Today I’m going to talk about Janet Bloomfield — AKA JudgyBitch — and her bizarre attack on the original Don’t Be That Guy anti-rape posters in Edmonton. But I’m going to take a bit of a detour first, so bear with me.
I recently picked up a copy of Arthur Koestler’s The Case of the Midwife Toad, a nonfiction account of a scientific feud that provided me with some diverting travel reading and put me in the mood to read more of Koestler’s nonfiction.
But doing some rudimentary Googling I made a rather horrifying discovery about Koestler, whom I’d admired since reading his bracing account of breaking with Communism in the classic The God That Failed anthology: according to a recent biographer, Koestler was a serial rapist and abuser of women.
While some doubt the evidence of rape, even his supporters have had to acknowledge, as one reviewer has written, that Koestler’s “treatment of the many women in his life [was] – even without the ‘rape’ – deeply unpleasant. He was manipulative, demanding, sexually voracious and utterly faithless.”
Koestler himself doesn’t exactly make a persuasive witness for his own defense, having once written to his second wife that “without an element of initial rape there is no delight.”
But in some ways as eye-opening as these revelations has been the response of some of Koestler’s defenders. Case in point: Michael Scammell, the author of a nearly 700-page biography of Koestler. After detailing many instances of Koestler’s mistreatment of women, he writes of the accusations of violent rape:
The exercise of male strength to gain sexual satisfaction wasn’t exactly uncommon at that time … The line between consensual and forced sex was often blurred.
Hey, it was the 1950s. EVERYBODY raped women back then.
The sad fact is that, while this is no defense of Koestler’s alleged behavior, there is an element of truth to Scammell’s claims. The line between consensual sex and rape was often blurred back then. Women were often cajoled, pressured, manipulated, and forced into sex by more physically powerful men. And neither party necessarily recognized what had happened as rape.
The fact that the line between consensual sex and rape is a lot clearer today — and that the rate of rape has declined markedly in the past several decades — is largely due to feminism. Feminism challenged older attitudes and definitions of rape and worked at changing these attitudes through education and awareness campaigns.
Feminist activists worked on teaching — and reteaching — both men and women what is and what isn’t acceptable sexual behavior.
It’s an ongoing process, which continues in awareness campaigns like this one, the Don’t Be That Guy campaign launched in Edmonton (and elsewhere):
It’s pretty clear that there’s a lot more work to be done, as the reactions to this campaign have pretty clearly shown.
Anyone who has read much in the so-called manosphere — on MRA and PUA sites alike — will have noticed a lot of alarmist nonsense about the alleged difficulties men have in determining if a sex act with a woman is consensual or not, as if it is simply impossible, if there is any confusion, for men to open their mouths and ask. MRAs and PUAs act as if obtaining consent “the way feminists want it” would consist of some complicated legalistic procedure that would ruin sex forever.
This is patent nonsense. Clarifying issues of consent about (and during) sex — making anything that’s blurry clear — can be done in less time than it takes to read this sentence.
“Do you like this?” “Yes.”
“Do you want me to [incredibly dirty thing]?” “Yes.”
But, as I said, the MRAs and PUAs complaining about the alleged difficulties of consent don’t really seem to be interested in making things clear. They would, it seems, rather have things as blurry as possible.
And that’s because a lot of them want to return to a world in which, to paraphrase that quote from Scammell above, the exercise of male strength to gain sexual satisfaction isn’t exactly uncommon, and in which the line between consensual and forced sex is often blurred.
They would prefer to return to a world in which it’s considered fair game to “take advantage” of seriously drunk women. One in which all accusations of date rape could be dismissed as the result of a fickle woman changing her mind later.
And that, I think, is why MRAs have such a problem with date rape awareness campaigns like Edmonton’s Don’t Be That Guy campaign — which they try to both ridicule as unnecessary and denounce as an exercise in Nazi-style anti-male propaganda. Sometimes both at the same time.
Consider, for example, Janet Bloomfield/JudgyBitch’s recent A Voice for Men post on the Edmonton poster controversies. Bloomfield — who apparently likes to think of herself as one of those no-nonsense women who can get by just fine without any help from feminists, thank you very much — begins by trying to ridicule the original Don’t Be That Guy posters as simple-minded, obvious and utterly unnecessary.
Referring to several specific posters from the original campaign, she writes:
No, obviously, you should not be having sex with a woman so drunk she is passed out face down on the couch with her ass in the air. …
Obviously, helping a drunk woman home does not entitle you to sex.
