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off topic open thread

Open Thread for Personal Stuff

Hugs for everyone who wants them.
Hugs for everyone who wants them.

I know a lot of Man Boobz regulars have been dealing with a lot of rough stuff lately, so I’m opening this thread up to provide a (relatively) safe space to discuss them. No trolls allowed; any trolls who post here will be put on moderation and possibly banned. (Please notify me by email (my last name at well dot com) if there are inaproppriate comments; I get behind in reading comments here.)

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Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

And Bannister gets it in one. Boom.

Pain is pain is pain. (Here’s my chance to plug CBT, the therapy, not the kink). Learning about the proccessed involved is good. That’s why I like the poem there, for instance – “Your suffering is the breaking of the shell that surrounds you” tells me that emotional suffering brought on from being corrected is not pain, it’s correction. The original translation I read works better, if you use pain you get a garbled, garbled view because…

But physical pain is just physical pain. There’s nothing noble about it. There’s no higher purpose. It’s great to be noble, and cool, and heroic – and it can help you rewrite your personal experience of the momentary or chronic scream of your nerves. Taking a bullet for someone is a very noble deed, but the pain of impact and subsequent blood loss and shock? That just sucks.

I think that’s why people like plugging the “Enlightenment through suffering” and the “Harsh Truth” ideas. I’ve always found that so weird. Pain is pain, but if you can rebrand it, you’re offering something tangible for your suffering. Suddenly, you’re not just bitter, you’re realistic. You’re not a cynic, you’re enlightened. You’ve Swallowed The Red Pill, You’ve Seen The Light, you understand evo-psych and markets now, and even though you can never, ever love another human being again, because the very idea of love is now just dead chemicals and inert, impersonal reactions in your brain, you are better for it! Because, sorry to tell you, the truth is hard man, and I’m so much better than you!

Pah, humbug.

If you’re in agony, get help. Please. And to everyone going through surgery, or those who know people who will be, I hope the doctors are neat and effecient and the process short and painless.

That’s why aspirin, not nuclear reactors, are the greatest modern invention if you have a headache. q:

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

@Kittehserf: heh! That was the Joker, from The Dark Knight. “I believe… that what doesn’t kill you… makes you stranger.” (lip-licking)

eli
eli
7 years ago

To Fade:

I honestly don’t know what kind of financial hurdles are in place for taking the GED; I imagine sitting for these exams costs money.

It might be moving forward if you could clear that hurdle and find a way into a schedule at a CC you can manage.

I might also be wrong.

Fade
7 years ago

Right now I’m strongly considering doing GED anyway, due to inability to do a full coursload, and wanting to get out in the world, not sit in for 2 more years of highschool

katz
7 years ago

Fib: So true.

eli
eli
7 years ago

If you can do it, just do it.

I had a good friend in HS who was going through a lot of crap and took her GED sophomore year and was ready to move on with her life. Which last I heard was going really well, but that was a really long time ago.

But my anecdote doesn’t help your situation

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

@Fade: the fees are very nominal. Getting your GED is all about being able to pass a test. I prepped for it, but then I very nearly aced it. If you’re good with tests — because tests, after all, test your ability to take tests, first and foremost — then just go for it.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@inusharii

Jedi hugs if wanted. Back problems suck.

@kathleenb

“I get to have an endometrial biopsy tomorrow. I hate needles, I hate being touched by strangers and I have no clue how to handle bad results. Hopefully, I’ll get a doc who will be cool with just taking the hellish thing OUT”

Hugs offered and good luck. Hope you get a good doctor too.

@aaliyah

“In any case, I won’t post about personal advice stuff nearly as often as I used to, even in this thread.”

🙁 we don’t mind it… (I don’t, and haven’t seen anyone else saying they don’t like it). I assumed this thread was so trolls wouldn’t be bothering people who wanted to talk about personal stuff.

