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Homophobia totally the fault of straight women, according to Men’s Rights Redditors

Men forced into macho straightjacked by straight women's expectations, out cruising for chicks.
Men forced into hypermasculine role by straight women, out cruising for chicks.

So we learned the other day from that Man Going His Own Way that male violence was, like, totally the fault of evil sexy ladies. Now, from this Men’s Rights Redditor, we learn that homophobia — or at least homophobia directed at gay men — is all the fault of straight women and their desire for macho dudes. Because straight men don’t ever express any sort of hostility towards gay or effeminate men — it’s just those darn ladies!

I've said this many times in different circumstances, but I fully believe the push for hyper-masculinity is not caused by a desire to prove masculinity to ones peers or caused by some latent homophobia. The cause of hyper-masculinity and its associated homophobic undertones is caused by straight women and what they as a group have deemed "totally unacceptable" in a mate.  Appearing gay (I'm gay) has never really caused me any heartache within a group of men. Even if those men don't know I'm gay and just think I'm an effeminate weirdo. In mixed groups of men and women, it has. I think it stems from female judgement of men who aren't "masculine enough" to be inferior for relationships, men pick up on it and boost up the masculinity and inter-male aggression/intolerance of behaviors not considered normal.  It also comes from widespread female intolerance of any sort of homosexual or "appearing homosexual" behavior in potential mates, an intolerance which isn't found among men. Ask any straight man you know if he would dump his girlfriend/wife if he found out she had lesbian sex before they were dating. Now ask any straight woman you know if she would dump her boyfriend/husband if she found out he had gay sex before they were dating. I have asked these questions to many people. The answers have always backed up my position. I actually had a couple women tell me that they would leave their husbands if they found out that he had fooled around with a guy as young as highschool.
But, huh, what about all those straight dudes who are always calling other dudes “gay” and, you know, that other word that starts with an “f?”

Well, apparently that’s just playful joshing. No harm, no foul! If anything, it shows how wonderfully tolerant of gayness these guys are. I mean, come on, if you can’t see this, you must be stupid, or something. Or so says this other Men’s Rights Redditor:

It takes some advanced cognitive ability to comprehend why most men tease one another for being gay. It has little to do with homosexuality, real or perceived. It is about acceptance. It is also about challenging perception. When one man calls his friend "gay", he is playfully asserting his own dominance over his friend. He is also insinuating not only that he would still accept and love his friend, but also that he recognizes that everyone's at least a little gay, and that they have both grown out of any childish notions of homosexuality being bad and thereby being hurt by being called "gay". They are sharing a bonding experience of mutual acceptance, playfulness, and even affection through this social ritual. One could even suggest that faux male gay shaming is a method of expressing homosexuality in a manner that rates low enough on the kinsey scale to suit their comfort.  Or we could just take it at face value and refuse to explore the psychodynamic behind the process. It seems more convenient when obtuseness is a preferred weapon.

They’re just having a little fun. You’re not against fun, are you?

Thanks to the AgainstMen’sRights subreddit for pointing me to these quotes.

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grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

Can’t imagine how traumatic it must have been for that poor 7-year-old child that all these people freaked out about her wanting to be a Girl Scout.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

The only cases I’ve seen of women really displaying any strong dislike of the behaviors this guy means by “gay” have been in situations where the women were really into macho guys and they were looking for someone to date or fuck. That’s a sexual preference, not bullying. It’s expressed by not fucking the person whose behavior doesn’t turn you on.*

All of which is kind of irrelevant to you if you’re a gay man.

*I, on the other hand, tend to like the men who women like that don’t want to fuck, because women are not the Borg.

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

I meant condemning/mocking someone for being gay (which I think counts as bullying), which is why I brought Dr. Laura as an example.

guffaw-ferrets
guffaw-ferrets
11 years ago

[potential TW for mention of homophobic threats]

Huh. I know this particular MRA screed is mostly about gay men (because, c’mon, it’s not like MRAs actually understand that lesbians even *exist*, tying into ^^ what Maude said) — but I’ll be sure to remember this next time some strange dude on the street starts hassling and even tries to physically assault me and my lady friend when we’re just walking around minding our own business.

It’s not like women can’t be weird towards gay women (also tying into what Maude said) — but in my near-thirty years of being a fairly gender-role-atypical woman who loves other women and all that goes along with it, I’ve pretty much only ever had *men* follow me and a ladyfriend down a city block in a car or on foot, asking us where our boyfriends were, hurling taunts and threats, getting really pissed off and even violent when we ignore them or respond curtly, etc. (Once we even had some dude stop dead in the middle of the sidewalk in SoHo, NYC, block my path, and hold his hand up in my face as if to smack me. We kept walking around him without a word, and he and his bro-friend followed us shouting, “What, b****es, d**es don’t high-five??”)
I’ve had women cut me to the bone emotionally, but I’ve never been physically afraid of women who’ve passed us on the street. Can’t exactly say the same for random men.

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

Well, “brought UP” anyway…

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

GymRat is setting off my troll-dar, actually, because he seems to be specifically referring to the fact that some women do refuse to get into relationships with men who aren’t macho and framing that as a way that women oppress men who are insufficiently manly, and I’m just not seeing why a gay man would key in on that in particular as the reason women are terrible. There’s something off about the whole thing. Maybe someone trolling them again?

