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Vox Day on Charles Saatchi: Divorcing your wife after she’s already left you is a totally ALPHA move

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I guess I’ll never quite understand this whole alpha thing.

Over on his Alpha Game blog, the reliably awful Vox Day is defending the ALPHA DOG honor of British art collector Charles Saatchi – you know, the guy recently in the news for choking his wife, TV chef Nigella Lawson, in a very public argument – sorry, a “playful tiff”– at a restaurant.

Lawson responded to Saatchi’s totally playful and not at all violent behavior by moving out following the incident; she’s reportedly been spotted without her wedding ring.

Saatchi, apparently recognizing that she was through with him, officially announced he was divorcing her with a whiny, self-absorbed, self-aggrandizing statement to The Daily Mail on Sunday. It read, in part:

I feel that I have clearly been a disappointment to Nigella during the last year or so, and I am disappointed that she was advised to make no public comment to explain that I abhor violence of any kind against women, and have never abused her physically in any way.

The row photographed at Scott’s restaurant could equally have been Nigella grasping my neck to hold my attention – as indeed she has done in the past, although not in front of Scott’s with a photographer snapping away.

I must stress again my actions were not violent. We are instinctively tactile people. Yes, my hands were around her neck, and they had been touching her arm.

Difficult as it may be to believe, for those who have seen the pictures, there was no pressure applied to her.

Having seen the pictures, I will agree that this is indeed difficult to believe.

Vox Day doesn’t seem to care if Saatchi choked Lawson in anger or just put his hands around her throat because that’s just what nice people like to do sometimes for fun when they’re eating out. He’s just blown away by what a total ALPHA DOG COOL DUDE Saatchi is for divorcing her. According to Day, the whole thing shows that

If you don’t show respect for and loyalty to an Alpha, he will wash his hands of you without thinking twice about it.

… several weeks after you move out and make clear that you want to have nothing to do with him.

Vox goes on, attributing Lawson’s refusal to publicly absolve Saatchi and back up his story about their “playful tiff” in the restaurant to … her worry about how she would appear to other women:

Lawson, instead of doing her part and presenting a united front to the media, was more concerned about how she would look to her female friends and audience if she didn’t play the poor abused victim than she was about her husband’s reputation.

In short, she made it clear her loyalties did not lie with him, but to her public image. This is the one thing a woman married to an ALPHA absolutely cannot do. The ALPHA always knows he has options, and in the absence of the one thing he absolutely demands, respect, he will not hesitate to exercise them. Once a woman shows herself to be disloyal in some manner, few Alphas are inclined to forgive or forget.

And what is true of Alphas is also true, in lesser amounts, of lower-ranking men. It appears that Lawson miscalculated and didn’t realize how important his reputation was to Saatchi. She is not the first woman to make this sort of mistake and she probably will not be the last.

I’m hard pressed to see how walking out on a narcissistic asshole who literally grabbed her by the neck during a fight in a restaurant can be seen as any kind of a mistake. But I confess I don’t fully understand how abusers, and those who make a points of defending abusers, think.

Lawson will go forward with her life and her career; Saatchi’s reputation will be stained forever by his actions at the restaurant, as it should be, and he has no one but himself to blame. I’m not sure what Vox Day’s excuse is.

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Lady Mondegreen
Lady Mondegreen
11 years ago

Teddy B lives in a narcissistic delusion.

freemage
freemage
11 years ago

Dee: Welcome! Consolations and e-hugs are available upon expressed desire–I hope the burns heal quickly.

I’m sure someone will be by with your Welcome Package in a moment.

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

Vox Day seems to think that Lawson — who had already left — should take it as a blow that her abusive husband wants a divorce. It’s kind of like how MGTOW think women should be devastated that they’re GTOW.

Shiraz
Shiraz
11 years ago

He actually wrote this:

“The ALPHA always knows he has options, and in the absence of the one thing he absolutely demands, respect, he will not hesitate to exercise them. Once a woman shows herself to be disloyal in some manner, few Alphas are inclined to forgive or forget.”

….after that bastard put his hands on Nigella’s throat. I can’t believe it. Disloyal? It’s called survival instinct, you stupid asshole.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Did someone say Welcome Package?

Welcome!

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
11 years ago

@Dee

In my personal experience as a DV victim in my previous relationship (as well as friends that have been in DV relationships), whatever is done in public is nothing compared to in private. Also, the abuser will only be abusive in front of others when he is confident that there will be no consequences and/or he is somehow right or justified.

I am sorry you’ve gone through that. I had a relationship like that in the past, and it was the same way, where I’d worry about him being mad in public, because I knew things would be really bad once we were alone again. But I’m glad you’re out of that situation, and I hope any relationships you have now and in the future are happy. Life is too short to be spent cowering in front of an abusive bully.

Sorry to butt in. I shall go back to tending my wounds.

