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Homophobia totally the fault of straight women, according to Men’s Rights Redditors

Men forced into macho straightjacked by straight women's expectations, out cruising for chicks.
Men forced into hypermasculine role by straight women, out cruising for chicks.

So we learned the other day from that Man Going His Own Way that male violence was, like, totally the fault of evil sexy ladies. Now, from this Men’s Rights Redditor, we learn that homophobia — or at least homophobia directed at gay men — is all the fault of straight women and their desire for macho dudes. Because straight men don’t ever express any sort of hostility towards gay or effeminate men — it’s just those darn ladies!

I've said this many times in different circumstances, but I fully believe the push for hyper-masculinity is not caused by a desire to prove masculinity to ones peers or caused by some latent homophobia. The cause of hyper-masculinity and its associated homophobic undertones is caused by straight women and what they as a group have deemed "totally unacceptable" in a mate.  Appearing gay (I'm gay) has never really caused me any heartache within a group of men. Even if those men don't know I'm gay and just think I'm an effeminate weirdo. In mixed groups of men and women, it has. I think it stems from female judgement of men who aren't "masculine enough" to be inferior for relationships, men pick up on it and boost up the masculinity and inter-male aggression/intolerance of behaviors not considered normal.  It also comes from widespread female intolerance of any sort of homosexual or "appearing homosexual" behavior in potential mates, an intolerance which isn't found among men. Ask any straight man you know if he would dump his girlfriend/wife if he found out she had lesbian sex before they were dating. Now ask any straight woman you know if she would dump her boyfriend/husband if she found out he had gay sex before they were dating. I have asked these questions to many people. The answers have always backed up my position. I actually had a couple women tell me that they would leave their husbands if they found out that he had fooled around with a guy as young as highschool.
But, huh, what about all those straight dudes who are always calling other dudes “gay” and, you know, that other word that starts with an “f?”

Well, apparently that’s just playful joshing. No harm, no foul! If anything, it shows how wonderfully tolerant of gayness these guys are. I mean, come on, if you can’t see this, you must be stupid, or something. Or so says this other Men’s Rights Redditor:

It takes some advanced cognitive ability to comprehend why most men tease one another for being gay. It has little to do with homosexuality, real or perceived. It is about acceptance. It is also about challenging perception. When one man calls his friend "gay", he is playfully asserting his own dominance over his friend. He is also insinuating not only that he would still accept and love his friend, but also that he recognizes that everyone's at least a little gay, and that they have both grown out of any childish notions of homosexuality being bad and thereby being hurt by being called "gay". They are sharing a bonding experience of mutual acceptance, playfulness, and even affection through this social ritual. One could even suggest that faux male gay shaming is a method of expressing homosexuality in a manner that rates low enough on the kinsey scale to suit their comfort.  Or we could just take it at face value and refuse to explore the psychodynamic behind the process. It seems more convenient when obtuseness is a preferred weapon.

They’re just having a little fun. You’re not against fun, are you?

Thanks to the AgainstMen’sRights subreddit for pointing me to these quotes.

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Dvärghundspossen
11 years ago

Oh, just remembered that AWFUL SATC episode about bisexuality… one reason why I absolutely hate SATC.

GreySky
GreySky
11 years ago

Gymrat’s cognitive abilities are certainly too advanced for me. Either that, or that post *is* actually as full of fail and burning stupid as I think it is.

Aruba
Aruba
11 years ago

@Dvärghundspossen

I just read the script of that episode (where they discuss about bisexuality) and it is terrible. I hate SATC too. They reinforce the ugliness in ugly stereotypes. Ugh.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

Silly question: What’s SATC?

talacaris
talacaris
11 years ago

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Any suggestions for content?

thebionicmommy
thebionicmommy
11 years ago

SATC means Sex and the City, the TV show from HBO.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@bionicmommy

Thanks. Just hadn’t seen it abbreviated like that before.

Gillian
Gillian
11 years ago

Well, you know, there was no reality before he was born, and now that he’s around, his experience is totally, completely, 100% the same as all other experience, everywhere. And his feeling completely safe among and accepted by the men around him has totally nothing at all to do with decades of work and struggle (and the brutalization and death) by others on his behalf toward acceptance (or with potential class or other privilege on his part).

Because he said so.

And that’s real.

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

That SATC episode was awful, wow. I’d forgotten all about it.

Tipping my hat to everyone in this thread who spoke so eloquently about the perception of bi men and bi women.

MrFancyPants
MrFancyPants
11 years ago

It’s amazing what these people can come up with starting from the simple premise that women are to blame for absolutely everything that they don’t like!

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
11 years ago

Yes, I like to playfully assert dominance over my friends by chastising their potential love lives. It’s all in good fun. I mean, obviously, the kind of good fun where I imply they are inferior and I’m better for not being what they are, but, you know, fun!

