Thanks, Ally, hellkell, ltkessler and anyone else I’m missing. It helps just to put it out there honestly, the only person I’ve really been able to talk to is my mom who I love but is in the middle of it as well so it’s not exactly like I can vent to her. Mr. AK will be home tomorrow though and then my lovely best friend (who has been out of town for the last couple of weeks) is going to come stay with me this weekend after Mr. AK leaves again and she is just amazingly wise and calming, so I hope I’ll be okay. Right now I’m kind of in shock, this has all happened (or at least I’ve found out about it) in the last couple of days.
@Dalet, I can only give you my experience, which may not hold true universally. But I adopted a dog when I was 16 (I lied about my age to the humane society, and I did have an apartment in my name so when I showed them the lease to prove I could have a pet, it apparently counted as proof of age too), and against my parents’ wishes. I was still dependent on them for a lot and hid him for about 3 months because I was afraid they’d cut me off because of it, and being 16 I still was pretty dependent on help from them.
My parents were mad when they finally found out, but I was able to show that I could easily afford him and it all blew over. I don’t regret it a bit. I still have that dog; he is at least 15 years old now and has served as a trained PTSD dog after I suffered an assault and had devastating* PTSD as a result, got me into herding trials which led to my career as a dog trainer, and still serves as a therapy dog visiting nursing homes twice a month and loving on the residents. I don’t regret it for a second.
What really helped me was having a budget, and showing them that I could afford him. I had no savings or anything, but I showed I could pay for his day-to-day expenses, set aside whatever money I could for a vet emergency fund, and had a detailed plan for what I would do if I could not afford an emergency vet bill.
I realize that won’t help everyone; my parents aren’t animal crazy but they love animals if that makes any sense, and so they got it. They were also impressed at how responsible I was about planning for his care, as before that I’d been pretty irresponsible (being 16 and all). I also made a point of showing how he helped my lifestyle; I’d already been diagnosed with depression and PTSD stemming from childhood abuse (not by my parents), and I was able to both get my therapist on board saying that my dog was a positive influence in my life and to convince my parents that simply having to provide his basic needs kept me from falling into the sort of overwhelming depression that got me into therapy in the first place.
Basically, I was able to prove that my dog was not a financial hardship and was an undeniably positive addition to my life, and my parents couldn’t really complain. And they came around, grudgingly at first but after a few years my mom (who was the big anti-dog parent; my dad never really had a problem with it) was calling him her “grand-dog.”
So obviously I don’t know how your parents are, and I apologize if I’ve been rambling on about my own life when it’s not relevant to you. I just hope a BTDT-type story might help.
Also for what it’s worth, I have 3 cats and I give them top-quality everything…and I spend less than $100/month on them total (so maybe $30/cat?). Cats are so much cheaper than dogs, it it unbelievable.
AK
11 years ago
*I am not sure how that asterisk snuck in there…
(I hate random asterisks so when I glanced over my post after submitting it I thought I had to address it)
“Do your parents visit (seems like the wrong word for abusive people) you?”
Parental units was coined by an ex, I like it.
Hugs to everyone who wants one, I have no useful advice, I’m sorry.
*pops out*
Actually, regarding hair washing, you can get away with doing it less often the longer it is. The oils work themselves out over a larger area so it takes longer to get greasy (which is lovely when too depressed to deal with showering). Your mother would probably argue that it’s just more work for her, but less frequent hair washing means seeing her less?
Or maybe you could barter with a hair stylist? (or student! they sometimes have to get in practical hours)
Cloudiah — FUCK CANCER
AK — can you Skype or something? Probably thought of that already though.
Now back to the data (I have politics, religion and the fun stuff left! I’m making headway!)
Yoyo
11 years ago
Heya cloudiah kitteh and other boobians, sorry I’ve been quite lately. My cancer “journey” (fuck I hate that term) has not gone so well. And I’m trying to prepare for mother round of surgery in early August. You beasties make me smile tho whenever I can get here. Kisses. Xx
Oh my God, AK, thank you so, so, SO much for sharing! All of that is really helpful and makes me feel a lot better.
