No book has had more influence over the Men’s Rights movement than Warren Farrell’s The Myth of Male Power. Published in 1993, in the heyday of the early 90s antifeminist backlash, it set the agenda for the Men’s Rights movement as it’s developed over the last two decades. He’s the one who came up with the notions of “male disposability” and the “death professions.” He’s the one who got MRAs fixated on the issue of draft registration.
Indeed, so pervasive has his influence been that if you see an MRA making a dumb argument anywhere on the Internet, the chances are probably more than 50-50 that it originated in the pages of Farrell’s book. Despite its age, and its eccentricity, The Myth of Male Power is still the first book recommended to MRA newbies in the sidebar of the Men’s Rights subreddit, the most active MRA hangout online.
It’s a book that deserves a lot more attention than I have been giving it on this blog. Sure, I’ve written about Farrell’s strange and creepy notions about incest, as set forth in a notorious interview in Penthouse in the 1970s, and about his recent attempts to explain away these views. But I haven’t devoted any blog posts to his most influential work. I intend to rectify that now, with a series of posts on some of Farrell’s chief arguments and assertions.
I will start with several posts on Farrell’s views on rape, which has been the subject of much controversy of late. This part will deal with his general statements on rape and sexuality; another will explore in more detail his views on date rape (did he really describe it as “exciting?”); and still another will look at the vast assortment of things he has inappropriately compared to rape.
Pinning down what Farrell “really believes” about rape – and indeed, about almost anything– is difficult. Farrell’s arguments, such as they are, are slippery and evasive. Instead of setting forth a clear argument about rape, Farrell instead provides us with a series of jumbled metaphors and strange comparisons. Instead of trying to summarize them – many of them defy summary — let’s just go through them one by one.
Farrell supporters will likely suggest that these quotes are taken “out of context,” to which I can only say: Check his book to see for yourself. None of his troubling quotes are any less troubling, or for that matter any clearer, in context, and many don’t have much of a context. Farrell writes in a rambling, free-associational style, and many of the “arguments” he makes in the following quotes seem to come from out of the blue, and are never developed further (though some, as you will see, are referenced again in later quotes).
Page numbers given are from the 1993 hardcover edition of The Myth of Male Power.
All that out of the way, let’s jump right in:
Near the start of his book , Farrell sets the tone for what will come by suggesting that men suffer as much sexual trauma from women’s mixed signals as women do from rape:
Feminism has taught women to sue men for sexual harassment or date rape when men initiate with the wrong person or with the wrong timing; no one has taught men to sue women for sexual trauma for saying “yes,” then “no,” then “yes.” … Men [are] still expected to initiate, but now, if they [do] it badly, they could go to jail. (p. 16)
Here, he elaborates on the notion that rape is a matter of bad timing, of “tak[ing] risks too quickly.”
In the past, both sexes were anxious about sex and pregnancy. Now the pill minimizes her anxiety and condoms increase his. Now the pimple faced boy must still risk rejection while also overcoming his own fear of herpes and AIDS and reassuring her there is nothing to fear. He must still do the sexual risk-taking, but now he can be put in jail if he takes risks too quickly or be called a wimp if he doesn’t take them quickly enough . (p. 168)
Here, Farrell falls back on the old “rape is misunderstanding” canard, and somehow manages to compare sexual activity –- from kissing up to and including rape — to eating a bag of potato chips.
It is also possible for a woman to go back to a man’s room, tell him she doesn’t want to have intercourse, mean it, start kissing, have intercourse, and then wish she hadn’t in the morning. How? Kissing is like eating potato chips. Before we know it, we’ve gone further than we said we would. (p. 311)
Here, he seems to seriously suggest that juries could do a better job judging rape cases if they were sexually aroused.
The problem with every judgment of sexual behavior is that it is made by people who aren’t being stimulated as they are making the judgment. A jury that sees a woman in a sterile courtroom, asks her what she wanted, and then assumes that anything else she did was the responsibility of the man is insulting not only the woman but the power of sex. (p. 312)
And then he returns to the potato chip metaphor.
A man being sued after a woman has more sex than intended is like Lay’s being sued after someone has more potato chips than intended. In brief, date rape can be a crime, a misunderstanding, or buyer’s remorse. (p. 312)
Farrell repeatedly tries to absolve men of sexual wrongdoing by suggesting that they are literally intoxicated by female beauty.