@karalora

“Work is stressing me the hell out. We’ve gotten sooooooooo busy this year, I really need an assistant but so far the boss won’t approve the budget to hire me one. I also need a vacation, but I’ll never catch up if I take off any length of time. My shoulders have been stiff for weeks and I’m actually losing weight from all the running around.

I can’t tell my mom about any of this because all she’ll hear is “I’m losing weight” and think it’s a fantastic turn of events.”

Internet hugs if wanted 🙁 sorry to hear your In stressful situation

@pemra

“Well, it gives us some perspective, I suppose. ”

Back pain does not give me any perspective, it gives me pain, you worthless sack of shit.

@bee

“Saturday. Bad news: I’ve been looking for a month and can’t find a job. Which is extra depressing since I went to law school because I couldn’t find a job. So now it’s been four years since I’ve had a job that’s paid me any money, and I feel really worthless and rejected and awful”

You’re not worthless. 🙁 Jedi hugs offered.

@weeboy

” I feel useless, purposeless, and I want to die. I don’t have the energy to do anything and I don’t know if I can fight my way out of this yet again.”

Fuck. All the hugs, if you want them. That sounds horrible. And you are not useless. You’re a great person regardless of whether you have a job.

@viscaria

” I feel like he’s decided that it’s worth throwing away our 12 year long friendship rather than risk any conflict at all with his new gf. Which, whatever, I don’t want them to break up or anything, I just don’t want to pretend like that’s an ok way to treat me”

That sucks. 🙁 I hope things work out + hugs if you want them.

@blackbloc

“I’m a bit in the same boat Viscaria, except my friend is my ex-girlfriend (8 years together) and she’s bi while her new gf is a lesbian with trust issues around men. And I’m openly poly, which ironically is exactly why I would never try to shit on their relationship, but you know, I’m slutty, so I’m a total homewrecker risk. So, yeah.”

That sucks too. :/ especially the ‘you must be a slutty slut because you’re poly’. At least sounds like that’d suck most to me, but I’m not you. Anyway, Internet hugs offered.

@andrew Johnston

Sorry about your employment and fiancé problems 🙁 can’t understand much about your feelings about the broken engagement, because I have no idea what it’s like,but good luck, I hope you feel better and Internet hugs if you want them.

@eli

“Then to make matters even worse, my 98-year-old father is in the hospital. He may have had a mild heart attack Saturday night. There have been so many tests. He might get to go home tomorrow.”

That sucks, I hope he gets better 🙁 and sorry about your job. Internet hugs if you want them (Im offering those a lot today, but they seem needed)

@weeboy

“It’s been a while since I was so depressed that I struggling to get out of bed, but here I am. My back hurts from lying down too much and I am not exercising at all. I just want this to be over.”

🙁 more Internet hugs if wanted. I wish there was something substantial I could tell you. I just really, really hope you feel better soon.

@kittehs

““What doesn’t kill you makes you stranger“. Vast improvement over the original, which I loathe. It’s a ridiculous claim and horribly dismissive”

Seconded. I loathe the original.

And Another round of Internet hugs offered for anybody who wants them…

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

@Fibi: Not aspirin, tylenol.

@Aaliyah: Can you start taking two or three tylenol a day? Just as an experiment.

Fade
7 years ago

My favored headache med of choice is ibuprofen. XD since it seems like we’re voting

eli
eli
7 years ago

Thanks for all hugs Marie!

It’s kind of ridiculous that David opens this thread and so many of us are going through horrible stuff. Hugs to all that want them.

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

@Howard Bannister:

Hahaha. Their example of “bad things” was watching David Lynch films and talking about it? That is the greatest thing. The greatest thing tonight.

I amend my statement.

Tylenol beats aspirin and nuclear reactors if you have a headache AND If you have terrifying, crunching bouts of existential dread.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

KathleenB:

Yep. And I really, really hope there are painkillers involved! And, you know, maybe some valium.

I didn’t even think to ask, but it couldn’t hurt. I just swore a blue streak until it was over.

