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Toilet Soap: How evil women trick men into thinking they’re not old hags

sneakyladies

We were talking the other day about an especially popular Manosphere fairy tale — you know, the one in which evil women in their “prime” years in their twenties have lots of sex with charming assholes (and none with hard-working decent nice guys), only to panic when they hit the age of thirty or so and suddenly become ugly monsters.

Well, apparently the evil women have come up with a technical solution to that whole “getting old and ugly” problem. I have uncovered secret evidence in the form of a pamphlet or leaflet that the women of the world evidently circulate amongst themselves.

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Very clever of these sneaky women to call this magical age-defying balm “Toilet Soap,” to make us men think it’s a product only used for cleaning toilets, which is something women apparently do on a regular basis. But no, they put this so-called “Toilet Soap” on their faces!

I have been unable to find any of this “Lux Toilet Soap” at the local grocery store. So I’ve been trying out other toilet cleaners to see if they have the same age-retarding effects. So far I have had little luck. The Clorox Toilet Wand is harsh and awkward to use. Lime-A-Way Toilet Bowl Cleaner gave me a rash. The less said about my experience with the Scrubbing Bubbles Toilet Cleaning Gel, the better. I have not yet tried Lysol’s Power Toilet Bowl Cleaner, as I am pretty sure Lysol is intended only for vaginas.

Also, fellas, I don’t want to alarm you, but I have been doing reasearch on yet another way women try to trick us into thinking that they’re hotter than they really are. It’s apparently called “make-up.” I will fill you in on the details as I learn more about it.

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Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago

@Fade: This trope becomes not just sexist and oppressive but blatantly ridiculous when the story is told in the first person. Obviously, in real life, there are people who are conventionally attractive and yet unsecure about their looks. Suppose, just for the sake of argument, that Megan Fox is one of them. If she writes about her looks in her private journal then, or simply do an inner monologue about them, it’s gonna sound something like this: “Oh I how I hate my weird squinty eyes… I wish I had big beautiful dove eyes, like my best friend X, not these narrow squinty ones… And I hate this weird thing my upper lip makes whenever I open my mouth, looks like I’m almost hare-lipped the way it sort of slides up… And I have tons of blackheads that looks totally gross whenever I don’t wear makeup, and I have tons of cellulites” AND SO ON. The point is, if someone who’s totally insecure about her looks describe herself, you can’t deduce from the description that the person is ACTUALLY smoking hot.
So if someone writes a book in the first person about a woman looking like Megan Fox who’s insecure about her looks they’re gonna write something ridiculous like “I’m way too slim, and my boobs are too large compared to the rest of my body. My gaze is just too intense, people think I’m staring at them, and my lashes are unnaturally long”.

Karalora
Karalora
7 years ago

I think there’s also a devaluing of women’s effort going on…for women to be beautiful is of VITAL IMPORTANCE, but if we acknowledged that women had to WORK to look that way, then we’d have to admit that SOMETHING WOMEN DO ADDS IMMENSE VALUE TO THE WORLD, and we can’t have that! Therefore, we have to pretend that “real” beauty is effortless. It’s just there–a natural resource!

It reminds me of the time I challenged social conservatives on a discussion forum by pointing out the contradiction between demanding that all women bear and care for children, and refusing the notion that they should get some kind of salary for doing it. “Is it vitally important, or is it valueless? It can’t be both!”

As I recall, they kind of glossed over the point and then changed the subject.

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
7 years ago

Anyone want to help me make a carpet of randomly strewn legos and install it in the building owners homes whilst the building owners are sleeping?

The buildings I run are old and run down. And when we get weekend emergencies the management mysteriously doesn’t get the phone calls to respond in a timely fashion. Essentially, they hope the continuing problems convince people to move. In spite of the fact that these issues have been ongoing for years, but the previous landlords took care of them when they happened. So the only thing changing is that the new owners don’t give a shit that peoples homes are being rendered unliveable for entire weekends at a time. That, and some of these tenants can’t afford to move, or can’t find another place to take them.

Between the lack of concern over peoples living conditions, and the fact that they started issuing late payment notices to people who are in fact up to date on their rents, I am not having a good time this month. I do not like seeing people treated this way and I don’t understand why the owners haven’t just issued the goddamn vacate notices if they want us all out anyways.

