In a post ostensibly about the imminent arrival of female Viagra, our dear friend JudgyBitch weighs in on yet another subject about which she knows shit: the reasons that women who are not her might not want to have sex with their husbands:
Loss of libido in women, excepting rare medical conditions, in my opinion, is a direct result of not seeing men as emotionally complex beings. If you’re married, at some point, your husband probably stood in front of you and promised to love you forever. Rejecting him physically is a very wounding thing to do. It hurts. Sex is one of the most important, intimate ways married couples show that they love one another. Refusing to have sex with your husband is telling him, in a very painful way, that you don’t love him. That you don’t care for him or about him.
Huh. If I hadn’t seen her on video, thus confirming her status as an adult human female, I would have a hard time believing that it was an actual woman saying this and not some horny, creepy teenage boy in the process of trying to manipulate his girlfriend into “going all the way.”
Oh, but she’s got more:
I guess the only way to justify that is to think of men as emotionless. It doesn’t hurt men to be rejected because they don’t feel anything to begin with.
Really? The only way to justify saying “no” to your husband when you don’t want to have sex with him is if you convince yourself he’s emotionless? But women should just force themselves to say “yes” to sex when they don’t want to and simply endure what follows?
That’s the ugly little reality behind female viagara. Will it actually boost women’s libido? Who knows. What difference will it make, though, if women are going to continue to see men as less than completely human? That’s the real problem.
Does anyone know where to get irony meters at a reasonable price? Mine just leapt off the table, ran around the room screaming, and exploded.
Women usually lose sex drive (from what I have read from psychology books) from the lack of intimacy with the husband, for example if the husband is a jerk who does not help her around the house and expects her to do it all. She will be exhausted, she will lose attraction to him because he is being a moron. When it comes to sex both partners should work on keeping the fire. It should not be one way, and the wife should not just always do it, just because. Although, I am against sexual manipulation (withholding sex because of a fight – especially if that fight is over something small, in such cases sex could actually solve the particular fight).
potential TMI:
I refuse to have sex with my husband these days, because I tell him that it would be uncomfortable for me. (I’m 7 months pregnant). *Not* rejecting him physically would hurt me.
Also with the baby kicking all the time, It feels really creepy to me if we start getting it on, even in ways that wouldn’t bug all my excessively sensitive bits.
Fortunately, my husband isn’t an ass and doesn’t say the things judgybitch (and what feels like the rest of the world) says.
Shorter JB: Everything that goes on with a woman is about a man/men.
And GreySky nails it.
Didn’t follow the link. Is she talking about the kind of situation where a couple doesn’t have sex for weeks or months, which really does suck and which can seriously make you feel like you’re not pretty? Or does she really consider “Aw, honey, I’m sorry, but I’m just too tired tonight” to be misandry?
I mean hell, most people can deal with that just fine with a “okay, could you just keep the door closed for about a half-hour then?”. Most halfway mature people, anyway.
Didn’t follow the link. Is she talking about the kind of situation where a couple doesn’t have sex for weeks or months, which really does suck and which can seriously make you feel like you’re not pretty? Or does she really consider “Aw, honey, I’m sorry, but I’m just too tired tonight” to be misandry?
I mean hell, most people can deal with that just fine with a “okay, could you just keep the door closed for about a half-hour then?”. Most halfway mature people, anyway.
Sorry for the double post. Phone is misbehaving.
Well of course “I’m too tired” is misandry. Women obviously contribute nothing to society and therefore can’t be tired. I know that when I got done with my 28-hour travel day home, I was really just trying to bring my husband down by not getting with him.
Again, glad I’m a non-romantic asexual. These relationships don’t ever seem worth the trouble.
Well, I can buy that certain kinds of rejection would require not seeing your husband as fully human. Like, if you were to shout in his face “How DARE you approach me in a sexual way, you disgusting smelly piece of shit? How DARE you believe anyone would ever want to have sex with you?” and then finish it off with a super-villain laugh while twirling your moustache (obviously, as a man hater, you have hair everywhere).
Even if she is, she couldn’t jump to the conclusion that the person who doesn’t want to have sex for weeks or months must see the other one as emotionless and non-human. I grant that a person who’s first interested in sex and then lose all that interest shows that there are problems in the marriage, but there are all kinds of problems one can have which doesn’t boil down to “seeing one’s spouse as emotionless and non-human”.
Of course. I was just trying to guage how ridiculous she was being.
So… Her solution is the woman then has to be non-human, because she has no right to say no? That’s pretty much what she’s advocating. I don’t get this notion MRA’s and the like have that not doing everything a man wants all the time is taking away his rights. News flash both men and women can both have rights, at the same time even! It’s really not that hard to navigate.
For some reason, this is all reminding me of an earlier (and hilarious) discussion on this very blog.
Vagina-havers must do their duty by penis-havers, after all.
Also, I think it is important to tell you that my cat Buster just jumped higher than my head trying to catch a fly. (I’m 5’8″.) Cats are impressive creatures.
Damn she’s dumb. What if it’s the man who doesn’t want sex, or does that never happen in her fantasy land?
In other news, Vegas was fun, and my ass is dragging.
@ cloudiah
That is impressive. Have you considered encouraging your cat to take up a sport or fight crime or something?
Hey, hellkell! Would you like me to make you a gin & tonic? A cup of tea? Glad you had fun in Sin City.
augochlorella, if I could sew I would make her a little cape.
For most MRAs, I imagine this situation is true. Many women want to have sex with men who are interesting and emotionally mature human beings. That isn’t a description you can apply to most MRAs.
@Cloudiah if I could sew I would make your cat a little cape, just to see it.
o.O
I don’t see how this makes any sense. I’m glad that she specified that it’s her opinion because opinion is basically meaningless in subjects where there are actual facts to consider, but even taking that into account, I don’t see how it follows that not being horny means you think men are cardboard cutouts.
I don’t have a direct experience of this, because I’m man-bodied, and everyone knows that men and women are different species, but when I have a low libido, it’s because I am an emotionally complex being who has shit going on outside of the bedroom, some of which is draining… and sometimes I’m just not all that horny, just because I’m not always swimming in hormones. It seems to me that, if my own experiences with low libido are related to my own emotional complexity, and not the lack of it in my partners, then it’s probably a similar cause in the lady-shaped humans around me.
… and I need to learn to punctuate properly. :
I am very afraid of her channel. Anyone has watched it? (anyone with a stronger stomach than mine?)
There’s a video about Rape Culture which, although I’m curious to know what she could have said, I’m afraid of watching.
On topic… isn’t a couple made of 2 people? and if the guy wants no sex? I have heard of couples in which the man is not interested and, to me, it’s an issue that should be discussed within the couple. The examples I have heard usually meant relationship problems. When they were solved, when they were, the sexual problem was also solved.
I expect the prospective market for this female Viagra are middle-aged women like myself (somewhere between menopause and death) who find that their libidos have flat-lined along with their hormone levels. I would be thrilled to recover my desire, not to please my partner so much as to recapture part of the vigor of my youth. I’ve even tried low doses of testosterone, to no avail and a variety of herbal products. JudyBitch, judge not lest thee be judged.
Also, is it possible that part of the venom directed a female Viagra is the fear that women, particularly older women, might demand more sex than their husbands can provide?
@Pineapplecookies,
Re/ watching JudyBitch’s channel, be afraid. Be very afraid.