Hey fellas! While we’re talking about the evils of the Friend Zone and possible legal sanctions against the women who so often and so maliciously put us there — and while the women are distracted by that picture of Scrooge McDuck above — I’d like to warn you of another kind of Friend Zone you need to be wary of: the “Repair Friend” Zone.
I learned of this danger from none other than Warren Farrell himself, in the pages of his book Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say (which amazingly does not have the subtitle “But It’s Not Like Angry Dudes On The Internet Are Going to Shut Up Any Time Soon”).
Here’s how old Warren explains it, perhaps exaggerating the innocence of the wily female Repair-Friend Zoners:
Single moms who rely on male friends for repairs — “he’s just a repair friend” — are often unaware that the man really isn’t sacrificing his Sunday afternoon in exchange for a Sunday night dinner. The truth is, if he’s making that type of sacrifice, it’s usually because he’s interested in her.
That’s right, ladies! Men never actually want to be just friends with you. Never. And when they act friendly, it’s just because they want to [insert weird creepy Warren Farrellesque euphemism for sex here]. Only instead of making a move on you they’d rather make a move on your car, and just sort of hope you’ll get the hint.
I’ve seen many single moms who have men who they claim are “just friends” work on their cars, do repairs, help them move. They think nothing of it. (Which says it all.) When she starts dating someone seriously, the “repair friend” feels hurt and her new boyfriend feels suspicious. And Mom feels caught between a rock and a hard place, so to speak.
Is Farrell making some sort of awkward boner joke here?
Anyway, for Farrell, this is somehow all the fault of women, and feminism, or misandry, or something.
This attitude rests on a deeper foundation. Just as women who are poor turn to the government as a substitute husband (in the form of welfare and AFDC payments), so women without husbands often unconsciously turn to substitute husbands, such as dads, “repair friends,”and male neighbors.
So, fellas, be careful out there. One moment you’ll be chatting casually over the fence with the former Mrs. Jones, and the next thing you know you’ll be in her basement buried deep in her washing machine trying to fix, I dunno, whatever is inside of washing machines that might need fixing, I’m not really very mechanical.
Come to think of it a female friend of mine had me change a light bulb the other day that she couldn’t reach. Granted, I don’t want to have sex with her, and also she’s fixed my bike on several occasions and sometimes brings me cake, but, still, I think I may have just been Light Bulb Friend Zoned.
Scrooge McDuck is the ultimate alpha. Look at all that bling, ladies!
Don’t forget the physique: It’s hard to swim in gold… it’s a lot denser than water.
So. Many. Things. That “oblige” women to provide sexual favors. Just so tired of all the bullshit.
I’d give up sex for myself if it meant no one ever got abused ever again.
“He’s just a repair friend”? I have never hear that phrase uttered by anyone, ever.
Anyway, I prefer to repair my own shit.
Yep, nothing is hotter than obligatory sex. I get all worked up everyday about all those women who I can have put up with me.
I do confess I have on occasion asked someone taller than me to reach something for me. But you don’t have to be a man who wants sex with me to be taller than me. You don’t actually even have to be a man.
“Repair friend?” WTF?
Further proof that Farrell’s an utter charlatan.
“He’s just a repair friend”, said the evil demonic women who live in Warren Farrell’s head.
“Huh?” said the actual women who he explained this to.
“It’s your nature to be a liar, that’s why men don’t have to listen when you claim you don’t want sex” he answered.
Not to mention, all that diving into the coins doesn’t splat him like a bug on a windscreen.
Easy to forget he’s based on the “cheap Scot” stereotype, isn’t it?
Has this ever happened? To anyone?
