So I spent a little time reading through The Red Pill subreddit yesterday and if there’s one thing that Red Pill Redditors aren’t, it’s fucking betas. No fucking way. They’re like the total fucking opposite of betas. And by that I mean they are ALPHA DOGS 4 LIFE.
Case in point: The totally rad insults they use to put the bitches in their place, as collected together in the recent thread “What Is The Most Cutting Insult You Have Said To A Woman Infield?” I mean, even the fact that they HAVE such a thread is totally ALPHA DOG but just listen to this ALPHA DOG shit they totally really say to women in real life totally for real:
That’s right! Emphasis totally his! In your face, old bitch!
I mean, that’s up there with Oscar Wilde’s famous line “shut up, bitch, I’m like Oscar Wilde and shit.”
Oh, but wait here’s another one:
Get it? Because she was dressed like WONDER WOMAN, but WONDER BREAD is a kind of FOOD. And if you were to eat a comically large amount of food — say, an entire factory’s worth of it — you would probably get very very FAT.
So by saying this he was implying that she was FAT.
So funny! And ALPHA as FUCK, if you’ll excuse my use of sentence enhancers for a moment. NOT THAT I NEED TO ASK YOUR PERMISSION TO SENTENCE ENHANCE. HOO-AH! DO YOU EVEN LIFT?
Hell, the Red Pillers are so ALPHA AS FUCK that some of them literally face down terrorists during their day job in law enforcement, then fuck their female partners that very night, then go to the RedPill subreddit to ask the assembled ALPHA AS FUCK Redditors for some romantic advice just in case they’re acting maybe a little too much like a beta with oneitis, even after that whole staring down terrorists thing.
You might need to read that whole thread to see just how totally ALPHA AS FUCK it is. And obviously there’s no chance whatsoever that DoneWithBeta is making any of it up, I mean, who would do that, just go on the internet and make things up? That is so totally not alpha, why would anyone associated with the Red Pill subreddit do such a thing?
Oh, wait, it turns out that the post might just have been a little bit of an internet joke, and that DoneWithBeta’s story might just have been borrowed a teensy bit from the 2010 action comedy MacGruber. Apparently, none of the regulars in the Red Pill subreddit are beta enough to actually go to movies, because none of them noticed. But, hey, they did give the guy some totally ALPHA DOG ADVICE, which would have worked out awesome if the story had been real and the Red Pill mods hadn’t pussied out and deleted the thread (which is still there to read, even if it’s not visible on the subreddit any more).
Also there was a whole other fake relationship advice thread based on the plot of Othello that the Red Pillers thought was totes real but that’s because ALPHA DOGS DON’T READ SHAKESPEARE.
Need I remind you that FEMINISM IS DOOMED and that we’re going to RIDE THIS BITCH TO THE BOTTOM?
Yippie-ki-yay, sentence-enhancers!
Thanks to all those sniveling beta manginas and bitches in the Blue Pill subreddit for pointing me to some of this amazing ALPHA DOG shit.
@athywren
I…I so don’t follow that ‘logic’.
These guys are manginas compared to my alpha-dom! Just the other day, these HB10 supermodel porn-star triplets who were both Asian and natural blondes broke into my apartment, tore off their clothes, and begged me to have sex with them or else their lives would have no meaning. Of course I laughed in their faces and told them they were just women and a real alpha male would never lower himself to have sex with stupid cootie girls. Then I banged all their boyfriends while they watched, crying over the misfortune of having been born female. Afterwards we got waffles.
Top that!
@Shaenon
I… I can’t. ::envy tears of my own lack of alphaness::
And then a guy cut off my penis.
…Hang on, that might have been Game of Thrones.
My favorite part of the OP is the part about “sentence enhancers.” That is straight up hilarious.
@cloudiah
“My favorite part of the OP is the part about “sentence enhancers.” That is straight up hilarious.”
I am so going to use that term in class tomorrow.
That all reads like a bunch of Jr. High boys trying to one-up each other.
There would be, but it might be a lot harder to breathe it without environmental protections.
@baroncognito
Oth without things like electricity, running water and infrastructure we might pollute a lot less. But the whole thing is silly of course…
@ Shaenon
Was there real maple syrup and wild berries on the waffles? Because I’ll only go to your carrousel if there’s syrup and berries involved.
Isn’t that second one creep-shaming? I read on the Internet that that’s terrible.
@shaenon Alpha Dom. I am not sure if your post is more or less depressing due to the fact that I have heard that used unironically.
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I’ve information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I’m teeming with a lot o’ news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
Because they are buffoons.
@ thebewilderness:
aceofsevens — please tell me you aren’t serious.
I am a 25th-level paladin who’s girlfriend is the HB25 goddess Aphrodite and I fly that fucking spider-shaped spaceship from the Demonweb Pits after putting that uppity HB80 Lolth in her place by bangin’ her silly, and my vorpal holy avenger sword with Ego 18 is totally beta in my hands and will cut you deep, mangina motherfucker.
Vorpal sword? Where’s the jabberwocky? I will have part in this! *poofs*
I read aceofsevens as pointing out the hypocrisy of MRAs “creepshaming” when they so hate having it done to them, ymmv.
Also, whenever anyone mentions “I am the very model of a modern Major-General” here, I am legally required to post this.
Fabulous Dahlink!! Udderly Fabulous.!
I’m a queen.
Well, spouse of an ex-king, but that’s still pretty damn alpha.
Of course in reality, no two-legs are alpha. That is reserved for four-legs. (Or the finned or feathered, according to what your Critter Overlord happens to be.)
Well plec is an armored catfish…armor’s alpha right?
Regardless of their age, a lot of these manosphere guys seem to be mentally stuck in high school. And the obsession with hypermasculine “alpha” behaviors is a way of overcompensating for when they were nerds who sat by pining over the cute girl who ended up dating the captain of the football team or whatever.
It’s like the cliche about people who try to relive their high school glory days, only these guys never had glory days to begin with and instead of sort of moving on from that and going on with their lives like most people do, they get obsessed with trying to make up for it by playing Alpha Big Dog on the internet.
Amoured and a catfish = even more than alpha!
becausescience, thank you, I shall now have Mr Springsteen singing Glory Days in my head all day.
Not that that’s a bad thing, mind.
Oh yes, cussing, insulting people in public, and bragging about it on the internet – so manly. *swoons*