Matt Forrney, the asshole behind the now-defunct In Mala Fide blog, is apparently as desperate for attention as ever. So today I’m going to indulge him by posting this deliberately obnoxious comment of his about women and drinking. [CORRECTION: The post was actually written by someone calling himself “The Captain Power,” who is evidently a whole other different person than Matt Forney, who merely published this post on his blog called Matt Forney.]
If your girlfriend goes out and drinks alcohol, you are most likely getting cheated on.
Women by nature are predetermined in their D.N.A to get pregnant and reproduce, and until they reach menopause they need a constant supply of penis to provide fertility. Your girlfriend might prefer your penis, but once the alcohol kicks in and she is inebriated, your penis is useless. Out of site, out of mind (but full of semen).
In my entire life I have never met a women who was out drinking and didn’t cheat on her boyfriend. …
The few drinking exceptions for women include weddings, work parties, birthday parties with male friends, and suicide attempts.
The reference to suicide attempts at the end is a nice touch.
Ye gods, that video. I’m visiting my friends in the mountains in a few weeks, and I’ve already borrowed a copy of The Room to watch and now I have something else that will make them pee themselves laughing.
Also, from now on I am going to refer to my nipples as plague sores, just for the hell of it.
Heh. He’s a very nice trout, though!
The somewhat-humorous backstory as to why my date to a wedding was a trout in a tuxedo – there was some drama pre-wedding with some members of the groom’s family throwing a fit when they learned the bride had previously dated women as well as men. They threatened to make a scene at the wedding, and I told the bride, “if any homophobic morons try to start shit at your wedding I will smack them upside the head with a trout.” A couple of weeks later, I got a box in the mail with the bride’s return address on it containing a toy trout, and I laughed my ass off. Then I made him a tux so that he was appropriately attired to act as an anti-homophobe wedding bouncer, which provoked a similar ass-removing reaction from the bride when I showed up with him on her wedding day.
(Luckily, he did not end up needing to smack any bigots, but he was ready and willing should the need have arisen!)
… I think you’ve just ruined sex for me, cloudiah.
Thanks. I’ll miss it a lot.
@Polliwog: Oh, that’s cute and funny and delightful. Thanks for sharing!
I’m sorry I disparaged your tux trout.
Falconer, it’s what us feminists do — ruin sex and everything else men like. You’re welcome.
Guys! Guys! The person who owns these dolls calls himself “Master Pelle”. Maybe that really is why he suddenly ran away.
http://www.teddybabechronicles.com/coppermine/index.php?cat=10126
Is Ibara here repping the BNP, or is this a Poe?
Polliwog — that is AWESOME. As the resident reporter on freshwater life, I hereby award your trout one rainbow ally pin (the one about halfway down the page here — http://www.donnellycolt.com/catalog/humrightbutton.html [I can’t seem to direct link, just search for “ally”])
@CassandraSays:
That would be hilarious.
Speaking of hilarious…
BURN! BURN YOUR BRAIN! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Seriously, he has plush old people dolls.
It’s Pell, one of our long term idiots. He’s serious. Well, when he isn’t claiming to be a Yale economics prof, doctor, lawyer, statistian…you get the idea.
Ibara’s the latest sock of one of our long-time recurring trolls, who pops in, tells us how we’re all trailer trash loser ladies who’ll never get laid and be happy like he is, claim to have all these degrees and all these high-paying jobs like doctor-lawyer-Indian-chief, and flounce or get the banhammer.
Not only that, but the “insert” is plush too.
They call it “pussy velour.”
Considering that some of the guys have user names like “GFE Lube” the dude who put his doll in a Chuckie tee is the least horrifying so far.
I probably shouldn’t have said that. Sorry.
How much does it cost to keep one of these plush monstrosities clean?
Well, at least you noticed before I said anything!
My favorite was the torture bit. Just for sheer “you think anyone will buy this?!”
Canwejust… never acknowledge that I clicked on that Teddy Babe Chronicles link and read the entire page?
I feel sorry for the washing machine that gets those put through it.
These guys take “skin-crawling strange” to a whole new level, though at least they’re presumably keeping to their dolls, which is a plus(h). Mind you it’s reached the point where I’m feeling sorry for the dolls, as well as their *cough* real *cough* wives.
Oh my god
This thread
I can’t even
wat
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Suddenly, my curiosity is sated.
anadiomene – your secret is safe if you make a payment of $10000000000000 in
troy kitty videos.Signed,
The Furrinati
That doll video! I can’t guys, I just can’t, I am literally crying, omg, lol
Oh well, html is even harder for paws than pells.
@kirbywarp That story has the teller claiming to be married. I know some very patient people, but I highly doubt they would be THIS patient.
@Falconer Clean? Why would these need to be cleaned?
I keep thinking of that favorite stuffed toy you had when you were a kid that you drooled on and threw up on and how nasty the fur got. This would be a million times worse. And then you’re supposed to stick your dick in it.