Hey fellas! While we’re talking about the evils of the Friend Zone and possible legal sanctions against the women who so often and so maliciously put us there — and while the women are distracted by that picture of Scrooge McDuck above — I’d like to warn you of another kind of Friend Zone you need to be wary of: the “Repair Friend” Zone.
I learned of this danger from none other than Warren Farrell himself, in the pages of his book Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say (which amazingly does not have the subtitle “But It’s Not Like Angry Dudes On The Internet Are Going to Shut Up Any Time Soon”).
Here’s how old Warren explains it, perhaps exaggerating the innocence of the wily female Repair-Friend Zoners:
Single moms who rely on male friends for repairs — “he’s just a repair friend” — are often unaware that the man really isn’t sacrificing his Sunday afternoon in exchange for a Sunday night dinner. The truth is, if he’s making that type of sacrifice, it’s usually because he’s interested in her.
That’s right, ladies! Men never actually want to be just friends with you. Never. And when they act friendly, it’s just because they want to [insert weird creepy Warren Farrellesque euphemism for sex here]. Only instead of making a move on you they’d rather make a move on your car, and just sort of hope you’ll get the hint.
I’ve seen many single moms who have men who they claim are “just friends” work on their cars, do repairs, help them move. They think nothing of it. (Which says it all.) When she starts dating someone seriously, the “repair friend” feels hurt and her new boyfriend feels suspicious. And Mom feels caught between a rock and a hard place, so to speak.
Is Farrell making some sort of awkward boner joke here?
Anyway, for Farrell, this is somehow all the fault of women, and feminism, or misandry, or something.
This attitude rests on a deeper foundation. Just as women who are poor turn to the government as a substitute husband (in the form of welfare and AFDC payments), so women without husbands often unconsciously turn to substitute husbands, such as dads, “repair friends,”and male neighbors.
So, fellas, be careful out there. One moment you’ll be chatting casually over the fence with the former Mrs. Jones, and the next thing you know you’ll be in her basement buried deep in her washing machine trying to fix, I dunno, whatever is inside of washing machines that might need fixing, I’m not really very mechanical.
Come to think of it a female friend of mine had me change a light bulb the other day that she couldn’t reach. Granted, I don’t want to have sex with her, and also she’s fixed my bike on several occasions and sometimes brings me cake, but, still, I think I may have just been Light Bulb Friend Zoned.
Zanana, I think it might be. It seems like people of my generation do more hanging out in platonic groups and that sort of thing; I remember a class discussion with a professor where we explained how “go on a date to get to know someone” has largely been supplanted by “get to know someone, then go on a date.” So friendship and dating are probably more amorphous now than they once were. But of course I can’t speak for previous generations.
@ Zanana
That’s an interesting question. If we assume gender binary for simplification, I think we do have more ‘ambiguous’ relationship than before. In my grand-parents times, women simply could not be close friends with men. I think it’s simply a product of social change. But by ‘ambiguous’, I don’t mean ‘mixed signal’.
People now have loving, almost sensual friendships and casual fun lovers of any genders. While those things existed before, I think it’s a lot more socially accepted today. A lot of people ended up questioning the value of certain rules in the past, and we found out they were kind of crap.
So I think it’s generational in a sense. Yay for different types of relationships.
I first read the title as Will Farrel, freaked me out for a second.
But seriously, is everything this guy knows about women based on porn?!
@ Bob Goblin- it definately works on points. The highest number of points goes to whatever task is blocking the most chi, or has been avoided the longest, or is the messiest. Sometimes all three and the bonus points roll in!
“Is Farrell making some sort of awkward boner joke here?”
I think it would be more accurate to say that Warren Ferrell IS an awkward boner joke.
Falconer’s adorable babies!
So, I’m wondering if there’s a way to indemnify people you assist, so that they are not legally required to sex you. Because I actually enjoy helping out my friends, and even complete strangers, but I am uncomfortable with the fact that that makes them obligated to sex me.
Is there a form we should be filling out?
@ cloudiah
That depends, can women actually help with anything in this guys universe?
@Starla
When a woman helps a man, she also owes her sex. It’s a known law of the universe.
(that was ‘owes him sex’)
@maude
Your comment made me realize another way this is totally ass backwards. Thinking about how this guy was just complaining about single mothers and how many illigitimate children would be running around in this guy’s universe is causing me pain from the obscene amount of stupid pouring from it.
The same guy who said that wrote a book called “The Myth of Male Power”. It is strange that people who frequently compare the relationship between the government and the governed to the traditional roles of men and women (such that the government and men are interchangeable) also frequently deny there being such a thing as patriarchy.
Actually you get punished, even though you were doing helpful work, because by doing that work you were robbing men of something they could have done to earn sex. It’s basically like stealing.
@katz,
Most elaborate robbery ever….
@kidwithreplacablehead
It’s because it’s not patriarchy to THEIR standards, a world in which women never speak, do as they’re told without question and are punished extensively for doing anything otherwise. Quite sad really.
That’s funny. When I need a “repair friend” I call on my neighbor’s wife and ask if I can “borrow” her husband. She’s usually willing to lend him out (and fortunately, he’s a good sport too). I’m sure they’d both be horrified if I offered him a blow job in return, but I do a lot of “dog sitting” for them so it all works out…
@katz, My co-worker is so in love with her new kitten (that you took such good care of) that she left work early to spend more time with her. 😀
katz: Zanana, I think it might be. It seems like people of my generation do more hanging out in platonic groups and that sort of thing; I remember a class discussion with a professor where we explained how “go on a date to get to know someone” has largely been supplanted by “get to know someone, then go on a date.” So friendship and dating are probably more amorphous now than they once were. But of course I can’t speak for previous generations.
This is how it worked in my social set, back in the middle 80s/early 90s.
Lots of hanging out, sometimes even some minor cuddling/snogging, then you’d go on “dates” and decide how you felt about that.
I’m about 5-10 years younger than pecunium, I think , any my high school-college years followed the same pattern. People hung out in groups and paired off over time, with lots of shuffling around of partners over time. All very incestuous, but a great way to filter out people who nobody was going to enjoy being with. There was also a lot of picking up randoms at bars and clubs, but they then had to run the gauntlet of the group and win most people over in order to last for long.
So wait, what if…a guy does a favor for you and as a thank you you give him something like a cup.
Was that an equalizer or do you now have to have sex with him?
Dammit! I just rebuilt and repainted part of a friend’s garage and I TOTALLY didn’t get sex for it! All I got was a beer and a pizza!!
Oh, wait. Is it only men that can be ‘repair friendzoned’? Because I’m way more mechanically inclined and construction-sophisticated than any of my male friends, so I end up fixing their houses for them constantly.
I always thought that the traditional method of repayment for big favors was really high quality booze.
Cassandra: Or excellent sushi.
I just stayed for nearly a week at my friend’s house*, and I’m getting her and her husband a collection of shadow puppets depicting the Battle of Trafalgar as a thank you.
This is not the currency that the MRM prefers, but I know they will love them.
*I also stayed for nearly a week at my sister’s, but she gets nothing. She’s my sister; she has to put me up. 😀
Dammit, dammit, dammit! Now I want sushi, but I already got the pizza (it was a really good local craft beer, so that works fine for me). Do I call my friend back to renegotiate, or should I just sit home and be ashamed of myself for daring to know how to use power tools?
You are emasculating all men everywhere with your unwomanly competence and you should go offer the next man you see a blow job as an apology.