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off topic open thread

Open Thread for Personal Stuff

Hugs for everyone who wants them.
Hugs for everyone who wants them.

I know a lot of Man Boobz regulars have been dealing with a lot of rough stuff lately, so I’m opening this thread up to provide a (relatively) safe space to discuss them. No trolls allowed; any trolls who post here will be put on moderation and possibly banned. (Please notify me by email (my last name at well dot com) if there are inaproppriate comments; I get behind in reading comments here.)

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Falconer
7 years ago

@kittehs: cat poop. def cat poop.

@eli: you may have to hold an infant. careful with the boy, he tends to jerk his head to one side and the rest of him’s not heavy enough to resist, and just follows along. i think he’s read life, the universe and everything and is trying to learn how to fly.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

Thank you, ella!

eli, I agree. I’d love to see the open thread as a regular feature, though I know that means more moderating for David. Much easier than keeping up on the forum, which seems terribly quiet these days.

eli
eli
7 years ago

Ella,

love the video. thanks for the brain bleach. and very meta.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

(WARNING: gross)

Falconer – I just mentioned the merits of baby vs cat poo to my boss, and he said when his daughter was a baby she had terrible diarrhoea, and a few nappies got, ah, composted, rather than washed. Return to nature, the bio-organic way!

robotarmygeneral
robotarmygeneral
7 years ago

Jedi hugs to all of my fellow sufferers of back/chronic pain. I went through a lot of hell last year around this time dealing with issues around pain medication and depression; it was bad and it brought up all kinds of issues around family and boundaries.

I’m going through my own struggle with trying to find a new position and it looks like I might be on the right track with two opportunities but both of them would require relocating a large way away. The idea of trying to sell my house in this market makes me a little ill and I’ve been suffering some pretty severe panic attacks when considering how to tell my overbearing, narcissistic mother about the need to relocate and the fact that my contract with the lumber controls company ended. I’m a grown-ass woman, and trying to deal with her makes me feel like I’m seven again dealing with trying to survive all the silence and anger. A huge part of me that I’m a bit ashamed of is pretty relived at the thought of being far away (I ran 3000 mile across country to college for the chance to grow up and apart so I really feel for @Aaliyah recent struggles). I found Manboobz while working on the lumber gig, and while I just lurked you guys really helped me keep a sense of humor about my time there and the crap I had to go through as a woman engineer with more experience than her all male co-workers who really wanted a yes-person or a faint hearted flower to protect from the scary menz and machines. It sucks having to find something new, but it’s awesome to be out of there.

And to wrap-up, here’s something a bit frivolous that I dealt with last week. I flew to Boston for a 7 hour interview with an amazing company and decided to stay and look up an old “maybe more than just a friend.” This is someone I’ve thought about a lot over the last five years or so, but they were on the other side of the country and it never worked out. He’s lead in a band, and I knew he had a performance, so I sucked it up, went and said “hey.” We reconnected, talked, and there’s a chance that it might become more if I get the job and move but at the same time I was able to deal with the reality of my long lived crush and realize that he’s just a person who sucks at communicating and I can let go.

As for Tylenol, be careful of liver damage. While NSAIDs are harmful as well, they are less likely to cause long lasting damage if managed carefully and consumed with food. My 2 cents. And thank y’all being an awesome group of people

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@robotarmygeneral

Sorry about your mom. Good luck dealing with her, though i don’t have any advice. :/ And Internet hugs from me, if you want any.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

Robotarmygeneral, good luck with the jobs! My two cents: nothing to be ashamed of about being glad of the chance to get away from anyone – parent, sibling, friend, whoever – who is being a shiteater. They’re not keeping up their end of the relationship, are they? Why should it all fall to you?

Re your house – would it be any good to rent it out when you relocate? What’s the rental market like where you are and where you’d be going, do you know?

AK
AK
7 years ago

@everyone who needs/wants them, Jedi hugs. I am so sorry that you all are dealing with all that pain.

