead, coerce, or otherwise gently persuade her to get over it. You have to reframe by co-opting her stinky bait: tell her you know the feeling, and then plow. Don’t wait for her answer.”
Is that the incitement to rape I think it is? I am parsing that as “just stick it in without consent.” Please tell me I am wrong?
CL, I read that even worse than you did… lack of consent and talking about a survivor… and even in the most innocent light, it’s still outright telling your gf that you’re thinking of your ex while you’re having sex with her 🙁 Fuck I’m jaded ::goes to find brain bleach::
Thanks! SunshineMary totally gifted me this name when I was arguing with her (based on anecdata) about whether any woman could be attracted to a submissive man…
Seriously, I wish somebody would refer his poor readership to Tristan Taormino or Susie Bright or someone else who knows what the fuck they’re talking about.
Uh huh. IMO this just backs up the idea that these guys see oral as degrading for the one doing it. They can’t possibly fathom the idea of doing something for someone because making them feel good is a reward in and of itself.
Brain bleach:
Some screaming goats: