We were talking the other day about an especially popular Manosphere fairy tale — you know, the one in which evil women in their “prime” years in their twenties have lots of sex with charming assholes (and none with hard-working decent nice guys), only to panic when they hit the age of thirty or so and suddenly become ugly monsters.
Well, apparently the evil women have come up with a technical solution to that whole “getting old and ugly” problem. I have uncovered secret evidence in the form of a pamphlet or leaflet that the women of the world evidently circulate amongst themselves.
Very clever of these sneaky women to call this magical age-defying balm “Toilet Soap,” to make us men think it’s a product only used for cleaning toilets, which is something women apparently do on a regular basis. But no, they put this so-called “Toilet Soap” on their faces!
I have been unable to find any of this “Lux Toilet Soap” at the local grocery store. So I’ve been trying out other toilet cleaners to see if they have the same age-retarding effects. So far I have had little luck. The Clorox Toilet Wand is harsh and awkward to use. Lime-A-Way Toilet Bowl Cleaner gave me a rash. The less said about my experience with the Scrubbing Bubbles Toilet Cleaning Gel, the better. I have not yet tried Lysol’s Power Toilet Bowl Cleaner, as I am pretty sure Lysol is intended only for vaginas.
Also, fellas, I don’t want to alarm you, but I have been doing reasearch on yet another way women try to trick us into thinking that they’re hotter than they really are. It’s apparently called “make-up.” I will fill you in on the details as I learn more about it.
I would warn that this is off topic if I could figure out what the topic of this post is. You gave me the giggles rilly rilly bad remembering when I was a kid trying to figure out what anyone would want with toilet water.
Socks? These sock puppets are totes pikers compared to this dood.
http://www.the-tls.co.uk/tls/public/article1243205.ece
David, I will tell you all about make up XD I am using it right now in order to trick men into thinking my eyelids are sparkly, and this will make them want to mate with me for…some reason. I’ll get back to you on that XD
Sparkly eyelids are a sign of evolutionary fitness.
@nerdypants
I knew it! My monies spent on eyeliner will be well worth
having cute sparkly eyelidsentrapping men with my babies!What an unfortunately named product. At least in 2013.
I trick men by telling them my actual age.
Since women always lie about their age, telling them how old I really am makes them think I’m 10 years older but look really good for my age, which would mean I stay fresh longer than other women, just like genetically modified food and also I lost my train of thought.
@nerdypants, You made me laugh so loudly the kitties looked alarmed.
@David, I think you need hellkell and CassandraSays to teach you ALL about makeup. XD
Women always lie about their age?
Worst trick ever.
Me and my inner drag queen Kitty Glitter are always available for makeup tips and tricks.
Hey, gals, what’s a good Esther Ralston movie to check out? I’m not familiar with her ouvre. Is she some sort of lady-only actress that only ladies know about?
If I’ve never heard of her, am I no longer a lady?
Haha, seriously–no idea who she is.
Sorry, but I am unwilling to use the toilet soap (despite it’s man-deceiving potential) if it’s going to result in razor-thin eyebrows.
Cassandra: Word. Stewart’s are especially disconcerting, but it’s neat to see how beauty trends change over time.
Ralston was in a movie called The Victor, in which she played a chewing gum baron’s daughter. That sounds promising.
Random – my MIL used to pluck her eyebrows like that. Apparently if you do it for long enough they stop growing back. I freaked out a little the first time I saw her without make-up.
Friend of mine plucked her eyebrows and drew them in like that, except she never got them even. Very strange look indeed.
Lux used to be for just about everything. I think Lux flakes were used as laundry detergent.
I was looking at a bunch of old movie stills, and boy some beauty trends from other decades do indeed look odd. Also, there were some great movie plots, that I kept wanting to turn into MRM-themed movies. (Given the rampant misogyny in old movies, it wouldn’t take much tweaking.)
TomBcat – have you ever read Dorothy L Sayers’s Lord Peter Wimsey novels? When you said “I lost my train of thought” I was reminded of the wonderful and highly OT way Peter’s mother, the Dowager Duchess of Denver, talks, to the confusion of all around her. 😀
It’s interesting looking at other pics of Anita Stewart – and rather a relief, since her eyebrows are a bit more convincing!
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_CLu8_jFPNZ4/SbPUfs4bmEI/AAAAAAAAD88/WwbsFa6QXB4/s400/anita+stewart.jpg
No, I haven’t, though have heard of them. Is that a good read for someone who likes Leonidas Witherall – Adventures or go-to detective stories like Agatha Christie’s?
I don’t know Leonidas Witherall but I do like detective stories, so yes, I’d recommend Sayers’s books! They’re not long, either, so you won’t end up with a book the size of a brick if you try one and don’t like it. Plus they get better as the series progresses, imo.
Thanks, I’m going to check it out then!
My reading could use some light entertaining with detectives in it anyway. Especially very British ones.
These are as British as they come – and were written in the 20s and 30s. 🙂
Makeup still seems so weird to me: “My face is not all one uniform shade! I will smear powder on it until that is no longer the case! And then I will outline my eyes because they are not outline-y enough!”
I do get Make Up, but..
As kids we painted our faces to resemble animals. Now whenever someone says how women(or men) should or shouldn’t wear it, for whom they do it or how much of it they should wear, I wish that one day, everyone who ever had to listen to that would just collectively do that. It would be a great ‘I do it because I like it and it’s fun’ statement.