Gather ‘round the fire for yet another retelling of what may be the Manosphere’s favorite fairy tale. You know, the one about the evil ladies who have lots of sex with “bad boys” in their early twenties, only to panic a few years later and desperately try to attach themselves to hardworking beta schlubs once they realize that their looks are fading. You know, like that lady riding the rooster that alternates with the mammoth in the Man Boobz header graphic.
This particular version of the tale – posted to the perversely misnamed “Happy Bachelors” forum by a long-time MGTOWer called Outcast Superstar – somehow manages to avoid the phrase “cock carousel” entirely. But regular readers will find the story familiar nonetheless.
Here, without further ado, is “Suckers Vs. Fuckers,” by Mr. Superstar.
[W]estern women love excitement and hate boredom. When they are in their teens and early 20’s, they don’t want stability that suckers have to offer because that is boring.
Gosh, who could imagine that anyone in their early twenties might be more interested in dating various people instead of settling down?
Keep in mind that women don’t think for themselves but decisions on who they date or sleep with is usually made by the council not by the woman herself. This council is usually made up of her mother, sister, and friends etc. If dating a nice guy is not considered to be fun and popular by the “council” he is going to get snubbed.
The fellows at South Park have provided us with a rare glimpse into the workings of these mysterious councils.
There is another group of guys called fuckers. Women love to have sex with these guys during their prime years. Although they offer no stability to these women, however women will still sleep with them. The reason why women will is because they are unpredictable and therefore they are deemed as very exciting.
Oh, but things change radically when these evil ladies start to … age.
Once these women get to there late 20’s – early 30’s they will fraudently sell their looks to suckers who make a good income in order to get married. In other words they will put on a pony show for them until they get the ring.
But as long as these ladies hold onto any of their youthful prettiness, they can still cause trouble.
After a few years of marriage, these women are going to get bored and everything is the suckers fault. They will look for affairs and cash out on their suckers knowing that they will get the house, child support (if they have children), and alimony. All she has to do is file a false abuse charge (no proof necessary) to make all this happen. Even as a bonus, the sucker even gets to pay for her attorney fees.
But ultimately these evil gals will get their comeuppance.
Despite there not being any legal justice in this country, Mother Nature has a justice of her own.
Those suckers who once ached for these women will lose interest in them once they get to be in their mid to late 20’s. The last thing they are going to find attractive are used up women in their late 20’s-30’s. In fact these women must be avoided at all cost. They got a disease called baby rabies. They are going to do everything possible to get pregnant and trap you into a long term relationship where they can get provided for.
Happily, western “suckers” can escape the clutches of these evil ladies. After all, western men have alternatives, in the form of foreign women and, er, model railroads?
[O]nce those “suckers” get financially stable they will get to travel to foreign countries and enjoy beautiful women. Also, while in the United States, they will have developed fun hobbies to do when they are not working. In fact these “suckers” will not have to deal with the stress of fear of divorce, a nagging whore, false abuse and rape chargers, get to keep their sanity and money, won’t have to worry about raising kid that aren’t theirs etc.
And so these so-called “suckers” can sit back and watch with pleasure as the ladies who refused to have sex with them in their younger years grow old and miserable at approximately twice the speed of the more-gracefully aging men.
[T]he women who neglected the “suckers” in favor of the “fuckers” during their prime years are going to have to face justice. It’s not legal justice but Mother Nature justice. Once they get to their late 20’s for every year a man ages, they will be aging by two years. They will wrinkle and get ugly very fast. Investing thousands of dollars in makeup in order to form a bond with a “sucker” is not going to get the job done because they failed to form a bond with a “sucker” during their prime years. Their biological clocks will be ticking and they will get very desperate. They are going to want to be talking care off, like living off a “sucker” so they won’t have to work.
To interject for a moment, I believe that when Mr. Superstar refers to women who are “going to want to be talking care off,” what he means is that these women are “going to want to be taken care of.”
I’m reminded a bit of Kevin Kline’s teleprompter troubles in the movie Soapdish.
Oh, but Outcast Superstar isn’t quite done with his story yet:
Disgusted by their behavior, the “suckers” will not want anything to do with them and will rebuke them. They are going to have to work long hours for the rest of their life because they could not find a “sucker” to take care of them. They will whine and complain that the “suckers” will not commit despite them snubbing them in favor of the “fuckers” during their prime years. They will rot all alone with no one to take care of them, many of them will not get to have children, and will be living very miserable lives until death all because they thought it was cute to let the “suckers” rot all alone while they go squander their prime years to the “fuckers” That my friends is what I call justice!
Um, that’s cool and all, but aren’t these ladies supposed to have cats?
You’re not telling the story right!
Outcast Superstar, tell us the story AGAIN. But with CATS!
