Gather ‘round the fire for yet another retelling of what may be the Manosphere’s favorite fairy tale. You know, the one about the evil ladies who have lots of sex with “bad boys” in their early twenties, only to panic a few years later and desperately try to attach themselves to hardworking beta schlubs once they realize that their looks are fading. You know, like that lady riding the rooster that alternates with the mammoth in the Man Boobz header graphic.
This particular version of the tale – posted to the perversely misnamed “Happy Bachelors” forum by a long-time MGTOWer called Outcast Superstar – somehow manages to avoid the phrase “cock carousel” entirely. But regular readers will find the story familiar nonetheless.
Here, without further ado, is “Suckers Vs. Fuckers,” by Mr. Superstar.
[W]estern women love excitement and hate boredom. When they are in their teens and early 20’s, they don’t want stability that suckers have to offer because that is boring.
Gosh, who could imagine that anyone in their early twenties might be more interested in dating various people instead of settling down?
Keep in mind that women don’t think for themselves but decisions on who they date or sleep with is usually made by the council not by the woman herself. This council is usually made up of her mother, sister, and friends etc. If dating a nice guy is not considered to be fun and popular by the “council” he is going to get snubbed.
The fellows at South Park have provided us with a rare glimpse into the workings of these mysterious councils.
There is another group of guys called fuckers. Women love to have sex with these guys during their prime years. Although they offer no stability to these women, however women will still sleep with them. The reason why women will is because they are unpredictable and therefore they are deemed as very exciting.
Oh, but things change radically when these evil ladies start to … age.
Once these women get to there late 20’s – early 30’s they will fraudently sell their looks to suckers who make a good income in order to get married. In other words they will put on a pony show for them until they get the ring.
But as long as these ladies hold onto any of their youthful prettiness, they can still cause trouble.
After a few years of marriage, these women are going to get bored and everything is the suckers fault. They will look for affairs and cash out on their suckers knowing that they will get the house, child support (if they have children), and alimony. All she has to do is file a false abuse charge (no proof necessary) to make all this happen. Even as a bonus, the sucker even gets to pay for her attorney fees.
But ultimately these evil gals will get their comeuppance.
Despite there not being any legal justice in this country, Mother Nature has a justice of her own.
Those suckers who once ached for these women will lose interest in them once they get to be in their mid to late 20’s. The last thing they are going to find attractive are used up women in their late 20’s-30’s. In fact these women must be avoided at all cost. They got a disease called baby rabies. They are going to do everything possible to get pregnant and trap you into a long term relationship where they can get provided for.
Happily, western “suckers” can escape the clutches of these evil ladies. After all, western men have alternatives, in the form of foreign women and, er, model railroads?
[O]nce those “suckers” get financially stable they will get to travel to foreign countries and enjoy beautiful women. Also, while in the United States, they will have developed fun hobbies to do when they are not working. In fact these “suckers” will not have to deal with the stress of fear of divorce, a nagging whore, false abuse and rape chargers, get to keep their sanity and money, won’t have to worry about raising kid that aren’t theirs etc.
And so these so-called “suckers” can sit back and watch with pleasure as the ladies who refused to have sex with them in their younger years grow old and miserable at approximately twice the speed of the more-gracefully aging men.
[T]he women who neglected the “suckers” in favor of the “fuckers” during their prime years are going to have to face justice. It’s not legal justice but Mother Nature justice. Once they get to their late 20’s for every year a man ages, they will be aging by two years. They will wrinkle and get ugly very fast. Investing thousands of dollars in makeup in order to form a bond with a “sucker” is not going to get the job done because they failed to form a bond with a “sucker” during their prime years. Their biological clocks will be ticking and they will get very desperate. They are going to want to be talking care off, like living off a “sucker” so they won’t have to work.
To interject for a moment, I believe that when Mr. Superstar refers to women who are “going to want to be talking care off,” what he means is that these women are “going to want to be taken care of.”
I’m reminded a bit of Kevin Kline’s teleprompter troubles in the movie Soapdish.
Oh, but Outcast Superstar isn’t quite done with his story yet:
Disgusted by their behavior, the “suckers” will not want anything to do with them and will rebuke them. They are going to have to work long hours for the rest of their life because they could not find a “sucker” to take care of them. They will whine and complain that the “suckers” will not commit despite them snubbing them in favor of the “fuckers” during their prime years. They will rot all alone with no one to take care of them, many of them will not get to have children, and will be living very miserable lives until death all because they thought it was cute to let the “suckers” rot all alone while they go squander their prime years to the “fuckers” That my friends is what I call justice!
