Oh, Heartiste, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if you’ve been trolling us all along. I mean, what kind of master pickup guru is this squicked out by vaginas?
Eating a girl out anytime during the first few weeks of dating is beta. When you eat a girl out, you telegraph your incredible horniness for her. Men normally do not want to go down on women and bury their mouths in that fetid, humid mess unless they find her so overwhelmingly hot that they can’t help themselves.
“Fetid, humid mess?” Seriously, dude, if you hate vaginas so much, why do you devote your entire life to trying to gain access to as many of them as possible?
Women instinctively know this, so they correctly gauge that a man who goes down on them on the first date must feel he’s with one of the best he’s ever had. This, in turn, will sour a woman’s attraction for a man, since no woman in the history of the universe has ever felt raging lust for a man she believed lower than herself in value.
And you know this how? Somehow I doubt that Heartiste and his followers are getting a lot of return engagements from their unfortunate dates.
Cunnilingus later in the relationship is absolved from this rule, because you have already demonstrated your manly ability to use her strictly for the piledriving hole she is.
But isn’t her, er, piledriving hole just as icky as ever? Wouldn’t this still be a beta thing? Does any of this make any kind of sense, even if you buy into Heartiste’s Alpha-Beta claptrap?
If I didn’t already know that Heartiste was a dude in his 40s, I would have assumed he was actually a 15-year-old naif with a chip on his shoulder and a vivid imagination.
Thanks to Wrecksomething on r/againstmensrights for pointing out this Heartiste classic.
Wait, he thinks giving good cunnilingus makes woman LESS attracted to men? Actually not doing it or doing it poorly would be a dealbreaker for a lot of women I know, myself included.
David Futrelle
“Eating a girl out?” Does he mean eating out with a girl or something? I’ve never even heard that phrase before.
Why does he believe oral sex “lowers your value” or “makes you beta”? Is it because the person giving the pleasure is normally in a lower (sexual) position to the person receiving it? If so, what about 69ing, where you can give AND get…all at once!
I’ll just say this: I wouldn’t give a blowjob to a man who refused to give me cunnilingus. Luckily, my FwB loves oral sex as much as I do. 😉
Not to be homophobic/make a tired joke, but are we sure that Heartiste isn’t an overcompensating, self-hating, closeted gay man?
@CriticalDragon, it’s pretty common slang for cunnilingus.
It is a bit weird that Heartiste spends so much time chasing people that he’s apparently completely disgusted by.
I’m so shocked that Fartiste is afraid of vagina. I don’t even think he “piledrives” as much as he’d have people believe.
Because if there’s one thing ladies hate above all else, it’s being with a man who finds them sexy and attractive.
Seriously, Heartiste reads significance into a lot of weird things. In the original post, for instance, he announces:
GOOD GRAMMAR IS FOR BETAS.
Also:
. . . what?
@DarthConans, I dunno about “self-hating”, but isn’t it amazing how much of PUA culture is about bonding with other men and talking about sex with other men, with the actual having of sex with women being sort of an icky intermediate step?
lol. I can’t be the only one who thinks he comes across as a virgin who’s ashamed of his virginity and lying compulsively to compensate.
Even if he really is sexually experienced, his claim to be an “alpha” dude is pretty hilarious.
“Your run-on sentences turn me on.”
“That misplaced semicolon is making me horny.”
Said no one ever.
Hahahahahahahahahahaha
What the fuck did I just read?
“Cunnilingus later in the relationship is absolved from this rule, because you have already demonstrated your manly ability to use her strictly for the piledriving hole she is.”
This doesn’t follow. If an “alpha” is using a woman “strictly” as a “piledriving hole” then cunnilingus is a deviation and completely unnecessary. Unless said “alpha” likes that “fetid, humid mess” which Heartiste says they do not.
Which brings me to my question of how does Heartiste known what men and women as a collective are thinking? Is he a mind reader? What a bunch of woo.
Seriously, if I were a dude, I’m pretty sure I’d want to be the beta-est beta who ever beta-ed. They just sound like they have more fun in life. The self-proclaimed alphas sound like they don’t take much risks in life out of fear of losing their super-duper alpha cred or something.
And does anybody actually believe this guy? Because he writes like he’s trying to be featured on weepingcock.
Wow. The amount of hatred in that last sentence speaks volumes. Literally reducing a woman down to her vagina.
…And yet still in a relationship and trying to maintain it with oral sex? This guy just keeps making less and less sense. And anyone who thinks that PUAs don’t hate women, look no further than this self-proclaimed guru with lots of followers. It’s not about self-confidence and self-improvement, it’s about hating women.
Dudes, misters, this is what objectification is: “piledriving hole.” This has been Feminism 101 for today. Your welcome.
Yeah I know nothing turns me off more than a guy I find attractive telling me he’s so hot for me he wants to eat me out. Especially if he does it with proper grammatical construction. *shudder*
The difference between a PUA and an MRA? About 15 years and one messy, bitter divorce. All that Roissy is missing is the latter, otherwise he’d be well on his way to being Elam’s rightful successor to the MRM throne.
If I was getting sexual with a guy on the first date and he went down on me, I’d be THRILLED and far more likely to want a second date. I wouldn’t think I had power over him (or whatever this arglebargle meant). I’d think he was a considerate, awesome lover.
I’m singing all the MRAs up for the manned Mars mission. Good riddance.
It certainly wasn’t the only reason why my wife and I got engaged around three months after our first date, but the fact that the first date ended so pleasurably from both our perspectives didn’t exactly put us off a second one. And I believe the third was well within the same week too.
Fetid, humid mess? Sweet honey in the rock, that is seriously badminded. Why would any self-respecting woman let ANYone with that attitude anywhere near her ruby fruit jungle? It’s as if he’s trying to Poe himself.
I hope neither of my sons turns out like that, although that part of their education might be better handled by my husband, who has actually visited the jungle in question.
It’s funny that even when women try to explain how their sexuality actually works, MRAs just put their fingers in their ears and go “la la la”…
The one man I’ve run into who universally made women swoon was the UPS guy who used to come to my office. He was good looking but also funny, considerate, would remember birthdays, compliment people on new outfits, and was just a generally fun person to be around. I don’t know what UPS workers make, it’s probably a decent salary, but I know it was significantly less than most of the women who were swooning over him were making. And this was in a neighborhood where you can’t throw a rock without hitting a millionaire.
That’s a new one for me. I like it. Like a combination of a grapefruit and the great outdoors.
But yeah, a lack of eating out, in the ruby fruit jungle sense (but really if we didn’t go out for sushi regularly, that would be disappointing too), would be a total dealbreaker for me. My husband doesn’t often remember that, hey, going down on me is something that he can do, but it’s more because he’s not as enthusiastic about receiving oral sex as I am. If I bring it up, he’s always happy to oblige, and usually says something about how he wishes he’d remember it was an option more often, because he enjoys doing it.
Really I cannot conceive of being more into someone because they had absolutely no interesting in mutual pleasure, but only wanted to get themselves off.
Or, “no, I’ll tell you how it actually works.”
Or it could be because they enjoy making their partners feel good? Nah, we all know that even an act which mainly benefits the woman is really about what the man wants.