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off topic open thread

Open Thread for Personal Stuff

Hugs for everyone who wants them.
Hugs for everyone who wants them.

I know a lot of Man Boobz regulars have been dealing with a lot of rough stuff lately, so I’m opening this thread up to provide a (relatively) safe space to discuss them. No trolls allowed; any trolls who post here will be put on moderation and possibly banned. (Please notify me by email (my last name at well dot com) if there are inaproppriate comments; I get behind in reading comments here.)

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inurashii
inurashii
7 years ago

So that people with really heavy issues don’t have to break fresh ground here, I’m gonna start.

Three weeks ago, I threw out my back. A week and change ago, I caught a chest cold. I’m still not fully healed from either experience and I’m getting really tired of being in pain all the time.

I feel unfocused. And old, even tho I’m not.

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 years ago

Omg deers <3 <3 deeeeeeeers.

So sorry to hear that, inurashii. I'd be pretty sick of it too.

BabyLawyer
BabyLawyer
7 years ago

In the spirit of inurashii above, to break the ice and (I hope) give those of you dealing with serious problems a laugh, I tripped over my boyfriend’s foot and sprained my ankle on Thursday. You are welcome to laugh at me. Copious internet hugs for all.

katz
7 years ago

Thanks, David! I remember back in the day we were discussing open threads vs. forum and, obvs, we went the forum route, but things have gradually slid back to the default state of “everything in whatever thread is going on at the moment,” which is sub-optimal.

inurashii
inurashii
7 years ago

Here’s an NSAID cocktail toast for debilitating injuries caused by embarrassing circumstances.

(in case you were wondering: a moving girlfriend, her 70s-era sofabed, and a cramped cellar entrance. Ouch.)

KathleenB
KathleenB
7 years ago

I get to have an endometrial biopsy tomorrow. I hate needles, I hate being touched by strangers and I have no clue how to handle bad results. Hopefully, I’ll get a doc who will be cool with just taking the hellish thing OUT. Hugs to all who need them.

Aaliyah
7 years ago

Thanks David.

Also, besides the fact that I like all of the non-trolls here, the main reason I decided to do all of those derails on the other threads was that, IIRC, I was told that derails happened all the time in Manboobz anyway. But I should have realized that I can’t expect each and every commentator to be totally tolerant of my frequent all-about-me derails. I can see how it could be really annoying, especially since I repeat stuff very often.

In any case, I won’t post about personal advice stuff nearly as often as I used to, even in this thread.

inurashii
inurashii
7 years ago

Aaliyah, if you want sounding boards or people to talk to off-list, I’m quite easy to cyberstalk for contact info and would be happy to talk to you.

Also I just found out that this username is even easier to connect to my real name now that a dance move is named after me in a downloadable song for dance central. Welp :I

katz
7 years ago

Aaliyah, I’m pretty sure you didn’t break any rule except the “don’t talk about things Hellkell doesn’t feel like hearing about” rule.

Karalora
Karalora
7 years ago

Work is stressing me the hell out. We’ve gotten sooooooooo busy this year, I really need an assistant but so far the boss won’t approve the budget to hire me one. I also need a vacation, but I’ll never catch up if I take off any length of time. My shoulders have been stiff for weeks and I’m actually losing weight from all the running around.

I can’t tell my mom about any of this because all she’ll hear is “I’m losing weight” and think it’s a fantastic turn of events.

Pro-Equality MRA
Pro-Equality MRA
7 years ago

@inurashi- Ugh, sorry to hear that. I have recurring lower back pain and it’s awful. The worst is when I wake up and just lie there in anything between discomfort and agony for however long it takes.

Well, it gives us some perspective, I suppose. 😉

Bee
Bee
7 years ago

Sorry, inurashii. Back pain + coughing sounds really bad. I’ve thrown my back out multiple times, and I hate that “everything I do causes me so much pain” thing.

