Hey fellas! While we’re talking about the evils of the Friend Zone and possible legal sanctions against the women who so often and so maliciously put us there — and while the women are distracted by that picture of Scrooge McDuck above — I’d like to warn you of another kind of Friend Zone you need to be wary of: the “Repair Friend” Zone.
I learned of this danger from none other than Warren Farrell himself, in the pages of his book Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say (which amazingly does not have the subtitle “But It’s Not Like Angry Dudes On The Internet Are Going to Shut Up Any Time Soon”).
Here’s how old Warren explains it, perhaps exaggerating the innocence of the wily female Repair-Friend Zoners:
Single moms who rely on male friends for repairs — “he’s just a repair friend” — are often unaware that the man really isn’t sacrificing his Sunday afternoon in exchange for a Sunday night dinner. The truth is, if he’s making that type of sacrifice, it’s usually because he’s interested in her.
That’s right, ladies! Men never actually want to be just friends with you. Never. And when they act friendly, it’s just because they want to [insert weird creepy Warren Farrellesque euphemism for sex here]. Only instead of making a move on you they’d rather make a move on your car, and just sort of hope you’ll get the hint.
I’ve seen many single moms who have men who they claim are “just friends” work on their cars, do repairs, help them move. They think nothing of it. (Which says it all.) When she starts dating someone seriously, the “repair friend” feels hurt and her new boyfriend feels suspicious. And Mom feels caught between a rock and a hard place, so to speak.
Is Farrell making some sort of awkward boner joke here?
Anyway, for Farrell, this is somehow all the fault of women, and feminism, or misandry, or something.
This attitude rests on a deeper foundation. Just as women who are poor turn to the government as a substitute husband (in the form of welfare and AFDC payments), so women without husbands often unconsciously turn to substitute husbands, such as dads, “repair friends,”and male neighbors.
So, fellas, be careful out there. One moment you’ll be chatting casually over the fence with the former Mrs. Jones, and the next thing you know you’ll be in her basement buried deep in her washing machine trying to fix, I dunno, whatever is inside of washing machines that might need fixing, I’m not really very mechanical.
Come to think of it a female friend of mine had me change a light bulb the other day that she couldn’t reach. Granted, I don’t want to have sex with her, and also she’s fixed my bike on several occasions and sometimes brings me cake, but, still, I think I may have just been Light Bulb Friend Zoned.
Is that one blow job per act of competence? If so, I’m gonna be pretty tired. My friend just bought this house and there is TONS of work that needs doing on it…
Not to mention he’s gonna be pretty sore, unless I spread them around a bit…
is tons? are tons? I need more beer…
Is he implying that your dad repairs things for you expecting to get laid? D: What am I thinking, it’s Warren Farrell, of course he is.
My dad’s going to take me to lunch on my birthday. I’m quite certain all he expects in return is a nice box of golf balls on his birthday.
Ah, that’s cool that y’all did the same. It just seems reasonable and comfortable to me. Especially as I get older, the people I tend to date seem more and more to be the kind of people I’d wanna be friends with anyway, so it doesn’t feel so weird that there’s kind of a continuum…
Yay!
Funny, I always thought the reason that I trust my dad more to fix stuff than I do myself was that he’s an engineer. I had no idea that made him a substitute husband.
Pretty much everything Farrell writes makes me want to go Purell my brain.
Also, here is conclusive proof that Farrell is wrong:
I’m totally unsurprised; she was highly delighted yesterday.
I also got two new kittens but they are feral so I’ll probably have to neuter and release if I can’t get them to come out from under my desk.
Let me see if I got this.
So, in this world Farrell talks about, there are only straight men and these men only help women because they are expecting sex. Women, on the other hand, are not interested in sex and just want to use men to do her favors just ‘cos. Also, single mothers have “repair friends”.
Is that it? That sounds like a very crappy world….
And I want sushi too.
So, does this mean I can’t get the blokes at work to store the charts on the bottom shelves because that means bending that’s causing more pain to my torn knee? Somehow I think I’d take the knee pain/damage over obligatory sex with either of them – and these are guys I like.
I have also never heard the term “repair friend”. I suspect nobody outside Farrell’s porn collection has ever uttered it.
I guess it’s just as well I don’t have any male friends who do repair stuff around our place. Plumbers and electricians and the like get paid in actual money, which suits both parties fine. At least, I suppose it does. They might have trouble making a living if they got paid in sex.
Ah, that’s why Warren Farrell supported the feminist movement for all those years before suddenly getting angry and turning proto-MRA! He was repair-friend-zoned by feminism!
My mother has always been the one using the toolbox in my family.
She must have been a secret lesbian emasculating my father then. That must be why I turned out to be an amoral man-hating feminist (using a drill = hating men).
Why not sushi and booze? Two great things that are even more great together…
I helped my aunt and uncle move into a new house this March and it never even OCCURRED to me to demand they fuck me afterwards. I’m such a female mangina!
Hmm…if I help John Doe with something (moving a package, fixing something, etc.), and that means he owes me sex…what if I don’t want sex from him, and he does want to have sex with me? I’m the one who is owed something, right?
