I know a lot of Man Boobz regulars have been dealing with a lot of rough stuff lately, so I’m opening this thread up to provide a (relatively) safe space to discuss them. No trolls allowed; any trolls who post here will be put on moderation and possibly banned. (Please notify me by email (my last name at well dot com) if there are inaproppriate comments; I get behind in reading comments here.)
I say this as a former academic. Yes, yes, more yes. I used to go visit community colleges to find out more about our own students. But that was in a previous life.
Hey, KathleenB, have you got a hand to hold during the procedure? It goes a long way. Regardless, you’ll do great.
I feel like I’ve got no business complaining because I have my health, my home and a job. I’m in the most dreadful place though. I went through a separation last year that was destructive. My ex didn’t hurt me. The relationship was killing me though. I didn’t want it to end. I was so dissatisfied though and neither of us knew how to improve matters while remaining together. When we separated I lost everything. I left the relationship as well as all my friendships and family.
I (too) quickly found myself in a relationship that was massively harmful. He did hurt me. He hurt me a lot. He gave me what my ex hadn’t though (while failing to give me much of what my ex excelled at providing me with) so I felt like I’d found what I was looking for and would be an idiot to leave. After many months of investing far more in him and the relationship than he did in me I gave up. Yeah, at a time he had given me what had been missing from my previous relationship. He didn’t provide me with anything else I needed though and caused me so, so much more pain than happiness. I felt resented, like an inconvenience to him. He wanted a plaything to take out and enjoy at his leisure, not a relationship with me. I was not a priority of him. He’d been dishonest with me and himself when he’d claimed otherwise. My self-worth plummeted. I became suicidal.
After a stint in the psych ward, I spent eight months clawing my way out of that hole. I hadn’t healed from the loss of my relationship and then compounded the matter by, instead of focusing on recovering from that loss, let someone else shit all over my self-worth. I didn’t do well. There was improvement. It wasn’t enormous though. I continued to hurt over the loss of my relationship while remaining stupidly in love with the second guy despite his abysmal treatment from him. I was in a better place than I had been when I first left him though.
Then I met someone. It was unexpected and fast. He made me feel the way the second guy had while investing as much in the relationship and me as my ex did. It was extraordinary. I felt emotionally secure and wanted. We were wacky compatible. He made me want to be a better person. He embodied everything I’d come to realise I needed from a partner and relationship over my many years of dating. I started letting go of the previous guy. For the first time since I’d left him, I didn’t feel like I was in love with him anymore.
Anyways, Mr. Perfect told me on Friday night he’s already in a long-term committed relationship and that I’m actually more of a temporary-part-time-when-it’s-convenient-to-him collectors’ item than anything else, despite having led me to believe very differently.
He infected all the damage I incurred in the previous relationship. I can’t recover from it. I have no support network to help me through this. I can’t sleep more than an hour or two a night. I can’t keep food down. I’m struggling to breath. Salbutamol isn’t helping anymore. I’m not strong enough to begin clawing myself back out again. I can’t cope anymore. I’m completely overwhelmed by pain. The only solution I see is shutting myself away from people and I don’t want to live that way. I can’t bear being dehumanised and having my heart broken again either though. I don’t want to feel anymore. I want everything to stop.
As a NSAID, over-use can cause stomach bleeding. Which is mega-painful, and not to be messed around with.
Keep it down to two at a time, spaced four hours apart. (good rules to follow with all pills, really)
Shit. That is cold. I’m sorry.
@marinerachel
Jedi hugs if you want them. Not sure what else to say :/
Pet pevee:
“I feel like I’ve got no business complaining because I have my health, my home and a job”
[Continues to have perfectly valid reason to complain]
no!
That sucks. A lot. Endlessly. Holy hell.
@marinerachel Oh my god, that’s a terrible story. I wish I could help you.
marinerachel,
I dont know how you found your way here, but I’d suggest reading EVERYTHING at this link:
http://captainawkward.com/
If you are a regular I don’t recognize, I’m sorry, but seriously, read every post in that archive.
Aw man, so much pain and worry. Here I am, the only thing I have got to worry about is how much my babies will wake me up tonight and whether I’ll be able to function tomorrow (if recent history is anything to go by, definitely I will) and if my neck will start hurting again after I cricked it watching Iron Man 3.
Hugs, donuts, coffee, tea, kitty purrs and baby coos, come get ’em while they’re fresh!
man, F, I’d eat all your f’ing donuts if I could eat gluten. I’ll be over by the tea and coffee. And, believe it or not, I’ve never changed a diaper and I’m kind of curious.
Class privilege and able-bodied privilege don’t negate that things can hurt you. And that sounded… like an icky thing to do (the mr. perfect guy) All the hugs in the world if wanted.
Whoops, how’d I miss marinerachel? I’m so sorry Mr. Perfect Asshole came along and hurt you again, and I’m sorry there’s nothing I can offer except Jedi hugs from a stranger on the internet, and the promise that you are not alone.
