I know a lot of Man Boobz regulars have been dealing with a lot of rough stuff lately, so I’m opening this thread up to provide a (relatively) safe space to discuss them. No trolls allowed; any trolls who post here will be put on moderation and possibly banned. (Please notify me by email (my last name at well dot com) if there are inaproppriate comments; I get behind in reading comments here.)
Update on my grandfather — he’s out of the hospital and back to his nursing home (which I am expected to decorate tomorrow 🙂 )
Yay for nursing home.
Re Thyroid: there are also ear swabs which can be used on cats who won’t pill.
What’s the cat equivilant of pickle? Can you put it in that?
Backstory here, my brother cannot swallow pills, but can swallow large chunks of food and loves pickles. So he takes pills in a chunk of pickle (thus proving that neither of us can eat a pickle without it being hilarious)
And yep, yay for nursing home. Should go in the POD soon and dig out the boxes of photos and sentimental stuff since decorating largely means hanging some of that (so far all his has up is my self-portrait…and I am honored 🙂 )
News on my end (good/bad, it’s up to you):
I’m going mad in my current housing, so I finally dragged my carcass to the local homeless coalition. Hopefully I’ll find somewhere safe to sleep, though it looks like I’m SOL in having my own room.
If that doesn’t work, I’m either going to relocate to Maine or Oregon, where I have friends willing to put me up for a longer period. Neither is ideal, because my health insurance and food stamps and therapist are all here, but it’s starting to look like I can have my health care or four walls and a window, not both.
*sigh* Onward, onward. I just keep telling myself that this is my training to become one of those badass old men who’ve been everywhere and seen everything.
[sinceritymode] I would put you up if you were here. Of course you would probably not want to as we have no AC. Also you might have to share your room with kittens, if that would be a problem.
Well crap, if it was not for the fact that this will take a few months and I live all the way across the country, I would offer my second bedroom as your pad o’ place to stay.
Of course it would require some rent and dog walking. Oh and cuddles for the dog. Amara must not be denied. (literally, she will force her nose between you and the cats if you pet them where she can see it.)
This is cheering: http://www.upworthy.com/the-final-epic-act-of-the-departing-commander-of-the-international-space-station-truly-rocked-2?g=3
Commander Hadfield is coming back to Earth.
I loved that Hyperbole and a Half post-especially with the point it is really hard to just tell someone “You know, I really would rather not be alive.”
As soon as you do, all hell breaks loose and you are at fault for causing drama. *sigh* Sorry my having an emotional breakdown makes you feel bad mom, best friend, family member I made the mistake of trying to talk to. I will just keep it all inside until I actually do work up the nerve. Will that help?
It is not even suicide, it is just cessation of the burden of living under all that pain, loneliness and despair you want.
@Nova, I am so sorry you’re going through all that! 🙁 Internet hugs if you want them.
@pecunium, I saw part of Commander Hadfield’s clip on the news last night. Wonderful!
Thanks guys. Like, right now, it’s just down to a toe-to-toe slugfest. My lawyer said to expect at least another year before disability comes through, and naturally, I can’t work because I’m fucking disabled, and I was working part-time at $10/hr even before then. So pretty much it looks like I’m going to be spending the summer in survival mode, trying to squeeze enough sanity points out of my brain to embark on my trip.
The irony is that I’d probably be contributing far more to society if I wasn’t constantly having to save up all my energy for these housing emergencies. I’d be recovering a lot faster if I could keep a solid first level of Maslow’s fuckin’ hierarchy!
And I can’t even self-terminate, because of my role in the system.
I didn’t realise who his brother is. Evan Hadfield, of the Barenaked Ladies.
@princessbonbon That is absolutely correct. That’s the thing, if I could make everything stop some other way than by working on knots in my study, I would instantly take it.
Yeah-“if I could just magic it away, I would. But I cannot. So stop compounding how I feel by making me feel worse for feeling bad!”