Sexually, of course, the sexes aren’t equal. It is exactly a woman’s greater sexual power that often makes a man so fearful of being rejected by her that he buys himself drinks to reduce his fear. In essence, her sexual power often leads to him drinking; his sexual power rarely leads to her drinking. If anything is evidence of her power over him, it is his being expected to spend his money to buy her drinks without her reciprocating. …
It is men – far more than women – whose mental capacities are diminished when they are “under the influence” of a beautiful woman. (p. 320)
But Farrell thinks it’s “sexist” – against men – to put men in jail for “selling sex” to intoxicated women:
As long as society tells men to be the salespersons of sex, it is sexist for society to put only men in jail if they sell well. We don’t put other salespersons in jail for buying clients drinks and successfully transforming a “no” into a “maybe” into a “yes.” If the client makes a choice to drink too much and the “yes” turns out to be a bad decision, it is the client who gets fired, not the salesperson. (p. 321)
We’ve only just begun to scratch the surface of Warren Farrell’s equally daft and disturbing views on sex and rape. Stay tuned.
Hi Alex! That’s good news about your sister. I hope it sticks.
About your MRA infestation, I don’t know. I would block them and cut ’em off. If they’re just spouting the talking points, I’m not sure that’s any great loss. YMMV.
Alex, hi, and dittoing what hellkell said – fingers crossed for your sister. As to the MRAish friends … can an MRA or sympathiser actually be a genuine friend to a feminist (or any woman not awash with internalised misogyny)? I’d be cutting them out of my life completely, too.
Things I’ve learned today: women=potato chips, rape=wacky misunderstanding, and although sex messes up men’s brains, it’s good for the mental processes of impartial juries.
This book is so educational!
@ Briznecko aww… *heart melting at kitty sounds*
@ kittehserf and opheliamonarch
Thanks for the good words! In all fairness, I’m way over this incident, but it’s symptomatic of the culture. I think it’s important to talk about in order to change the way people view women who: go out/party/have a social life/don’t wear burkas. People who see “but I have good drunk sex” as an argument against that have a blind spot IMO that is more insidious than clear misogynists.
@annabanana
I think the argument is that women are the chip eaters and men are the chip manufacturers. You see, makes sense, right? Right?
He doesn’t think women are objects, but just sex addicts who regret it after.
Cock carousel is so delicious!
If I have friends who are spouting sexist/ racist/ whateverist garbage, I normally ask them why they think that or how they got that idea, and basically try to ask enough questions to get them to challenge themselves. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always work.
Time it worked:
Mom: If you wear something like that, people are going to feel (as in your nipples)
Me: OMFG mom, what?
Mom: I mean, they shouldn’t, but they’d get the wrong idea.
Me: what wrong idea?
Mom: that you’re a prostitute
Me: So people can feel up sex workers without consent?
Mom: No, but they will
me: So somebody who is an asshole possible-sexual-offender might harrass sex workers and the blame lies with him not them.
Mom: okay… I was raised in a different time than you but… blah blah blah, she got what I was saying.
Summarized, of course, due to that conversation being really long.
Time it didn’t work:
Friend: Well, I think it’s because girls are more emotional than boys
Me: Um, why do you think that?
Friend: Well, ask any parent and they’ll say that.
Me: No they won’t
Friend: Because you have so much experience here /sarcasm
Me: your one kid maybe* acting more emotional doesn’t do anything about an entire gender
Friend: Okay, I won’t mention the fact that girls are more emotional than boys around you anymore, sheesh.
*maybe because I hypothesize this is after her sexism goggles.
So, um basically I haven’t got any advice? It might be worth a shot to try to ask how they got x idea that is really questionable buggy and get them to see how sexist it is at its core, but it’d gonna be really long and really draining, especially if you don’t know them that well.
Thanks, hellkell and Kittehserf. 🙂 I lol’d at “MRA infestation”.
Well, cutting off one of them wouldn’t be too hard since he’s moved to Ottawa (I’m in Windsor), but it’s kind of sad. In high school we were fairly close, and then he dropped out and we lost touch, and I was really worried about him for a long time because he suffered from depression, and I didn’t even know if he was still alive. But then just last year, I ran into him working at a coffee shop, and we shot the shit and met up a few times, added each other to facebook, he moved to Ottawa…and now this.
My former neighbour’s a bit more difficult, though, because he’s still my grandparents’ neighbour, and I do run into him in person from time to time.
Both of them claim that misogynists only make up a small part of the MRM, and that “psycho-feminists” are just as bad. Oy. Maybe I’m making it more complicated than it needs to be. lol
@Alex My brother’s an mra living the pua lifestyle. I just don’t ever see him. We’re both happier that way.
How much is the too drunk to consent thing really describing a scenario where the partner is too drunk to process what is happening enough to object? I have seen friends very drunk and while still able to move they couldn’t process and interact in a coherent way with the people around them. They were too drunk to consent in that they wouldn’t object to much being done to them, as they couldn’t coherently process what was being done to them. Luckily the people were friendly.
