Hey fellas! While we’re talking about the evils of the Friend Zone and possible legal sanctions against the women who so often and so maliciously put us there — and while the women are distracted by that picture of Scrooge McDuck above — I’d like to warn you of another kind of Friend Zone you need to be wary of: the “Repair Friend” Zone.
I learned of this danger from none other than Warren Farrell himself, in the pages of his book Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say (which amazingly does not have the subtitle “But It’s Not Like Angry Dudes On The Internet Are Going to Shut Up Any Time Soon”).
Here’s how old Warren explains it, perhaps exaggerating the innocence of the wily female Repair-Friend Zoners:
Single moms who rely on male friends for repairs — “he’s just a repair friend” — are often unaware that the man really isn’t sacrificing his Sunday afternoon in exchange for a Sunday night dinner. The truth is, if he’s making that type of sacrifice, it’s usually because he’s interested in her.
That’s right, ladies! Men never actually want to be just friends with you. Never. And when they act friendly, it’s just because they want to [insert weird creepy Warren Farrellesque euphemism for sex here]. Only instead of making a move on you they’d rather make a move on your car, and just sort of hope you’ll get the hint.
I’ve seen many single moms who have men who they claim are “just friends” work on their cars, do repairs, help them move. They think nothing of it. (Which says it all.) When she starts dating someone seriously, the “repair friend” feels hurt and her new boyfriend feels suspicious. And Mom feels caught between a rock and a hard place, so to speak.
Is Farrell making some sort of awkward boner joke here?
Anyway, for Farrell, this is somehow all the fault of women, and feminism, or misandry, or something.
This attitude rests on a deeper foundation. Just as women who are poor turn to the government as a substitute husband (in the form of welfare and AFDC payments), so women without husbands often unconsciously turn to substitute husbands, such as dads, “repair friends,”and male neighbors.
So, fellas, be careful out there. One moment you’ll be chatting casually over the fence with the former Mrs. Jones, and the next thing you know you’ll be in her basement buried deep in her washing machine trying to fix, I dunno, whatever is inside of washing machines that might need fixing, I’m not really very mechanical.
Come to think of it a female friend of mine had me change a light bulb the other day that she couldn’t reach. Granted, I don’t want to have sex with her, and also she’s fixed my bike on several occasions and sometimes brings me cake, but, still, I think I may have just been Light Bulb Friend Zoned.
@budmin
I cannot tell what this is saying, but something tells me if I could I would think you more pitiful and disgusting than I already do.
wow.
1) why did you have to help them juggle which guys they were dating?
2) okay, why the fuck are you whining about having to stop domestic violence? I mean, I’m imagining it’d be stressful (but assumed it was part of your job given ‘security at family shelter’. bit) but it’s really fucking trivializing to put right after ‘helping
peoplelol women juggle guys they’re dating.3)
Like if this is a physical fight good. It’s not okay to attack someone. Even if they are rude. The fuck? Also: dudes and rude female residents. Nothing different in those descriptions. No sirree. All things a completely non-sexist person would say.
Okay, folks. You know what that means, right? I got a fever, and the only prescription is more kittens.
You think Warren Farrell is a great thinker? This guy calls bullshit on that.
Let’s pretend his story isn’t one for shitthatneverhappened.txt — he’s all bitter and victim-blamey over shit at a women’s shelter cuz violent ex’s are assholes?
Hey, budmin — you weren’t head of security or some psych role were you?
@budmin: Well that’s the thing isn’t it? Colleagues, coworkers and family are non sequiturs to this topic. I mean if there’s no possibility of a romantic involvement, these relationships would undoubtedly stay platonic. Who says there’s no possibility of romantic involvement with co-workers or colleagues? You really suck at this.
@Shadow: You know what’s a better idea? Asking them out before you do them any favours, instead of asking them out after they’re in a place of obligation. Just a thought. Bingo!
And you know what? Even if they say no, it’s still OK to do favors for them, if your paths continue to cross. Because they’re still human and still entitled to basic courtesy.
oops, blockquote monster ate my post
It’s clear that Warren Farrell & his ilk don’t live in rural Norfolk where favours & gifts are just part of everyone’s life. I keep chickens & if I get a few extra eggs, I give them to friends & neighbours – because making friends & neighbours happy makes me happy. And if I get the odd pheasant or a plant in return, that’s a bonus but not expected. We swap things, expertise & recommendations. It’s part of being human. And no one keeps score.
The other weekend, I showed a friend how to clip his chickens’ wings & helped him do it. I got a cup of tea. No sex involved.
And yes, there’s the odd person down the pub who somehow never buys a round. Cos there are asshats everywhere.
And a pedophilia enabler! But hey, he totally strokes the egos of poor sad widdole menz still living in their mom’s basement, so he must be great, amirite?
These guys totally have more intelligent commentary to offer the world than Warren Farrell.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-2ftLpb530&w=420&h=315%5D
Neat. I’m quite fond of many a man myself. Go on.
Oh. I’m sure men across the globe feel safer knowing that Budmin has an abuser’s idea of what’s best for them in mind.
So you think so low of men that you think you need to tell off these “good for nuthin’ bastards” to change for the better? I somehow don’t think men need your help.
So you worked at a family shelter, but only saw broken and manipulated men? No women? Either your story is bullshit or you’ve some serious confirmation bias to deal with.
I’ve also known people who were abused by women. But I didn’t take that as evidence that all women are manipulative abusers.
It seams that the popular opinion here is that I made the top 100 thinkers thing up myself.
http://www.warrenfarrell.net/WarrenFarrell/warrenfarrell.html
http://www.warrenfarrell.us/styled-4/summary.html
http://www.linkedin.com/in/warrenfarrellblog
@Augochlorella So what’s with the anger towards women who ask for favors and the belittling of men who give them?