Showing my parents that I can manage a cat shouldn’t be too hard, and that’s my #1 goal. Showing them the health benefits will take longer, obviously, and in exchange for their blessing they’ll do what they always do, which is to set very specific milestones for very specific times, regardless of whether it makes any sense or not. I’ll just…have to work around that.
I do think their main complaint will be money, and $30 is about the quote, so to speak, I seem to be getting from everyone. If that’s the case, I could easily afford two cats, so that’s not a problem. I also intend to put any money I receive for my birthday (in October) and for Christmas into an emergency vet fund and nothing else. That, more than anything, will prove my dedication in their eyes, but…October is a ways off. Still, it’s a concrete goal.
Yoyo
11 years ago
Hey a argenti, (smacks head) forgot to name you. Shame shame. Anyway. I only wash my curly red hair once a fortnight otherwise it’s a total Afro but not a good one. 🙁
dustydeste
11 years ago
Dalet – I’m in favor of any companionship that makes you happy, to be sure. Anything to improve quality of life! 😀
As far as all these allegations and witchburnings and Spanish Inquisitions go…
Yoyo
11 years ago
Dalet cats are frequently happier in pairs, especially if you are busy but it helps if you get them at similar ages and don’t forget they don’t always eat the same food and the bills can really add up.
@Yoyo, I know, but luckily I’m actually home almost all day, every day, and I made sure to find a cat who was used to or even preferred to be one-on-one with an owner they were close to, but there’s just no way I can take care of more than one right now.
Yoyo
11 years ago
That’s cool dalet, my cat who now gets heaps of attention since I’m stuck at home was incredibly pissed off when we got a puppy.
I was going to buy vet insurance, but /everyone/ was telling me it wasn’t worth it. $30-$50/month for something you may never use (and still have to supplement!) if your cat is healthy, so…
Yoyo
11 years ago
@kittehserf, good to hear from you too. The joy of the aus medical system is fairly free healthcare, the negatives include crappy self worshipping surgeons.
Yoyo
11 years ago
Dalet don’t do the pet insurance my friend who had it with all his pedigree dogs ended up paying even after the dogs died. You are better self insuring.
Dalet — hi! Sorry to start with advice without even introducing myself first! *waves* Argenti here, and just Argenti is fine, no need to type my (misspelt Latin) Aertheri! Gender neutral pronouns for me please (ze/zir), if you don’t mind me asking, what sorts of pronouns do you prefer?
Now, formalities aside, idk how old your potentially kitty is, but if kitty is a bit older and not an off the walls kitten might your mother chill a bit when she comes over and sees it behaving and not being a hyper ball of fur? (Kittens are adorable, but dear gods can they be demanding! [not that puppies aren’t are anything])
…oh and remember when I said we had people check neo-nazi? None of the three got caught in my mathematical troll detection (which I ran by the less stupid psych, since she should know research right? Her answer to if it sounded valid was it depends what I need it for, but it doesn’t sound outright wrong [I had to massage my outlier detection a bit as it was picking up totally legit answers like disabled un/employed students])
Dalet: aheh… it makes sense if you don’t have savings.
I’m very glad my kitty is doing better, and I love her…
…but that shit came out of nowhere, and the vet bills hit around $1150 cdn. It certainly would have been easier on my savings account to pay the $30/month and a $500 deductible, but I doubt it would been cheaper.
I’d say do your research. Might want to try the vets in your area if they have any recommendations, and be sure to check out the exclusions and deductibles.
Regardless, an aggressive savings plan, if you can at all swing it, is a good idea.
We Hunted The Mammoth
You were the unsuspecting instrument of the Furrinati, Dalet!
Monty Python is more like a reward than a punishment around here, Dalet!
Oh, well, on second thought that doesn’t sound so bad, carry on.
The true scene in many a Manboobzer’s home.
