And the other thing I wonder is tacky is he never mentions donating any proceeds to long term recovery or the public works projects, like rebuilding our schools or anything.
I think that’s pretty fair. It’s a lot more valuable to have money come into a community rather than have someone talk about how sad they are that something bad happened — particularly if they seem fuzzy on the actual details.
I could use some help/support processing an abuse case.
So as I’ve said before, I work in the emergency room at an animal hospital, which is one of many branches of a large animal welfare charity (the MSPCA).
Sometimes, we get abused animals. Neglect is more common, but abuse happens. Last week, a man brought in his little poodle mix, who had been strangled and thrown around by the man’s ex-boyfriend. As is procedure in a cruelty case, we called the MSPCA’s law enforcement division and let them know what was up. Unfortunately, the owner had very little money and could not afford the surgeries needed to save the dog, so he had to put it to sleep.
Since then, I’ve been thinking way too much about what I could’ve done. I know I need to find out if the MSPCA has trained the emergency doctors about abuse (beyond the two pages in the training handbook). For one thing, I’m uncomfortable with the mandatory reporting. I know the animal cruelty is a separate crime, but it’s entwined with an abusive same-sex relationship, and I don’t know if that man consented to having all that made known to the police. I also don’t know if I could have done more, given that this man’s ex is clearly still abusing him. I thought about mentioning this really great LGBT survivors’ organization to the doctor that was working with him, but is that really the vet’s place? Or mine? Am I just desperate for a way to fix something that’s none of my business? I know I can’t save every client, just like I can’t save every animal that comes into the hospital (and god knows, I’ve often had to fight the urge to pay the bill myself when it’s that or euthanasia), but I hate that I did nothing.
What should I have done? What would you have wanted from the vet staff if it were your pet?
hellkell
11 years ago
Jesus, emiliygoddess, Jedi hugs to you. This situation sucks. I don’t know what you could have done.
I honestly do not know what I would want from the vet if it were my pet in this situation. Big help, I know.
Oh fuck, that’s just awful. I’m so sorry to hear about that, emilygoddess. =[ I’m afraid I don’t know what you could have done, like the other folks here.
emilygoddess
11 years ago
Honestly, it helps just to know I’m not the only one who’d have no idea what to do in that kind of situation (except the unprintable things Kittehs mentioned).
I think I’ll make a donation to The Network/La Red, and I’ll try to figure out what our policies are re: human abuse victims so I can try to be better prepared next time.
grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago
Hey, I’ll make a donation to them too since you mention it here. It’ll be a tiny donation but I’ll make it.
Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago
I miss “my” little poodle mix (he was my roommate’s dog technically, not that he ever learned that)…and yeah, my thoughts are unprintable.
That aside, isn’t it standard for human doctors to ask about abuse and make recommendations? Maybe it should be for animal doctors too? And make the standard for police reporting just be “partner” or “lover” or something gender neutral like that?
As for what I’d have done, I can’t get further into that train of thought than “try not to cry in front of that poor doggie’s human”
Is it your place to recommend survivor groups…I don’t think it’s not your place to, but idk if that means it is your place to, if that makes sense?
FWIW, animal abuse and human abuse often go hand in hand, and the police know that. So reporting the former can help stop the latter. But I’m sure you’re aware since you’re at a shelter.
emilygoddess
11 years ago
I know the two go hand in hand (it’s an area I’d like to see the MSPCA get more involved in, actually), but I have no idea if reporting actually helps stop the abuse. I just have very strong feelings about nonconsensually outing queer people, and about taking control away from survivors (by, for example, calling the police for them). I’m not saying they outweigh the good of reporting in this case (and I’m not the one who filed the report anyway), but those concerns are muddying the waters for me.
But if this ends up getting the abuser out of this man’s life, then I’m all for it. I hope it helps.
Oh, emilygoddess. That is horrible – poor dog, poor man. 🙁 I don’t think it’s out of line to mention the survivors organisation, and the appropriateness can only really be determined by gauging from your interaction if you think he’d be OK with it.
I am a vet nurse, and I would definitely do it if I thought they would be open to hearing it. You can always misjudge, but it could really help. We already have a very casual vibe at our work and can be quite close to our clients (the front staff and nurses, less so vets).
I definitely agree mandatory reporting is not ideal – especially considering as vets you’d be reporting the animal abuse and we all know how effective animal abuse laws are. I don’t think it would help.