..Okay seriously, some guys form unhealthy attachments to the women who’ll gladly exploit them financially. These same men end up falling into patterns of abuse that not only stunts their emotional growth but also turns them into bitter cynical shut’ins.
If a guy lets his romantic inclinations be know to the person he’s opining for the least she could do is not to take advantage of his eagerness. It might not be a good idea to treat him as a confidant.
That’s a completely different argument from emotional blackmailing Nice Guys tm. Emotional blackmailers could all die of blue balls for all I care.
Are we Cool?
Well, you know, those women were just parasites, so they had it coming. Meanwhile those poor guys? Well, their only fault was in being willing to change too many lightbulbs and fix too many sinks. And for that, all they got was Budminnie to try to let them down easy when the ebil wimmenz wanted to move up to the newer, better model!
What is a baby jaguar called? Cubs, maybe, but I still think it qualifies as a kitten.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWkIMUfamxI&w=420&h=315]
@gillyrosebee: Omigosh, that cub’s “roar” totally just freaked out my kitteh!
Baby cheetahs are adorable, as well.
http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/9000000/wi-national-geographic-9042161-1024-768.jpg
okay, see. Like, most people, when they realize that someone has been taking advantage of them, they become angry and address the issue with that person, or even cut off contact. They do not construct elaborate systems encompassing all of humanity wherein being taken advantage of like that is central to the manner that the genders interact.
Like everything else, it probably comes from the “a man not having sex is the worst thing ever ” thing. It`s about dignity… and apparently the only way to have dignity is to Achieve sex.
No. We are not “Cool” (what’s with the random capitalization?) because:
1. You’re still insinuating that men being taken advantage of is a systematic problem, and that the fault lies with women as a whole, not with individual women who happen to be asshats.
2. You’re also insinuating that women are somehow at fault for guys “forming unhealthy attachments”, not the men themselves.
3. You’re making all of this unnecessarily gendered, as though women never get too attached to men and are never taken advantage of themselves, as well as heteronormative and cis-centered.
4. You’ve made your sexism and misogyny so apparent in your time here that you accused a commenter of manipulating their male roommate for rent money.
5. You compared your “love” of men to the love of an abusive football coach. Surely as someone who worked at a family shelter you can see how gross that is?
@budmin
dude, if he’s let his romantic ‘inclinations’ be known and the person still doesn’t want to date him, not much he can do. If he’s just helping her because he hopes he’ll get laid, that’s his problem. A no is a no is a no, and no amount of pining will change that.
Are we Cool?
Budmin, whatever the polar opposite of cool is where you’re circling the drain right about now.
pining – (verb)
1. Suffer a mental and physical decline, esp. because of a broken heart.
2. Miss and long for the return of.
“There’s Warren, pining for the days when women could be treated like property.”
opining – (verb)
1. Hold and state as one’s opinion (ie to pull from one’s arse)
“Warren Farrel is a genius,” the idiot opined”.
Okay, sure. And they should get help so that they can be healthy people and form healthy attachments in the future. No one deserves to be manipulated or has the right to manipulate others. But the word for that dynamic you’ve been seeing is ‘codependent’, and those guys aren’t completely at the mercy of those women, nor does the entirety of the responsibility for “fixing” what is going on there fall on the women.
Nor can (or should) you base your conclusions about the rest of the world on the behavior of the worst-adjusted 10%. Just because some people are locked in unhealthy passive-aggressive relationships doesn’t mean that the rest of us can’t be friends.
Honestly, it doesn’t need to be an either/or situation. We can reject manipulative and unhealthy behavior without resorting to gender binarism or essentialism.
No, we’re not cool because you don’t seem to get that DOING FAVORS BECAUSE YOU HOPE IT WILL GET YOU ACCESS TO ANOTHER PERSON’S BODY IS MANIPULATIVE
It doesn’t matter if you’re “eager” or have a crush on them.
How’s she supposed to not “take advantage of his eagerness”? Is she equiped with a mind reading chip that will tell her who is doing favors to be nice and who is doing them to get laid? I mean, if I have a crush on my friend and I’m like “hey, wanna go out” and they’re like “sorry, we’re just friends” and I keep being friends with them and doing favors for them, is it automatically just to get laid? Am I allowed to keep trying to be friends? Or do they have to reject all my favors because they should assume I’m a manipulative asshole?
Don’t MRMs get mad at women who think every man wants to screw her? I swear I read a rant about that somewhere on reddit.
There is no winning.
*goes to google to attempt to find it*
@ Bob Goblin SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I see your cheetah and raise you this lion cub’s brand-squeaky-new roar!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBjKntYuUIk&w=560&h=315]
ps – my apologies to your kitteh!
This!
Or he could stop assuming that being nice entitles him to a romantic relationship.
@tedthefed_”They do not construct elaborate systems encompassing all of humanity wherein being taken advantage of like that is central to the manner that the genders interact.”
..Have you ever heard of MGTOW? no really have you?
@ augochlorella
1 & 2 I believe in personal accountability, I don’t think I’ve levied blame at anyone’s feet. If you feel otherwise that’s your prerogative.
3 Gender still dictates that men make the initial public offerings for companionship and suffer the burdens of rejection at least in our heteronormative and cis-centered society. Which is all know & all I’m confident enough to refer to.
4 Misbehaving on line at someone who’s used foul language at me.. seems fair dont’cha think?
5 Oh Com’on now really!? I’m a guy, I talk like a Guuy, I joke LIKE A GUUUY.. You’re not helping the Feminism/Comedy debate much with that attitude.
peace be with you..