And in what is going to come as SHOCKING news to everyone, if someone doesn’t want to have sex with you, you should not have sex with them.
I’ll give you a while to process that information, because I’m sure that until this clever campaign came along, you were all busy screwing comatose girls at parties and gleefully hailing cabs so you could help ladies home and then rape them.
That would be very witty and pointed but for the fact that, guess what, men do attempt to “have sex” with women who are passed out or asleep, and that there are plenty of men who seem to think that this counts as a sort of “no harm, no foul, no rape” situation.
Take a look at the discussion whenever this topic comes up on Reddit, for example. Or consider all those supporters of Julian Assange who pretend that the issue is women changing their mind after sex when in fact one of the things he’s been accused of is penetrating a woman sans condom while she was sleeping.
And as for “taking advantage” of seriously drunk women, well, there are plenty of men who think this is perfectly fine — and some who make this the centerpiece of their “seduction” technique. Indeed, one prominent PUA — Roosh V — has confessed to doing just that with one woman who was clearly too drunk to consent:
While walking to my place, I realized how drunk she was. In America, having sex with her would have been rape, since she legally couldn’t give her consent. It didn’t help matters that I was relatively sober, but I can’t say I cared or even hesitated. I won’t rationalize my actions, but having sex is what I do.
Somehow this confession — boast? — hasn’t, to my knowledge, earned him any condemnations from manosphere or MRA bloggers, or even, it seems, cost him any fans.
Meanwhile, on the very site Bloomfield is publishing her post, Paul Elam blames drunk women for being sexually assaulted, writing (as I pointed out yesterday) that women who drink with men are, “freaking begging” to be raped,
Damn near demanding it. … walk[ing] though life with the equivalent of a I’M A STUPID, CONNIVING BITCH – PLEASE RAPE ME neon sign glowing above their empty little narcissistic heads.
After dismissing the Don’t Be That Guy campaign as so much silliness, Bloomfield makes a sudden 180 degree turn and declares it the virtual equivalent of Nazi propaganda against Jews.
Which would be offensive if it weren’t so manifestly absurd. The Don’t Be That Guy campaign isn’t directed at men, per se. It’s directed at men WHO THINK IT’S OK TO RAPE WOMEN and/or MEN WHO MAKE EXCUSES FOR RAPISTS.
A good number of these men — and some women with similar beliefs — seem to spend much of their time reading and/or writing for manosphere sites like Roosh V’s blog and A Voice for Men.
I wish that little brat would just discover porn and 4chan and fucking STAY there.
@LBT I’ve inferred from previous posts, but holy shit. All the hugs and kittens in the world, if you want them. Your art and creativity, just you being you (from what I know of you here) – you rock. You really, really do. I’m so glad you have real, honest, healthy love in your life now.
@Fibinachi
I’ve been, indeed, very tempted to do so, but all the times, the voice of my beloved mummy said in my head “if you don’t respect a cactus, you disrespect your mummy” and I love my mummy as much as I crave for cactus.
I did answer this question many times : there’s a class of people who’re are perpetually trying to find new reasons to feel insulted because their problem is not that they are so much triggered by stuff other people say as they have a need to scapegoat a group of people and accuse them of being the source of all evil. These people are always the one calling for more governmental censure because, being not able to find the resolution of their problem in them, in their behavior, in their view of life, they need to attack other people and silence them. They’re never reassured and they’ll still pushing for more censure, more control, more scapegoating.
Internet non-touching hugs LBT. That’s shitty.
Marie/Pell has been given the banhammer again. The dark lord’s quick on his email.
Brz, I gave you a feminism 101 page. That whole “Looking to be offended” thing is on there. Why don’t you spend the rest of the morning/afternoon/evening reading those instead? Might get your mind off your cactus problems.
RE: Tracy
*sigh* My family is a fucked-up little place. But thank you. It helps.
“Marie”/Pell is banned. He tried to post one last meltdowny comment, but it contained several slurs and didn’t get through the moderation filter.
“Marie” seemed pretty trolly from the start, but I do like to give people the benefit of the doubt, even though so many of the trolly posters here really don’t deserve it.
“there’s a class of people who’re are perpetually trying to find new reasons to feel insulted because their problem is not that they are so much triggered by stuff other people say as they have a need to scapegoat a group of people and accuse them of being the source of all evil.”
*rolls eyes*
RE: SittieKitty
That’d require Brz to DO something. And since when has he ever gotten off his opulent horse of Francophone intellect to do that?