Okay, this is TOTALLY off topic, but I just came home from work, and my husband (who had the day off today) told me the following: He had taken a nap, but left the door to the house open since it’s hot today. We have this really big yard where the dogs can stroll about as they please when the door is left open. Anyway, the toy dogs chose to nap with him, but our GSD stayed out in the yard. When he woke up, our GSD was GONE. And the GATE was open. Thing is, she’s something of a Houdini, but we were certain THAT gate could only be opened by a creature with opposable thumbs. Apparently we were wrong though, since he woke up with the gate open and GSD gone. He went out in the yard and called for her, and fortunately she was nearby and came running. But nobody know how long she’d been gone before he woke up, or what kind of mischief she might have been up to…
Now we’ve put a buckle strap around the gate and a fence pole to keep it shut; THAT thing REALLY requires opposable thumbs… I think.
In what way is this different from saying “Women are greedy bitches who exploit all the men they know?”
Not prejudiced against men in the slightest!
So if several men come help you move, do you owe them an orgy? (continuing on the “friendzoning should be illegal” idea)
Can/Must the women who helped you too participate?
Is there an exception for partnered monogamous men? Gay men?
I have to be careful to remember not to stick things on shelves Beloved can’t reach.
I also have to duck under the lintel on the steps to the basement in our new house.
Sometimes I feel like Gandalf in Bag End.
“Just as women who are poor turn to the government as a substitute husband (in the form of welfare and AFDC payments), so women without husbands often unconsciously turn to substitute husbands, such as dads, “repair friends,”and male neighbors.”
Dammit. I hate anybody who trots out the “government husband” canard with a passion. This was before AFDC was turned into TANF, which can’t support even the most frugal, much less Spartan, lifestyle by itself, and it can only be used for 5 years within one’s lifetime – and some states have it shorter than that.
And, Warren, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, and repair work is just repair work. Hunting for sexual “transactions” or motivations in altruistic actions just makes you look like a crank (which you already are).
This is why MRAs think sex is something you do to women. They keep having sex with women who feel obliged. I really should finish thinking before posting.
The “repair friend” phrase was probably something one woman said, which has now been extrapolated to be a thing all women say.
Back on topic: Once, when I lived in a student dorm years ago, I needed to change tires on my bike. A guy in my dorm came along and were like “NONONO let ME change those tires!”. I was like “no I can do that myself” and he was like “LET ME LET ME LET ME” so eventually I was like “okay”. Then he broke the bike tire.
Maybe he was flirting?
@Dvarg: My MiL has a dog we’re sure has Cattle Dog in him, although he’s no more than your run of the mill white with black spots in coloration. He gets out of her fence regularly. He used to do it to chase the garbage people away (“Our garbage! Our garbage!”) and I still don’t know how, but lately he’s managed to squeeze between the gate and the fence post.
@Dvarg: It really helps get on with the
Opposite SexPeople You Want Bed Games With if you a) automatically presume incompetence on their part and b) thereafter demonstrate incompetence on yours.Just… wow.
Hell, I just realized that the “repair friend” probably has roots in the pornography cliché/trope where a hunky pool boy/mechanic/landscaper/plumber comes over to do some work or helps a lady out of a bind, and you know what happens next.
I can’t say anything about Warren because I don’t know if he saw something like this and then thought up the “repair guy” B.S., but I really wish I could say that he based it off of absolute fiction.
Falconer: Actually Mary, our GSD, kept opening gates and climbing over them at the breeders house all the time. When Mary was only seven weeks old (an age where most puppies are still really “gotta keep an eye on mum all the time”!) she managed to get out of the house and took a tour over all the other yards in the street.
When she first came home to us at nine weeks she was completely wild. Most tiny pups don’t need a leash to stay close to Mum, but I had to keep her leashed all the time at the beginning, or else she’d just dart off and go to chase deer or something.
Nowadays she’s a good girl… but still a Houdini! 🙂
@Falconer: Exactly. I at least assumed that he KNEW how to change bike tires when he was going on with his LET ME LET ME LET ME.
GSD = German Shepherd Dog? “Great Dane” ignores the “S”.
I take it this guy was actually older than the 5 years old he sounds like.
Because I’ve been hogging comments recently,
My baby girl.
My baby boy.
Sorry if all I do is post pictures of them sleeping. When they’re awake it’s either awkward to photo them because I’m holding one, or they’re wiggling and the photos come out all blurry.