@Fade, FWIW I did the GED to community college route initially. I wound up getting all my prereqs done at CC in one year, then transferred to a university to finish my degree. I’d definitely recommend it if you’re struggling with high school. The GED in my state was only like $30 (more if you wanted prep classes, but still pretty cheap, I just don’t know because I didn’t take them), and community college is nice because you will be able to choose your own workload. Mine was also very willing to work with students who needed special accommodations due to medical issues or whatever, and the majority of the teachers actually also taught at the university down the road–seriously, I had at least 3 again after I transferred. There was no difference in the quality of education. I don’t know if that’s universally true, but if you pick the right school it might be a great option for you.

I’m doing pretty well now, my knee is healing very nicely and I’ve been cleared for limited activity with a brace. Biggest change is that I’m officially cleared to work my search dog again which is so nice. I still have to be careful about where I work her (no steep hills or rough terrain or anything) but at least we’re working again.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@AK.

Yay for your knee healing nice! 😀

Robotarmygeneral
Robotarmygeneral
7 years ago

About the house, most likely I’ll lease it through an agency. It’s good for tax purposes if nothing else, and where I am right now is where I’d like to end up when I’m done with working. As for my Mom, it’s hard to get over all the conditioning to be a good daughter and make her life easier. But I’m willing to do it and I think living away will help in the long run. I look at what my life was like pre vs. post college and its a huge improvement (which is a grim testament to just how bad it was). Another break would give us the chance to reset things again.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Hi everyone – I’m still on vacation and internet access is spotty, but I saw this thread and fired up the intertubes to send ALL THE HUGS to the non-trolls. Sorry things are rough for lots of my favorite people!

I’ll leave you with the words of my favorite 5-year old, ad libbing new lyrics for a recycling song she learned at school: “Don’t throw explosives at trees.” Words of wisdom, and she made us giggle.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

All the power to you, Robotarmygeneral! I hope it goes well.

Love your tiger avatar, btw. Think I’ve said that before, but eh.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@cloudiah

“I’ll leave you with the words of my favorite 5-year old, ad libbing new lyrics for a recycling song she learned at school: “Don’t throw explosives at trees.” Words of wisdom, and she made us giggle.”

Wise words indeed XD

@robotarmygeneral

Good luck getting away from your mom. I hope things go well for you.

robotarmygeneral
robotarmygeneral
7 years ago

The tiger is new. Glad you like it! It’s one of my favorites, getting up that close to the tiger to take it was kind of awe inspiring. I was very appreciative of the chain link fence that day

JustJulia
JustJulia
7 years ago

Life is actually pretty good right now other than being insanely busy. But, one thing that has gotten me down is the growing number of misogynist blogs, especially those written by woman.

Why would a woman choose to be a misogynist? Yesterday on Sunshine Mary’s new blog, sunshinemaryandthedragon.wordpress.com she had a post, “Man up! Fulfill your obligation to rape and stalk us” in which she stated that women really want that kind of negative treatment and that they make false rape claims when they don’t get it.

Today in one of her comments under a post “The Role of Female Physical Appearance” she argues that women really want to be objectified by men and they turn into bitches when men don’t treat them this way. The entire post is about how it’s unfair for women to judge men just b/c they all want women with big boobs, long legs and tight butts. Men want want they want. It’s biology, stupid! She has over 200 comments from men (and women) who agree with her misogynist message.

We don’t need men to oppress us when women like Sunshine are willing to do just that and to make women feel guilty about wanting equal rights and opportunities.

Fade
7 years ago

Eh, Internalized misogyny. I’m actually a little more forgiving towards women w/ internalized misogyny than men w/ normal misogyny, though I don’t know why.

I’m not very forgiving towards either, though. 😉

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

A thread for venting? Excellent…

So my day’s gone from shitty to terrible. Here I thought it was bad spending 40 min on hold with the state because some asshole cut my welfare because I failed to complete a review that no one told me about. Yeah, fun times. Then the POD from my grandfather’s gets here and apparently there’s nothing in there I would want (I packed the damned thing, there damned well is)…house sold last week btw, setting up an estate to go towards his health care.

Which is currently being used as he’s back in the hospital — trouble breathing and a larger than usual dose of delirium. I really want to be back on hold.

