Hey fellas! While we’re talking about the evils of the Friend Zone and possible legal sanctions against the women who so often and so maliciously put us there — and while the women are distracted by that picture of Scrooge McDuck above — I’d like to warn you of another kind of Friend Zone you need to be wary of: the “Repair Friend” Zone.
I learned of this danger from none other than Warren Farrell himself, in the pages of his book Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say (which amazingly does not have the subtitle “But It’s Not Like Angry Dudes On The Internet Are Going to Shut Up Any Time Soon”).
Here’s how old Warren explains it, perhaps exaggerating the innocence of the wily female Repair-Friend Zoners:
Single moms who rely on male friends for repairs — “he’s just a repair friend” — are often unaware that the man really isn’t sacrificing his Sunday afternoon in exchange for a Sunday night dinner. The truth is, if he’s making that type of sacrifice, it’s usually because he’s interested in her.
That’s right, ladies! Men never actually want to be just friends with you. Never. And when they act friendly, it’s just because they want to [insert weird creepy Warren Farrellesque euphemism for sex here]. Only instead of making a move on you they’d rather make a move on your car, and just sort of hope you’ll get the hint.
I’ve seen many single moms who have men who they claim are “just friends” work on their cars, do repairs, help them move. They think nothing of it. (Which says it all.) When she starts dating someone seriously, the “repair friend” feels hurt and her new boyfriend feels suspicious. And Mom feels caught between a rock and a hard place, so to speak.
Is Farrell making some sort of awkward boner joke here?
Anyway, for Farrell, this is somehow all the fault of women, and feminism, or misandry, or something.
This attitude rests on a deeper foundation. Just as women who are poor turn to the government as a substitute husband (in the form of welfare and AFDC payments), so women without husbands often unconsciously turn to substitute husbands, such as dads, “repair friends,”and male neighbors.
So, fellas, be careful out there. One moment you’ll be chatting casually over the fence with the former Mrs. Jones, and the next thing you know you’ll be in her basement buried deep in her washing machine trying to fix, I dunno, whatever is inside of washing machines that might need fixing, I’m not really very mechanical.
Come to think of it a female friend of mine had me change a light bulb the other day that she couldn’t reach. Granted, I don’t want to have sex with her, and also she’s fixed my bike on several occasions and sometimes brings me cake, but, still, I think I may have just been Light Bulb Friend Zoned.
Just so long as nobody gets turned into a human colored towel.
Is that a serious question?
I just got a flashback. What about stuff done by, with and for couples. 40+ years ago my first husband and I were part of a group of friends – where all of us would spend one day or so each weekend helping renovate the old houses we’d all bought.
And my asshole then-husband more or less opted out because, in his view, his very special unique time contribution was more valuable than the time put in to stripping, sanding, painting, gardening, lifting, shifting, tiling, climbing on roofs – somehow this all worked out to it being “uneconomic” or some such mysterious thing that meant we shouldn’t get friends to help with our own house. (It didn’t make any sense then and there’s no way I can make it make sense now.) But it was a ‘transactional’ calculation of a sort. It meant that he shouldn’t team up with these people because what he’d get back wasn’t worth … yeah, it all falls apart when you acknowledge that it was all equal exchanges of the same kinds of things.
Back to the current idiocy of sex in exchange for tasks. What _do_ these people think of couples doing things for couples? That we’re supposed to have all-in orgies at the end of the day rather than a BBQ or phone up for pizza?
Budmin: I am but a lowly Socratic trying to learn.
Dude, you’re Socraticing wrong. Go back, read Lysis for content this time, and do better.
I LOVE THEM LIKE AN ABUSIVE FOOTBALL COACH LUV’s uhm!
That is creepy as fuck. Poor men. 8(
Jonatma: the worlds top 100 thinkers look dummer than all of you at some point
Jesus wept if Warren Farrell is one of the top one hundred thinkers. That would make us one stupid species.
Oh Com’on now really!? I’m a guy, I talk like a Guuy, I joke LIKE A GUUUY..
Whyfore you think all men make stupid, hateful jokes about beating up other men? WHY DO YOU HATE MEN???
“Lol, you feminists have no sense of humor!”
Oh, poor widdle Budminnie! Did mean ole me hurt your feefees?
What? Pablum? Laundry? Specifics, dude! What language are we talking about, exactly? What horrible, inexcusable, terrible, no good, very bad words so offended your delicate sensibilities? Don’t wring your hands and suffer in silence! Out with it!! Trust me, you’ll feel better.
(It was “no”, wasn’t it?)
I feel otherwise because I can read what you’ve posted.
