Today I’m going to talk about Janet Bloomfield — AKA JudgyBitch — and her bizarre attack on the original Don’t Be That Guy anti-rape posters in Edmonton. But I’m going to take a bit of a detour first, so bear with me.
I recently picked up a copy of Arthur Koestler’s The Case of the Midwife Toad, a nonfiction account of a scientific feud that provided me with some diverting travel reading and put me in the mood to read more of Koestler’s nonfiction.
But doing some rudimentary Googling I made a rather horrifying discovery about Koestler, whom I’d admired since reading his bracing account of breaking with Communism in the classic The God That Failed anthology: according to a recent biographer, Koestler was a serial rapist and abuser of women.
While some doubt the evidence of rape, even his supporters have had to acknowledge, as one reviewer has written, that Koestler’s “treatment of the many women in his life [was] – even without the ‘rape’ – deeply unpleasant. He was manipulative, demanding, sexually voracious and utterly faithless.”
Koestler himself doesn’t exactly make a persuasive witness for his own defense, having once written to his second wife that “without an element of initial rape there is no delight.”
But in some ways as eye-opening as these revelations has been the response of some of Koestler’s defenders. Case in point: Michael Scammell, the author of a nearly 700-page biography of Koestler. After detailing many instances of Koestler’s mistreatment of women, he writes of the accusations of violent rape:
The exercise of male strength to gain sexual satisfaction wasn’t exactly uncommon at that time … The line between consensual and forced sex was often blurred.
Hey, it was the 1950s. EVERYBODY raped women back then.
The sad fact is that, while this is no defense of Koestler’s alleged behavior, there is an element of truth to Scammell’s claims. The line between consensual sex and rape was often blurred back then. Women were often cajoled, pressured, manipulated, and forced into sex by more physically powerful men. And neither party necessarily recognized what had happened as rape.
The fact that the line between consensual sex and rape is a lot clearer today — and that the rate of rape has declined markedly in the past several decades — is largely due to feminism. Feminism challenged older attitudes and definitions of rape and worked at changing these attitudes through education and awareness campaigns.
Feminist activists worked on teaching — and reteaching — both men and women what is and what isn’t acceptable sexual behavior.
It’s an ongoing process, which continues in awareness campaigns like this one, the Don’t Be That Guy campaign launched in Edmonton (and elsewhere):
It’s pretty clear that there’s a lot more work to be done, as the reactions to this campaign have pretty clearly shown.
Anyone who has read much in the so-called manosphere — on MRA and PUA sites alike — will have noticed a lot of alarmist nonsense about the alleged difficulties men have in determining if a sex act with a woman is consensual or not, as if it is simply impossible, if there is any confusion, for men to open their mouths and ask. MRAs and PUAs act as if obtaining consent “the way feminists want it” would consist of some complicated legalistic procedure that would ruin sex forever.
This is patent nonsense. Clarifying issues of consent about (and during) sex — making anything that’s blurry clear — can be done in less time than it takes to read this sentence.
“Do you like this?” “Yes.”
“Do you want me to [incredibly dirty thing]?” “Yes.”
But, as I said, the MRAs and PUAs complaining about the alleged difficulties of consent don’t really seem to be interested in making things clear. They would, it seems, rather have things as blurry as possible.
And that’s because a lot of them want to return to a world in which, to paraphrase that quote from Scammell above, the exercise of male strength to gain sexual satisfaction isn’t exactly uncommon, and in which the line between consensual and forced sex is often blurred.
They would prefer to return to a world in which it’s considered fair game to “take advantage” of seriously drunk women. One in which all accusations of date rape could be dismissed as the result of a fickle woman changing her mind later.
And that, I think, is why MRAs have such a problem with date rape awareness campaigns like Edmonton’s Don’t Be That Guy campaign — which they try to both ridicule as unnecessary and denounce as an exercise in Nazi-style anti-male propaganda. Sometimes both at the same time.
Consider, for example, Janet Bloomfield/JudgyBitch’s recent A Voice for Men post on the Edmonton poster controversies. Bloomfield — who apparently likes to think of herself as one of those no-nonsense women who can get by just fine without any help from feminists, thank you very much — begins by trying to ridicule the original Don’t Be That Guy posters as simple-minded, obvious and utterly unnecessary.
Referring to several specific posters from the original campaign, she writes:
No, obviously, you should not be having sex with a woman so drunk she is passed out face down on the couch with her ass in the air. …
Obviously, helping a drunk woman home does not entitle you to sex.
And in what is going to come as SHOCKING news to everyone, if someone doesn’t want to have sex with you, you should not have sex with them.
I’ll give you a while to process that information, because I’m sure that until this clever campaign came along, you were all busy screwing comatose girls at parties and gleefully hailing cabs so you could help ladies home and then rape them.
That would be very witty and pointed but for the fact that, guess what, men do attempt to “have sex” with women who are passed out or asleep, and that there are plenty of men who seem to think that this counts as a sort of “no harm, no foul, no rape” situation.
Take a look at the discussion whenever this topic comes up on Reddit, for example. Or consider all those supporters of Julian Assange who pretend that the issue is women changing their mind after sex when in fact one of the things he’s been accused of is penetrating a woman sans condom while she was sleeping.
And as for “taking advantage” of seriously drunk women, well, there are plenty of men who think this is perfectly fine — and some who make this the centerpiece of their “seduction” technique. Indeed, one prominent PUA — Roosh V — has confessed to doing just that with one woman who was clearly too drunk to consent:
While walking to my place, I realized how drunk she was. In America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she legally couldn’t give her consent. It didn’t help matters that I was relatively sober, but I can’t say I cared or even hesitated. I won’t rationalize my actions, but having sex is what I do.