*takes everyone with her on a cruise to Alaska, the only time she has ever fully relaxed ever*
Also, this page has the wrong title:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexrees/27-cats-who-could-clearly-be-male-models
27 Male Models who fail at cat.
And RavenLaight is still trying to “talk” to me. This time without the veneer of civility in the last one.
Hugs, LBT, if you want them.
Thanks for the hugs. Unfortunately for me… it keeps getting worse. Spent most of the afternoon so stressed that I started throwing up. Tomorrow doesn’t look much better.
princessbonbon – correct! Male models, meh … kitties YES PLEASE!
Nova, I wish I could say something that would help. 🙁
Nova, so incredibly sorry. If tomorrow isn’t better, I hope the next day is.
I haven’t done any writing for a while, but since yesterday was Louis’s anniversary, here’s his description of his passing to Spirit all those years ago. I pinched it from the book we started three – four years ago, which has been in abeyance almost that long. 😛
http://vignettesacrosstheveil.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/14-may-1643/
So it seems that my mental state has taken such a toll on me that my grades are slipping. I’m barely able to get Cs in my physics class. It’s very hard to concentrate. And if I finish the class with anything less than a C then my offer of admission from UCSC will probably be rescinded. Unless I write them a letter about my circumstances (which they probably won’t take seriously).
I feel dead inside. I know I need to try harder, but I have so little hope for the future that I’m almost completely unmotivated to do so. Fortunately, I have back-up plans (for getting a job, moving out, and so on), but what I dread is the shaming and disappointment I’ll face from nearly all of the family members here if I don’t get into UCSC.
Oh, and my father told me recently that he wants me to get another fucking haircut this Thursday.
@Aaliyah:
When I got to college, I was convinced I couldn’t hack it. That I would wash out, flunk out.
I eventually graduated magna cum laude, with a major I liked and two minors I loved.
When I got out of college I was convinced nobody would ever hire me into a job working with computers, that I wasn’t smart enough to program.
Now I’m in charge of my own projects, teaching other people to program.
I was convinced I could never be strong enough to help people.
I’m a volunteer firefighter. I regularly train other firefighters, keep the books, fight fires.
All my life my jerk brain has tried to tell me that I can’t do it, and that I’m no good at important things.
That’s the depression talking. Your brain can’t see what the future will be like, so it paints the bleakest possible picture.
Your jerk brain will tell you that everything wrong is your fault, and that you can’t do anything right.
It’s wrong, and it’s lying.
I’m sorry for all you’re going through, Aaliyah. Now I’ll go into problem solving mode here, but if you don’t want that, just say so, and I’ll be a sympathetic ear instead.
Is there a way you can get tutoring for your physics class? Maybe ask the teacher if zie can recommend someone to be a tutor or help you find online help for your work. It could also help to start up a study group with some of your classmates. I would also try writing the letter to UCSC if you end up with the C. Even if they don’t take it seriously, at least you gave it your best shot.
Also, can you style your hair in a way that makes it appear shorter without having to cut it? Maybe you could wear hats to cover it, or get a perm to make it seem shorter without losing length, and you’d only have to do that around your dad. I hate to tell you to hide your own hair because it’s part of you, but it might be easier than dealing with his reactions to it. And keep reminding yourself how awesome it will be when you live away and can wear your hair as you please and be yourself.
Good news! I’ve just found out from my physics teacher that I can get a C in the class (and so remain accepted by UCSC) if I get a B or higher on the final exam, which is next week. So I still have a chance.
This is the first time I’ve ever been so excited about the possibility of getting a C…
The letter is still a last-resort thing, but I’m prepared to write it.
@howardbann1ster
Thank you for putting that into words – this is how I have always felt. It’s why I get super anxious when I imagine my future. I really need to learn how to accept the fact that I can’t foresee everything. And I need to learn how to do so without getting anxious.
@thebionicmommy
The problem is that he wants me to look “presentable” if I meet someone who might hire me (or something like that – he’s going way too fast with everything and it’s annoying). I’m not sure if I can make it look shorter very easily, but I think I’ll try to make my hair look nicely styled so that even if it looks long it also looks “presentable” to him. That’s what my brother suggested recently, and I think it’s a good idea.