Aaliyah
7 years ago

@inurashii

Aaliyah, if you want sounding boards or people to talk to off-list, I’m quite easy to cyberstalk for contact info and would be happy to talk to you.

I saw a lot of accounts with the name inurashii when I did a Google search, but I didn’t really find any contact info (as far as I could tell). X_X

If you’re still around, my email can be found in my DreamWidth profile (in my username).

@Fade

Right now my personal problems are trying to figure out whether to finish high school, or get the GED and start community college, and which one would be friendly on my fibromyalgia and depression

I suggest you go to community college if the community colleges you can go to have good adequate student health services. In addition, if you ever plan on going to a 4-year university, transferring from CC after 2 years can save a lot of money. And transitioning from high school to community college to university may be easier for you as community college is generally only slightly more challenging than high school.

Just my 2 cents. I hope things get better for you regardless of which path you take.

Rahu
Rahu
7 years ago

sending good wishes to everyone! 🙂

and completely OT, but this is a cool webpage a friend on FB found – http://siriuslymeg.tumblr.com/post/33738057928/99-life-hacks-to-make-your-life-easier

Aaliyah
7 years ago

Right now I’m strongly considering doing GED anyway, due to inability to do a full coursload, and wanting to get out in the world, not sit in for 2 more years of highschool

That’s definitely doable – and I say that as someone who’s done the exact same thing herself. Well, I don’t have a GED, but I got a CHSPE certificate which allowed me to attend community college at least part time by the age of 16. If it’s feasible for you, I highly recommend it!

eli
eli
7 years ago

Honestly, I’ve been rocking that Tylenol lately, based on those reports. Seems helpful, but I don’t take it when I’ve had any drinking, either self- or mom- induced.

I’m also having night sweats. Doesn’t help anything.

Karalora
Karalora
7 years ago

@Fibinachi & Marie,

Thanks for the kind words. I feel a little silly complaining about the job I have when so many people here need one and don’t have one. But on second thought…it’s kind of a sign of the times, isn’t it? So many people go unemployed because the rest of us are expected to pull double-duty (for just the one paycheck). If my boss weren’t so stubborn, one of you could come over here and solve both our problems. If you didn’t mind doing a lot of data entry and/or parcel shipping, that is.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

@Howard – oh poop! I thought “What doesn’t kill you makes you stranger” was a Manboobz original. Some evil person didn’t give a source, dammit!

@Fibinachi –

I think that’s why people like plugging the “Enlightenment through suffering” and the “Harsh Truth” ideas. I’ve always found that so weird. Pain is pain, but if you can rebrand it, you’re offering something tangible for your suffering. Suddenly, you’re not just bitter, you’re realistic. You’re not a cynic, you’re enlightened. You’ve Swallowed The Red Pill, You’ve Seen The Light, you understand evo-psych and markets now, and even though you can never, ever love another human being again, because the very idea of love is now just dead chemicals and inert, impersonal reactions in your brain, you are better for it! Because, sorry to tell you, the truth is hard man, and I’m so much better than you!

Oh gods, THIS. The part about chemicals is what I hate about the materialist-reductionist slant when it goes down that path. Sure, they’re chemicals, but does that make love or joy or sorrow or anger less real?

Reminds me of the “life is suffering” line some Buddhists (or wannabe Buddhists, I don’t know) trot out. Um, yeah, fine, but it’s not all suffering for every creature, and I don’t go along with the idea that desire = suffering anyway. It always feels like such a cop-out.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

@eli – “I’m also having night sweats. Doesn’t help anything.”

They’re such fun, aren’t they?

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

@Karalora:

Oh friendigo, I was born for data entry. Repetitive keyboard mashing to instill the same general bits into unpersonable, uncaring and unfeeling information banks that will, at best, merely be casually indifferent to my efforts is what brings my soul so much joy.

That’s why I love arguing with the MRA.