I don’t think you could do more as vets. You did a good job. It’s just not fun to have in your head. 🙁
It’s Hrovitnir! I was just poking around in older threads where you were, and wondering about where you’d gone. (Not that you need to comment here all the time; just that I missed your posts!) I feel like I conjured you up. 😀 Hope all is well with you.
titianblue
11 years ago
Hugs if you’d like them, Emilygoddess. You have done the best you could and you are looking at being able to do even better, next time. That is the most caring person to be.
I’d see if ringing around might find one of those public service leaflets about abuse and where to go for advice/ assistance. Seeing as you’ve got a) same sex relationship and b) animal abuse as a possible signifier of abuse in that relationship it sounds unlikely that any such leaflet would cover this specific situation, but it might be useful generally if it exists.
But it’d be nice to be able to just slip a business card or leaflet in with the client’s receipt or prescription without having to openly broach the topic when you’re not qualified as a counsellor or trained to deal with a disclosure of abuse should it be prompted by questioning.
There’s a flash flood threat here in Erie, CO (I’ve been staying at Erie because that’s where my mom is). Around 6:30 PM we saw some minor flooding in the street, and then I heard a siren. We found out through the National Weather Service that there is a flash flood warning for Boulder county, CO. For safety reasons, we evacuated almost immediately. By the time we left, the flooding went from a little bit of running water on the street to huge pools of water all over the place. Apparently it had rained at least 2 inches by then. We went up north to Longmont, CO and saw that it was flooding there, too. The entire county has flooding – including the city of Boulder itself.
Erie is a decent distance away from Boulder, but there is still a high risk of flooding – especially since Erie happens to be next to Boulder Creek, which had a peak height of 7 feet this evening (flood level is 5.5 feet). Fortunately, the storms seem to be decreasing in intensity. But there’s still a chance of flooding occurring, especially tomorrow, if the nearby canyon is flooded enough.
After we ate at some fabulous Thai place, we stopped at a random neighborhood in Longmont and tried to get some sleep. My step-dad was impatient, though, and he couldn’t go to sleep, so we decided to return to the house – after all, the predicted time of abatement had already passed. And it turned out that our house wasn’t flooded or damaged in any way – even the farm didn’t sustain any water damage.
I was going to go to bed since it’s 4:46 in the morning right now and I’ve had at most 30 minutes of sleep in the car, but right now I’m staying up in case an emergency happens and we need to evacuate once again. Everyone else needs their sleep, and I tend to be a night owl anyway. =P
I wanted to go to the trans* support group at Out Boulder, the local LGBTQ center, but not only have my plans been canceled due to the current situation, but I’ve been anxious as fuck for the past 8 hours. If the flood is destructive enough, my mom, my step-dad, and my little step-brother will suffer greatly because this farm is all they have. And while my mom and my step-dad seem to be cautious about driving during a flash flood, I’m worried sick about them getting into a fatal accident. I really hope all of this ends soon.
Flow rates on the Boulder Creek indicate this is the worst flooding in the state since the Big Thompson Flood — the deadliest flood in Colorado history — over 26 years ago.
neuroticbeagle
11 years ago
I’d see if ringing around might find one of those public service leaflets about abuse and where to go for advice/ assistance. Seeing as you’ve got a) same sex relationship and b) animal abuse as a possible signifier of abuse in that relationship it sounds unlikely that any such leaflet would cover this specific situation, but it might be useful generally if it exists.
But it’d be nice to be able to just slip a business card or leaflet in with the client’s receipt or prescription without having to openly broach the topic when you’re not qualified as a counsellor or trained to deal with a disclosure of abuse should it be prompted by questioning.
The problem I have with that is that it is possible for the abuser to find said leaflet or card first. If that happens, it would not only be unhelpful, but could put the victim in a really bad position. However, it might be a good idea to have leaflets/posters around the office about how animal abuse is connected to domestic abuse for people to read/take home and possibly hide on their own.
Falconer
11 years ago
Ally S — It’s been two hours, I hope you’re okay! Sending you a big, warm internet blanket for your anxiety, and wishing you a nice, long sleep when you can get one.
Flooding’s not much of a problem here in the wrinkled Appalachians, but I really freak out at the thought of tornados.
emilygoddess
11 years ago
Ally, my love to you and your family. I hope you’re still safe.
