Today I’m going to talk about Janet Bloomfield — AKA JudgyBitch — and her bizarre attack on the original Don’t Be That Guy anti-rape posters in Edmonton. But I’m going to take a bit of a detour first, so bear with me.
I recently picked up a copy of Arthur Koestler’s The Case of the Midwife Toad, a nonfiction account of a scientific feud that provided me with some diverting travel reading and put me in the mood to read more of Koestler’s nonfiction.
But doing some rudimentary Googling I made a rather horrifying discovery about Koestler, whom I’d admired since reading his bracing account of breaking with Communism in the classic The God That Failed anthology: according to a recent biographer, Koestler was a serial rapist and abuser of women.
While some doubt the evidence of rape, even his supporters have had to acknowledge, as one reviewer has written, that Koestler’s “treatment of the many women in his life [was] – even without the ‘rape’ – deeply unpleasant. He was manipulative, demanding, sexually voracious and utterly faithless.”
Koestler himself doesn’t exactly make a persuasive witness for his own defense, having once written to his second wife that “without an element of initial rape there is no delight.”
But in some ways as eye-opening as these revelations has been the response of some of Koestler’s defenders. Case in point: Michael Scammell, the author of a nearly 700-page biography of Koestler. After detailing many instances of Koestler’s mistreatment of women, he writes of the accusations of violent rape:
The exercise of male strength to gain sexual satisfaction wasn’t exactly uncommon at that time … The line between consensual and forced sex was often blurred.
Hey, it was the 1950s. EVERYBODY raped women back then.
The sad fact is that, while this is no defense of Koestler’s alleged behavior, there is an element of truth to Scammell’s claims. The line between consensual sex and rape was often blurred back then. Women were often cajoled, pressured, manipulated, and forced into sex by more physically powerful men. And neither party necessarily recognized what had happened as rape.
The fact that the line between consensual sex and rape is a lot clearer today — and that the rate of rape has declined markedly in the past several decades — is largely due to feminism. Feminism challenged older attitudes and definitions of rape and worked at changing these attitudes through education and awareness campaigns.
Feminist activists worked on teaching — and reteaching — both men and women what is and what isn’t acceptable sexual behavior.
It’s an ongoing process, which continues in awareness campaigns like this one, the Don’t Be That Guy campaign launched in Edmonton (and elsewhere):
It’s pretty clear that there’s a lot more work to be done, as the reactions to this campaign have pretty clearly shown.
Anyone who has read much in the so-called manosphere — on MRA and PUA sites alike — will have noticed a lot of alarmist nonsense about the alleged difficulties men have in determining if a sex act with a woman is consensual or not, as if it is simply impossible, if there is any confusion, for men to open their mouths and ask. MRAs and PUAs act as if obtaining consent “the way feminists want it” would consist of some complicated legalistic procedure that would ruin sex forever.
This is patent nonsense. Clarifying issues of consent about (and during) sex — making anything that’s blurry clear — can be done in less time than it takes to read this sentence.
“Do you like this?” “Yes.”
“Do you want me to [incredibly dirty thing]?” “Yes.”
But, as I said, the MRAs and PUAs complaining about the alleged difficulties of consent don’t really seem to be interested in making things clear. They would, it seems, rather have things as blurry as possible.
And that’s because a lot of them want to return to a world in which, to paraphrase that quote from Scammell above, the exercise of male strength to gain sexual satisfaction isn’t exactly uncommon, and in which the line between consensual and forced sex is often blurred.
They would prefer to return to a world in which it’s considered fair game to “take advantage” of seriously drunk women. One in which all accusations of date rape could be dismissed as the result of a fickle woman changing her mind later.
And that, I think, is why MRAs have such a problem with date rape awareness campaigns like Edmonton’s Don’t Be That Guy campaign — which they try to both ridicule as unnecessary and denounce as an exercise in Nazi-style anti-male propaganda. Sometimes both at the same time.
Consider, for example, Janet Bloomfield/JudgyBitch’s recent A Voice for Men post on the Edmonton poster controversies. Bloomfield — who apparently likes to think of herself as one of those no-nonsense women who can get by just fine without any help from feminists, thank you very much — begins by trying to ridicule the original Don’t Be That Guy posters as simple-minded, obvious and utterly unnecessary.
Referring to several specific posters from the original campaign, she writes:
No, obviously, you should not be having sex with a woman so drunk she is passed out face down on the couch with her ass in the air. …
Obviously, helping a drunk woman home does not entitle you to sex.