Um, that’s cool and all, but aren’t these ladies supposed to have cats?
You’re not telling the story right!
Outcast Superstar, tell us the story AGAIN. But with CATS!
NOTE: I found this lovely story after it was reposted on MarkyMark’s blog. After a fairly long period of inactivity, old MarkyMark is posting like there’s no tomorrow.
Image at the top borrowed from Comically Vintage.
Wow…nothing much happens before I go, and when I come back there’s Wang Killing Vagina Butterflies and descriptions of Red Pandas I can only read with a squeeeee sounding voice…
I read like, 10 comments so far and already the bunny has to hide under the bed again.
I so want to send this to the conservative woman in my office who sent me a link to this guy (who apparently is a libertarian hipster? is that possible?! he’s some asshole comedian who goes on Red Eye) who was arguing that men don’t care what women look like and that women are at fault for the beauty standard (although he did include several comments about appropriate breast shape and how balding in a woman is an INSTANT deal breaker). I can’t remember his name now — I just told her I found him creepy and dropped the issue. Her only response was, “He’s right — we do it to ourselves.” I thought about getting into the issue of how there is definitely a complicated exchange in which women are complicit in maintaining the beauty standard, but that it ultimately comes out of the patriarchal system, but I know it would be futile and she wouldn’t listen, so I dropped it.
I won’t send this to her because she’ll just say this is some nobody talking and refuse to connect it to our culture at large.
You have a bunny? What is the name of bunny? What does bunny look like?
I AM QUESTION KING
The lack of logic… is painful…
Ooh, and on the note of bunnies…
TomBcat, do you mind me asking you a couple questions about bunnies? Because I have been pet-less for a couple years and I was thinking about getting one… (after researching how to care for one, of course)
Oh my goodness that bunny is redonculous! My friend had a house bunny that they’d litter trained so now it seems weird seeing bunnies in cages not just wandering about the house.
And I just spent 5 mins looking at your name and realised where all the Egyptian stuff came from. as well as being QUESTION KING I am also VERY QUICK ON THE UPTAKE KING.
My main question is how much it costs per month (as in food, bedding, health care, anything else you could need). I want to know how much spare money I should have before being able to think about getting one.
Aaand I just realized I’m very very very stupid.
David, would you kindly delete my comment as I don’t want to be found by my Ex’s? I know some frequently read your blog and the comments to either feel smug and superior or to remind themselves how totally feminist they are which apparently means they can treat women like a lower life form and I’ve just made myself very, very recognizable. Pretty please?
I delete the pictures after I showed them, and I’m not particularly paranoid about this, but I wouldn’t want the obvious name to just stand there for all eternity.
Ack. That’s all.
MRAs do seem really bad at estimating women’s ages. I’ve met 5 or 6 in person and each one thought I was much younger than I am (you can tell because of the weird age-related insults they can’t seem to avoid). I don’t wear makeup or dress particularly young either, so it’s all them.
It seems like a really obvious example of confirmation bias to me…of course they think women age badly if they’re routinely underestimating our ages.
@Fade
I can’t really tell you that much about the costs as I don’t know how prices may differ. I don’t even know which country you’re in…
Mine’s pretty cheap. Rabbit dry food is actually not very healthy for them, better to give them lots of salad, vegetables, fruit and hay(should be green, not yellow). Peanuts are a great treat, but should be given rarely. Since I’m vegan I can give her a hole lot of what’s left when I cook, some I can just gather outside, grass, certain twigs and plants. On food and bedding I don’t spend more than a few bucks a month.
However if you don’t have much money it’s best to save up in case the bunny gets sick. Not very expensive here, but you never know.
Also I have to say she is a little odd and doesn’t get along with other bunnies, she was alone when I got her and was separated from her mum far to early. Normally bunnies are very social and shouldn’t be kept alone – and also not ever ever with a guinea pig. Bunnies like the piggies, but not the other way around. They have very different social behaviour and guinea pigs are scared to death by bunnies.
Just saying because that’s such a common mistake and was thought to be a good idea until not-so-long-ago(within the last I-don’t-know-when).