Dentist day after tommorow, haven’t been in, oh, a decade, give or take. I have um, issues with people sticking things in my mouth (like, um, OH HAI rapetastic flashbacks) — I am so not looking forward to this. And then new-and-just-as-stupid-psych Thursday. Where I truly look forward to explaining that my Monday was a string of “oh just have the damned panic attack and get it over with” because no you stupid fucking…yeah sure no one likes the dentist, but I’m petrified. Versus my brother having his wisdom teeth out tomorrow and his big concern being if he should be worried that he accidentally chewed on of his pre-surgery anti-inflammation pills (oh genius one can’t swallow pills so he took them with a pickle)

That’s really the only bright point in today. He took them with a pickle. Also, he’s spent most of a decade teasing me about having mine out preventatively…and then he broke one and now needs proper oral surgery instead of a quick pop-em-out removal. His concern is the money though, he’s uninsured, so other than the hit to his wallet he’ll be fine (and oh fuck yes will I be teasing him about his for years to come)

And in utterly small in comparison things, I lost one of my clown loaches over the weekend.

/rant

Hugs to the rest of the thread. Falconer I’ll even hold both of them if you make cookies (yes I’ve held a pair of infants before, older than yours, but not by much…ah the days of working the nursery during family camp [if I never have a tornado warning while in charge of car seat sized kids again…])

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@fade

I’m mor forgiving to women with internalized misogyny bc all that crap affects them too. Not that the patriarchy doesn’t hurt men, just less.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

Funny, sunshinesoutofherarsemary pretends to be such a good little Christian, yet thinks men should be out there raping?

Does not compute.

Robotarmygeneral, wow! at getting that photo!

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@argenti

All the hugs if you want them. 🙁 sounds like a terrible day.

Fade
7 years ago

@Argenti

Jedi hugs. All of those sound like super shitty circumstances to be in 1 at a time, let alone all at once.

Welfare is kind of a joke in my state. My mom was talking about how she was applying for financial assistence, and the government wanted to make sure she was working or w/e so they gave her meaningless tasks to do 40 hours a week… for 10 dollars a month. Needless to say, she decided she could live w/o that assisstence, though I can’t imagine how desperate things would be if she needed it so much she had to take it.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

All the non-physical hugs, Argenti! 🙁

grumpycatisagirl
grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

I had an experience eerily similar to the Mr. Perfect-Until-Friday-Night story a bit over a year ago. Almost makes me wonder if we met the same guy. It’s actually one of the reasons I started looking at these kind of anti-misogyny spaces on the Internet – I was so upset about being seen as nothing more than a sexual convenience. I’ve spent a year working on the aftermath of that “relationship” with the help of a good therapist. I do feel better know, although I still have a lot of trust problems. I went on a date again for the first time a couple of weeks ago. I don’t think it’s going to lead to anything (although I’m still chatting with the guy via Facebook, etc.) but going on a date at all was a huge step for me. All I can really tell you is that I feel better now than I did, and I’m starting to think I don’t have to run and hide in a convent after all.

robotarmygeneral
robotarmygeneral
7 years ago

Hugs to Argenti, dentistry sucks.

Kittehserf and anyone who wants some brain bleach – here’s the full size tiger photo. http://tinyurl.com/bvs92c2

Kittehserf
7 years ago

Oh my gosh, that is the most beautiful photo!

Tracy
Tracy
7 years ago

I’ve had a rough year. Health problems all last year, which I finally figured out were thyroid (most likely autoimmune, to go along with my celiac). Finally got that sorted, so the depression, exhaustion etc that go along with it cleared up… just in time for my aunt to get dx’ed with early onset mixed dementia (and I had to take over her finances for awhile) and my stepfather to get very sick with what turned out to be lymphoma (and I was back and forth to, or staying at, my mum’s place out of town to help her out while he was hospitalized). Ongoing money issues on top of that, car needing to be fixed, debt… and ugh.

That said… I am feeling much better now and moving forward. But hear hear to whomever said (paraphrasing) “yeah it’s all in my head, but so am I” bc wow, true. I’ve battled depression often – in my case, it was related to other health issues (thyroid, celiac) and went away once those were sorted, but it is hell to try and climb out of, and no-one gets it unless they’ve been there. You can’t just buck up. Anyway.