And in what is going to come as SHOCKING news to everyone, if someone doesn’t want to have sex with you, you should not have sex with them.
I’ll give you a while to process that information, because I’m sure that until this clever campaign came along, you were all busy screwing comatose girls at parties and gleefully hailing cabs so you could help ladies home and then rape them.
That would be very witty and pointed but for the fact that, guess what, men do attempt to “have sex” with women who are passed out or asleep, and that there are plenty of men who seem to think that this counts as a sort of “no harm, no foul, no rape” situation.
Take a look at the discussion whenever this topic comes up on Reddit, for example. Or consider all those supporters of Julian Assange who pretend that the issue is women changing their mind after sex when in fact one of the things he’s been accused of is penetrating a woman sans condom while she was sleeping.
And as for “taking advantage” of seriously drunk women, well, there are plenty of men who think this is perfectly fine — and some who make this the centerpiece of their “seduction” technique. Indeed, one prominent PUA — Roosh V — has confessed to doing just that with one woman who was clearly too drunk to consent:
While walking to my place, I realized how drunk she was. In America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she legally couldn’t give her consent. It didn’t help matters that I was relatively sober, but I can’t say I cared or even hesitated. I won’t rationalize my actions, but having sex is what I do.
Somehow this confession — boast? — hasn’t, to my knowledge, earned him any condemnations from manosphere or MRA bloggers, or even, it seems, cost him any fans.
Meanwhile, on the very site Bloomfield is publishing her post, Paul Elam blames drunk women for being sexually assaulted, writing (as I pointed out yesterday) that women who drink with men are, “freaking begging” to be raped,
Damn near demanding it. … walk[ing] though life with the equivalent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING BITCH – PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign glowing above their empty little narcissistic heads.
After dismissing the Don’t Be That Guy campaign as so much silliness, Bloomfield makes a sudden 180 degree turn and declares it the virtual equivalent of Nazi propaganda against Jews.
Which would be offensive if it weren’t so manifestly absurd. The Don’t Be That Guy campaign isn’t directed at men, per se. It’s directed at men WHO THINK IT’S OK TO RAPE WOMEN and/or MEN WHO MAKE EXCUSES FOR RAPISTS.
A good number of these men — and some women with similar beliefs — seem to spend much of their time reading and/or writing for manosphere sites like Roosh V’s blog and A Voice for Men.
Can someone please distract me before I give in to the temptation to feed the sock troll?
Haha katz, me too, all the negatives confused me for a minute.
Cassandra, help make up more poster slogans for obvious things you’d never do are obvious (BUT YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BE OFFENDED BECAUSE THE POSTER IS OUT THERE).
Sticking cutlery in light sockets – don’t be that guy.
Locking yourself out of your apartment and then having to climb in through the window – don’t be that girl.
(Oops, too late.)
(me too as in I own cats. and I confused myself with the negatives, which was why I had to clarify)
Oh, I also want to say, I always thought that posters like this are great because, like I said already, it *does* allow people to stand up as bystanders. There’s “public evidence” that this behaviour isn’t acceptable and now they can say something in a moderately acceptable rhetoric way. I actually think it’s no so accusatory as empowering people to look at behaviour that might have made them uncomfortable but they weren’t sure how to say anything before who can now point at something and be like “Uh, stop being that guy”.
Using your keys to eat salad. Don’t be that guy.
Don’t be Fox News.
(Just when I thought I couldn’t get any more pissed off.)
Bringing ich into your new tank, don’t be that fish! (Yes seriously, but I think I caught it before it, uh, reached the contagious stage…I don’t feel like explaining parasitic life cycles)
Drinking my espresso in a can, don’t be that guy!
Leaving the citronella candle on the floor while bugs swarm, don’t be that guy!
(Espresso did get drunk, candle got put to use)
Need Acrobat for surgery in 45 min, don’t be that customer! (Yes, seriously)
Failing to quarantine new fish, don’t be that aquarist! *scolds self*
“Don’t be Fox News”
I don’t want to know.
Don’t test for a gas leak with a lighter. Don’t be that person!
Or, alternately, don’t be that person for very long.
Right, the women who expect not to be raped are the narcissistic ones, not the men who think their own desire for sex trumps women’s right to say no (or be conscious enough to say anything).
How does one develop this level of self loathing and ignorance?
Women who say no are fat lesbian poopyheads.
“Insulting others and throwing a tantrum when you don’t get your way. Don’t be that MRA.”