Somehow this confession — boast? — hasn’t, to my knowledge, earned him any condemnations from manosphere or MRA bloggers, or even, it seems, cost him any fans.
Meanwhile, on the very site Bloomfield is publishing her post, Paul Elam blames drunk women for being sexually assaulted, writing (as I pointed out yesterday) that women who drink with men are, “freaking begging” to be raped,
Damn near demanding it. … walk[ing] though life with the equivalent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING BITCH – PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign glowing above their empty little narcissistic heads.
After dismissing the Don’t Be That Guy campaign as so much silliness, Bloomfield makes a sudden 180 degree turn and declares it the virtual equivalent of Nazi propaganda against Jews.
Which would be offensive if it weren’t so manifestly absurd. The Don’t Be That Guy campaign isn’t directed at men, per se. It’s directed at men WHO THINK IT’S OK TO RAPE WOMEN and/or MEN WHO MAKE EXCUSES FOR RAPISTS.
A good number of these men — and some women with similar beliefs — seem to spend much of their time reading and/or writing for manosphere sites like Roosh V’s blog and A Voice for Men.
the type who’d let loose the killing machines, wank as they killed the “undesirables”, and then pretend that he was totes sad about the whole thing.
aka fascists, or the impetus behind the MRM in a nutshell.
Also, I like how the BDSM thing comes up constantly with these guys, and it’s always like “women are responsible for this new atrocity against propriety”, when even a lot of “vanilla” internet porn that’s made for straight men now is so gonzo it’s unbelievable.
@SarahRose:
No, it isn’t. There’s no connection between intellectual disability and being a hateful, willfully ignorant person, any more than being neurotypical means someone’s going to be a good person.
One of the norms on this site (and it’s just been mentioned in this very thread) is not smearing people with mental illness by lumping them in with hateful racists, misogynists etc by calling the latter crazy, intellectually disabled, insane, mentally ill, etc, etc. It’s not insulting the MRAs, it’s insulting good people, and there are plenty of regulars here who are hit by those slurs.
What kitteh said, but with the suggestion that “intellectual problem/failure” probably works.
I would say that “willful refusal to use their brains” is a good way to say what you’re trying to say without the collateral damage.
Pretty much anything willful works, because it has nothing to do with an innate trait, and everything to do with them being willfully obtuse and assholeish.
Reblogged this on THE VENUS ENVY and commented:
MANBOOBZ I LOVE YOU. FOR REALZIES BABY
Aw, man, I missed a trolling!
Well, no, he sounds rapey, and Pell gave me enough rageahol for a week. At least I got some good writing out of it?
Was it Jason, or Petey who said that rapists don’t get cheers for committing rape?
Both, and Pollock. *is guessing*
Why did I finish that thread?!
Sorry to comment on an old post, but here goes:
I believe you’ve entirely missed the point.
If you removed the phrase “Don’t be that guy”, then there would be no issue. It’s the implication that all men would rape if given the opportunity, and that only men rape.
Would it be okay to have a poster saying “Don’t steal” – “Don’t be that black guy”? Given that a lot of black guys do steal, apparently a lot of them need to be taught that lesson.
You’ve committed the same sin here when you wrote:
“guess what, men do attempt to “have sex” with women who are passed out or asleep”
Do you not see what an incredibly sexist generalization you’ve made there? You’re not the only person who doesn’t see sexism when it’s against men.
I think what you meant to write was “SOME men attempt to “have sex” with women who are passed out or asleep”
What you wrote reads like it is an inherent property of men, like it’s something you expect men to do, rather than an unusual behaviour. Consider if I changed the last sentence of the previous paragraph to the following (omitting the “a lot of”):
“Given that black guys do steal, apparently they need to be taught that lesson.”
It’s a small and subtle thing, but what annoys the MRA types is that if there was some sort of “Don’t be that girl” campaign, lots of people would probably lose their shit. Like this for example:
‘Till death do you part doesn’t mean ’till you get bored
You took a vow, so do the honourable thing and keep it.
Don’t be that girl
I think that’s pretty harmless until the last line, at which point it becomes horribly offensive.
Also, why exclude girls from the message? It may well be that it’s rarer for a women to coerce someone into sex, but some women do (see what I did there?). I know I’ve had a drunk woman attempt to physically coerce me into sex, despite my protestations – fortunately I was much stronger than her, so her attempts were short lived. And I walked away to the sound of her shouting curses at me (apparently, only a gay man would turn down sex from a woman….. who knew?)
I for one would love more girls to realize that no means no, and not give me the awkward choice of either leave whatever party/gathering I’m at, or get molested.
Key word being “That Guy”, as in “That Guy Who Doesn’t Care About Getting Consent”. Not “A Guy”. Learn the difference.
But when a guy – including a black guy – steals, people don’t blame the victim for getting mugged, while when a guy (because between 90% and 99% of the time it IS a man) rapes a woman (because around 90% of the time it IS a woman), there’s an immediate wave of “What was she thinking, dressed like that…”, “She was so irresponsible, women shouldn’t drink!”, etc. etc. etc.
Harsher In Hindsight. Because MRAs actually DID do a “Don’t Be That Girl”, and lots of people losed their shit – rightfully so, because DBTG wasn’t about girls who don’t seek their partner’s consent – it was mostly about “false rape accusations”, because MRAs wrongly believe that all rape accusations – especially from drunken women – are false.
No, it’s ALREADY offensive at the second line. Marriage isn’t a life-long absolute.
At least we’ve got some decent argument from this.
Please do join any kind of campaign that raises awareness that yes, men CAN be raped by women, therefore women should respect consent. Hope you don’t mind that such campaigns are pretty much all feminists and 0% of them are from MRAs.