Internet hugs and virtual kittens to whoever wants them, for whatever reason. Anyone reading this who feels like shit tonight, remember that YOU are a good person and the circumstances of your life have nothing at all to do with your worth.

Also to Aliyah (did I spell that right?), keep posting, k?

Kittehserf
7 years ago

Tracy, internet hugs and kittens to you! What a cruddy year. I’m glad things are improving.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

Speaking of *cough* kittens *cough*, here’s Maddie. Except you won’t be able to see her, ‘cos she’s completely hidden.

http://youtu.be/GYYJmSkECds

Kamilla
Kamilla
7 years ago

Well, David, I wasn’t going to post anymore here. But I would like to express my appreciation for your blog. It has been helping me through a very difficult time indeed. It seemed that the comments section was dominated by a clique that was more interested in bullying than in welcoming new commentators. Not everyone is versed in the jargon of forum writing. That does not mean you are smarter than they are. The mean-spiritedness of some of the reactions to comments I posted had me feeling like the bullies in junior high school did, when they found out I read books and listened to classical music….well, there’s been a lot of regression going on in my mind since I found myself back in the ‘bosom’ of my birth family, looking after my elderly parents and being subjected to the appalling misogyny of two of my brothers…in any case I read your blog and appreciate the emotional release it offers…speaking of Warren Farrell, I remember seeing him on tv in 1994 and screaming out loud…all the best

Aaliyah
7 years ago

Also to Aliyah (did I spell that right?), keep posting, k?

Nope, but it’s no big deal. =P It’s easy to misspell my name – I’ve noticed that a lot of people miss the second ‘a.’ If in the future you find it too difficult to spell for whatever reason, you can just call me “Ally” instead.

canuck_with_pluck
canuck_with_pluck
7 years ago

@Argenti Aertheri: All the luck of the Irish to ya! I hope you have an good dentist who, even if you don’t share the ins and outs of WHY you’re having issues, will pinpoint when/if you’re not ok, and won’t continue until you’re comfortable.

From February till about mid-April I was feeling really depressed…then I started to feel better. I’m still going to see a psychiatrist, because I have issues with self-harm, plus my GP thinks I might have OCD. Lately, I’ve been feeling fantastic and feeling really productive, and sometimes the amount of energy I have is a little frightening–I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of control. I also sometimes get really paranoid on a subway/bus/streetcar–I don’t want to make eye contact with anyone because I’m afraid they can read my thoughts, or I feel like everyone is evil. I have what I call “episodes” of this at least once a year, but this one seems worse and it’s freaking me out. And I don’t want to tell anyone in my family because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m making it up, or they’ll try to have me committed, even though I haven’t harmed myself (not since February, and my GP is monitoring me for that).

pecunium
7 years ago

I have work. I was commiserating on the search from times past. I am also (at this point, not then) semi-retired, so a part-time job is all I need (though a full-time job, with a decent wage would make life a lot easier).

fade: It’s like, live a day in my fibromyalgia’d sack of flesh and you can tell me how strong you feel at the end

Been there (I have Reiter’s Syndrome). I can’t say it gets better. Some days are better, but other weeks are worse. Hugs.

katz
7 years ago

Argenti, I hope your dentist appt goes okay! You really did have an unfairly shitty day.

Aaliyah
7 years ago

I hope your situation improves and your appointment goes well, Argenti. =[

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

*sigh* so word is that my grandfather has pneumonia. Now, this was grumbled to me by my half asleep father, who’s prone to worst case assumptions, but it isn’t good.

Getting my mouth prodded is rapidly becoming the least off worries. Thank you all though.

canuck_with_plunk — can you tell your psych at least? Idk about where you are, but here (US) it’s really hard to get involuntarily committed.

marinerachel
marinerachel
7 years ago

It just gets worse. An acquaintance is smothering me. He kept me company for several weeks after I gave up on Mr. Asshole #1, at which point I was extremely fragile and clingy. I told him as much and that a lot of the emotions I was experiencing were rebound-y and not rational and that I was worried I was taking advantage of him. He told me that was fine Once I bounced back to a significant enough extent that I no longer needed constant surveillance, I realised I actually strongly disliked spending time with him. He doesn’t listen. You have to interrupt him in order to get a word in edgewise and he usually continues to speak over you. He interrupts you and goes off on tangents about himself. All he talks about is himself. Nothing he has to say interests me. I’m not attracted to him nor do I enjoy his company at all. I appreciate the company he provided me with when I needed it so desperately. I am grateful for that. I owe him gratitude, at least.