Thanks, Ally, hellkell, ltkessler and anyone else I’m missing. It helps just to put it out there honestly, the only person I’ve really been able to talk to is my mom who I love but is in the middle of it as well so it’s not exactly like I can vent to her. Mr. AK will be home tomorrow though and then my lovely best friend (who has been out of town for the last couple of weeks) is going to come stay with me this weekend after Mr. AK leaves again and she is just amazingly wise and calming, so I hope I’ll be okay. Right now I’m kind of in shock, this has all happened (or at least I’ve found out about it) in the last couple of days.
@Dalet, I can only give you my experience, which may not hold true universally. But I adopted a dog when I was 16 (I lied about my age to the humane society, and I did have an apartment in my name so when I showed them the lease to prove I could have a pet, it apparently counted as proof of age too), and against my parents’ wishes. I was still dependent on them for a lot and hid him for about 3 months because I was afraid they’d cut me off because of it, and being 16 I still was pretty dependent on help from them.
My parents were mad when they finally found out, but I was able to show that I could easily afford him and it all blew over. I don’t regret it a bit. I still have that dog; he is at least 15 years old now and has served as a trained PTSD dog after I suffered an assault and had devastating* PTSD as a result, got me into herding trials which led to my career as a dog trainer, and still serves as a therapy dog visiting nursing homes twice a month and loving on the residents. I don’t regret it for a second.
What really helped me was having a budget, and showing them that I could afford him. I had no savings or anything, but I showed I could pay for his day-to-day expenses, set aside whatever money I could for a vet emergency fund, and had a detailed plan for what I would do if I could not afford an emergency vet bill.
I realize that won’t help everyone; my parents aren’t animal crazy but they love animals if that makes any sense, and so they got it. They were also impressed at how responsible I was about planning for his care, as before that I’d been pretty irresponsible (being 16 and all). I also made a point of showing how he helped my lifestyle; I’d already been diagnosed with depression and PTSD stemming from childhood abuse (not by my parents), and I was able to both get my therapist on board saying that my dog was a positive influence in my life and to convince my parents that simply having to provide his basic needs kept me from falling into the sort of overwhelming depression that got me into therapy in the first place.
Basically, I was able to prove that my dog was not a financial hardship and was an undeniably positive addition to my life, and my parents couldn’t really complain. And they came around, grudgingly at first but after a few years my mom (who was the big anti-dog parent; my dad never really had a problem with it) was calling him her “grand-dog.”
So obviously I don’t know how your parents are, and I apologize if I’ve been rambling on about my own life when it’s not relevant to you. I just hope a BTDT-type story might help.
Also for what it’s worth, I have 3 cats and I give them top-quality everything…and I spend less than $100/month on them total (so maybe $30/cat?). Cats are so much cheaper than dogs, it it unbelievable.
*I am not sure how that asterisk snuck in there…
(I hate random asterisks so when I glanced over my post after submitting it I thought I had to address it)
So, Owly was wrong about superdogs as well as everything else – your dog sounds like a superdog to me, AK!
*pops in*
“Do your parents visit (seems like the wrong word for abusive people) you?”
Parental units was coined by an ex, I like it.
Hugs to everyone who wants one, I have no useful advice, I’m sorry.
*pops out*
Actually, regarding hair washing, you can get away with doing it less often the longer it is. The oils work themselves out over a larger area so it takes longer to get greasy (which is lovely when too depressed to deal with showering). Your mother would probably argue that it’s just more work for her, but less frequent hair washing means seeing her less?
Or maybe you could barter with a hair stylist? (or student! they sometimes have to get in practical hours)
Cloudiah — FUCK CANCER
AK — can you Skype or something? Probably thought of that already though.
Now back to the data (I have politics, religion and the fun stuff left! I’m making headway!)
Heya cloudiah kitteh and other boobians, sorry I’ve been quite lately. My cancer “journey” (fuck I hate that term) has not gone so well. And I’m trying to prepare for mother round of surgery in early August. You beasties make me smile tho whenever I can get here. Kisses. Xx
Oh my God, AK, thank you so, so, SO much for sharing! All of that is really helpful and makes me feel a lot better.