I’m replying to Aaliyah in this threat instead of the other one just to repeat what other people have said about you totally having worth and being a great person, even though I know you don’t feel like it. I’ve been suicidal before, and I don’t have any tricks to get through it or get out of it, but I do know that it’s possible to get through it and find happiness and value in life again. I’m thinking good thoughts for you.

My own news. Good news: I’m graduating law school! Just took my last exam on Saturday. Bad news: I’ve been looking for a month and can’t find a job. Which is extra depressing since I went to law school because I couldn’t find a job. So now it’s been four years since I’ve had a job that’s paid me any money, and I feel really worthless and rejected and awful. Recently I was in the top two candidates for a job that was perfect for me, but I didn’t get chosen and for some reason that makes me feel even worse than not even getting the interview.

Thanks for the thread, David!

katz
7 years ago

Bad news: I’ve been looking for a month and can’t find a job. Which is extra depressing since I went to law school because I couldn’t find a job. So now it’s been four years since I’ve had a job that’s paid me any money, and I feel really worthless and rejected and awful. Recently I was in the top two candidates for a job that was perfect for me, but I didn’t get chosen and for some reason that makes me feel even worse than not even getting the interview.

Ugh, now there’s a problem I can definitely sympathize with! When you get rejected for a job, you should be able to realize that you’re no worse off than you were before or than you would be if you hadn’t applied; you didn’t have a job before and you don’t have one now. But it’s impossible to think that way!

BabyLawyer
BabyLawyer
7 years ago

@Bee

Good news: I’m graduating law school! Just took my last exam on Saturday. Bad news: I’ve been looking for a month and can’t find a job. Which is extra depressing since I went to law school because I couldn’t find a job. So now it’s been four years since I’ve had a job that’s paid me any money, and I feel really worthless and rejected and awful. Recently I was in the top two candidates for a job that was perfect for me, but I didn’t get chosen and for some reason that makes me feel even worse than not even getting the interview.

I know it doesn’t make it less scary to not have a job yet, but I highly doubt it is because you are worthless/awful. I graduated last year and half my class is still unemployed. HALF! And the only reason I am not part of that half is because of a family connection. Sheer luck, not my own merit. Keep trying. You may want to try looking at rural practices. I know it’s not glamorous, and not sure where you are located, but here in Nebraska there are many rural firms hiring because the partners are older, retiring, and no one wants to move back. You can make great dough being the only attorney in a small town.

pecunium
7 years ago

Bee, I feel your pain. Back in 2009 I was looking (and looking, and looking) and no one would so much as admit I was applying. I couldn’t even get an interview for retail.

On the personal front I am finding myself inert on the issue of getting the VocRehab the VA owes me started. I am afraid, I think of the various levels of rejection I might end up with (the VA balking at what I want to do, the schools I apply to saying, “no thanks”, or the lack of a bachelors being too much of a hurdle: I want to be an OT, which is a masters level program).

And I’ve had a sprained finger for the past, not quite three months.

WeeBoy
WeeBoy
7 years ago

I have been looking for a no job for six months. Not happening. Almost everyone else in my class has a job. I have a good enough CV because I keep getting interviews but I sucks at interviews so I don’t get jobs. I feel useless, purposeless, and I want to die. I don’t have the energy to do anything and I don’t know if I can fight my way out of this yet again.

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 years ago

Can I tell you guys a stupid little story? I don’t have a ton of friends IRL. One of the closest ones came home from school with his new girlfriend a couple of weeks ago and asked me to meet her, which I was happy to do. She was extremely rude to me the whole time I was there. Like, she literally pulled out a book of crossword puzzles because she didn’t want to talk to me.