NOTE: I found this lovely story after it was reposted on MarkyMark’s blog. After a fairly long period of inactivity, old MarkyMark is posting like there’s no tomorrow.
Image at the top borrowed from Comically Vintage.
Ooh, I’m not sure that’s a good idea; grapes are toxic to cats.
I cured Motley of eating my headphone cords by putting hot sauce on them (a fix that probably works for many animals). But the kittens just go “ooh, what’s this? It smells interesting!”
You can always try tinfoil.
Questionsing: Have you ever considered that this narrative might be more common than you’d like to think? It obviously isn’t universal, but stereotypes gain traction for a reason.
How much more common? Because the only place I see it is in FOFOF stories in places like Cosmo (which have the, “something is wrong with you, let us fix it”) and MRAs. In 30+ years of relationships, and watching relationships; from all over the US, and in all sorts of social millieu (there are ways in which the Army really is broadening) I have NEVER seen this story; as told by the MRM.
So more common would = once.
But hey.. we know why Jews are Greedy, and Gyspies Cheat People and Mexicans are lazy, and Blacks are shiftless.
Because all those stereotypes gain traction for a reason: The stereotypers gain from it, and use it to control people.
Wait what was the narrative? That women should be punished for not having sex with certain men? Pretty sound narrative. *swivel eyes*
re spay/neuter rats/guinea pigs/rabbits.
I used to work for veterinary practice (one which had two vets who did,”exotics” which is everything not cat/dog., and not larger than a goat/pig).
They live a lot longer if you get them, spayed/neutered. They also have fewer expensive problems in later life.
But don’t anybody get mice, they’re assholes! ;D
This is true. We kept mice (rather a lot… in the neighborhood of 250 at a time: we were also breeding snakes). With time, and lots of care about breeding you can make them less assholish.
But it requires a different mindset. Any mouse that bit us (or males that fought) we got rid of. After about four years we had a very different temperment in our mice.
As far as litter training rabbits… that’s easy. In the wild they have specific locations for both defecation and urination. Put them in a room with two litter boxes for about 48 hours and they won’t choose some random part of the house to use for it.
That’s something I don’t get… why would you even go into veterinary practices if you didn’t care about animals?
Vets have preferences. I knew a large animal vet who loved cattle, thought horses were stupid. If you needed your horse treated, she wasn’t the vet to call.
Re grapes: They are also toxic to dogs.
Its funny* how rats and little naughties can eat stuff that;s poisonous to much bigger animals. They be hardcore.
*Not actually funny obvs.
Re: mice assholishness… My sister got 3 mice from the petstore who were perfectly nice, but my dad’s friend brought home a mouse from the lab (they’re both scientists, and the building the work for occasionally tests on mice) and that mouse was evil. It bit everyone it met. Seemed like a kind of stupid way to save 4 dollars or however much a mice costs.
One of my mice was totally justified in being a little psycho, ’cause she had a Rough Childhood, but the other two were dickfaces for no apparent reason. Even my guinea pigs were adopted and practically feral. Oh, my misanthropic rodents.
Thank you so much David, I really appreciate it.
I’m waiting until my sons grow up and move out, then I’m going to get a cat from the shelter (that’s a thing, right?). A black cat, and I will name hir Snowball.
Also, my kids have two honorary aunties who are both single mothers of adopted daughters. Both women wanted to be mothers and have careers, and are managing it quite well. When they come visit, they joke that it’s like traveling to the Land of Yang.
@TomBCat — no problem, I have chronic stress and if I can do any small thing to make someone feel safer, I’m on it!
I had a guinea pig who I got when it was very tiny. The thing was so chill. It would lie down on its side and watch TV with you. It was very clean and smelled nice. It also lived with a male guinea pig for a year and refused to allow him to ever mate with her. It was awesome. I’m sticking with dogs from now on though….I’m just a dog person to the max.
I’m plotting getting a dog, of the kind I can take on runs with me. I will name it Kitty.
@augochlorella
🙁 That sounds sucky. Hope your brother’s fine.
That guy sounds like a parody of himself… O_O (followed the link you posted)
@kittehs
Um, wtf? No. I have vitamin D definciency and the only thing it does is give
you)nvm that was just me apparently) is chronic back pain.Sorry for yelling, just irked me/ gave me a sad. 🙁 Also extra irked cuz I got vitamin D deficiency when I wasn’t going outside much… because I dropped out of school and was depressed. So, anyway, I’m assuming you meant it as a joke but it was really not funny to me. 🙁
@fade
I thought you had to be 35 to get it. XD
@bagelsan
omg a fellow rat lover! Rats are so cute I love them! I’ve had two pairs so far, but I got guinea pigs instead when my old rat died because she died recently and I didn’t want to feel like I was replacing her. They’re so perfect. Sorry for rambling, just missing my last rat, she lived quite a while, I think almost 3 years, but her sister died at 1 1/2 years, so she was probably really lonely 🙁 Anyway, rats <3 Though so far half of mine have gotten tumors. They get those a lot and it always makes me sad. My last rat had one on her eye and ended up not being able to see, and the other one that got a tumor had one on her leg that got really big so she had to be moved to a smaller cage so she could actually get to her food.