We’ve all got some suffering, it’s part of life, I think.

@Kittehserf:

Hahah, they misunderstand the line. Life means suffering because living implies dying. So come to terms, stare at a tree, tadah, instant buddhism, just add zen. Huh, deja vu…

I jest. Although not a lot.
Hehe.

Manboobz: Come for the mockery, stay for the support and validation of the virtue of tylenol.

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

Kittehserf, the best answer I ever saw to the reductionist It’s-just-chemicals get-over-it was when Cliff Pervocracy said, about depression, (from memory)

“I realized, yes, it’s all in my head. AND SO AM I.”

Seriously.

Fade
7 years ago

Thanks for the advice, aaliyah and eli (and anyone I missed). Yeah, my dad did mention that doing community college for 2 years would be much, much cheaper than doing a traditional four year college.

eli
eli
7 years ago

Covers on, covers off, covers on, covers off.

Then I hear “all creatures of our god and king,” one of the audition pieces.

I tell myself, in my dream, turn on the tornado sirens (Bigmomma will know, we live close) turn them on to drown it out.

Drown it out.

Covers on, covers off, covers on covers off.

/this is my new every night.

Aaliyah
7 years ago

@Howard

Thanks for the link!

As for Tylenol, I’ll certainly consider it. I admit I’m a bit wary since I’ve heard a lot of bad things about Tylenol, but perhaps I’m misinformed.

eli
eli
7 years ago

Yeah, my dad did mention that doing community college for 2 years would be much, much cheaper than doing a traditional four year college.

I say this as a former academic. Yes, yes, more yes. I used to go visit community colleges to find out more about our own students. But that was in a previous life.

marinerachel
marinerachel
7 years ago

Hey, KathleenB, have you got a hand to hold during the procedure? It goes a long way. Regardless, you’ll do great.

I feel like I’ve got no business complaining because I have my health, my home and a job. I’m in the most dreadful place though. I went through a separation last year that was destructive. My ex didn’t hurt me. The relationship was killing me though. I didn’t want it to end. I was so dissatisfied though and neither of us knew how to improve matters while remaining together. When we separated I lost everything. I left the relationship as well as all my friendships and family.

I (too) quickly found myself in a relationship that was massively harmful. He did hurt me. He hurt me a lot. He gave me what my ex hadn’t though (while failing to give me much of what my ex excelled at providing me with) so I felt like I’d found what I was looking for and would be an idiot to leave. After many months of investing far more in him and the relationship than he did in me I gave up. Yeah, at a time he had given me what had been missing from my previous relationship. He didn’t provide me with anything else I needed though and caused me so, so much more pain than happiness. I felt resented, like an inconvenience to him. He wanted a plaything to take out and enjoy at his leisure, not a relationship with me. I was not a priority of him. He’d been dishonest with me and himself when he’d claimed otherwise. My self-worth plummeted. I became suicidal.

After a stint in the psych ward, I spent eight months clawing my way out of that hole. I hadn’t healed from the loss of my relationship and then compounded the matter by, instead of focusing on recovering from that loss, let someone else shit all over my self-worth. I didn’t do well. There was improvement. It wasn’t enormous though. I continued to hurt over the loss of my relationship while remaining stupidly in love with the second guy despite his abysmal treatment from him. I was in a better place than I had been when I first left him though.

Then I met someone. It was unexpected and fast. He made me feel the way the second guy had while investing as much in the relationship and me as my ex did. It was extraordinary. I felt emotionally secure and wanted. We were wacky compatible. He made me want to be a better person. He embodied everything I’d come to realise I needed from a partner and relationship over my many years of dating. I started letting go of the previous guy. For the first time since I’d left him, I didn’t feel like I was in love with him anymore.

Anyways, Mr. Perfect told me on Friday night he’s already in a long-term committed relationship and that I’m actually more of a temporary-part-time-when-it’s-convenient-to-him collectors’ item than anything else, despite having led me to believe very differently.