My friend finally tells me (like a week later) that everything is fine, she just felt threatened by our friendship, no big deal. I said, it actually is a big deal to me when I make a real effort to get to know someone and they pointedly ignore me the whole time, and I don’t really want to spend any more time with her if she won’t acknowledge that. Ok, he says. And not a word to me since. I feel like he’s decided that it’s worth throwing away our 12 year long friendship rather than risk any conflict at all with his new gf. Which, whatever, I don’t want them to break up or anything, I just don’t want to pretend like that’s an ok way to treat me. I don’t even know. End stupid story.

pecunium
7 years ago

Viscaria: That sucks.

freemage
freemage
7 years ago

Viscaria: Unfortunately, there’s an ongoing belief that [remember, all of these cliches assume everyone is straight] “men and women can’t just be friends”. People who have bought into this belief are thus prone to jealousy about preexisting friendships, because they assume that there must be SOME sort of unresolved sexual/romantic tension there.

Yeah, it’s pretty shit, and I’m sorry you got caught in it.

I’m actually doing pretty well right now, so for everyone who is having it rough, I offer up a sonata in Cat Minor:
comment image

Briznecko
Briznecko
7 years ago

Jedi Hugs all around! Especially to everyone having employment troubles, I’m in that spot too. Finding jobs suck.

Viscaria: That suck, I’m sorry 🙁

This threat should have plenty of brain bleach:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D36JUfE1oYk

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 years ago

Viscaria: Unfortunately, there’s an ongoing belief that [remember, all of these cliches assume everyone is straight] “men and women can’t just be friends”.

Totally true. I don’t really even blame her for the jealousy, necessarily, I just think she could have made an effort while I was there to be civil and then talked with her boyfriend about it afterward, instead of totally ignoring my attempts to be friendly. Really I’m most upset that my good friend doesn’t see any issue with how I was treated and seems to think I’m being a jerk just by saying I don’t want to be around her if that’s what she considers ok. Anyway, not a big deal, just feels good to get it off my chest.

So many injuries in this thread 🙁 and so much unemployment. I feel for all of you guys. Many deer hugs.

Briznecko
Briznecko
7 years ago

y u no load cute kitty and hedgehog video?

Pro-Equality MRA
Pro-Equality MRA
7 years ago

Honestly, I’ve been considering applying to continue my education. I have a BA of the sort that I’ve never really used beyond showing people that, you know, I have a BA. Which is certainly a good thing, but I’ve been stuck in a rut the past few years, and I’m thinking grad school could serve as a little push. Idk.

No complaints, really- mine is a comfortable rut. 😉 But still, I don’t feel especially fulfilled or validation. Sigh…

BlackBloc (@XBlackBlocX)

I’m a bit in the same boat Viscaria, except my friend is my ex-girlfriend (8 years together) and she’s bi while her new gf is a lesbian with trust issues around men. And I’m openly poly, which ironically is exactly why I would never try to shit on their relationship, but you know, I’m slutty, so I’m a total homewrecker risk. So, yeah.

BlackBloc (@XBlackBlocX)

>>>Honestly, I’ve been considering applying to continue my education.

I would suggest starting it. Apparently you have trouble with reading comprehension. What part of “trolls not allowed” didn’t you understand?

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 years ago

Oh Blackbloc, that sucks on like 3 different levels.

Shadow
Shadow
7 years ago

@Viscaria

I feel your pain! I’ve lost quite a few female friends to jealousy from boyfriends/spouses, even when there’s been no romantic history between us. I find it’s due to what Freemage said, as well as the ridiculous idea in society that straight partners have the right to restrict their partner’s relationship with people of the opposite sex.

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

Being unemployed sucks if you are actively looking for a source of income and getting no luck.

Good luck searching for everyone. There must be something out there, I mean, the world does have an on-going economy and the matriarchy is clearly working in our favor… So eventually, you will hit pay dirt. That must be possible :]

Let me see if I can join you in your woes…

[Email check]

Ah, yep. My email contains another two rejections. More will probably pop in soon.

Oh well, I’m starting my bachelor’s in September and just have to hold on for that long. Summer’s nice. I can eat grass. It’ll do. I’ve got other sources of income and it’s been… nice to take a few months off. Not feel so raw. Since we’re on the topic of depression, I limped through my final graduation at the IB with some paltry points (well, “Paltry” compared to my ambition, still so high I can’t complain mwahaha) and with a inclination to stare at the walls for hours, being absolutely hollow inside. It’s fantastic not to feel like that any more. It does get better, bit by bit.