Marie
7 years ago

@pillowinhell

Internet hugs if you want them 🙁 Those guys sound like asshats.

Historophilia
Historophilia
7 years ago

Fade, about Kendo. We do Kata, but they are a very small part of Kendo, we use them to train control of the sword, footwork, stance, posture and balance and fighting spirit.

They look like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-75N3w9hyjM&list=UUuEFJrxMVIzIix3QVD5mkUA&index=17

Except they are not done with iato (proper swords) as here, they are done with bokken like this: http://www.battleorders.co.uk/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/600×600/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/r/e/red_oak_bokken_4b44af4df39df.jpg

That is the genteel part of kendo, the rest of it can be largely summed up as screaming loudly at people and then hitting them with a stick while wearing hot, heavy armour.

This is what kendo looks like in practice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9PBLhaYodY&list=UUuEFJrxMVIzIix3QVD5mkUA&index=13

It is a very physical sport, as you can see, the armour weighs a tonne and ends up reeking of sweat because you can’t wash it, you get calluses on your left hand like woah and your feet are torn to pieces because you slde along the floor and then basically stamp as you cut.

But it is the most incredible thing ever and impossible to describe why it is so amazing.

However I am not sure it would be suitable for you.

What I would suggest is Iaido, which is a related martial art which is the art of drawing, cutting and replacing the sword. It isn’t a combat sport and does focus a lot on posture, balance, focus and precise movements.

This is what it looks like (though I don’t practice it so I have no idea if this guy is any good or not!)

pillowinhell
pillowinhell
7 years ago

Why do MRA’s care about erin pizzey? Because she validates their opinions and she becomes the stick that they use to bludgeon other women with. Also, a woman who supports a non feminist point of view may be listened to more by other women who haven’t been exposed to feminist research and thinking. And that’s a lot of women, by far the majority.

Fade
7 years ago

@Historophilia

My thoughts when watching the kata video: You know, this doesn’t look so bad. It probably wouldn’t kill my knees (except the bending down things where they draw their swords thsoe looked super painful).

My thoughts upon hearing it involves getting hit with sticks: AAAAH, backtrack, backtrack!

I don’t even deal well with being patted on the back too hard. I can spar occasionally, but when I do it normally knocks me out for the rest of the day/week.

So yes, I do not think it would be for me.

What I would suggest is Iaido, which is a related martial art which is the art of drawing, cutting and replacing the sword. It isn’t a combat sport and does focus a lot on posture, balance, focus and precise movements.

Interesting. Havent heard of that one before.

Aaliyah
7 years ago

Makes sense, pillowinhell. All I remember about Prizzey are her saying that most abused women like being abused and her assertion that she was sent death threats from feminists for “daring to speak out.” Was she known for saying anything else reprehensible?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

And one thing my Mother pointed out to me is that looking younger for your age as a middle aged woman as advantages in the work place. Older women often have it tough, particularly when job hunting and are often dismissed and ignored, usually by younger men, so looking less obviously “old” does help a bit.

Yeah, I have mixed feelings about this too. All of the industries I’ve worked in favor the young, so the fact that I look younger than my age is useful in a practical sense, and the way I tend to dress reinforces it, which isn’t a deliberate decision, that’s just how I like to dress. At the same time it’s ridiculous for that to be the case, because refusing to hire people with tons of experience just because they have wrinkles and/or don’t dress in a hip way isn’t a smart business move, and also it’s obvious how sexist a way this plays out in (men who’re older are at a disadvantage too, just not as much of one). So basically I compromise by telling people exactly how old I am when I can tell that they’re assuming I’m younger, in the hopes that it might challenge some of their ideas about what it means to be a woman my age.

If I was in a dojo where someone started pontificating about bras not being part of the uniform I’d demand a panty check for all the men, starting with the dude doing the pontificating. What a ridiculous bunch of nonsense, especially since he objected to no-bra too. I guess he felt like saying “boobs are not part of the uniform” would be too obvious.

