So “dating” guru Roosh has a post up on his Return of Kings blog by another self-professed dating guru, Alex Matlock, who rates various types of “bad sex” according to the type of female partner who’s involved in them, including such charmingly named types as “The one that tries too much (aka The Disaster)” and “The one that doesn’t move (aka The Starfish or The Doll).”
I expected a good deal of standard-issue manosphere misogyny in Matlock’s list, but I honestly couldn’t make it past his description of what he regards as the second-worst type of female sex partner: “The one that’s scared (aka The Virgin).” Because what he’s describing doesn’t sound so much like “bad sex” as “date rape.”
[TRIGGER WARNING for what follows; emphasis mine.]
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This girl doesn’t necessarily have to be a virgin because she can still act the part many years after she’s popped that priceless cherry. She will usually look at you with fear in her eyes as if she has no idea about what’s going to happen. She gently pushes you away as if she’s not ready for the event and when it does happen she continues to act like it’s the first time. She usually sits in some extremely awkward positions that make you give up and just go missionary. This girl will eventually bust your nut but she’ll surely leave you with a sense of disappointment and/or guilt.
Uh, Mr. Matlock, I’m hoping for everyone’s sake that this is a hypothetical “humorous” scenario you’ve come up with for the sake of this article and not something you’ve been a part of in the actual real world on a regular basis, because, unless you’ve left out that portion of the hypothetical events in which the woman in question clearly and unequivocally consents to having sex with your hypothetical protagonist here, what you’ve just described as “bad sex” (for the hypothetical dude) is actually a description of, well, rape from the point of view of the rapist.
In which case that twinge of guilt your hypothetical protagonist hypothetically feels is probably just the tiny part of his hypothetical self that’s still human reacting to the fact that he JUST (hypothetically) FUCKING RAPED SOMEONE.
MRAs and PUAs and manospherean assholes generally like to pretend that consent is some weird and mysterious thing, but it’s really not. Here’s a hint: if a women looks at you with fear in her eyes and pushes you away all while sitting in a position that makes sex difficult …. all that means NO.
The fact that Matlock — despite those twinges of guilt — still doesn’t regard this as the worst kind of “bad sex” (for the guy) but merely the second-worst adds a certain level of absurdity to the horror.
Given Roosh’s publication of this piece by Matlock, and the fact that he himself has already confessed to committing what would be considered date rape by American standards by having sex with at woman too inebriated to give consent, perhaps it’s time to stop referring to Roosh as a dating guru and to start referring to him as a date rape guru.
I don’t really have anything else to say.
Here, as brain bleach, are some cats with smaller versions of themselves:
He seems to discourage people from raping women on the grounds that it isn’t much fun, though. That’s better than Roosh.
Dammit, I was totally hoping it was going to be a response to some creepy PUA talking about how to get sex from women who don’t want it, and he’d be saying “Um, dude, why would you want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to have sex with you?”
I have far too much faith in humanity.
NOT MUCH BETTER
David, I swear to God I didn’t see your post until after I had posted my own this morning! This truly was a coincidence.
I … I think I’m just going to focus on the cats.
Do the commenters ever call this shit out, or do they cheer it on? I shouldn’t go look, should I?
You’ve really outdone yourself with these cat pics, though.
la strega, hey, we both write about the same dudes, so it’s bound to happen.
emily, when I looked, none of the commenters were calling him out in any way whatsoever. The only mention of the word “rape” was in reference to some guy getting “raped” in a divorce.
I can’t claim credit for finding all these cat pics — someone else put them together into one collection that’s floating around the internet.
These are the best cat pics I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen a lot of cat pics.
I went and looked. At least no one else is admitting to having raped anyone.
Minty’s there too, teal deer and all. Does he fancy himself a PUA, or do you think he followed the link from here?
Alex, that guilt you’re feeling is because YOU RAPED SOMEONE. You should feel guilty, forever.
Jesus H. Tapdancing CHRIST I just can’t with dudes like this.
I love the kittiehs. They are totally making me forget about Roosh or his guest blogger or whoever.
Yeah, man, it’s such a bummer when the woman you’re raping doesn’t make enough of an effort to hide her fear and disgust. It’s her who should feel guilty, really.
(The sad thing is that I’m willing to bet there’s at least one person in the comments over there saying exactly the same thing in an un-ironic way.)
Only PUAs can write a post about rape where they focus on the “problem” that the quality of the sex isn’t very high for the rapist.
Also, I do think “date rape guru” should in fact be the new descriptor for Roissy and his ilk.
Finally, totally OT, but the #1 top post on r/mr right now is about their weird little fantasy of men being punished because they held a door open for an evil feminist. It has just exploded!
He even takes the time to clarify that he isn’t particularly talking about virgins, just in case anybody naive about MRAs/PUAs might give him the benefit of the doubt and think he could just be referring to consensual sex with a woman who is just nervous on her first time…
So I’m wondering, is this one of those guys who thinks that false rape accusations are a huge problem?
Also, I am pretty sure Typhon Blue (TRIGGER WARNING: who as you remember thinks it is evil for a woman to turn a man into a rapist without HIS consent by denying HER consent, thereby proving that all women who are raped are in fact the real rapists) would totally endorse the idea that a MORE TRIGGER WARNING woman being raped has a moral duty to make the sex good for her rapist because otherwise she’s just livestock or something, blah blah blah
[goes back to looking at the kitties]
Mot and Minimot
Some of the commenters, including Minty, noted that there is massive pressure on women not to be “sluts”…but mostly they’re complaining about why this is terrible for them and makes their boners sad, because women aren’t good enough in bed. But if they are good in bed, they’re probably diseased whores, and saying so has nothing to do with that pressure not to be “slutty”, and round and round we go…
@katz, I had the same reaction when I read the title of this post. I was really expecting something about how you should make sure your partner is actually into the sex if for no other reason than sex with an unenthusiastic partner isn’t as fun. Which, you know, is an amazing step up from the typical PUA horribleness.
I am apparently terribly naive.
@Cloudiah I did not know that about Typhon Blue. HOLY SHIT.
I shudder to think what he thinks the worst kind of sex is, if rape is only second worst.
Brain bleach: not kittehs, but still adorable.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6p7ncqj4f1r1c5w7o1_500.jpg
I’m not at all surprised that an MRA “dating guru” would describe a woman who appears coerced or terrorized into having sex, rather than being a willing participant, as a “type” of dud sex partner. If anything, I’m only surprised that having sex with a woman who “just lies there” was classified as bad sex (though I’m sure such sex is quite fine with some MRAs).
emilygoddess, Read the typhonblue thread from a few days ago; links in the comments as well as the OP of course. I mean, if you can stomach it.
Also focusing on beautiful, beautiful kittehs.
This is a great post about kitties, Dave.
Also, my favorite door-holding story? Hands on crutches cannot open door. Thus, push with butt against door. Thus weight is being partially supported by pressure of door on butt. (Newton’s Third, dontcha kno?)
HelpfulGuyTM on other side of glass door HelpfullyTM yanks door open. I fall on my ass.
HelpfulGuyTM then proceeds to lecture me about how he is HelpfulTM, and how guilty it makes him feel when I don’t keep my balance when he’s just TryingToHelpTM.
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Totally OT: Argenti asked about pronouns: I tend to use she/her in everyday life out of convenience and feel comfortable with them from a gender perspective, but for political reasons, when in a group that can use them without either a) constantly getting them wrong, or b) throwing a fit, I tend to prefer ze/hir.
You can judge your own fit-throwing likelihood, but I estimate it as low.