He infected all the damage I incurred in the previous relationship. I can’t recover from it. I have no support network to help me through this. I can’t sleep more than an hour or two a night. I can’t keep food down. I’m struggling to breath. Salbutamol isn’t helping anymore. I’m not strong enough to begin clawing myself back out again. I can’t cope anymore. I’m completely overwhelmed by pain. The only solution I see is shutting myself away from people and I don’t want to live that way. I can’t bear being dehumanised and having my heart broken again either though. I don’t want to feel anymore. I want everything to stop.

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

As a NSAID, over-use can cause stomach bleeding. Which is mega-painful, and not to be messed around with.

Keep it down to two at a time, spaced four hours apart. (good rules to follow with all pills, really)

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

Anyways, Mr. Perfect told me on Friday night he’s already in a long-term committed relationship and that I’m actually more of a temporary-part-time-when-it’s-convenient-to-him collectors’ item than anything else, despite having led me to believe very differently.

Shit. That is cold. I’m sorry.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@marinerachel

Jedi hugs if you want them. Not sure what else to say :/

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

Pet pevee:

“I feel like I’ve got no business complaining because I have my health, my home and a job”

[Continues to have perfectly valid reason to complain]

no!

That sucks. A lot. Endlessly. Holy hell.

archaeoholmes
archaeoholmes
7 years ago

@marinerachel Oh my god, that’s a terrible story. I wish I could help you.

eli
eli
7 years ago

marinerachel,

I dont know how you found your way here, but I’d suggest reading EVERYTHING at this link:

http://captainawkward.com/

If you are a regular I don’t recognize, I’m sorry, but seriously, read every post in that archive.

Falconer
7 years ago

Aw man, so much pain and worry. Here I am, the only thing I have got to worry about is how much my babies will wake me up tonight and whether I’ll be able to function tomorrow (if recent history is anything to go by, definitely I will) and if my neck will start hurting again after I cricked it watching Iron Man 3.

Hugs, donuts, coffee, tea, kitty purrs and baby coos, come get ’em while they’re fresh!

eli
eli
7 years ago

man, F, I’d eat all your f’ing donuts if I could eat gluten. I’ll be over by the tea and coffee. And, believe it or not, I’ve never changed a diaper and I’m kind of curious.

Fade
7 years ago

I feel like I’ve got no business complaining because I have my health, my home and a job.

Class privilege and able-bodied privilege don’t negate that things can hurt you. And that sounded… like an icky thing to do (the mr. perfect guy) All the hugs in the world if wanted.

Falconer
7 years ago

Whoops, how’d I miss marinerachel? I’m so sorry Mr. Perfect Asshole came along and hurt you again, and I’m sorry there’s nothing I can offer except Jedi hugs from a stranger on the internet, and the promise that you are not alone.

[Violence] So there was this guy who got all worked up about liberals and walked into a Unitarian Universalist church in Knoxville a few years ago, and well, they were lucky he had a couple guns and not a bomb. I bring this up because, a few days later, the UU church in Oak Ridge held a memorial/vigil service and some of the survivors came along and each had the opportunity to talk about what happened. What we in the OR UU could do was listen to each of them and tell them “You are not alone.”

You are not alone, marinerachel.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

@Fibinachi – ” Life means suffering because living implies dying.”

Which has me shaking my head, because not everyone’s in a panic over dying, whether they believe in an afterlife or not. Pffft and other derisory noises.

@Howard – oh yes, I remember Cliff’s line! Great answer, too. Wish I’d remembered that when that shitlord ambulance driver said “It’s all in your head” to me. Yeah, and toothache’s all in your head too, and a broken leg. I mean, it’s all just brain stuff reacting, innit? Why the fuss?

Arseholes.

@marinerachel – my god, that is so horrible! Mega-jedi hugs and lots of chocolate if you want them!

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 years ago

marinerachel, wow, what an asshole move. Seriously top-class dickery. I am so so sorry.