I can’t get him off my back now though. He absolutely did not listen last year when I told him I believed my clinging to him was due to the place I was in emotionally and not attraction or even fondness. He actually told me he thinks it’s a good idea that I date him, completely ignoring the fact I’m not interested. I never meant to send him mixed signals and I’m sorry I did. I have been very forthcoming since then though. He won’t hear it.

Anyways, I tried to speak to him Friday night because he called and I was so distressed and no one was available. He just interrupted me lots and spoke over me and was generally unhelpful and then blabbed all the fucking details publicly to mutual acquaintances. I was livid. I told him dozens of times “If people ask about me or what happened, change the subject. It’s not their business. I’ll tell those I want to know when I’m ready.” He took it upon himself to provide the general public with status updates on me. Seriously. I stopped responding to his e-mails. Then the barrage of phone calls while I was in bed and otherwise would have been asleep began. I screened them. He assumed this was because was I going to/had killed myself and I got a call from a crisis centre.

I took measures to prevent him from contacting me and redirected his e-mails to my sister, who told him to respect our family’s privacy. He actually told my sister I had forfeited my right to privacy by being publicly distressed and that he was therefore entitled to information about my well-being.

I am so burnt out right now. I am exhausted. I don’t have the strength to deal with any of this.

amandajane5
amandajane5
7 years ago

I thought this year would be better, after the surprise divorce and coma last year. And so one of my jobs burnt to the ground, I left the other because when I ran away last time my dad dragged me around by the neck of my sweatshirt and I didn’t want to be sick in front of him some more, I had pneumonia and an enormous allergy outbreak, I keep having flashbacks to the hallucinations I had in my coma/recovery, I have terrible white coat syndrome, so I’m happy that I’m still going, but when the power just went out for five hours, I’m afraid I freaked out again.

All I can say for myself is that I’m still standing, which since I wasn’t at this time last year, that’s a good thing.

Deoridhe
7 years ago

*sets out piles of blankets and pillows, plumping them high, quite a few hypoallergenic, and with snacks laid out all around – a few sections designated to be allergen free of various allergy-common foodstuffs with magical walls in between so no one can get sick, and distributes about several genus of fluffy or otherwise snuggly animals*

This are actually pretty cool in my world right now, all things considered, but I hope things improve for you guys. <3

I have back injury issues too and I swear by ibuprofen and Valerian root. Ibuprofen you have to be careful to not take aspirin with in the really high doses of 800mg I take, but it's godly; Valerian root is a muscle relaxant, so take care with dangerous things after taking it.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

*sets up a glorious tank system with tanks ranging from fresh water to brackish and salt water, complete with mangroves y’all can sit under*

What, I can dream!

Also, if you are Very Very Careful, you can view various late Victorian / early Edwardian images with my stereoscope. 150 year old tech, still better than modern 3D. And I have a couple Yellowstone ones where you want to reach out and touch the trees.

archaeoholmes
archaeoholmes
7 years ago

Fella just got back from art courier trip. He’s been gone for three days. The kids are going fucking ballistic at his return. I’m amazed the Channel 7 chopper isn’t hovering. And he bought me bought me a copy of Ronnie Barker’s autobiography while he was away. And the kids a bag of lego. To strew in front of mras.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

Sending a consignment of Mr K’s pies (savoury or sweet) to augment the snacks for those sitting on comfy cushions and recliners and so on* and looking at the beautiful tank system.

*We’ll make the MRAs and assorted douchebags who’re giving Manboobzers grief sit on the hard chairs**.

**In a locked shed down the bottom of the garden***.

***With the spiders.

Carleyblue
Carleyblue
7 years ago

Well, I have a few complaints I could do with airing out, I suppose (very mild compared to what a lot of posters here are going through).

Over the past few weeks, I have had frequent headaches. I mean, I had headaches before, but I am getting really tired of them. Medication doesn’t seem to help, most of the time.