No need to apologize! I’m glad you commented, because what you said is important. Also, welcome! I don’t know how to do welcome packages or else I’d give you one.

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
11 years ago

Ah, ninja’ed! You have your welcome package already.

cloudiah
11 years ago

@Dee, Welcome, sorry about the burns, and that the DV happened, glad that you’ve un-lurked & gotten a welcome package.

Saatchi is a terrible, terrible human being.

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
11 years ago

Vox Day seems to think that Lawson — who had already left — should take it as a blow that her abusive husband wants a divorce. It’s kind of like how MGTOW think women should be devastated that they’re GTOW.

It’s Vox Day – he has to gloss over/completely ignore the already left part. He openly advocates abuse as a means of keeping women in line.

grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

“Sorry to butt in. I shall go back to tending my wounds.”

Your contribution here is valuable and is not “butting in.”

La Strega
11 years ago

I am a big fan of Nigella Lawson’s sensuous and humorous approach to cooking and loved her old Food Network Channel program. I would have been disappointed had she stayed with Saatchi because it would have tarnished my image of her as a strong and intelligent person. But I am rather sorry for Saatchi too. His behavior has demonstrated that he lacks self-control, confidence, and generosity of spirit — certainly not my idea of what an “alpha male” (if there is such a thing) would be.

MaudeLL
11 years ago

Thankfully, feminist oppression is stopping the manufacturing of perfect lady-sexbots, so Saatchi will remain a slave to the female sex-supply control (in Theodore Beale’s head).

grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

I’ve never heard of either him or her before this blog post, actually, but . . . still . .. I feel compelled to comment that I find his describing the incident as both an “intense debate” and a “playful tiff” rather oddly incongruous.

Dvärghundspossen
11 years ago

I would have been disappointed had she stayed with Saatchi because it would have tarnished my image of her as a strong and intelligent person.

Staying with an abuser does not prove that one is weak or unintelligent. I’ve seen feminists speak out about their previous abusive relationships and how they felt so terribly ashamed of being abused, since they were supposed to be strong and intelligent and feminist – let’s not add to that shame, shall we?

La Strega
11 years ago

I hear you, but still…

La Strega
11 years ago

I can’t help thinking something is wrong when people stay in abusive, destructive situations.

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

Thanks Dvarg :). La Strega, I am also very glad that she has escaped. Hopefully she has a good support system who can help her through this. However what you’ve said about victims who stay with their abusers is both hurtful and based on a lack of understanding of how abuse works.

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

I can’t help thinking something is wrong when people stay in abusive, destructive situations.

Um, okee doke. I guess we’ll never be besties then. >.>

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

I can’t help thinking something is wrong when people stay in abusive, destructive situations.

The wrong thing is the abuser.

It’s not as easy as you might think to leave an abusive situation.

Howard Bannister
11 years ago

Yeah, something is wrong all right.

Something is wrong with a society that tells women all the time that they’re a failure if they can’t make it work, that it’s their job to tame and civilize men, that the cohesion of the family is their responsibility, that ‘he hits you because he cares’ (which we start when they’re in fucking kindergarten).

Don’t ask individual women to solve problems that society as a whole has pinned on them.

Dvärghundspossen
11 years ago

Obviously “something is wrong”, but that doesn’t translate to “the victim has character flaws”.
I’m not gonna preach at length here about why people stay with or even return to abusers, but for anyone who’s actually interested in knowing about abusive relationship dynamics there’s tons to read, books as well as internet articles, written by experts in psychology as well as survivors.
I think victim-shaming in the case of abuse is pretty similar to victim-shaming in the case of rape, in that it feels nice to imagine that I will obviously never ever be the victim of something like that, since I’m a good/strong/intelligent/non-slutty/whatever woman.

Howard Bannister
11 years ago

PS: the average abusee tries to leave seven times before she can get out for good.

Of the total domestic violence homicides, about 75% of the victims were killed as they attempted to leave the relationship or after the relationship had ended.

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

wow, Howard Bannister, I didn’t realize the average number of leave attempts was that high (the other tragic stat I was familiar with). Heartbreaking.

Michelle C Young
11 years ago

Dee: I agree with you. The physical pain doesn’t last nearly as long as the emotional pain. And if the guy leaves scars, you can show it to people, and have proof for those people who would deny your experiences. There is precious little proof of the emotional/psychological abuse, and so there is even less social support.

I’m just glad that my abusers were ALWAYS in public, because I was in high school, and did not live with them. I never even dated them. I just fended them off on a daily basis. And what hurt the most was not the physical attacks, but the things they said, and the fact that the people around me, especially the people in power, did not come to my aid when I needed it.

I bless my drama teacher, who did try. It wasn’t his fault that his actions did not actually help stop the problem. He soothed my soul, just by trying. Bless you, Lucky Moore! To this day, I remember your kindness!

So, Jedi hugs to you, Dee, and to Ms. Lawson. I believe you and support you.