Falconer
7 years ago

@eli: I can whip up gluten free confections with a wave of my hand, since they all just exist on the Webbernetz anyway.

Well, the kitties and the babies have an existence independent of the ol’ ones and zeros.

Diapers, after a few weeks, are mostly just wet, but when there’s stool it’s sticky. It doesn’t smell bad, though. So that’s my experience, anyway.

katz
7 years ago

Yeah, I don’t want anyone to feel like there being one good (or not-bad) thing in your life means that the bad things don’t count. If it’s upsetting you and interfering with your ability to live your life, it counts!

Kittehserf
7 years ago

::sniff sniff::

Are those fresh donuts I smell? With cinammon and sugar?

Falconer, I second what you said, my troubles are miniscule compared to what so many Manboobzers (or Menboobz, as lowquacks called us) are enduring.

Hugs to all who want them, and wishing I could help.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

“Diapers, after a few weeks, are mostly just wet, but when there’s stool it’s sticky. It doesn’t smell bad, though. So that’s my experience, anyway.”

So, as a reputable scientist ‘cos observation in totally controlled conditions, which would you say has more concentrated evil: cat poo or baby poo in its stinky stage?

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

Yeah, seconded. If you want a story of dubious quality or a poem of worse quality for any occassion, feel free to ask.

It’s sort of all I can offer, beyond ears, attention and patience. That, and luck. Have all the luck.

eli
eli
7 years ago

Really, falconer, with all the babbies, is gonna whip me up gluten free donuts.

Well damn. I love this place.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@kittehs

“Falconer, I second what you said, my troubles are miniscule compared to what so many Manboobzers (or Menboobz, as lowquacks called us) are enduring”

Seconded. (Or thirds now) my big gripe I keep complaining about is not having a computer, because that’s how I do most of my socialization, and my mom’s been letting me use her iPad for that a lot recently, so I’m pretty good.

Anyway, more hugs for anyone who wants them.

Karalora
Karalora
7 years ago

Re: Buddhism and suffering

What I don’t get is why the temporary nature of pleasure means pleasure doesn’t count, but suffering still counts even though it is also temporary.

@marinerachel

That sucks so hard. If it makes you feel any better…I think you’re going to be okay. It will take time. There might well be little pains along the way. But just reading your account gives me the impression of someone who is a survivor at heart. Remember that every day is a new day.

ella
ella
7 years ago

I don’t write too much, but I do read comments faithfully and I feel I know each of you a little bit. I enjoy the forum because it is empowering. Eli if you can check out whether community colleges offer accomodations to provide additional support for the challenges you face, you may find that this is helpful. Universities and colleges in Canada have these and for people who are coping with situations similar to you it is a blessing. Andrew Johnston I wish you all the best with your educational career, I know it is tough when you are unable to find employement. It is more difficult when you are dealing with the sadness of the breakup. Overseas is crying for teachers and I know in some places it is not necessary to have a teacher’s certificate. Pecunium ugh bureaucracy! I deal with the paperwork and the nonsense day after day and it is truly mindboggling how very little of it makes any sense. Sometimes I think that it is purposely made confusing and difficult so people will give up and go away. I hope you find some success. Aaliyah, Kathleenb and Hellkell sending you all positive energy and caring thoughts. Bee congratulations that is amazing, you should be so proud! Kitteserf, finibachi and Briznecko you always make me smile, and nightsweats are my only form of entertainment, that and slathering on layers of estrogen to try and avoid them. Everyone looking for jobs I hope something comes up and don’t lose courage! I work two jobs at present because my partner is looking for work after spending the past five years finishing a degree and his masters. Sorry I missed a few people but I have to pick up my kids.

eli
eli
7 years ago

I foresee David having to make this open thread a regular feature. I’ll admit, I never joined the forum because of “prerequisites”

ella
ella
7 years ago

This little commercial made me smile so I wanted to share it. I hope it is ok.