On the other hand!

@Karalora:

I hope YOUR work winds down just enough for you to catch your breath. It’s always either too much or too little or too soon or not soon enough. Jedi hugs and good wishes.

@Iinurashi:

recover quickly, oh you of hilarious stories and injuries. Like my friend in the ER; it’s the kind of injury you will, eventually, laugh about – hopefully.

@Weeboy:

That, sincerely, sucks. Bests of luck working toward something. I want to take a moment, just… point out? Your lack of a specific job does not mean you are worthless. You are not.
As much as those words mean coming from a complete stranger with no view into your life, I do mean it – If you go through a lot of interviews, you get interview experience. Eventually you will merely be “Bad” at interviews. And then, soon thereafter, you’ll be “Okay”. And then you’ll stop, because you’ll have found a job (and if not, at some point, you get to “Good”; and then you find a job in HR.
Wink wink.
(HUman ressources is an important part of any good company) )

Day by day. Bit by bit.
It’ll be better.

@Pecunium:

Good luck. Sounds like a curious balance to have to manage.

@Viscaria:

Stab her. Wait, no, no, help thread. Haha. Stab her with silence! By not caring. Although, losing the assurance of a friend is rough. Weird how that can sometimes stab more than any actual, complete activity. Maybe he’s just too focused on one thing and missing the other awesome people in his life? At least that isn’t active malice or abandonment, just tunnel vision. Hope it works out. And sorry if that reads like making excuses for your friend, it’s not quite that, still a damn thing to do.

@Aaliyah:

Click

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

Oh dear, I forgot my gift.

Continuing the topic of music and cats, have the Cat Piano, a jazz themed lovely poem with a beautiful illustration.

Click!

@Blackbloc:

Totally, yeah, and any activity between the two of you would obviously be your fault, and your fault alone, so feel bad, because you’re a poly man slut thing.
(I don’t mean this)

I am sorry to hear that situation. Sucks. A lot.

@Pro-Equality MRA:

Starting an education again can be a good thing, if you know what you want to study and can find the means. Good luck with that.
Gender studies might be fun.

Shadow
Shadow
7 years ago

Also

and bear hugs for one and all

Andrew Johnston
7 years ago

I can join in on the employment front. I’ve been out of work for eighteen months – all of my background is in education, which means precisely fuck-all right now. Fortunately, it might be looking up. I finally moved to a larger town with more opportunities, and there are actually several really good jobs I have a real shot at landing, one in a field that I really enjoy. Downside is that it’ll be a while until they’re officially done processing the applications, and if I get one of them it’ll be weeks until it starts, which leaves me a lot of time with not much to do.

I’m also still dealing with a broken engagement. Eight months ago, my fiancee just left, and I’m still dealing with that. Pretty much everyone expects me to just get over it, as though it were that easy. I’ve been trying to date again, but social life in this community is based primarily around alcohol, which doesn’t give me too many real chances to meet anyone. It doesn’t help that I run into someone who reminds me of my ex about once a week. Yesterday, I was at an art show in the park and I ran into so many couples that reminded me of the two of us that I had to run home before I started crying and/or breaking things.

Anyway, that’s my little self-centered rant. Thanks for the opportunity, I really needed it today.

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

Ouch. It’s not that easy, but “getting over” fond memories never is.

Good luck with that too.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

Jedi hugs to everyone. Inu, back injuries suck majorly – been there, years ago. So does being out of work – I was out of work for two years a decade ago. At least we have continued income here, none of this 99 week stuff, even though the money is well below the poverty line (even the age pension and disability pension pay more, though still not enough).

On a bit of Trivial but Good news: my dresses from Secret Lentil finally arrived! I’ve had the words LOST/STOLEN playing on loop in my mind since the last tracking was in Chicago on April 21st, and neither the USPS nor Australia Post bothered to do any since.