It seems that it isn’t politically correct to say consent is assumed unless the woman manages to make lack of consent clear. I don’t think it should be the case, but I dislike having to pretend it isn’t the case when we are discussing interactions happening under that assumption.
Fade, I did try something like that with one of them, but he just stopped replying. Now I’m engaged in a long discussion with him, and I hope he’ll see the light. blaaahhh
archaeoholmes, I’m so sorry it turned out that way, though. 🙁 I don’t know what I’d do if my brother got into that shit.
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate the term “politically correct”? 😉 But the rest, I mean people do normally assume consent unless someone makes it clear, but like what does that mean? Because if it’s two people making out and they’re both participating, both of them would be consenting because… they’re um, both participating. Yeah. So it’s not like you have to verbalize every single moment.
Um, sorry if this sounds weird i was just confused at this paragraph…
@Alex
Well, good luck if you need it.. XD
Alex: Sometimes high school dude friends are better left unfound. I reconnected with a very good guy friend from high school, only to get a very NIce Guy(TM) FEELINGSMAIL about how he had always been in love with me and I never gave him the time of day, etc. Did I mention he’s married? Yeah. Oh, and a total racist, where do I sign up?
Alex, the guy who’s moved to Ottawa – well, it’s natural enough for people to drop out of contact when they move away, so in this case I wouldn’t fight the process. If he’s turned MRA since you knew him, that says to me he’s changed, and not in a good way.
On the ex neighbour – you run into him from time to time; I’d say let it remain at that level. No need to cultivate a friendship, or be anything more than polite, I’d think. Is he close to your grandfather? Would he be likely to say anything to him? What’s your grandfather like; would he do the “you should be nice to him, blah blah” type of answer, or could you safely say you don’t really want to talk to this guy?
@Alex. Thank you, but it’s okay. There was never much of a relationship to lose.
Fade, what I mean is that most people agree sexual interactions shouldn’t be one person fighting off the other if possible. However, rapists work like that, and when their partner is drunk they are unable to fight them off. Yet we don’t like to acknowledge that doing what you can to someone until they stop you is a common model in some sexual interactions. As interactions shouldn’t work like that we deny they happen and use “too drunk to consent” implying that the victim said yes and was reciprocating when they didn’t mean to. In reality this was also certainly not the case. Not sure if that is clear?
I tend to use “politically correct” to mean a situation where something should be true, but isn’t, yet people don’t want to acknowledge it isn’t true as that would make society unfair. Probably a wrong useage.
Pear_tree, I wondered about the term in this context too. To me it means one thing: right-wing or preserve-the-status-quo types complaining about any suggestion that words can harm, that they can reinforce stereotypes, and that there are words and phrases that should just not be used. To me (YMMV) it doesn’t really apply to society turning a blind eye to how pervasive rape is in sexual encounters/relationships.
I fucking hate “politically correct.” It’s just a way of saying “I know I shouldn’t say this but I’m going to anyway and I want to make it look like you’re uptight and overbearing if you get upset with me.”
Omg, I was talking to my brother and sister today about this. She was showing him some of the MRA posters from the Mra poster extravaganza or w/e a while back, and the manboobz mock ones and letting him guess which ones were real and which ones were parodies, and we were all cracking up. And then shes like “Have I ever mentioned that I appreciate your not sexist?”
Because our family doesn’t really talk about politics much so it’s kind of a coincidence we wound up with similar views. He admitted he did used to have some really sexist views but has since undergone character developement.
Ugh, that guy sounds… blech.
@Pear tree
Okay, now I understand what you mean. XD
ARRGGG!!! Those are my EXACT opinions on it. Which is why I was kind of weirded out when it was used. I get that people can use it and not mean that, but that’s always the first thing that pops in mind when I hear it.
Politically correct is viewed as incorrect by the mainstream. Funny that.
I will avoid using it in future. I don’t know if I like the phrase “too drunk to consent” though, it feels like it is an attempt to dismiss the victim.
I think it comes from living in a state where no white person would feel any need to censor themselves before telling me all black people are criminals but would apologise in case they offended me before saying the right to join a union is not necessarily a dreadful thing, or that the school system may be bias against poor and black students.
“Too drunk to consent” can sound dismissive, because of the stigma attached (far more to women than to men) to drunkenness. It can have a certain “why did you get that drunk?” question lurking in the background. But it also describes the literal situation, if someone’s not able to give meaningful consent.
Ugh, I too can’t stand invocations of “political correctness”. I’ve only ever seen it used by a member of some privileged group or other to justify being offensive toward an underprivileged group.
@hellkell,
Ew! What a creep. ‘~’
@Kittehserf, nah, my grandparents kind of just barely tolerate him. They’re moving soon, but I just don’t want there to be any difficulties for them before that happens.