I’ve been reading through the archives of Bang Some Chicks, a PUA parody blog featuring the imaginary exploits of the incredibly stupid chick-bangers F-Close Frank and DTF Dave and a couple of other faux PUAs.
What drew me to it was a post with the worrisome title “how to bang a native american chick” which I spotted via the Manosphere agglomerater blog Vive la Manosphere.
And, yes, the post itself lived up – well, lived down – to its name, as the extended excerpts below will make clear. In addition to misogyny, there is a teensy bit of racism in what follows, by which I mean, HOLY CRAP IS THIS RACIST. Also, brace yourself for deliberate misspellings and grammatical carnage.
first off native american chicks hate white dudes so your gonna have to get your game on son. get your peecock on with some tradishonal native american bling. the more bling you got on the better native american chicks love that shit espeshully if its gold or dymonds. if you got bling on that makes chicks notice you at the club &tells chicks you got money like a legit PUA be careful tho native american chicks will come up and ask you if you are on disability &want you to buy drinks. chump move son dont do it
As will become apparent, the “joke” here is that F-Close Frank thinks he’s hitting on “native American chicks” but really he’s hitting on black women!
ok next up you gotta open a native american chick this is what i said. “yo whaddup its f-close frank. check this out you got a hella fly weave but are you native american.” she was laugin hella hard which is good cuz chicks love laughin. she’s all “check out this white boy” &i could tell her friends (also native american) are mad jellus. pretty soon im on the dance floor grindin on her big ass native american booty.
And the parade of racism continues:
we started makin out &went to the bath room to do some coke (this also works on japanese chicks) & wound up bangin. bad news tho she had full on national geografic tities shiit was hella gross not gonna lie. anyway got my nateive american chick notch &we got fryed chicken later
Yep. “Fryed” chicken. Very clever.
But flipping through older posts on the blog to see what other flavors of horrible I might uncover, I discovered that when Bang Some Chicks isn’t being outrageously and deliberately offensive it actually can offer some pretty spot-on satire of PUA and other Manosphere nonsense — as in this post ostensibly explaining “the 4 types of hypergamy every PUA should recognize,” which started out by informing readers that “some doctors made science for it so it is real !!!”
DTF Dave offered this explanation of one type of “hypergamy,” in the process providing a nice parodic summary of that Alpha Asshole Cock Carousel/Slut Who Got Old fairy tale that Manospherians never tire of telling one another:
chronic hypergamy: this is where a bitch just keeps trading up for herself and goes to get the best she can but she never stops even when she promises herself to a man. she keeps trading up and up until she is old and nobody wants to fuck her no more, then she blame everybody else because she is too stupid to know that a woman that nobody wants to fuck is largly worthless to most of the human race because then she is like a man but men are way better at being a man than women are. this is also called humorous hypergamy because its funny how they talk about it at jezebel like it don’t exist and REAL PUA men laugh at them when they are 36 with nobody to put a baby in their belly and they are become socially irrelevant
Here’s the incredibly super-scientific chart DTF Dave used to illustrate the post:
In this post on picking up HB10s at the gym, DTF Dave explained why you should never wipe down the exercise equipment after using it:
always leave your swet on the machine when youre done. girls can smell the neurons in your swet after you leave it on many machines and they will come to notice your sent. its like a dog who lifts his leg everywhere to mark his territory only instead of piss you will leave your swet behind. soon women will talk to you like they know you because they have your neurons trapped in their nose holes and they wont be able to get you off their mind for sex.
Hey, doctors made science for it so it’s real!
I also liked DTF Dave’s announcement that he and F-Close Frank had made a joint New Year’s resolution to “choose one day a week and speak ONLY in pua acronems to keep our skills sharp.”
And there are other times when the author(s) of the blog let sheer surreal goofiness overpower their desire to offend, as in the post “game for black dudes how to get that pussy if you are black.” (NSFW link) Expecting more racism, I was relieved to find it was actually only an extended goof on goths, and on F-Close Frank’s stupidity.
Then there’s this post celebrating a guy – a real guy – who was recently arrested for having sex with an abandoned couch in public. “hell yeah dude is gettin it,” wrote Frank. “sucks he got busted by the popo but its whatevs.”
I have to admit I’m a bit puzzled by Bang Some Chicks. It’s an often clever and at times devastating satire of Pickup artisty — both of the gurus and the deluded followers. But it too often degenerates into random offensiveness for the sake of offensiveness — as is obviously the case with that “native american” post.
Rather than taking their satire all the way, the authors seem to want to be court jesters of sorts for the PUA community. They link to assorted PUA blogs — from old schoolers like Ross Jeffries and Mystery to Manosphere misogynists like Heartiste and the witless fat-hating Nigel’s Big Game Blog. In a couple of posts they recommend the blog of a PUA called Social Kenny. They even have a direct link to buy Roosh V’s ebooks.
Frank, Dave, you know these PUA guys are full of shit. Why do you want to have anything to do with them at all?
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That’s nice. Maybe get better friends?