We Hunted The Mammoth
I think that’s pretty fair. It’s a lot more valuable to have money come into a community rather than have someone talk about how sad they are that something bad happened — particularly if they seem fuzzy on the actual details.
Trigger warnings: domestic violence, animal abuse.
I could use some help/support processing an abuse case.
So as I’ve said before, I work in the emergency room at an animal hospital, which is one of many branches of a large animal welfare charity (the MSPCA).
Sometimes, we get abused animals. Neglect is more common, but abuse happens. Last week, a man brought in his little poodle mix, who had been strangled and thrown around by the man’s ex-boyfriend. As is procedure in a cruelty case, we called the MSPCA’s law enforcement division and let them know what was up. Unfortunately, the owner had very little money and could not afford the surgeries needed to save the dog, so he had to put it to sleep.
Since then, I’ve been thinking way too much about what I could’ve done. I know I need to find out if the MSPCA has trained the emergency doctors about abuse (beyond the two pages in the training handbook). For one thing, I’m uncomfortable with the mandatory reporting. I know the animal cruelty is a separate crime, but it’s entwined with an abusive same-sex relationship, and I don’t know if that man consented to having all that made known to the police. I also don’t know if I could have done more, given that this man’s ex is clearly still abusing him. I thought about mentioning this really great LGBT survivors’ organization to the doctor that was working with him, but is that really the vet’s place? Or mine? Am I just desperate for a way to fix something that’s none of my business? I know I can’t save every client, just like I can’t save every animal that comes into the hospital (and god knows, I’ve often had to fight the urge to pay the bill myself when it’s that or euthanasia), but I hate that I did nothing.
What should I have done? What would you have wanted from the vet staff if it were your pet?
Jesus, emiliygoddess, Jedi hugs to you. This situation sucks. I don’t know what you could have done.
I honestly do not know what I would want from the vet if it were my pet in this situation. Big help, I know.
I know what I’d want, but it’s unprintable here. I’m so, so, sorry, emily goddess, and I don’t know what you could have done, either – if anything.
Fuuuuuuck. I’m not sure there is much else you could really do, unfortunately.
Oh fuck, that’s just awful. I’m so sorry to hear about that, emilygoddess. =[ I’m afraid I don’t know what you could have done, like the other folks here.
Honestly, it helps just to know I’m not the only one who’d have no idea what to do in that kind of situation (except the unprintable things Kittehs mentioned).
I think I’ll make a donation to The Network/La Red, and I’ll try to figure out what our policies are re: human abuse victims so I can try to be better prepared next time.
Hey, I’ll make a donation to them too since you mention it here. It’ll be a tiny donation but I’ll make it.
I miss “my” little poodle mix (he was my roommate’s dog technically, not that he ever learned that)…and yeah, my thoughts are unprintable.
That aside, isn’t it standard for human doctors to ask about abuse and make recommendations? Maybe it should be for animal doctors too? And make the standard for police reporting just be “partner” or “lover” or something gender neutral like that?
As for what I’d have done, I can’t get further into that train of thought than “try not to cry in front of that poor doggie’s human”
Is it your place to recommend survivor groups…I don’t think it’s not your place to, but idk if that means it is your place to, if that makes sense?
FWIW, animal abuse and human abuse often go hand in hand, and the police know that. So reporting the former can help stop the latter. But I’m sure you’re aware since you’re at a shelter.
I know the two go hand in hand (it’s an area I’d like to see the MSPCA get more involved in, actually), but I have no idea if reporting actually helps stop the abuse. I just have very strong feelings about nonconsensually outing queer people, and about taking control away from survivors (by, for example, calling the police for them). I’m not saying they outweigh the good of reporting in this case (and I’m not the one who filed the report anyway), but those concerns are muddying the waters for me.
But if this ends up getting the abuser out of this man’s life, then I’m all for it. I hope it helps.
(Sorry about all the parentheticals)
More hugs if they’re wanted. It’s a terrible quandary.
Hugs.
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/19/9c/ac/199cac9b7138e85a16bdd534a4f3764b.jpg
Oh, emilygoddess. That is horrible – poor dog, poor man. 🙁 I don’t think it’s out of line to mention the survivors organisation, and the appropriateness can only really be determined by gauging from your interaction if you think he’d be OK with it.