Can’t I just have him pay me money instead?
MRAs: Gold-digging whore!
So wait, does Farrell warn every guy who’s fixing something for a woman that he’s being manipulated by her? Even if she’s paying him for the service?
…Has Pierre ever been interested in repairing cars?
Is that some sort of boner joke?
I am my own repair friend. Repair masturbation? Can we make that a thing?
Also my dad does some stuff because he knows how to do it. And I designed his business cards because I know how to do THAT. No one was angling for a substitute spouse.
I can say that some of the men I dated–likely because they were individual, flawed humans like the rest of us–have done a terrible job repairing stuff for me. Thank god I wasn’t paying them in sex or I probably would broken their peen in return for the awful job they did installing my ceiling fan. That I could’ve installed myself. And had to reinstall myself once they left the house.
1) “Repair friend” is a term I have never heard used, ever. Not by anyone, anywhere, under any circumstances. Which doesn’t prove that Warren Farrell made it up, but, all the same, I’d like anyone here who has ever heard that expression before today to say so, because that would mean my suspicion is wrong.
2) I’m getting tired of hearing about the small favors women accept from men. It’s not that women never accept small favors, it’s that the favors are small, and are at times actively pressed upon the woman rather than sought after by her (so that, for example, you say you’d like a ride when you’re a years-long hiker and wouldn’t mind a walk, except that you don’t want to come across as a jerk). In the cases where the woman herself seeks out the favor or favors — well, I can understand how a dude who helps a woman move out of her old basement and into her new garret yet ends up not getting laid might end up feeling used. Still, helping a woman move house is not on a level with saving her life, or saving the life of one of her kids, or giving her a huge stock tip, or building a major medical or educational facility in her honor, or hiring her for a good job, or handing her a major promotion. The last four things are examples of the kinds of favors men who are in a position to do major favors — favors which are not small — are in the habit of bestowing on each other. Women rarely come in for these kinds of favors. (Neither do most men, but to me that’s just another reason why this fight is a stupid fight for women and most men to have.)
There may be a minor injustice involved when a woman asks a male neighbor to look her car over before she hires the kind of mechanic who gets paid, but it’s a minor injustice. She’s not stealing the food out of his mouth, injuring the prospects of his babies, or posing a threat to his peace of mind. This is especially true when, as is often the case, the man comes back after having inspected the car and tells her that he doesn’t know what’s wrong either and that she’s going to have to consult an expert.
3) Most women know how to do household repairs when the repairs aren’t too scary, and most women also know that the secret to Scary Repairs is that you get a professional to do them because if you try to do them yourself (or if you nag some guy from down the street to do it for you) then you, or he, will probably end up making a mess. Most men are aware of this secret too, which in understandable, because it’s not a profound mystery.
Said no one ever. This guy is like Hugo Schwyzer. He makes shit up, pretends it’s a thing, and then comes up with solutions to end it, reasons for why it exists, ways to avoid it, etc.. BUT IT’S NOT A THING.
@BritterSweet
No, no, no. Look at how Farrell works the topic of cooking in there to preempt any protest that if men can be repair-friend-zoned, women can be cook-friend-zoned. What he is saying there, essentially, is that men only ever want sex from women. Women are deranged to think that any man would even acknowledge their existence if it weren’t for the prospect of sex. So if John Doe interacts with you in any way, shape or form, it’s only because he wants to get into your pants, and not because he needs help moving or fixing something. In fact, by helping him move or fix something, you are friendzoning him, wasting his time and abusing his suitorship. So clearly, according to Farrell, if you help a man with anything other than quiescing his raging boner, you are a misandric, man-hating, friendzoning entitled feminazi bitch.
I hope I cleared that up.
I just did a search for the phrase “he’s just a repair friend.” There is *one* result. This post. I think it’s fair to say that no woman has spontaneously uttered that phrase ever.
https://www.google.com/search?q=%22he%27s+just+a+repair+friend%22&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a
Searching for just the phrase “repair friend” got me a bunch of listings for repair shops, many of them in towns named “Friend.” Like this one in Nebraska:
http://www.yelp.com/biz/steves-repair-friend
@bekabot
I know, right? It just astounds me how often people say, “Well, women SHOULD be cleaning and making sammiches, because men mow the lawn and fix cars.” Except, of course, they almost never do. Landscaping services are pretty cheap, and I don’t see people fix their own cars either, even in neighborhoods much more modest than mine. It’s because:
(1) Everyone knows you’ll probably end up saving money if you just outsource it to a professional (with liability insurance); and
(2) Actually, it’s much more socially acceptable to outsource traditionally “male” household chores to commercial services, but not female ones. If you take your car(s) to a shop for maintenance, no one will bat an eye, but if you hire a cook, a nanny, or a maid, people will chew you out on a regular basis.
David, I get lots of sites with advice about repairing a damaged friendship.
Not sure what that says about me…
Oh, and sites with tests to tell “if it’s a date or are we just friends”
Like this http://www.nerdtests.com/mq/uttake.php?id=57693
I’m sure this is misandry, but I decided to split the difference and have beer AND saki, so I cannot brain enough to tell why…