I shall post photos when I get the chance. 🙂

Andrew Johnston
7 years ago

@Viscaria: That one tough. The best I can say is that your friend probably hasn’t rejected you for good. It’s a new relationship, possible even a new situation, and he’s going out of his way to make the gf feel more comfortable. Once things settle down, he’ll return to his good senses. Give him some space and some time to come down.

Then again, maybe you shouldn’t take my advice. My history with relationships (romantic or platonic) isn’t exactly great.

@pecunium: Sounds like you’ve got it tougher on the jobs front than a lot of us. The bureaucracy being what it is, I suppose you’re stuck with waiting around huh? Harsh. Most you can do in that situation is find something you can do to keep your mind occupied.

@Fibinachi: Congrats on the IB, sorry for the emptiness that you had to live with while you earned it. That must be pretty common for that age – I actually had quite a few friends who dropped out of high school or just barely graduated due to depression. It definitely does get better once you’re past all that.

Fade
7 years ago

Three weeks ago, I threw out my back. A week and change ago, I caught a chest cold. I’m still not fully healed from either experience and I’m getting really tired of being in pain all the time.

Ouch. All the sympathies*

*I get the idea I will be offerring all the sympathies to everyone here.

@KathleenB

Hoping your biopsy goes well.

Well, it gives us some perspective, I suppose. 😉

How does pain give us perspective, pray tell?

@Bee

Congrats on law school! And I hope you find a job soon.

Actually, hoping all of our unemployed people who are looking for jobs can find jobs.

I actually had quite a few friends who dropped out of high school or just barely graduated due to depression

This is me (not as in i know you, as in i”m in that situation. 😉 ) Right now, I’ve just completed my first semester of school in 3 years, since dropping out at 15 due to depression.

Right now my personal problems are trying to figure out whether to finish high school, or get the GED and start community college, and which one would be friendly on my fibromyalgia and depression

Falconer
7 years ago

If it makes people feel better,

Babbus!

Moar babbus!

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

KathleenB; good luck, and hugs. I found a gyno and had an edometrial biopsy last Friday. I’ll get the results on the 17th.

It wasn’t horrible, but they should consider giving you good drugs after for the cramping.

Is your doc thinking hyperplasia? I think that’s what mine is going towards, and if it’s pre-cancerous, they can just take the damn thing out.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

Falconer, we need pictures of babbus and kittehs! Stat!

eli
eli
7 years ago

Yeah, me. I had a temp job. I always knew it was a temp job and treated it as such. Until my supervisor kept filling my head with hot air and they’ll keep me longer and I’m so awesome. I started to believe it.

Dude, I’m on the list-serve for jobs in the field. You know this, Mr. Supervisor. The day after this meeting that was so much bullshit, the job announcement appeared. Then came formal auditions.

This was a job playing organ at a church. I had to go in and play on Sunday after being told the committee made an unanimous decision to go with the other candidate. Why did Mr. Supervisor feel so compelled to make me so many empty promises? Really, I never expected the real job when I went in. That just made it so much more of a blow.

Then to make matters even worse, my 98-year-old father is in the hospital. He may have had a mild heart attack Saturday night. There have been so many tests. He might get to go home tomorrow.

And I have to keep going to that church and practicing, because I still have the temp contract through the end of the month. At the very least, I have heard from plenty of people who are flabbergasted that I’ve been treated so badly, but they weren’t the ones with the power to hire, so it’s all kind of fluff.

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

@Andrew Johnson:
Ah, it gets better. At least I had my burst of weltsmertz while young, and can look forward to a good 50 years of feeling pretty good about life. Thanks, though.
But bloody hell, you’re right. It is just high school when looking at US information. Gods. I’ve spent so long in various boarding schools and places that my first instinct was to go “HIGH SCHOOL? You looking to get cut? Huh? Huh? I finished a college level course! I’m going to stab you!” but… No. I didn’t. Must be some errant damage from people misunderstanding my subject levels. Apologies.