[Violence] So there was this guy who got all worked up about liberals and walked into a Unitarian Universalist church in Knoxville a few years ago, and well, they were lucky he had a couple guns and not a bomb. I bring this up because, a few days later, the UU church in Oak Ridge held a memorial/vigil service and some of the survivors came along and each had the opportunity to talk about what happened. What we in the OR UU could do was listen to each of them and tell them “You are not alone.”
You are not alone, marinerachel.
@Fibinachi – ” Life means suffering because living implies dying.”
Which has me shaking my head, because not everyone’s in a panic over dying, whether they believe in an afterlife or not. Pffft and other derisory noises.
@Howard – oh yes, I remember Cliff’s line! Great answer, too. Wish I’d remembered that when that shitlord ambulance driver said “It’s all in your head” to me. Yeah, and toothache’s all in your head too, and a broken leg. I mean, it’s all just brain stuff reacting, innit? Why the fuss?
Arseholes.
@marinerachel – my god, that is so horrible! Mega-jedi hugs and lots of chocolate if you want them!
marinerachel, wow, what an asshole move. Seriously top-class dickery. I am so so sorry.
@eli: I can whip up gluten free confections with a wave of my hand, since they all just exist on the Webbernetz anyway.
Well, the kitties and the babies have an existence independent of the ol’ ones and zeros.
Diapers, after a few weeks, are mostly just wet, but when there’s stool it’s sticky. It doesn’t smell bad, though. So that’s my experience, anyway.
Yeah, I don’t want anyone to feel like there being one good (or not-bad) thing in your life means that the bad things don’t count. If it’s upsetting you and interfering with your ability to live your life, it counts!
::sniff sniff::
Are those fresh donuts I smell? With cinammon and sugar?
Falconer, I second what you said, my troubles are miniscule compared to what so many Manboobzers (or Menboobz, as lowquacks called us) are enduring.
Hugs to all who want them, and wishing I could help.
“Diapers, after a few weeks, are mostly just wet, but when there’s stool it’s sticky. It doesn’t smell bad, though. So that’s my experience, anyway.”
So, as a reputable scientist ‘cos observation in totally controlled conditions, which would you say has more concentrated evil: cat poo or baby poo in its stinky stage?
Yeah, seconded. If you want a story of dubious quality or a poem of worse quality for any occassion, feel free to ask.
It’s sort of all I can offer, beyond ears, attention and patience. That, and luck. Have all the luck.
Really, falconer, with all the babbies, is gonna whip me up gluten free donuts.
Well damn. I love this place.
@kittehs
“Falconer, I second what you said, my troubles are miniscule compared to what so many Manboobzers (or Menboobz, as lowquacks called us) are enduring”
Seconded. (Or thirds now) my big gripe I keep complaining about is not having a computer, because that’s how I do most of my socialization, and my mom’s been letting me use her iPad for that a lot recently, so I’m pretty good.
Anyway, more hugs for anyone who wants them.
Re: Buddhism and suffering
What I don’t get is why the temporary nature of pleasure means pleasure doesn’t count, but suffering still counts even though it is also temporary.
@marinerachel
That sucks so hard. If it makes you feel any better…I think you’re going to be okay. It will take time. There might well be little pains along the way. But just reading your account gives me the impression of someone who is a survivor at heart. Remember that every day is a new day.
I don’t write too much, but I do read comments faithfully and I feel I know each of you a little bit. I enjoy the forum because it is empowering. Eli if you can check out whether community colleges offer accomodations to provide additional support for the challenges you face, you may find that this is helpful. Universities and colleges in Canada have these and for people who are coping with situations similar to you it is a blessing. Andrew Johnston I wish you all the best with your educational career, I know it is tough when you are unable to find employement. It is more difficult when you are dealing with the sadness of the breakup. Overseas is crying for teachers and I know in some places it is not necessary to have a teacher’s certificate. Pecunium ugh bureaucracy! I deal with the paperwork and the nonsense day after day and it is truly mindboggling how very little of it makes any sense. Sometimes I think that it is purposely made confusing and difficult so people will give up and go away. I hope you find some success. Aaliyah, Kathleenb and Hellkell sending you all positive energy and caring thoughts. Bee congratulations that is amazing, you should be so proud! Kitteserf, finibachi and Briznecko you always make me smile, and nightsweats are my only form of entertainment, that and slathering on layers of estrogen to try and avoid them. Everyone looking for jobs I hope something comes up and don’t lose courage! I work two jobs at present because my partner is looking for work after spending the past five years finishing a degree and his masters. Sorry I missed a few people but I have to pick up my kids.
I foresee David having to make this open thread a regular feature. I’ll admit, I never joined the forum because of “prerequisites”
This little commercial made me smile so I wanted to share it. I hope it is ok.