There’s a class of people who drone on endlessly in spaces where nobody cares what they have to see out of some sort of odd belief that if they just do it for long enough then eventually someone will care. Why do they do this? Who the fuck knows? My bets are on “unhappy with the way hir life has turned out, arrogant, and kind of an asshole”.
LBT, that’s such a shitty situation. Hugs if you want them.
Absolutely! They’re called Republicans.
**sorry, I” just couldn’t resist that one**
RE: Dave
It’s okay. The old man’s dead now, has been for years, and I’m mostly not talking to my folks, so I’m out of that cesspit. And Pell is Pell. Expecting common decency is far too much to ask of the little shitstain.
Ugh, re: Pell!Marie:
(trigger warning: rape)
You know who fucking raped me, knowing I was engaged, and knowing my fiance wasn’t around?
It wasn’t the single guy I’d just met who invited me back to his place after a night out drinking because I was in a new city and public transit stopped running early unexpectedly that night and I didn’t know how to get home otherwise. Nope, that guy watched some Firefly with me in a friendly manner, lent me his couch, and walked me to the station the next morning.
Nope, the asshole who raped me invited me over to watch a movie in the middle of the afternoon when we were both sober. And when I refused to come over ever again, he got mad and said he’d only fucked me because he felt sorry for me because I was “too fat/ugly” to get sex with anyone else. And then I spent the rest of my time at school scared I’d run into him.
So fuck that shit where people pretend that being drunk magically makes you get raped or be a rapist. No. Fuck. That. Shit.
Hugs to anyone who needs one, and if you’d prefer something other than hugs I offer some kittens sleeping on a doggie:
RE: cloudiah
DAWWWWW FLUFFBUCKETS
There’s an easy way to gauge whether a woman you’re flirting with who happens to be drunk wants to have sex: you could ask. For your own sake, if no one else’s, you should err on the side of caution if she’s so drunk that she may not be fully conscious or seems disoriented. Twenty minutes of sex is surely not worth the potential lifetime of headache afterward, is it? Plus if she’s really into you you can potentially have more than one encounter if you wait till she sobers up- and with no legal repercussions.
I lived in a house with 4 straight men for a couple of years, drank with them often, I guess that was consent to group sex by your logic…
*hugs for a few folk*
I don’t know of others but, knowing myself, I have a sort of internal ruleset.
I know I’m not good at reading interest, so I ask. I know how intoxication has effected me, so I don’t follow consent if it’s made in altered states…
I love this site but it does make me lament my (at least outward expression of) gender.
Perhaps my inability to understand the mentality of the mra’s speaks more (to the good) of me than if I could.
I’d take it as a positive sign 🙂
When they weren’t fucking them outside bars in the Northwest Territories, and telling the court that it wasn’t rape, because he thought she was dead.
Don’t be that guy.
I agree – “someone” does have some issues that need to be dealt with. Trying to shame someone for surviving sexual assault definitely suggests that something is deeply, deeply wrong with you.
Also, if you thought you were going to wound me with that sad little dig, I’m afraid you failed rather pathetically. I freely admit being sexually assaulted hurt me pretty badly. That doesn’t make me weak or broken, and the notion that I am “repeating the experience” of having a guy force me into sex acts I did not want or consent to by having hot, consensual, kinky, fun, loving sex with a guy whom I adore and who adores me in return is so far off the mark as to be hilarious. It makes about as much sense as to suggest that any mugging victims who go on ever to buy things they want at stores are just “repeating the experience” of being mugged “ad nauseum.”
It’s Pell, he was just trying to upset you, as is his usual MO. Of course, you’re right about the BDSM parts of that comment, and him having issues. As for the sexual assault parts…I’m sorry, and glad you seem to be dealing with it well.
Hugs to dustydeste and LBT and anyone else who wants them.
The trolls are so unfunny.
That was actually Petey who pulled that particular line of crap on me – I just now got back home and caught up.
(Re: Pell, though – I’m kinda sad that I missed a Peltdown, not least because I said, “Marie is totally Pell” the moment “she” came out with “You young naive girls need to listen to older women and take our advice,” and I find it kinda fun to poke him about his obvious Pell-ness before he overtly outs himself. :-p He really can’t vary his schtick at all – it’s always “you’re all stupid and should listen to me! I’m a highly mature expert in ALL THE THINGS!” followed inevitably by “watch me display my complete lack of knowledge of whatever I pretended to be an expert on this time!” and then “OH YEAH WELL NOW I’LL YELL AT YOU IN MISSPELLED WAYS, FUK YOU BICH HORE STOOPIDHEDS.” At least we got to skip stage three this time, since he got caught first!)