… Man I’m turning twentish in August and I just finished high school a year ago? I’ve wasted my life.

That’s it, where’s the restart botton? This damn thing does come equipped with one, right?

I jest. I jest. :} Thank you for your kindness.

@Fade:

PemRa is probably going for the deep route. Ala Kahil Gibran like so .

Hope you can find a course you can do meanwhile. Ged and community might be a good plan, I’ve heard good things and it should be more managable, schedulewise. Go! Go! Do the thing you want to do, and know your choice was the right one if you carry through with it.

@Kittehserf:

Congrats! And do take pictures, that’d be great.

eli
eli
7 years ago

Right now my personal problems are trying to figure out whether to finish high school, or get the GED and start community college, and which one would be friendly on my fibromyalgia and depression

You seem a bright person based on the comments I’ve read from you, would getting the GED and starting community college be easier? I can’t imagine high school would be friendly to your health problems.

Fade
7 years ago

@Fibinahi

Maybe this bit

Much of your pain is self-chosen.

Makes more sense in context (I skimmed the poem, not analyzed it) but I super hate it when people say that, or “pain makes you stronger” or w/e it was that pemra was going on about

It’s like, live a day in my fibromyalgia’d sack of flesh and you can tell me how strong you feel at the end

Fade
7 years ago

@eli

I feel like community college would be easier right now, but that’s probably because I am currently behind in regular high school due to not being able to work b/c I was sick, so it might just be the easy option for me (as in, I wouldn’t have to worry about catching up this semester).

high school is semi friendly to my health problems. I can rest when I need to, but I still wind up falling behind because I need to rest more often than I can school.

I was talking to seventhguest, and zie* mentioned I might take a half load of courses in community college, which sounds nice to me. I could focus more of my energy on just a few classes, instead of spreading myself thin

*sorry, I don’t know your PGP! 🙁

Fibinachi
Fibinachi
7 years ago

Ah, oh, that line.

Yeah, I just always assume they the poem talks about emotional pain in relation to desires and wanting things unattainable and suffering when you don’t attain them. I’m fairly sure its a case of somewhat garbled translation, because the book I had of it used “Suffering” (my memory tells me).

Not meant to somehow say that your fibromyalgia, which causes you incredible pain, somehow bestows upon you perspective supowerpowers. Gods no. It just gives you pain, I guess. And lots of it. So like, not cool.

@eli:

That is so much bullshit, and my god. I am not in charge of hiring practices, but for fluff, that does suck. I hope your father pulls through and the tests come back with good results.

Fade
7 years ago

Oh, no, I didn’t think you were trying to say it. But what pemra said and that poem reminded me of it. Though the poem was kind of unclear. It’s probably b/c I don’t read much poetry XD

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

Realizing that there was no over-arching higher purpose to suffering actually made me feel a lot better. Because then I didn’t have to go searching for the lesson some higher being was trying to teach me, I could make up my own.

Mine have better plot and coherence anyway.

Aaliyah, check out this blog about books and editing. The latest iteration of the thread I mentioned is a few scrolls down. It has links.

KathleenB
KathleenB
7 years ago

Hellkell: Yep. And I really, really hope there are painkillers involved! And, you know, maybe some valium.

WeeBoy
WeeBoy
7 years ago

It’s been a while since I was so depressed that I struggling to get out of bed, but here I am. My back hurts from lying down too much and I am not exercising at all. I just want this to be over.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

The only version of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” I like is the one here recently – damn, I’ve forgotten who said it – Ophelia or ArchaeoHolmes, I think? – “What doesn’t kill you makes you stranger“. Vast improvement over the original, which I loathe. It’s a ridiculous claim and horribly dismissive. Hell, I think of the pain (physical and emotional) my other half went through, and it sure didn’t make him stronger, it just gave him years of pain and grief. His strength was there anyway, not instilled by having a shitty life.

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 years ago

WeeBoy I am so sorry. Been there.

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