I am a vet nurse, and I would definitely do it if I thought they would be open to hearing it. You can always misjudge, but it could really help. We already have a very casual vibe at our work and can be quite close to our clients (the front staff and nurses, less so vets).
I definitely agree mandatory reporting is not ideal – especially considering as vets you’d be reporting the animal abuse and we all know how effective animal abuse laws are. I don’t think it would help.
I don’t think you could do more as vets. You did a good job. It’s just not fun to have in your head. 🙁
It’s Hrovitnir! I was just poking around in older threads where you were, and wondering about where you’d gone. (Not that you need to comment here all the time; just that I missed your posts!) I feel like I conjured you up. 😀 Hope all is well with you.
Hugs if you’d like them, Emilygoddess. You have done the best you could and you are looking at being able to do even better, next time. That is the most caring person to be.
Hi, Hrovitnir! ::waves::
I’d see if ringing around might find one of those public service leaflets about abuse and where to go for advice/ assistance. Seeing as you’ve got a) same sex relationship and b) animal abuse as a possible signifier of abuse in that relationship it sounds unlikely that any such leaflet would cover this specific situation, but it might be useful generally if it exists.
But it’d be nice to be able to just slip a business card or leaflet in with the client’s receipt or prescription without having to openly broach the topic when you’re not qualified as a counsellor or trained to deal with a disclosure of abuse should it be prompted by questioning.
There’s a flash flood threat here in Erie, CO (I’ve been staying at Erie because that’s where my mom is). Around 6:30 PM we saw some minor flooding in the street, and then I heard a siren. We found out through the National Weather Service that there is a flash flood warning for Boulder county, CO. For safety reasons, we evacuated almost immediately. By the time we left, the flooding went from a little bit of running water on the street to huge pools of water all over the place. Apparently it had rained at least 2 inches by then. We went up north to Longmont, CO and saw that it was flooding there, too. The entire county has flooding – including the city of Boulder itself.
Here’s a recent photo from r/Boulder: http://imgur.com/j8OskTR
Another one: http://imgur.com/Ox4ApJk
And there’s a video, too (I’m not in there, FYI): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiiLhNJ5-Io
Erie is a decent distance away from Boulder, but there is still a high risk of flooding – especially since Erie happens to be next to Boulder Creek, which had a peak height of 7 feet this evening (flood level is 5.5 feet). Fortunately, the storms seem to be decreasing in intensity. But there’s still a chance of flooding occurring, especially tomorrow, if the nearby canyon is flooded enough.
After we ate at some fabulous Thai place, we stopped at a random neighborhood in Longmont and tried to get some sleep. My step-dad was impatient, though, and he couldn’t go to sleep, so we decided to return to the house – after all, the predicted time of abatement had already passed. And it turned out that our house wasn’t flooded or damaged in any way – even the farm didn’t sustain any water damage.
I was going to go to bed since it’s 4:46 in the morning right now and I’ve had at most 30 minutes of sleep in the car, but right now I’m staying up in case an emergency happens and we need to evacuate once again. Everyone else needs their sleep, and I tend to be a night owl anyway. =P
I wanted to go to the trans* support group at Out Boulder, the local LGBTQ center, but not only have my plans been canceled due to the current situation, but I’ve been anxious as fuck for the past 8 hours. If the flood is destructive enough, my mom, my step-dad, and my little step-brother will suffer greatly because this farm is all they have. And while my mom and my step-dad seem to be cautious about driving during a flash flood, I’m worried sick about them getting into a fatal accident. I really hope all of this ends soon.
Two people have died so far: http://kdvr.com/2013/09/12/live-blog-flash-flood-emergency/
Aaaaand here comes a spike in my anxiety.
And this just in:
The problem I have with that is that it is possible for the abuser to find said leaflet or card first. If that happens, it would not only be unhelpful, but could put the victim in a really bad position. However, it might be a good idea to have leaflets/posters around the office about how animal abuse is connected to domestic abuse for people to read/take home and possibly hide on their own.
Ally S — It’s been two hours, I hope you’re okay! Sending you a big, warm internet blanket for your anxiety, and wishing you a nice, long sleep when you can get one.
Flooding’s not much of a problem here in the wrinkled Appalachians, but I really freak out at the thought of tornados.
Ally, my love to you and your family. I hope you’re still safe.
Ally, I hope you, your family, and the family farm stay safe during this flooding. Sending good thoughts your way.