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

It’s absolutely puzzling to me – much like FeMRAs. The group in general is downright bigoted and the idea of a woman, a gay individual, a transgender person, etc. is absolutely bizarre and kind of frustrating to try figuring out.

It’s like being a black slave during the Civil War and fighting for the Confederacy, blaming abolitionists for all their horrible conditions. It’s ass-backwards logic.

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

Gah! I mean “a woman, a gay individual, a transgender person, etc. JOINING THE GROUP”.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

I guess maybe he’s offering this idea up in the hope that it will make the other MRAs more likely to accept him? So very much like the FEMRAs.

I feel sad for people like that, at least until they start doing things like writing apologias for Saville.

auggziliary
auggziliary
11 years ago

With the civil war metaphor, you have to remember that these women feel superior, one form of patriarchy is saying that women can be equal to men only if they also take care of their “womanly duties”. So these women just view themselves as more clever and moral than us feminist slutbags since that form of patriarchy praises them and makes them feel like a special kind of girl.
Btw, I’m typing on an iPad and I find it rather difficult… Sorry it this seemed too brief or “off” in some way.

auggziliary
auggziliary
11 years ago

Yeah sorry that didn’t make sense, the iPad typing makes me sound high or something…

Niki M. Quirkypants
11 years ago

*delurks*

Man, I want to meet this fellow, just watch his head explode when I tell him that there’s an entire freakin’ diverse genre of male/male romance novels written by and enjoyed by some ladyfolk.

But we’re such contrary creatures that we’ll pay money for stories about people we secretly despise.

katz
11 years ago

But we’re such contrary creatures that we’ll pay money for stories about people we secretly despise.

MRAs wouldn’t think there was anything odd about being aroused by people you despise.

Clyde
Clyde
11 years ago

Only tangentially related, but in today’s feminist climate I’d argue (it’s a recurring theme on AVfM too) that it’s in fact easier to be gay than straight. Feminist’s and women’s behavior is so uniformly poor, and so influenced by feminist entitlement, that it’s very difficult for men- especially white men- to engage in a heterosexual relationship without accepting emotional abuse and demeaning behavior from a misandrist partner who sees them as less than fully human.

It’s one reason I think gays are somewhat underrepresented in the MRM- they don’t have that visceral experience that so often serves as a “lightbulb” moment.

Niki M. Quirkypants
11 years ago

MRAs wouldn’t think there was anything odd about being aroused by people you despise.

Good point.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Another delurker! Squee! Please accept this Complimentary Welcome Package!

eumenidis
eumenidis
11 years ago

“MRAs wouldn’t think there was anything odd about being aroused by people you despise.”

I’ve long been of the opinion that some people find it essential to despise the people they desire sexually.

Niki M. Quirkypants
11 years ago

Argenti:

Another delurker! Squee! Please accept this Complimentary Welcome Package!

I get welcome prezzies? Sankyuu!

Clyde:

to engage in a heterosexual relationship without accepting emotional abuse and demeaning behavior from a misandrist partner who sees them as less than fully human.

Funny, I’ve never seen any of my male partners are less than human. The human part is kinda part of the attraction.

You may be speaking out of your ass on this one. Jus’saying.

katz
11 years ago

I’ve long been of the opinion that some people find it essential to despise the people they desire sexually.

True.

cloudiah
11 years ago

Only tangentially related, but in today’s feminist climate I’d argue (it’s a recurring theme on AVfM too) that it’s in fact easier to be gay than straight.

Yet another way that MRAs minimize the oppression of other populations. “Ladies are mean to my boner” is just exactly the same as this.

Nepenthe
Nepenthe
11 years ago

Feminist’s and women’s behavior is so uniformly poor, and so influenced by feminist entitlement, that it’s very difficult for men- especially white men- to engage in a heterosexual relationship without accepting emotional abuse and demeaning behavior from a misandrist partner who sees them as less than fully human.

Yeah, it’s somewhat amazing that my girlfriend and I get along, given that we’re both so influenced by feminist entitlement. We’ve had to started switching off who’s going to divorce rape who weekly.

And, because I just can’t look away, Clyde, you say that it’s especially hard for white men to date women. Why do you think that non-white men have an easier time?

cloudiah
11 years ago

Oh, trigger warning on that link for violence — I hit post too soon.

cloudiah
11 years ago

Nepenthe, I suspect it’s for the same reason Clyde thinks it’s much easier to be gay than straight.

Nepenthe
Nepenthe
11 years ago

Cloudiah, I don’t just want to hear a description of the (unoccupied) train crash. I want to watch.

AK
AK
11 years ago

I’ve also had the experience of men liking the *idea* of me being bi, but freaking out over the reality. Specifically, I’ve dated a few guys who were really bothered that I’d been in committed long-term relationships with women. They loved the idea of me sleeping with women but were upset by the fact that I actually *dated* women in the past. And some got downright resentful that I’m not into threesomes. Needless to say, I dumped their asses the moment these traits flared up, but it has happened to me on several occasions.

Also I have no words to express how funny I find the “it’s easier to be gay” post by Clyde.