Marie
7 years ago

@cassandrasays

If I was in a dojo where someone started pontificating about bras not being part of the uniform I’d demand a panty check for all the men, starting with the dude doing the pontificating. What a ridiculous bunch of nonsense, especially since he objected to no-bra too

Just to clarify, it wasn’t our dojo, it was our one of our instructers’ teacher where they trained. /getting defensive ::Blushes::

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

That’s good, but I’m just wondering what that dojo was like in general. I’ve done martial arts, and I can’t imagine any of my instructors bringing up the underwear choices of students unless they absolutely had to, and if so they’d have been embarrassed about it.

Marie
7 years ago

@cassandrasays

No idea what it was like. ::shrugs:: Doesn’t sound like a nice place to be, that’s for sure.

Fade
7 years ago

@CassandraSays

yeah, the guy who was recounting the story made it sound like he was just adhering too much to tradition and it didn’t make sense to exclude half your customers, but I wanted to be like “Um, no! How many people wear knee braces when they practice? Did he go around checking those? Because if not he is a sexist hypocrite!”

Well, either way he’s sexist.

Sadly, I did not say anytihng.

historophilia
historophilia
7 years ago

If a panty check was demanded at my dojo things could get awkward as I know for a fact that our Sensei wears nothing under his Gi and Hakama…

My fellow Kendoka who are dudes have been traumatised in the mens changing rooms on several occasions.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

But if it was about tradition, well, there are women who do kendo in Japan. I’m fairly sure their teachers don’t investigate their undies for uniform compliance.

Sexists will make up all kinds of absurd shit to justify themselves.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Seriously, it was awkward enough having a kung fu instructor who’d put one hand on your abdomen, the other on your upper back, and physically move you into the correct position. While you were supposed to be performing standing meditation.

Fade
7 years ago

This wasn’t kendo, it was karate. I don’t know enough to know how many women/men did karate earlier, though, so there is a huge possibility certainty he was making shit up.

That same guy (our teacher’s teacher) is going to be at the dojo next saturday. I honestly am debating playing hookie, because everyone will be super polite and all I know is I don’t know if I could bow to him if he bowed to me.

Marie
7 years ago

@fade

I’m playing hookie for sure.

TomBcat
7 years ago

Too tired to read all the new comments, so only this
@Ally, thanks, if you really don’t mind me calling you that.
For some reason I just can’t get the hang of the whole name.

Anyway, since I need to sleep, I want to offer a catshake in case someone needs it. Good night! It’s finally spring, so have a wonderful time in the cyber garden!

TomBcat
7 years ago

Oh, dammit, what’s up with these links that don’t want to be linked?

http://themetapicture.com/media/funny-cat-kitten-cup-ice-cream.jpg

Aaliyah
7 years ago

@Ally, thanks, if you really don’t mind me calling you that.
For some reason I just can’t get the hang of the whole name.

I’m totally okay with it. And I think it’s hard for people to remember because it has so many ‘a’s in it.

cloudiah
7 years ago

pillowinhell, that sucks. Some landlords…

The other reason they love Erin Pizzey is that she makes shit up about the feminist movement that validate their beliefs. She talks about feminist marches filled with banners reading “All Men are Rapists” and where women in relationships with men were accused of “sleeping with the enemy.” Not that it was a broad movement with some people saying these things, but pretending that this was the mainstream feminist position. She tells them that all feminists are rich, privileged white women, and all men are honest suffering hardworking angels. When she admitted she didn’t know who shot her dog, that was probably the only honest thing she said during the whole AMA.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

OMG this thread has exploded! Echoing cloudiah, I’m not sure I’m answering in the right one, but I was thinking about what Fade said about that woman who’s all “be ladylike” and “keep your knees together” and so on.

I’d love to ask her if she tells guys to be gentlemanly. Does she tell ’em not to wear trousers that hang off their pubes and put their butt cracks on display? Does she tell ’em to put their knees together (or at least not half a mile wide) when they’re sitting down? That at least would be useful, since guys are the main offenders that way with public seating.

I daresay telling a dude what to do isn’t ladylike, though.

melody
melody
7 years ago

Ah. Playing catch up on comments seems impossible some days.

It reminds me of the time I challenged social conservatives on a discussion forum by pointing out the contradiction between demanding that all women bear and care for children, and refusing the notion that they should get some kind of salary for doing it. “Is it vitally important, or is it valueless? It can’t be both!”

