I know a lot of Man Boobz regulars have been dealing with a lot of rough stuff lately, so I’m opening this thread up to provide a (relatively) safe space to discuss them. No trolls allowed; any trolls who post here will be put on moderation and possibly banned. (Please notify me by email (my last name at well dot com) if there are inaproppriate comments; I get behind in reading comments here.)
Whatever you do, don’t just give up because you got a bad grade or whatever. Never assume that a school/job/etc won’t want you; always let them decide.
What Argenti said. So much more I want to add but it’s likely to sound either patronising or out of line if I do.
Oh, thanks for the help you two, but it turns out that they allow me to send those documents via email. So I’m just doing it right now since I have the time to do so.
@Kitteh
You’re one of the nicest folks here; you’re the last person I’d call patronizing or out of line! =P Just saying.
@Argenti
Kinkos doesn’t exist anymore – at least not here. We just have FedEx. I think Kinkos and FedEx merged or something.
Kind of sad to me – I loved the name Kinkos V_V
Thank you, Aaliyah! I feel so RAAAARGH Killer Aunty when I read the shit your father does, I want to stab him with my knitting needles* or fill throw all the legos in his path or something.
*they’re plastic, not really that dangerous
Huh, they’re still FedEx/kinko’s here…but yeah, they merged. Anyways, w00t for email transcripts!
I agree with pretty much what everyone else said. I’m sorry you have to move out. And that your dad treats you like that. Your sisters are going to be sad no matter what I guess. Eventually you will be able to talk to them and tell them what happened though, so its not like they’ll suddenly hate you forever. They’ll understand.
Colleges are much more welcoming to different people, and I don’t just mean trans* people. I’m sure you’ll be able to find other things to be welcomed in that you weren’t before.
Even though moving out is really painful, it’s necessary for you. Keeping mentally healthy should be a first priority.
You’re right. Win-win situations are highly unlikely for me, even more so because I’m very political and my passion for social justice is the main motivator in my life. I’ll probably run into even more estrangement as my life goes on because I just can’t please everyone – whether it’s about politics or my personal identity.
Speaking of Pecunium, he has much appreciation from me – it was him who introduced me to the person who has offered to help me find a place to run to.
As for my personal information, I do have everything I need in my room. If for some reason Ieave home without it (which I really want to avoid, of course, because I don’t want to face more coercion), my brother can give it all to me in person.
As I’ve said before, I really value your advice, so please don’t worry if it’s not cheery. I often interpret your posts as cheery, anyway, unless they’re obviously negative. (I’m not sure why – I think it has something to do with your writing style.) Thanks a lot, Argenti. ^_^
Also colleges have counselors and stuff that you can talk to. Idk if that’s exciting for you but I was for me since I have depression so sometimes I just need someone to talk to, even if its only like 10 minutes of advice for managing my work.
Nobody can please everyone and nobody should have to try. It’s not something you need to blame yourself for or apologise for, least of all in advance. You don’t owe people a duty to please them!
You. Are. Not. Running. Away.
Can the self-blaming, infantilising language, woman! (Yeah, I know, easier said than done, but I’m in fierce aunty mode now, I warn ya.)
Is UCSC the one in Santa Cruz?
Idk if I’m being too involvolved, but if you need to find LGBT resources, I found this: http://queer.ucsc.edu/resources/trans/ucsc/index.html
I know that’s probably something you know about already since its the first result on google for “ucsc trans*”, but just in case…
Also most Universities have anti bullying rules, so don’t be scared of any sort of trans* bullying, if it does happen then report it.
(Sorry if I’m being really unhelpful, I didn’t realize you we’re going through all this Ally… Even if I’m not helping and you already know all this, I guess it’s just a reminder that you’re making the right decision by moving out).
@auggziliary
I do know about the LGBT center at UCSC, but thank you for reminding me about it. And even if you weren’t being helpful, I still really appreciate your desire to help. So no worries.