/rambling about rats.
Wait, I was supposed to do this? ::feels like rat-mommy failure::
::past guilt:: not that I could’ve gotten them spayed anyway, too much money.
What? Blatant lies! I loved my micies <3
@daintydougal
offers backdated hugs for you and your rattie.
Both of my girl rattie pairs got along fine too. I just assumed (forgot who said) was talking about bunnies, because my girl ratties always were fine together.
@penucium
Just butting in here, but I though Mexicans were both lazy and simotaniously going to steal all the ‘hard working’ American’s jobs. 😉
@bagelsan
Just reminding me of my not so nice guinea pig XD Luckily she’s mostly fine, but she tends to bite me more often (though never hard enough to draw blood, just little pinches) and when I have her and the other one out together she’s always bugging her 🙁 She’s a rather needy guinea pig, and the other one is much more calm.
So…if you’re going to get two anything of the rodent family, on the premise that they won’t/can’t mate if they’re the same sex…get boys. Juveniles do not have obvious man bits. My brother and I each got a mouse, when were were little, two girls supposedly, they shared a cage. Wake up to a dozen tiny pink mice one day. Absolutely adorkable, but yeah, girl mice may be immature boy mice.
And they weren’t assholes, but they were a mated pair, so maybe that was why. (Like, plec’s a much bigger asshole, I’ve had far meaner fish…proving my point, one of the tetras is chasing the others)
@Argenti Aertheri
Guinea pigs are hard to tell apart by gender even when they grow up. I had to look up guinea pig bits pics to tell them apart, they’re so similar. O_o
I’ve had more asshole hamsters than asshole mice, generally. But you have to remember that mice and hams are both teeny tiny prey animals, so they’re naturally going to be more skittish and consequently more likely to bite than larger, omnivorous rats. I heart all rodents, though. I miss my chins.
@katz
My sister had a mean hamster, she bit our brother once before church and it was really bleeding, which we evilly find funny all these years later XD No wonder he’s not a pet person.
So…if you’re going to get two anything of the rodent family, on the premise that they won’t/can’t mate if they’re the same sex…get boys. Juveniles do not have obvious man bits. My brother and I each got a mouse, when were were little, two girls supposedly, they shared a cage. Wake up to a dozen tiny pink mice one day. Absolutely adorkable, but yeah, girl mice may be immature boy mice.
This is sort of true. We got pretty good at sexing mice. Easier when they are just born, among other things, male rodents have no nipples (more useful when they are at the “jumper” stage than when they are pinkies).
As to “assholes”, unlike rats male mice do not get along. The females (generally) do, and juvenile males are ok.
If one keeps the males together, from birth, they are more likely to get along (when adult), but it’s not a sure thing. As I said, it took a concerted breeding effort, over the course of four years, to change that.
Any signs of intra-mouse aggression meant no breeding. Any sign of aggression to humans meant no breeding, no matter how pretty they were.
I know someone whose hamster bit her boyfriend’s hands, hit an artery, and he had to go to the hospital.
@katz
Ouch. Sympathy grimace.
@katz
O_O ow ow ow ow ow ow ow. I suddenly feel bad for laughing at my brother.
The world painted by MRAs in posts like these always makes me sad. It seems so cruel and devoid of kindness of any sort.
To whoever is asking whether the MRAs/MGTOWers who believe this fairy tale realize that if they were to, say, marry a woman in her early-20s “prime” that she would age like everyone else, here’s what they ACTUALLY BELIEVE about this:
1) the woman they marry would age less fast because in their mind female aging is literally caused by contact with different male penises. In other words, if a woman has sex with multiple guys they think she will age faster than a woman who has the same amount of sex with one guy. No, they really think this.
2) that said, they recognize that there will be some aging, but that this is sort of ok because at least they were able to have sex with her in her “prime.” Some MRA types get angry at any woman past her “prime” who is actually willing to date them — simply because she gave her “prime” to other men.
David, well duh, it’s SCIENCE! 😀
In other animal-related news, Buster cat has a touch of wheeziness that isn’t a cause for concern now, but the vet said I should watch her for signs of asthma. He specifically said that I should not burn scented fucking candles. I tried to tell him they were a required part of being a feminist, but frankly he looked a little confused. He said I could keep using hard chairs, throw pillows, and decorative hand towels, so I hope you’ll let me keep hanging out here even without the candles.
I’m pretty sure having cats trumps scented candle burning (and, for that matter, everything else) in the heirarchy of feminist trappings.