I sat in on a feminist economics lecture where they looked at all the things women are expect to do for free and gave a numerical value to it. Then looked at how modern economics looks at those women and devalues them. It was interesting.

@pillowinhell That sounds awful. Do they have any legal recourse?

Fade
7 years ago

@Kittehserf

She’s kind of complicated, like… most people are. I’m guessing if a guy told him what to do she’d tell him to get lost, but she’s perfectly happy spitting internalized misogyny out on us… so I don’t got a clue.

Aaliyah
7 years ago

She tells them that all feminists are rich, privileged white women, and all men are honest suffering hardworking angels.

So I take it she lives under a rock?

kamilla1960
kamilla1960
7 years ago

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Kittehserf
7 years ago

Fade, sounds like she’s the one who don’t got a clue on this subject! 😀

Kittehserf
7 years ago

kamilla1960, you’ve been asked before and I’m asking again: would you please STOP posting contextless links and actually make your point instead?

melody
melody
7 years ago

kamilla1960 I don’t click on links without context.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Kamilla: WTF are you on about NOW?

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
7 years ago

Btw, I’ve known girls when I was a teen who’d sleep fitfully next to a guy, wake up early in the morning, rush to the bath-room, put on foundation-powder-mascara, pretend to go to sleep again – in order to fool the guy that they really looked like that

That is the Zsa Zsa Gabor how to keep a man advice. Be beautiful for your man every second of the day no matter the inconvenience. It is amazing that people still sell books with that same advice in it.

pecunium
7 years ago

re Iaido: It’s the “Art of Drawing and Cutting”. The idea is that one makes complete moves, and, “the draw” is any sequence of moves which doesn’t get blocked by another sword.

Iaito are the practice swords, usually of a 6000/7000 series aluminum, alloyed with zinc. Unlike shinken they have no edge, and can’t be sharpened. They are the standard for kata, and esp. for the practitioner who has yet to manage the act of replacing the blade in the scabbard (for very early practice, a bokken and plastic scabbard are often used. Students are discouraged from buying a iaito until they have some sense of motion, and a real interest.

While they aren’t told this, a large part of the reason is to keep them from trying to practice without supervision, as bad habits are very easy to acquire. This is much easier with a katana than with most western swords because they are both two-handed, and curved, so the physics of cutting with them isn’t intuitive.

I have bokken, and shinken, but no iaito. I’ve yet to find a iaido dojo which is convenient to me.

Here is some good footage of Iaido in practice. The things I look for are clean (and explosive) motion, with smooth transitions as joints move from one axis to another. If there is audio then one ought to hear a “whoosh” when swift cuts are made (swords are often made with a bohi (a groove between the back of blade, and the deep bevel; parallel on both sides), to made it more obvious when a good cut is made. If the blade isn’t straight, when the cut is made, there won’t be any nose. A bohi makes a slower cut audible.

This is a nice set of kata

As is this one:

Notice that the stops are clean, and the sword is stock still when paused.

(ps I think do maru [kendo armor] isn’t all that heavy, but a bit awkward, but I’ve done lots of work in various forms of western armor too [plate is a bit less awkward, but heavier, mail is differently heavy {because of how it sits} and much more awkward in the arms}. I’d like to wear actual Japanese armor; and keep thinking of making some out of some of the aviation plastics out there. But I am lazy, and that’s a lot of knots).

pecunium
7 years ago

Carp. Youtube fucked up. For some reason it linked to the start of the playlist I was looking at, not the clips I was watching.

I meant these two, in this order.

Fade
7 years ago

Thank you for the links. I will watch them later when I am not so tired, because sadly my brain likes to be on when i talk martial arts.

that wasn’t supposed to sound sarcastic, but I’m having a real hard time conveying tone.

Anyway, thanks for the information all!

pecunium
7 years ago

Fade: No worries. My brain likes to be on too.

Kim
Kim
7 years ago

@Jessay
They don’t necessarily have to be feminist podcasts, but if the hosts happen to be feminists that’s awesome.
I love Pop Culture Happy Hour. It’s not explicitly about feminism, but just from the way they talk, and occasional comments they make about women in pop culture, you can tell they are feminists. It’s super funny too.