On the personal level, I have feelings for someone who has already told me that he isn’t interested*. He does still want to be friends, however, and I am afraid things will get awkward/ weird if we continue to hang out. Since we are fairly incompatible in other ways too, this is probably for the best. But dammit, sometimes I get tired of being rejected all the time.

Also: I had the creeepiest dream last night. Seriously, I should make a book out of it or something.

*Oh wait, I’m sorry, I forgot: This never happens to women, it’s always the other way around.

AK
AK
7 years ago

@marinerachel–since you specifically told him even in the midst of it that you weren’t attracted to him and were just emotionally fragile and looking for support, if he got mixed signals from that it’s his own damn fault, not yours. He sounds like a bully who thinks he can pressure you into dating him, which is just sick and not your fault.

archaeoholmes
archaeoholmes
7 years ago

When I was a little kid, I went vego completely independently, because I worked out how animals are farmed and hated it. Have been ever since. That was about 25 years ago, and I have been fighting all sorts of complete arseholes ever since. You would be amazed how interested other people are in your diet, and how discrimination against vegos is a thing. Personally, from work harrassment, it should be a legal thing.

Molly Ren
7 years ago

This is probably going to be the least dramatic comment here, but I apparently have to snake my drain to unclog it and I am dreading the whole process. I’ve never done much plumbing stuff and am afraid I’m somehow going to screw it up. : /

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Expect the process to produce something that looks like…you know when a cat hacks up a hairball? Like that, but much bigger.

Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago

I really feel for the unemployed bunch; hugs to you all. I got major depression last year when I was temporarily unemployed. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of regarding yourself as worthless because you’re unemployed. Intellectually I’ve known all the time that some people will always be unemployed in an economic situation where there simply aren’t jobs for everyone. But since our stupid right-wing government continuously blurt out the message that it’s your responsibility and your responsibility only to find one, it’s so easy to believe on some emotional if not intellectual level that it’s something wrong with you just because you’re unemployed.

On a brighter note: I wrote in the comments section some time ago that I had had a nasty side-effect from my Haldol – my tongue and left hand got all stiff. I used to take Haldol in periods, and be off it in periods when I was more mentally stable. Now I have a new shrink who thought the levels of Haldol I used to take when I was on it were terribly high (which is funny, since no other shrink during all these years I’ve been taking it has thought the levels were unusual). She basically said that these levels might be appropriate for someone big, but a skinny little woman like me should be on less. She suggested I tried taking a low-level dose continuously and then just up the dose a bit if I start getting hypo-manic or experience hallucinations. So I’ve been on this low-level dose now for a few months and so far no side-effects.

I’m applying for funding for a research project I want to do, but even if I wouldn’t get any money I can probably get a half-time teaching position at the university where I currently work come the fall, so we’ll probably manage economically (my husband has a full-time job) anyway. Although the National Bank’s research fund has already announced to me that my application made it to the second stage of their review, and they fund roughly fifty percent of the applications that make it to the second stage.

So I’m pretty good right now, actually. I kind of feel like I have my life pretty well in order right now. This is a tremendously good feeling considering I’ve been pretty badly off, mentality-wise, last year and the year before that.

opheliamonarch
7 years ago

@Kitteh, haven’t had chance to catch up, hope you and the mister are well. 🙂 (After LOTS of hassle, my Louis book is apparently on the way now!)

Just a quick note.
Saw your reference to what I said in a previous thread ‘What doesn’t break you, makes you stranger’,
That has been a long running (years and years) joke with me and Mr. M.

In my defence, I don’t think it takes much to get from ‘stronger’ to ‘stranger’, especially when you are me. 🙂 So I think Joker man copied me. 🙂

Sorry, will get back as soon as I can, things are a bit hectic here.

Lots and lots of hugs to all those in pain (mental or physical).

Lovely, lovely mind bleach gift for everybody, 🙂

Whoops, slipped back into the smiley zone.

opheliamonarch
7 years ago

Poo, poo, poo, try this,

Fade
7 years ago

Been there (I have Reiter’s Syndrome). I can’t say it gets better. Some days are better, but other weeks are worse. Hugs.

Ouch, that sucks. Hugs for you, too.