Roosh’s Return of Kings blog recently posted a list of “7 Brilliant Songs To Make Love To,” to help all the would-be Romeos (and possible rapists) who read his blog to more easily manipulate drunk women into bed.
I would like to provide a somewhat more whimsical service to readers here of all genders. So here are 9 Amazing Songs That It Is Probably Impossible To Have Sex To (Unless You Have Them Playing At Extremely Low Volume).
1) Joe Meek: Original demo version of Telstar. Joe Meek was a brilliant if eccentric British producer who was unfortunately not such a brilliant singer. Here he sings — in a rather jarringly off-key manner — the melody to what became the massive hit “Telstar.” Luckily his studio musicians were able to figure out what he was getting at. For the much improved final product, listen here.
2) Unknown Band: Cocaine It’s impossible not to stare and listen in horror at the train wreck that is this cover version of Cocaine, and staring in horror is not generally conducive to sweet, sweet lovemaking. Plus, I’m guessing at least one of these dudes is a Men’s Rights Activist.
3) Boxxy: You See (Extended Version) It’s the famously and deliberately irritating Internet meme girl Boxxy, only she’s been autotuned into something even more irritating. And this is the Extended Version.
3.1) Boxxy: Boxxy’s love song Oh wait, this one’s even worse.
4) brokeNCYDE: Freaxxx This emo-screamo mess might put you off sex, and music, forever.
5) Throbbing Gristle – Live in Sheffield – University (10 June 1980) If you really want to spoil the mood, 57 minutes of Throbbing Gristle live will certainly do the trick.
6) Rush: The Trees An Ayn-Randian parable on the wonders of the free market, with the main characters in the story being DIFFERENT SPECIES OF TREES. And it’s sung by Geddy Lee. Captain Awkward considers this the ultimate Sex Kryptonite song.
7) Sonseed: Jesus is My Friend Christian ska, by some people who really have no business playing ska at all. So, obviously, no sex will ever be happening to this song.
8) Jade Michael and the FTSU Crew: Go My Own Way A Men’s Rights classic! MRAs will be too busy “going their own way” to have sex to this, while the rest of us will be laughing too hard.
9) Rick Dees: Disco Duck On second thought, I think it might actually be possible to have sex to this song. Possibly even awesome sex.
Back ON topic, song I don’t really wanna have sex to, although MRA:s would probably find it pretty encouraging:
If I’m paying attention to the music during sexytime, something else isn’t getting enough of my attention. YMMV. Also, on the sagging pants front, our neighborhood barber shop has a tasteful sign by the door, reading ‘pull up your pants, nobody wants to see your underwear ‘.
@Dvarghundpossen
[Trigger warning for sexual assault]
This is an actual comment thread on the video:
The fuck is this shit? I’m absolutely horrified.
Horrified is the only appropriate reaction. That is fucking rape culture, right there.
Here is a funny video about hedgehogs. (But even with this, I’d be afraid to read the comments.)
Oh that is SUPER CREEPY. I mean, not particularly the first comment, it happens all the time that teenagers where one is like two-three years older than the other have sex… Heck, I had a sixteen-year-old boyfriend when I was eighteen, and I don’t see that as even a little bit creepy. It’s just two years. BUUUUT the next comment who immediately jumps to a rape scenario?????? WTF?????
I ought to add that I didn’t read the comments before posting the video.
And as more brain bleach, here is a nice story about how most human beings are decent and kind.
And a cat giving a dog a massage:
Dvärghundspossen, It is my strict policy to NEVER read the comments on even the most innocuous YouTube videos unless I am prepared for the worst.
Oh that massage was super cute! Thanks!
@roger
Not only are your pretentiousness and verbosity off the charts (seriously, are you trying to write like Kant?), but you also have no understanding of our conception of privilege and the reality of this place and its regulars in the first place.
Also, it’s not mere propaganda. The likes of you are awful people without a doubt.
LOL whut
Chances that “roger” can pass a Turing test = .0001
I interpreted roger as a machine-generated parody of Manospherian grandiloquent word froth. Notice how he manages to not make a single coherent point during that entire wall of text? Brilliant!
What did Roger actually say? Whenever I try to read it, I get so bored that my eyes drift somewhere else. Seriously, not even Charles Dickens was that bad at being too verbose.
What was that? I admit I woke up feeling like shit (achievement unlocked: potentional cold), and have not made coffee yet, but that was totally nonsensical right? Ok then.
“I once caught my then-boyfriend with his button-down shirt tucked into sweatpants. That relationship didn’t last long.”
There is exactly one situation where a button down and sweats is acceptable — getting changed. But tucked in is never acceptable. Sleep in sweats and get dressed form the top down, ok, fine dude, if it suits you; ditto the reverse. But no tucking!
https://addons.mozilla.org/en-us/firefox/addon/youtube-comment-blocker/
LOL, okay sure.
Actually the funniest part about that weird word salad of Roger’s is that he opted to paste it in the music thread. Like, “Manboobz is discussing music it would be good/bad to have sex to? Well, I’ll show them!!!”
It’s the fashion discussion. That always makes the trolls weird. On that note, I got a vest that matches my black tie…from the women’s dept. Ladies’ vest, with a tie. I cannot wait for an excuse to wear the pair (GRAH, probably gonna get another psych lecture when I show up clearly put together because NEW ANDROGYNOUS CLOTHES…yep, that totally means I’m sane >.<)
Odds of my shirt being tucked in? Approaching zero. Of course, I’m thinking skinny jeans so I can tuck ’em into my knee high leather (lovely) boots.
My fiance, a proud progressive and devoted, though less proud Rush fan, has asked me to point out that Neil Peart has disavowed objectivism.
@Argenti
I actually tried on a pair of lovely knee high leather boots and a corset when I visited the Renaissance Fair today. Good times, good times. Didn’t buy either of them, as I lack the extra income to justify the expense. I did get a cute cheap Robin Hood hat and some wine, though.
WTF is Roger on about?
TL;DR made me feel like I was reading a manual translated to English by someone who speaks Swahili.
Roger: omit needless words. In your case, all of them.
hellkell — it almost felt like he took all critism of every government and replaced government/country name with manboobz. Either that or was replacing “AVfM should denounce violence” with “manboobz should denounce violence”…like we host a terrorism manifesto…
Goddamnit, my tie is longer than my vest and I lack an appropriate jacket!
Amnesia — that sounds awesome
Roger’s entire post can be boiled down to: “You suck, and I hate you”.
Argenti: it did have that whiff of wingnuttery.