Women who say no to me but yes to other men are slutty lesbian poopyheads.
Women who don’t want to get married are narcissistic lesbian poopyheads.
Women who enjoy sex and aren’t afraid to admit it are lesbian whore poopyheads who are asking to be raped.
Women who don’t want to have kids anger der Fuhrer with their lesbian poopyheaded lack of commitment to the future of the Reich.
Women who report abuse are angry lesbian poopyheads who live in covens with other lesbian poopyheads and will be burned.
Am I doing it right, MRAs?
Knocking the lamp off the table – don’t be that cat.
Falling off the back of the chair – don’t be that cat.
Farting in your human’s face – don’t be that cat.
Reblogged this on Sharia law in the LGBT, and society at large.
Man the worst thing about this post was that you said anything in the anticommunist tome The God That Failed was good – no matter how objectively good the book may or may not be it wrote the blueprint for every obnoxious exleftist ever. That book is indirectly responsible for every piece of writing that somehow appeared in Christopher Hitchen’s typewriter after a night of heavy drinking with Irving Kristol and Paul Wolfowitz.
OK, I think we all really need some sort of sign that the system doesn’t always completely fail right now before we turn to drink. So, here’s a small but significant sign of societal change.
June 28th – SFF author Elise Matthesen, who was harassed by a very well-established editor at a convention, goes public with the story of what happened to her and how she reported it, with the aim of helping others to do the same.
Also on June 28th – One of the people who witnessed the harassment names the harasser (Tor editor James Frenkel).
After June 28th – Lots of other blogs talk about what happened.
July 11th – Tor announce that James Frenkel is no longer with the company.
I am STILL slogging through that Popehat thread. And don’t be that Pollock!
“Upthread was offered several variations of “if your actions can’t be distinguished from those of the harassers, then change them or be considered a harasser.” I agreed with that. The converse is “if your actions can’t be distinguished from those of consent, then change them or be considered consenting.””
ARGH false parallel is false! Consent is not assumed! [insert “neither is harassment” here]
I want to slap him with a trout!
He’s definitely a fish-slapping dance candidate.
“That means the default state of the world is consenting? I’d say that’s a predatory way to look at people. I happen to assume that unless someone offers clear consent, I don’t have permission.”
Guess who? Go on, guess.
If your answer involves a cute little mushroom gravatar, here, have a cookie. If you have the cute little mushroom gravatar, go make yourself cookies, they’re probably better than my store bought ones.
I read “the second sex” like ten years ago, and the ONE THING that really stands out in my memory (also one thing that I have never seen anyone ever bring up regarding that book) is de Beauvoir’s discussion about sex, where she presents getting raped as completely normal. Basically, the first time you do it, you’re raped, and then eventually you can move on to having consensual sex. This is presented as the completely normal order of things. She does write as an aside that in the USA it’s fairly common for girls to have consensual sex the first time with a boy their own age, rather than being raped by an older man. And then she goes on to bash this quirky American custom, because apparently, according to de Beauvoir, if you’ve never been raped, you’re still “a mental virgin”. On reading that passage I was just WTF WTF WTF WTF DID I JUST READ???????
But yeah, the fact that even a feminist could regard rape (she never uses the R-word, but it’s utterly clear that it’s non-consensual sex accomplished by the man using his superior physical strength we’re talking about here) as completely normal back in 1949 really speaks to how fucked-up the general view on rape was back then.
Holy fucking shit, Dvarg. That’s just mind-bogglingly foul.
Oh, you strange Americans, with your consensual sex and your sweet tea. That’s not how we do it in France!
I’ve never spent any time in France, but I’m going to go ahead and assume that things have improved in the intervening years because the alternative is too depressing.
Given the US example that started this thread, I wouldn’t think it’s a particularly French thing – as Dvarg said, it was fairly common for US girls to have consensual sex with boys their own age, not necessarily the norm.
Though I’d also bet the French teenagers of the time weren’t going around telling de Beauvoir about their sex lives.
What gets me is de Beauvoir’s assumption that first time sex can’t be really consensual. Where did she get this fucked up notion? Or did she think everyone was enslaved to the idea of the reluctant, frightened virgin?
Heh, she should try reading some diaries from those oh-so-prudish Brits from the century before.
I can’t say I have much time for de Beauvoir, even though she was a cat person. Someone who can say “Sex pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken” gets a major side-eye from me. (It’s pretty suggestive of her attitudes to rape and first-time sex, too.)