I know a lot of Man Boobz regulars have been dealing with a lot of rough stuff lately, so I’m opening this thread up to provide a (relatively) safe space to discuss them. No trolls allowed; any trolls who post here will be put on moderation and possibly banned. (Please notify me by email (my last name at well dot com) if there are inaproppriate comments; I get behind in reading comments here.)
As an employer, if an interviewee showed up with neatly styled long hair and a business outfit of some kind, it would not matter if their hair went to mars. What matters is styling yourself professionally.
Also you can always just go get it trimmed to neaten it up; you’ll definitely end up looking like an old english sheepdog if you grow out your hair without evergetting it cut. Just tell your stylist that you’re growing it out and they’ll know what to do. Might appease your dad somewhat.
So sorry about your school stress! You should definitely write them that letter; you have been through a TON of stress and I am sure they don’t want to reject someone for struggling with gender dysphoria any more than they would reject someone whose grades dropped because they had a chronic illness. Take a deep breath, look at these clouded leopard cubs playing with a stuffed monkey, and remember that UCSC does want you and they will do what it takes to help you succeed.
Tomorrow wasn’t better. Today… At least I was able to wake up peacefully. The rest of the day will likely be non stop drama. I think it’s time to admit that there’s a fine line between supporting someone and enabling them. I need to stop crossing it.
What sucks the most is that I have no idea what to expect at any given moment. I cringe when the phone rings or I hear someone pass by outside. I’ve spent the past few months being constantly blindsided and… I’m living with the understanding that I can never let my guard down, because things get out of hand so quickly.
But, I chose this, even if I didn’t know what I was really getting. I guess I just need to keep my big girl pants on and deal with it.
My uterus, it is benign! However, since hormones do not work with me, I’m getting an ablation. Which means I get the tubal I’ve always wanted! I almost fell out when the doc just said “yes” to it after years of hearing no and that I’ll change my mind. I cried, I was so happy to hear it. I think he was a little taken aback, but after my endometriosis nightmare and how my fertility was to be preserved at all costs–turning me into a guinea pig by that jackoff with a god complex back in Seattle–I was just so thrilled to be LISTENED to.
If anyone in the ATX area need a good GYN, holler.
I also went to the hematologist this week about my anemia. Prescription iron is wreaking havoc with my digestion, but hopefully I’ll adjust.
@Nova, Hugs if you want them.
@hellkelly, Hooray for the benign uterus! (Note to self: The Benign Uterus would be a good band name.)
Yay for a uterus that’s not trying to kill you! And also for doctors who listen.
I’m happy to hear that, hellkell ^_^
hellkell, hooray for the good news!
Nova, I’ve nothing useful to say, so offer internet hugs, for what they’re worth.
Aaliyah, nothing useful to add for your present situation, just a long-term note re: hair – regular haircuts will be a thing even when your hair’s as long as you want. It makes a big difference to its thickness and how healthy it looks. I went for years with minimal haircutting and it didn’t really look that good, because my thinking was “hair is dead, how can cutting change it?” That was all wrong. 🙂 My hair’s layered now, which itself means a bulkier look than when it’s all one length, and keeping the ends neatly trimmed instead of letting them get wispy is also better. Plus layers bring out any curl one has.
Apologies if you already know all this, but since you’ve been stuck with short hair forever and haven’t been able to live as a woman yet, I’m guessing maybe you can store the info for future use.
I’ve learned today on the phone with my older sister that she and my mother refer to me with female pronouns all the time. And I’ve never even asked them to do so (for the longest time I’ve avoided asking them because of shyness, internalized transphobia, and so on). I’m so glad to have at least a few loving, accepting family members who go out of their way to identify me properly.
@Kitteh, Katz
Yeah, I’ll definitely get it trimmed sometime soon. And I love how layers look; I hope I can get those someday. Especially since my hair is slightly wavy. ^_^
Yay for your mother and sister, Aaliyah!
Sounds like there are at least three women in your family who rock.
You might find your hair gets seriously wavy or has big curls when it’s long enough to layer. At present IIRC it’s not long enough to really show.
Aaliayah, I’m happy that more people in your family will use female pronouns. That’s wonderful.
I don’t know if this is okay to talk about in this thread, because it’s just a fun, mundane story, so if it’s not appropriate, just tell me.
Anyway, I did ride Outlaw Run this weekend at Silver Dollar City, and it was the damnedest ride I’ve ever went on. I had no idea it was one of the most extreme coasters. I couldn’t tell how huge the hill was (160 feet) walking to it because most of the hill was built into the natural terrain of the Ozarks hills. I knew it was the steepest wooden coaster, but I was not prepared for an 80 degree drop. It felt perpendicular to me.
It was really fast, 70 mph, had a double barrel corkscrew, went 70 mph sideways on turns, and was upside down half the time. I closed my eyes the whole time because it was too scary. They put restraints down only on the legs, but leave your upper body loose and with not handles or anything to hold on to. It’s safe and secure, but it didn’t feel like it, so I dug my arms into my leg restraints the whole time. I ended up with big bruises on my arms from that. My husband asked, “How’d you get your arms in such a tight spot?” and I said, “I can do all sorts of things when I’m scared like that”.
I am glad I rode it, though, just to say I did. I will not ride it again, though. LOL, I must be getting too old for that kind of thing.
Cripes, you’re braver’n me, thebionicmommy! I’ve never been on a roller coaster – no head for heights.
