Matt Forrney, the asshole behind the now-defunct In Mala Fide blog, is apparently as desperate for attention as ever. So today I’m going to indulge him by posting this deliberately obnoxious comment of his about women and drinking. [CORRECTION: The post was actually written by someone calling himself “The Captain Power,” who is evidently a whole other different person than Matt Forney, who merely published this post on his blog called Matt Forney.]
If your girlfriend goes out and drinks alcohol, you are most likely getting cheated on.
Women by nature are predetermined in their D.N.A to get pregnant and reproduce, and until they reach menopause they need a constant supply of penis to provide fertility. Your girlfriend might prefer your penis, but once the alcohol kicks in and she is inebriated, your penis is useless. Out of site, out of mind (but full of semen).
In my entire life I have never met a women who was out drinking and didn’t cheat on her boyfriend. …
The few drinking exceptions for women include weddings, work parties, birthday parties with male friends, and suicide attempts.
The reference to suicide attempts at the end is a nice touch.
@katz: Nope.
what
I updated the Dictionary post.
I am going to bed.
Perchance to dream.
But I really, really hope not.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Falconer — go watch the little ones sleep, the cute will cure your brain!
OK, now I’m just confused. Wut? I get that they pretend to be their dolls but beyond that I’m lost.
http://www.teddybabechronicles.com/cgi-bin/yabb2/YaBB.pl?num=1310400669
He’s writing as a doll and he’s just bought another doll?
Or he’s pretending he has a live girlfriend who’s writing about how pleased she is he’s got a doll?
… are we sure the post about Meller’s dolls didn’t come to life and migrate?
If I’m reading that right, the guy is playing sub to his doll.
Huh.
I… I guess he’s happy?
Playing sub to a doll would be a lot of work.
Being a dom when you’re a doll sounds like a crap deal.
OK, closing that window before I get sucked into the weirdness any further.
Gosh, how silly of women to think fertility is determined by their own FSH levels and ovulation and endometrial receptiveness, when it’s actually bestowed by Magic Penis Rays in combination with alcohol. It’s like “Speed” – if we don’t keep a constant penis supply up, we turn into spinsters with fifty cats, none of whom have names, just numbers painted on the sides. Bars and nightclubs are absolutely vital to our ability to get pregnant.
Most reproductive endocrinologists nowadays will just write you a prescription for some White Russians.
It’s the painting on the sides that’s the tricky bit. Either they won’t hold still or the paint goes all dry and scratchy, which causes cat anger consequences.
Also, Pell’s list of accomplishments reads like a Dr. Bronner soap label.
Hit post too soon – White Russians don’t agree with me, doc, can I have a Swarthy Frenchman instead? I know they’re not available in generics yet but I’m so much happier with the results.
@Kittehserf – are you nuts?? You’ll end up with triplets!!
Wow. Those Teddy Babes make Fleshlights look like the sane, dignified option. I don’t usually feel sorry for cis straight men, but right now it’s hard not to. Of course, the people who MAKE them are getting most of my sympathy. Like Morrissey sang, ‘I was looking for a job and then I found a job / and Heaven knows I’m miserable now.’
Also, Dr. Professor Pell, Ph.D, J.D., SPQR, WTF reminded me of a regular on the Usenet alternative history board (yes, I’m old, somebody has to do it). His hobbyhorse was the superiority of feudalism as a social, political and economic system – although he was also certain that Wilhelmine Germany was the epitome of feudalism. Oh, we had some fine times batting that loony pinata around.
Buttercup – but will they be kittens? I can handle it if they’re kittens!
“Also, Pell’s list of accomplishments reads like a Dr. Bronner soap label.”
Except reading the stuff on a Dr. Bronner soap bottle is way more interesting (all the propaganda notwithstanding).
Wow. I leave the internet for a few hours and THIS happens.
And, yes, I banned Pell. Now I have a doll video to watch. And then I think I might poke out my eyes.
Whyyyyy? I mean, sex dolls are kind of weird, but plush sex dolls? That is not an appealing texture.
Not to mention the proportions of those dolls are quite epic. If our Pell is involved in those dolls… oh man, I can’t stop laughing. So appropriate.
I hadn’t even thought of this earlier, but I wonder if attempting to hump a plushie could cause static shock. To the genitalia.
Ahhh! Surely! Especially if you’re hairy! *dies laughing*
I feel kind of bad for creeping everyone out now, though. Some brain bleach in the form of a cool video?
If you like death metal the new album is great, btw. More melodic than a lot of their previous stuff, though less classical Taiwanese influences.