Well, long story short, bunnies don’t cost much, but saving money to be flexible when it comes to vet visits is a good idea if you can’t just spend 200 bucks like that.
allright. Thank you for the info. XD It is a relief to hear they aren’t hugely expensive.
I’m not a vegan, but I do like to eat lots of vegetables, what’s left when I cook would be an option for me, too.
Didn’t mean to sound snobbish with the vegan thing(in case it came across like that), that wasn’t necessary to tell. Just seemed logical to me at that moment.Eat like a bunny and your bunny can eat like you! Or something…
Because I like to talk about bunnies: they are awesome and much smarter than commonly believed.
They can be litter trained like dainty mentioned, They can operate light switches(! on the floor) run slaloms, play with balls, and know when you call them by name! Mine makes a great alarm clock and plays soccer with me.They can even be trained not to nibble on wires, which means with some patience you can keep them just like you would a cat.
It didn’t sound snobbish, don’t worry. 😛
they can be trained not to nibble on wires…. That sounds awesome! (since I’ve heard supposedly they like to electricute themselves by chewing on wires :P)))
Uhm, this might be stupid, but I’m a little afraid David might overlook the comment and for some reason my Email-thingy won’t let me write him…could someone, maybe? It drives me crazy right now…
@TomBCat – that thing is so cute. does it live outside or inside? can you semi-litter box train them? i like bunnies because they are oh so very soft. i also bet your bunny weighs more than my dog. it looks bigger than my dog! my dog also regularly is called “little bunny” on the street because of her bouncy gait. she’s also ripping toilet paper from the roll right now and bringing it into her bed to make a nest. she’s all kinds of confused.
@Kittehs – used woman as deflating RealDolls? yessss.
A google image search of “deflating sex doll” brings up some pretty hilarious images. This one seems to be some kind of art from the link, but I like to think it’s me having just entered my post-prime years…
http://www.free-range.org.uk/images/images/8367.jpg
“…..should’ve….listened…to….pierre…”
(can i use pierre as a stand-in like this? the comic is so funny. i’m late and still don’t know if the person responsible is involved in manboobz or not).
@TomBCat – I emailed him. I have exes and stalkers and all that jazz too.
It’s not very easy, though(mostly they don’t hurt themselves, you just need to buy an unusual amount of phone charging cables).
I rubbed all my wires with onions, they hate onions(and leek). But I heard that there are other ways to teach them, some just stop when you tell them frequently enough(they are forgetful), some just never do it.
Sometimes she pulls on cables anyway because she knows that’ll get my attention(bunnies are also very cheeky 🙂 ), but never touches them when I’m not there(I know so because they are still intact when I’m back)
Bunnies bunnies bunnies! (someone make me stop please!)
THE QUEEN OF QUESTIONS DEMANDS YOU NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT BUNNIES
bahumbugi, thank you so so much, I almost started to cry(if it weren’t for soothing bunny talk, thanks Fade!)
Your dog sounds unbelievably cute! My bunny doesn’t want to build nests and may have switched brains with your dog! (she does have a house, but she turns it upside down and then sits in there like a fluffy dragon on top of a tower).
I don’t know what you mean by semi litter trained though.
And she lives inside, but my neighbours have a big garden and nice children, so I take her there on sunny days.
More bunnie talk, seriously, stop me if I get annoying.
Also, yeah, it’s a manboobzers comic.some refer directly to troll comments.
@ StarStorm
I’m not surprised he’s been divorced twice at all. I am a little surprised that he’s been divorced twice but still thinks he knows the magical relationship secrets to stopping divorce.
That Pandagon article. Someday we’ll live in a world where prominent figures can’t get away with advocating for FUCKING MARITAL RAPE.
…
Could I ask for some brain bleach?
Dainty, have some more bunnies!
Oh about the chewing on wires – I’m told if you rub green grapes on the cords that’ll keep cat’s from chewing on them. Maybe it’ll work for bunnies too? (Unless they eat sour things like grapes, I don’t really know.) I’m only recommending this because the application is so easy with a grape.
@TomBcat
That energizer bunny video just made me smile.
Brain bleach timing!
They eat grapes.Cats have completely different taste buds.
Oh, Fade, one thing I often hear from other bunny owners: they make you think they just died, like, a lot. When they’re comfortable they sleep…just…impossible. Mine gives me a scare at least once a week.
It isn’t really important, but if you get one I just hope you remember this comment and don’t feel bad when you wake it up all the time to make sure it didn’t just die.(I always feel bad)
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