Let’s see, my weekend: on this side, sitting in front of the heater knitting a beret and really narrow scart (seven stitches wide) to go with my red and brown top, and being sat on by Fribbles most of that time. (Lap = place for her to sit. Terrible when she has to choose between two laps, though.)
Snippets of memory from the other side: doing a watercolour of Himself out in the garden (which would be totally NSFW were I able to reproduce it). Going for a long walk in the hills to enjoy each other’s company. Plinking out a few notes on the piano, hearing Louis call out from the kitchen, “That is nice, what is it?” and trying to remember what the piece was; then the attempt coming to an end when Thomas-the-big-grey-tabby jumped onto the keyboard. The noise was just what you’d think, and Louis came in saying reproachfully to Tom “You made me break an egg!”
Cats are still cats and totally rule humans, wherever they be.
Kittehserf, your weekend by the heater knitting a beret sounds more my speed. Well, except for the heater part anyway, it’s warm enough in May here already.
Also, I found the live footage in Oklahoma City, and it’s showing a huge area totally leveled. There were several schools, a plaza, hundreds of homes, and it’s all gone. I really hope the students all left from the schools before this, or that they had shelters built in them. This is really sad, because it’s such a densely populated area. Those poor people.
OK City is about a three hour drive from here, and I wonder if I should go there once the storms are all over. I don’t know. I mean people helped us two years ago, but I’m not sure what to do and how to help with small children under foot. I’m also not sure if they’d want people going there and if we’d be in the way, but I owe others because people helped us.
I’m sorry to double post, but I did hear new updates from OK City. (TRIGGER WARNING FOR CHILDREN IN DANGER) They said the elementary school that was flattened did have all the children there. They put the school on lockdown so students wouldn’t be on buses or in cars during the tornado. I’m just sick right now thinking about what a nightmare they are going through. The reporter live on the scene broke down crying it’s so horrific.
Again, for any manboobzers in Oklahoma City, I am so so sorry.
Update on mrmagnificent. Coming home tomorrow – forever!
And we’ll have as much physio, occupational therapy, speech therapy, domestic cleaning by home visit and travel arrangements for other stuff provided for 8-12 weeks as he/we need. For the princely sum of $64 a week.
And my all new kitchen was finished yesterday. All I/we have to do is paint a coupla walls.
It’s still not long enough for layering, of course, but it’s easy for me to tell that it’s wavy. The waviness is most clearly seen on my bangs and the hair going towards my shoulders.
Unfortunately, I’m going to get another haircut on Friday. I have no say in the matter…my dad always shuts me down when I try to argue with him about how my hair length isn’t going to ruin my job opportunities in the tech industry. And if I keep pushing he’ll get angry again, and I really don’t want to deal with that.
So, like I said, I can only escape this once I’m away from him. Speaking of that, though, it seems that my offer of admission from UCSC is likely going to be canceled because I got a bad grade in that class I just mentioned above. There’s a slim chance I’ll still be accepted, but things are looking very bleak for me. And I don’t know if writing the letter (as suggested earlier in this thread) is a good idea because, if they uphold their offer of admission upon considering the letter, my father will want to know why I still got in. And he can’t know because, if I write that letter, I’ll explain a lot of things about my situation that I can’t afford to let him know. And clearly he’ll want to know what’s in the letter.
@thebionicmommy – “I’m also not sure if they’d want people going there and if we’d be in the way, but I owe others because people helped us.”
Would it be any use to ring the organisations helping, calling for volunteers etc, to let them know your circs and find out whether you could help, if not immediately, then in the longer term? That might be more help, mightn’t it – when people are still needed but Moore isn’t in the news? (That sounds horrible but disasters do fade from the immediate thoughts of those not touched by them so easily.)
@mildlymagnificent – YAY for mrmagnificent being home! And yay for getting the support and not having to pay through the nose for it, too.
OT Mr K mentioned you the other night: we were talking about the “falling out of bed and laughing” conversation. I blogged the conversation.
@Aaliyah – I wish I could think of something useful to suggest. I just keep wishing there was an intervention order against your father or he was locked up or something, honestly. 🙁
Aaliyah, I would write the letter to UCSC if it comes to that, even if you have to write an alternate letter that you can show your dad that is full of other reasons UCSC should still admit you. Ethically, I see no problem with lying to him under these circumstances.
Write the letter, and then tell him a truth: that USCS decided your other merits justified overlooking the poor grade.
Hey gang, sorry to necro an old thread but I’m really badly shaken and want to say so where it won’t make a crisis that’s not about me about me.
A friend whom I care for and admire was raped and assaulted by her longtime partner, whom I also used to consider a friend. It was out of nowhere; they were close for a long time. I feel shell-shocked.
inurashii, I’m so sorry. That’s terrible.
=[ That’s horrific.
yeah I’m really just … stunned.
@ inurashii
That’s horrible. All I can suggest is that you support the victim as well as you can and let her lead you in terms of how to treat the rapist. If she wants you to cut off contact with him, do it. In my group of high school friends one very close friend was raped by one of her brother’s friends, and the brother initially tried to take the “I am supporting both of you” approach. Neither his sister nor any of the rest of us ever forgave him for that.
Inurashii — I’m lacking spoons to say anything that hasn’t been said, but Pandora’s Aquarium has a section for friends and family (and a bunch of other good articles on rape, stalking, etc)