Men make the initial public offerings for companionship? Really? I’m beginning to suspect that your interaction with others thusfar in your life has been rather limited. Does friendship between women never happen because both parties just stand around awkwardly, unable to make the first move? And only men suffer the burdens of rejection? Good to know that that guy I had a crush on didn’t actually reject me. Or that woman I wanted to be friends with. I guess all those sad-feels I had were fake (or did I steal them from a man?)
No, I don’t think you accusing someone of using sex/their attractiveness to manipulate a man out of rent money was fair, no matter how many naughty words the person used.
No, you talk like an ass who failed English.
@MelissaBeckel – “I don’t usually make her meals to repay her for her help, but I let her dye my hair purple and allow her to have stories like “one time I had to break into my friend’s house when her cat locked her out.” Isn’t that enough.”
I think having a fund of stories like that would be ample repayment! After all they can be used over and over, unlike the sex-payment. (Though it wouldn’t surprise me if Farrell thinks one repair job by a man = lifelong sex on demand obligation for a woman.)
No.
What the fuck is up with your random capitalization and fucked-up punctuation?
Bigoted asshattery is correlated with random capitalization. It’s to be expected.
Don’t worry. I can promise I’ve been having quite the laugh trying to dissect your grammar.
I think I found a video featuring your other written masterpieces.
…yes, I have heard of MGTOW. I am very unclear why you are asking. Are you presenting them as an example of people who have valid general theories about gender? They don’t, but at least that would be consistent.
Also, am I the only person who finds this guy’s bewildering attempts at humor to be the most unsettling parts? That football coach thing sounded ompletely unhinged.
@budmin:
Ya know, if she says no to his inclinations, the least he could do is leave her the fuck alone.
@augochlorella Oh, hayle, I nearly peed myself laughing. THANK YOU for posting that video!
@tedthefed The comment you made (They do not construct elaborate systems encompassing all of humanity wherein being taken advantage of like that is central to the manner that the genders interact.) was incredibly naive.
..And I’m not the least bit surprised that you’re “unsettled”. You seem rather delicate.
@Bob Goblin I couldn’t agree with you more.
Gillian – “And the problem is… what exactly? If he’s happy to do it, what harm does it do to you? Is every guy who does a favor for a friend automatically being taken advantage of if he doesn’t get sex for it? Maybe you never want to do anything without being compensated for it, but why does everyone else have to feel the same way as you do?”
THIS.
Budmin, do you actually like anyone? Do you have any friends you’re happy to do things for without treating it as an imposition you have to be paid for?
Or is it just that it insults your Manly Manliness to do anything for a woman (whether she asked you to or not) when it doesn’t mean you get to fuck her?
Has it occurred to you that all this crap attitude is coming from you and men like you, who don’t see women as human beings but as some sort of horrible creatures who’re blocking access to THE VAGINA just to make men miserable?
Go back and read mildlymaginificent’s comment upthread. It filled me with the sense of people who like each other, who enjoy each other’s company, who are happy to do things for each other, and who might well feel like adopted family. Have you any grasp at all of that feeling? Can you even imagine people liking each other and being happy?
Hey fuckwit, why are you assuming the woman in the equation is flirting? Or is it that you’re so stupid and your whole life revolves around getting your dick wet that you think things like “hello” or “how was your weekend” are flirting?
I’ve never flirted with anyone but my husband in my life. I hate it when I think a man’s flirting with me. Yet amazingly, men have done me the odd favour over the years and I’ve done favours for them, and sex has never entered into it!
You really are disgusting.
@Kittehserf Men enjoying people’s company and doing things for people without getting Budminnie’s permission first?
MISANDRY!!!
Seriously, though, he once saw a woman be totally mean to some guy, and then he had to break up with him for her, and now he’s scarred for life, so we all need to feel sad for him
The section when it’s all “I am creepy vampire guy with wine glass” was freaking hysterical.
@Argenti – “Hey, budmin — you weren’t head of security or some psych role were you?”
Yeah, he was head of security at Dr Pell’s asylum.
@Kittehserf..I’don’t get..huh? I don’t even get what you’re saying..
That’s just one of many things you don’t get, loser boy. But don’t feel bad, it’s a joke for regulars here.
Now fuck off, you incoherent misogynistic little creep.
@Kittehserf no not that, I’m just shocked that someone would marry you *guitar riff exit*
Oh, hey Kittehs! Someone did a drive by attacking our love of all things feline. Do you have any new photos of your furbabies to share?
Aw, minnieboo, don’t go away mad. Just go away. And stay away.