Whatever
Whatever
7 years ago

TomBCat, I was thinking of Aqua di Gioia by Giorgio Armani. It’s very fresh and the scent on me completely changes after a few minutes and starts to remind me of the beach, or maybe that’s because I’m at the beach every other day and I just haven’t put on enough parfum to hide the smell.

I’m thinking it’s the perfect parfum to wear around MRA’s considering it’s advertised as “Acqua di Gioia was created by three perfumers: Loc Dong, Anne Flipo and Dominique Ropion, who see it as Eve’s seduction and as fragrance turned completely towards the nature.” We know how much they love Eve and her nature.

emilygoddess
7 years ago

@Cloudiah

she hopes that feminism can be classed as a hate movement so that they can force feminists out of jobs in government and education

Kind of like how Klansmen, career Islamophobes and proponents of “traditional marriage” are no longer able to hold public office because of their alignment with hate movements?

SpukiKitty
SpukiKitty
7 years ago

Hi, David! I’m new here and want to be a regular ManBoobzer. I love this site. I’ve already sent a few comments. This one article had me laughing so hard! Keep up the good work, Dave! Those MRAs are pathetic, aren’t they?

Historophilia
Historophilia
7 years ago

@Pecuniam, I’m afraid you’ve got your knowledge of Kendo armour from somewhere very dodgy.

Kendo armour is collectively called Bogu not Do Maru.

Do Maru is the name for the just the chest plate in traditional Samurai armour.

The breast plate in Kendo is called simply the Do, the helmet is the Men, the gloves are called the Kote and the tie belt with the padded flaps is called the Tare.

And I can assure you it is heavy to wear, particularly the Men as the grill which protects the fact is made of metal.

It is also hot and sweaty and heavily restricts your vision and hearing.

It is so heavy that there is a phenomenon known as “Bogu Back” which is when someone starts in armour and their Kendo regresses by about 6 weeks in quality.

The rest of the Men, the Kote and the Tare are made of very thick, heavy padded cloth and most Kendoka wear a Do made from plastic, though traditionally they were made from bamboo.

Bogu is based on traditional Samurai armour but they are very different.

And please, please do not make your own armour if you plan to actually fence in it, particularly not out of plastic, it will not protect you properly and you could get seriously hurt.

If you don’t plan on fencing in it go ahead, but for the love of god DO NOT let anyone hit you while wearing it,

And if you do, only let them hit you on the Do, anything else could result in broken wrists, concussion or worse or a crushed windpipe and ONLY if they use a proper Shinai (practice sword made of slats of bamboo) as this is designed to flex and absorb the force of the cut and reduces the likelihood of injury.

This is a warning from your friendly neighborhood Kendoka, you do not play silly buggers with the stuff or people get hurt.

historophilia
historophilia
7 years ago

Also Fade, look up Aikido, it’s yet another martial art, I can’t remember if it’s been mentioned at all.

katz
7 years ago

Spukikitty: Welcome! I’m sure Argenti will be along shortly with your basket.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

Welcome SpukiKitty! (I had to read your nym out loud to get it.)

I’ll put it on this thread since we’ve gone OT, rather than the one that’s got so much more serious subjects: I finally know what’s up with my knee. It’s a torn meniscus and sprained something or other. Small tear, by the sound of it, which is just as well since it’s the inside of the leg and surgery really isn’t useful for that spot. It’s a relief to know what’s going on with it.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Katz I can’t add your kitty links or it goes into mod queue!

But here’s one complementary welcome package consisting of a misandrist hard chair, matching bath towels, SCENTED MOTHERFUCKING CANDLES, flavored bottled water (your choice of brand and flavor) and cupcakes, delivered by female (whore) penguins in spanx.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Aikido really wrecked my knees, which was kinda shameful, since that was supposed to be the EASY martial art. (I mean, as far as how hard it is on your body.)

A shame. I miss doing jodo–it was the one sport where being left-handed meant practically nothing.

Kittehserf
7 years ago

I’m even putting doing tai chi on hold until I’ve spoken to my osteo, that’s for sure.

katz
7 years ago

Argenti, what we need is one page with all the links and pictures on it so we can just link to that. In the meantime, here’s a kitten saying “Hai!”

Marie
7 years ago

@SpukiKitty

Welcome 🙂

@kittehs

Yay for finding out about your knee!