Today, another lesson in how to get yourself hundreds of upvotes on Reddit.
It’s really quite simple.
1) Go to the Ask Reddit subreddit. Find the post asking Redditors if they’ve ever “tried a crazy urban-dictionary sex move? (e.g. Alaskan Pipeline, Komodo Dragon, Donkey Punch, etc.) How did it turn out?”
2) Post a story about a hilarious little prank you (allegedly) pulled on a sex partner that instantly transformed consensual sex into violent rape.
3) Oh, and throw in a gratuitous racial slur while you’re at it.
4) Then whine about how your partner’s negative response to your (alleged) little rape prank gave you “blue balls” and complain that you might have to pay her damages for “emotional distress” in civil court (allegedly).
You might think that this might be a bit much even for the morally undeveloped manchildren (and occasional womanchildren) who populate Reddit. But guess what? The poster of the tale in question got literally hundreds more upvotes than downvotes for his whiny “confession.”
Here’s the screenshot to prove it. (I’ve partically obscured the racial slur; click on image to see full-sized version.)
There were, of course, those who reacted like normal human beings to Mr. Dick Pic’s story. (I’ve obscured the homophobic slur that made up the entirely of his reply.)
Mr. Dick Pic was so offended that anyone was offended by his shitty (alleged) behavior that he rage-quit the thread, deleting his comment and — living up to his name — leaving only a dick pic in its place.
Now, Mr. Dick Pic may just be trolling, and I really hope that’s all there is to his terrible story, but his ridiculously pissy behavior after he got called out makes me think that his story, or at least parts of it, may actually be true.
Just another day on Reddit, the internet’s largest and most influential asshat aggregator.
Thanks to an anonymous Reddit informant for the heads-up, and the screenshots.
Ah! I’ve been banned.
^That’s only going to get funnier every time he does it.
Protip: If you have been banned, no one will see your comment, so the odds that your comment will make you look like a moron instead of a brilliant speaker of truth are, well, 100%.
so the odds that your comment will make you look like a moron instead of a brilliant speaker of truth are, well, 100%.
Is that not true of any of his comments?
You talk to me directly now katz? Like If I was… a person? How humanizing it is! I almost feel like I’m not objectified anymore in this place.
That’s OK if I look like a moron rather than a brilliant speaker of truth. That’s cool to be a moron, I wish I’ll stay as inoffensive a moron could be for the rest of my life. It’s the most elegant thing I can do for the good of humanity.
Someone way smarter than Brrzzz:
http://youtu.be/L9ADDks7KOs
Wow, suddenly brrzzzsnore has forgotten to sound French.
Again.
…Does “every time he does it” sound like it’s directed at him to you guys? I’m not sure he understands the subjunctive.
“If you have been banned, no one will see your comment….”
You did it, you talked to him like he was a human being. You can’t defend yourself, you broke the rules. I suggest a temporary ban (I think you’re drunk) to punish you.
N.B: I don’t see any subjunctive in ““every time he does it”, only a present indicative.
If we didn’t think you were human, we wouldn’t write as we do, dipwad. Nobody talks to other animals like this, because other animals aren’t racist, sexist pieces of shite like yourself.
How’s the lazy eye today?
It’s…sad that he considers this a victory.
But I’m pretty sure anyone who’s claiming not to understand English doesn’t get to participate in grammar discussions.
I love it when trolls mock themselves. XD
Also, who was the whiner who was whining about white men being un-human monsters? Pemra? B/c brzzz is giving off very similar vibes to that.
Yeah, that was pemra. But it’s standard fare from MRAs (including the ones who claim not to be MRAs) about how teh poor white menz are the really oppressed ones.
You’re such a good detective Katz, you’ve unmasked me. I was so stupid that I forgot that no English learner could possibly know what a subjunctive is.
My cover is broken. The victory is all yours, thanks to your amazing cognitive powers.
He’s sounding more and more Mr Al-ish, isn’t he?
If he calls us all bitches five minutes from now, which seems probable, then there will be no doubt.
Wait, he’s all excited that katz spoke to him?
His coffee.
Harry Reid says he’s the reason we need to save the post office.
Sorry, here it is.
Wait, drunk posting is a bannable offence now? I thought it was just annoying, and even then, only if it was annoying? Cuz um, I’ve been guilty on quite a few occasions ^.^
Debating if I want to break out the whiskey that I drank way too much of a couple weeks ago and risk killing it when I don’t intend to sleep…make more coffee, get my father up my ass, make tea and it’s just perfect for the whiskey…decisions decisions!
Oh and my grandfather’s house goes up for sale Monday, no fucking way it’ll be cleared out by then and my mother and I are both just looking at my father funny because seriously?! Must remember the bubble wrap when we go up tomorrow (and see, this is why I shouldn’t drunk post, or rather, shouldn’t get drunk, because I’m staying up all night and then moving yet more shit)
And post office there reminds me my bigger complaint. The nursing home keeps talking about moving him to another room/apt thing, so I can’t frikken decorate and he’s basically got a chair, bed, and TV on a desk. They’re a couple framed pictures on the heater, but that’s it (and my mother took my self-portrait off the heater as it’s loose paper and she’s worried it’s a fire hazard)
That was your daily unsolicited update btw. Thank you for letting me vent 🙂
Lol there’s an idea…my mother wants to go do “something” while my brother is in Cali, we still need to go sit on couchs as my grandfather’s was so far past gone as to be funny. And in a dumpster. So we’re buying him a nice fresh couch and thus need to go test sit (and it’s an excuse to go to ikea, and I need more shelves, again)
@leftwingfox Women and kids suffer terribly from military violence, and they don’t have the benefit of arms or well-trained comrades either.
Umm…Brz is right on this one. Which is itself kind of indictative that he not only knows English, but knows it well.
“If you had been banned, no one would see your comment” sorry katz.
Mind, the English subjective is a finicky little thing that I can only mostly figure out and even then only because my Latin teacher was a total hard ass. Which makes Brz’s “I don’t see subjunctive” all the more telling, as it implies he would see the subjective if it were there.
Sorry, I’m feeling pedantic tonight apparently. Latin has a clear subjunctive, so I assume French does too; English does not. Steele can’t work commas, and we all know about his misandrist English teacher!
No, no, boring drunk posting (ie. by trolls) is the thing. Entertaining drunk posting is fine.
Harry Reid thinks junk mail is a connection with the real world? Maybe his bizarro world, but it sure as hell isn’t a connection to any world worth knowing about here. And it’s delivered by the USPS? Funny, here it’s also different: it’s largely delivered by people walking around with trolleys of the stuff, nothing to do with Australia Post.
Thanks Argenti, I’m sure your knowledge of subjunctives will feed the troll for months to come. I really appreciate that.