Showing my parents that I can manage a cat shouldn’t be too hard, and that’s my #1 goal. Showing them the health benefits will take longer, obviously, and in exchange for their blessing they’ll do what they always do, which is to set very specific milestones for very specific times, regardless of whether it makes any sense or not. I’ll just…have to work around that.
I do think their main complaint will be money, and $30 is about the quote, so to speak, I seem to be getting from everyone. If that’s the case, I could easily afford two cats, so that’s not a problem. I also intend to put any money I receive for my birthday (in October) and for Christmas into an emergency vet fund and nothing else. That, more than anything, will prove my dedication in their eyes, but…October is a ways off. Still, it’s a concrete goal.
Hey a argenti, (smacks head) forgot to name you. Shame shame. Anyway. I only wash my curly red hair once a fortnight otherwise it’s a total Afro but not a good one. 🙁
Dalet – I’m in favor of any companionship that makes you happy, to be sure. Anything to improve quality of life! 😀
As far as all these allegations and witchburnings and Spanish Inquisitions go…
Dalet cats are frequently happier in pairs, especially if you are busy but it helps if you get them at similar ages and don’t forget they don’t always eat the same food and the bills can really add up.
@Yoyo, I know, but luckily I’m actually home almost all day, every day, and I made sure to find a cat who was used to or even preferred to be one-on-one with an owner they were close to, but there’s just no way I can take care of more than one right now.
That’s cool dalet, my cat who now gets heaps of attention since I’m stuck at home was incredibly pissed off when we got a puppy.
Having a vet fund is a great idea, Dalet! I’d never have thought of that.
Yoyo, hi, great to hear from you – I am so sorry about the cancer. (Yeah, ‘cancer journey’ is a blah stupid sort of term, isn’t it?)
“Parental units” love it. 😀 Hmm, “unit” was an insult briefly when I was at high school.
I was going to buy vet insurance, but /everyone/ was telling me it wasn’t worth it. $30-$50/month for something you may never use (and still have to supplement!) if your cat is healthy, so…
@kittehserf, good to hear from you too. The joy of the aus medical system is fairly free healthcare, the negatives include crappy self worshipping surgeons.
Dalet don’t do the pet insurance my friend who had it with all his pedigree dogs ended up paying even after the dogs died. You are better self insuring.
Yoyo, ALL THE HUGS (if they’re wanted). I hope the surgery goes well. Please keep us posted, if you’re up to it.
See? That’s the worst I’ve heard so far! What an awful scam! A personal emergency fund definitely seems like the way to go.
Yoyo – I’m sure learning to self-worship is a course component of training to be a surgeon!
Dalet — hi! Sorry to start with advice without even introducing myself first! *waves* Argenti here, and just Argenti is fine, no need to type my (misspelt Latin) Aertheri! Gender neutral pronouns for me please (ze/zir), if you don’t mind me asking, what sorts of pronouns do you prefer?
Now, formalities aside, idk how old your potentially kitty is, but if kitty is a bit older and not an off the walls kitten might your mother chill a bit when she comes over and sees it behaving and not being a hyper ball of fur? (Kittens are adorable, but dear gods can they be demanding! [not that puppies aren’t are anything])
…oh and remember when I said we had people check neo-nazi? None of the three got caught in my mathematical troll detection (which I ran by the less stupid psych, since she should know research right? Her answer to if it sounded valid was it depends what I need it for, but it doesn’t sound outright wrong [I had to massage my outlier detection a bit as it was picking up totally legit answers like disabled un/employed students])
Dalet, forgot to ask – what are your parents like about animals generally?
Dalet: aheh… it makes sense if you don’t have savings.
I’m very glad my kitty is doing better, and I love her…
…but that shit came out of nowhere, and the vet bills hit around $1150 cdn. It certainly would have been easier on my savings account to pay the $30/month and a $500 deductible, but I doubt it would been cheaper.
I’d say do your research. Might want to try the vets in your area if they have any recommendations, and be sure to check out the exclusions and deductibles.
Regardless, an aggressive savings plan, if you can at all swing it, is a good idea.