Curious.

freemage
11 years ago

On the bi men/women thing, it all boils down to patriarchy. After all, both the assumption that bi women are actually straight, AND the assumption that bi men are actually all gay, are equally based on the notion that they really want to sleep with the cis-, straight dude making the base claim (and which then gets repeated and magnified through the media to get other people to say it, too, per standard patriarchy mechanisms). So yeah, it’s all about us (where ‘us’ refers to straight, cis- men).

Blech. I hate being able to remember that mindset so clearly.

TheSambaNoodler
TheSambaNoodler
11 years ago

Soo…. The famously homophobic Mr. Hitler who wanted to execute gays along with the Jews was just joshing around and having a little fun, eh? Or maybe he was a lady in disguise wearing a really bad fake moustache? It’s probably that. After all, stating a lot of evil despots have been straight white males… MISANDRY, MISANDRY! But stating a lot of great things have been achieved by straight white males… APEX FALLACY!!! [Or is that the one which they use to “prove” 99.9% of men are amazing overachievers because 0.1% of men have amazingly overachieved? I forget.]

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

Gymrat totally explained to me why the Boy Scouts are still resisting allowing gays to be scout leaders while the Girl Scouts have been accepting them for years.

Except he didn’t.

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

I’m kind of tangenting, but I just reminded myself of this letter to the editor I saw in the San Francisco Chronicle last week:

“Let tradition alone

A recent writer seems to support the idea of girls joining the Boy Scouts (“No atheist scouts,” Letters, May 27).

I assume by the same logic that he would also support the idea of boys being able to join the Girl Scouts. That, of course, leads to the image of boys someday selling those famous (and mostly delectable) Girl Scout cookies.

Shouldn’t some venerable traditions be left alone?”
(http://www.sfchronicle.com/opinion/letterstoeditor/article/Letters-to-the-editor-May-29-4555022.php)

I wonder why the author or this letter seems to think boys selling cookies is such a horrible thing to imagine?

cloudiah
11 years ago

I actually didn’t know that about the Girl Scouts. Interesting that gay men are still viewed as so predatory that they can’t be allowed around Boy Scouts.

And boys selling cookies — THE HORROR!!!

girlofthegaps
girlofthegaps
11 years ago

It takes some advanced cognitive ability dissonance to comprehend why most men tease one another for being gay.

I suspect that is more… accurate.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

What about women who actively prefer men who are bi, because they are too? Eh, whatever, I’m used to not existing in the minds of zealots.

People really can be weird about men who’re bi, though. With my ex I got the “what if he cheats on you with a man?” questions occasionally, which was odd because all of the people asking knew that I was bi too. I’m not sure if they didn’t think my cheating with a woman was a possibility or if they thought that would be less-bad than him doing it? I dunno, I don’t speak bi-phobic weirdo.

katz
11 years ago

NOOO NOT BOYS WITH COOKIES!

katz
11 years ago

Incidentally, grumpycat, it seems safe to assume that when he says “girls joining the Boy Scouts,” he means trans* boys?

ostara321
ostara321
11 years ago

I actually didn’t know that about the Girl Scouts. Interesting that gay men are still viewed as so predatory that they can’t be allowed around Boy Scouts.

No doubt this is the fault of evil women wanting to deprive poor men of everything.

What’s funny to me about GymRat’s bit is that he actually says that no women have ever told him to be hypermasculine and abuse less masculine, gay or perceived gay guys, just says it’s something “men pick up” on. So not only are all women supposedly controlling straight guys to be douchey to gay men, but we’re doing it silently WITH OUR MINDS.

cloudiah
11 years ago

Can I just say how amusing I’m finding it that everyone is totally ignoring our boring troll on the Fidelbogen thread?

Also, can’t stay, have meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetings, but there’s a pretty funny misreading of an interview on dating by a feminist from WAM! — misread by The Spreadhead, and then by r/mr. (Said feminist does get some deserved heat from feminists for mis-gendering trans* men in her interview, but at least she apologizes in the comments.) Anyway, she describes an obviously successful run of dating feminist men and women, and in one paragraph talks about being frustrated with a particular type of feminist man, so of course Price and the misters use this to prove that all feminists secretly want to date manly anti-feminist man-men. Also, she’s a size 16, so lots of “She is not pleasing my boner” comments too.

It’s a regular bonanza of crapitude!

saintnick86
saintnick86
11 years ago

More messages from Bizarro World – how fun!

I mean, from experience, it’s been the complete opposite: straight men bullying gay men for somehow being “unmanly” (not that they even know what that means) than as any sort of “friendly jest.” While there are women who do the same, like Dr. Laura, many tend to show empathy and support. I guess I was just brainwashed by the Gyno-Centric New World Order…

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
11 years ago

There was actually a big backlash against the Girl Scouts after they accepted a trans girl last year in Colorado: http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2012/01/religious-right-calls-girl-scout-cookie-boycott