@Kitteh
Oops. Yeah, I need to stop phrasing it that way. I understand your contempt for saying it like that. I guess it just comes up in my mind automatically since I’m used to thinking about other kids “running away” (just grew up with that phrasing, perhaps).
Anyway, unofficial transcript has been sent. Talking to everyone here tonight (or, rather, this morning) made me feel a lot better. Earlier I was actually crying, but the people here have really cheered me up, such that I think I’ll be able to sleep easier now. Thanks. =]
I should probably get some shut-eye now. I’m going to regret going to work with only 5 hours of sleep. X_X Night!
Not contempt – just me trying to push it a bit (picture me wagging finger here). Contempt isn’t involved in stuff you say or do!
Niters and sleep well!
Oh, one more thing – there is still a possibility that I’ll be able to stay at my siblings’ places for a little while, but for various reasons, I can’t really count on that as a possibility. In any case, I just want to plan for the worst, because with the way things currently are, the worst can arrive very quickly. To be cliche, I don’t want to be a fish out of water if I’m forced to move out. I have reasons to believe why this is the case, but it’s a lot to explain and, of course, I need to sleep. Night again!
Here’s the thing with fish out of water, if they’re only for a little while, they recover just fine 🙂
And yes I mean that literally, I’ve had a few jumpers in my day! “Fish out of water” makes it sound like you’re totally screwed and helpless, but it’s more like kinda screwed until friends come along and right the situation (I like it in other words, though I assume people have a certain knowledge of actual fish actually out of water!)
G’night though!
And kitteh — I think she meant actually run to, as in, a couch to crash on if she needs to split NOW (at least it wouldn’t surprise me any, the last time I Could Not Fucking Deal with my father he said he could probably work something out if I needed to get away from here, he’s cool like that). Yeah, college isn’t running away, but with her father it seems a good idea to have a plan in case she actually needs to run away. (Am I making sense?)
In random things, apparently the Spanish peninsula is also full of white people. I feel like a very ginorant American right now (lol, USian, since apparently Hispanic people are mostly South American…)
I was taking Aaliyah’s meaing as moving out because she mentions planning for it on her blog – and I was agreeing with a commenter there on the implications of running away as something naughty a child does* rather than moving out as an adult does. I could be wrong about that, of course!
*and as MGTOW always threaten to do but never damnwell follow up on.
Kitteh — yeah I get that, and by and large agree. But uh, sometimes actually running is the best option…LGBT youth rejected by family, all sorts of DV situations, etc. (Today in things you already know >.< )
I’m not saying getting the hell out isn’t best/necessary/only reasonable option at all – it’s the term “running away” as in “running away from home” that has the kiddie connotations the reader on Aaliyah’s blog pointed out. There’s nothing kiddyish about getting out of her situation, whether it’s something done with plenty of forward planning or something that has to be done really quickly.
I don’t think it’s fair to paint all cases of running away as “naughty”, since that is a sign of some serious problems, like abuse, and it should be investigated. If Ally were under 18 then it would be running away, but that doesn’t make her some spoiled brat.
RE: Ally
Hey, I actually know a system from your area, who went though something similar, having to bolt from a fundamentalist abusive family. They probably know some resources, and stuff like insurance and such. Would you like me to get y’all in touch?
Also, regarding younger siblings… run. Just run. Sometimes, you can’t save everybody. Just run.
@LBT
Thanks for the offer, but I’m already in touch with someone Pecunium knows. And just last night, someone I know from Santa Cruz offered to let me couch-surf at her apartment if I need to.
RE: Ally S
Okay. Good luck to you!
auggz – it’s the term, not the people doing it. I think it has implications it shouldn’t. Flight, escape are the same things, but don’t carry the suggestions “running away” does, which do an injustice to the people having to flee, I think.
RE: Kittehserf
I’m partial to the phrase, “I’m not running away; I’m walking away VERY QUICKLY,” myself.